Unexpected Chances
by klynnrhiannon
Summary: Richard and Kahlan reunite to join forces against a new enemy.
1. Chapter 1

**Unexpected Chances**

"Saddle my horse" I commanded walking fast down the marble halls of the Confessor's Palace. My black skirts flapping around my legs and my men who trailed behind me echoed on the high beamed ceilings.

"Yes Mistress." bowed Gregor as we whisked on by him. He ran quickly in the opposite direction of the stable yard as I made my way to the council chambers. When I got there, I didn't wait for them to escort me in, but I burst through the doors causing them to slam open. The entire council quickly stood as I entered, apprehension written on every face.

"Who delivered this message?" I demanded, anger settling in the pit of my stomach as I pulled the document out in front of me, showing them the source of my anger.

"Mother Confessor…." Said General Kennitt as he came forward bowing his head in respect. "A rider came this morning from O'Lairia. We have detained him, of course, if you would like to speak with him."

I gritted my teeth in frustration and came to stand in front of the General…."Why didn't you have him waiting for me?" Looking up I ordered two of my gaurds to fetch him. I passed the floor waiting impatiently….no one spoke for fear of me snapping at them. And I would have but they were wise enough to stay out of my way.

When, at last, the doors to the council chamber were opened I turned. They brought in a man wearing a dark brown cloak, his hood pulled up shielding his face from view. I sighed impatiently "Remove you hood in the presence of the Mother Confessor.' I demanded "I have a war to fight….so make this brief." I said, turning around to take a seat in my chair. He waited for me to be seated and then he pulled back his hood.

The moment I saw his face my heart jumped to my throat and I couldn't speak. It had been two years since Richard and I had finished our mission to defeat Darken Rahl and we had both returned to our homes. Seeing him again was something I thought would never happen.

My heart began to throb in my chest and I felt butterflies in my stomach but my confessor face never wavered. His face was still the same…kind and compassionate with eyes that you could lose yourself in. He beamed a smile at me when our eyes met and spoke out of turn…so like the Richard I had left two years ago.

"Kahlan….It's so good to see you. I…."

"What are you doing here, Richard?" I asked showing mock anger instead of surprise and joy which were my true feelings.

"I heard about the fight with the Old World while living in Heartland. Many of the men from there have already left to join forces in support of the army of the Midlands. I was concerned for you…knowing that they were close to Aydindril. I wanted to make sure you were protected. So I had permission to leave my post in O'Lairia to join a unit closer to you. I brought the message informing you of the destruction of….."

"Richard, I'm the Mother Confessor." I cut in. I had not informed anyone of the contents of the message as of yet. Many of the men in this chamber had family in the Seran Province and I wished to inform them all together of its destruction without the council first. "I can take care of myself. If you want to help, be my guest, we could always use an extra pair of hands. But you will fight with my army and sleep with them in the barracks. My men will direct you where to go." Standing, I made my way towards him, pulling the sword of truth out from the scabbard behind my back. "You'll be needing this, I think" I thrust it into his hands and he nodded his thanks as I stormed out of the room.

_Sorry this is so short but I promise to try and update soon. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Mother Confessor?"

I didn't hear my name being called. I was completely engrossed in thoughts of Richard_._ Memories of our time together flashed through my mind warming my body as I rode towards the headquarters of the main camp of the Midlands.

"Mother Confessor?"

Richard…just the thought of him sparked something deep inside me that no one had ever made me feel. For the last two years, I had done everything in my power to push aside my feelings for him. Being the Mother Confessor had kept me busy enough but the frequent dreams of him still haunted me. I used duty and even anger to protect my heart against the ache that I could never love him completely. Silent tears stole to the surface but I held them back.

"Mother Confessor?" The moment someone grabbed the reins of my horse to stop me I was pulled from my thoughts. I looked up and met the concerned gaze of General Reibisch staring back at me. "Is there something wrong, Mother Confessor?" 

"I'm fine." I answered smiling weakly. I would be severely embarrassed if anyone found out I was brooding over Richard.

"I heard a rumor that Lord Rahl has returned. Will he claim the throne of D'Hara? I mean….I know that you have upheld the Midlands and D'Hara together these past two years…very well I might add…." He stuttered thinking he may have offended me.

Reaching over I placed my hand on his arm reassuringly "No offense taken General" I smiled. "You may want to ask him yourself, though. He did not mention it to me this morning." Because I hadn't given him a chance to say much of anything, I thought to myself. I had been too stunned to formulate a conversation with him and had quickly fled the council chambers, feigning indifference, to cover up the mix of emotions that threatened to break me.

We made our way through the tents, reaching the headquarters by midday. My men and I dismounted quickly entering the tents that General Reibisch had been staying. As we entered Lieutenant Jameson, General Kennitt, and Richard stood. I removed my hood and glanced at Richard, wondering who had allowed his presence at this meeting.

"Lets get started, shall we?" Said Reibisch, taking a place next to Jameson. Generals Thomas, Brennon, and Kane from the lower region divisions had rode out with me that morning. They would return to their places after we had our plans set.

I took a seat across from Richard and gazed at him curiously. He read my eyes knowing that I wondered why he was present. He stood then, Reibisch and the men who rode in with me glancing up in question. Brennon held the maps in mid pass as he was going to hand them to Reibisch but pulled them back when Richard stood.

"It's good to see everyone again. Some of you have fought with me in O'Lairia and know what I am about to say." Jameson and Kennitt nodded knowingly. Kennitt and I exchanged glances and he smiled and nodded reassuringly. "As we all know, the threat of the Order continues to rise." Everyone voiced their agreement. "I have decided to embrace my place as Lord Rahl to support the Mother Confessor in the war."

I felt every eye in the room burning into me as I looked up. Taking in a shaky breath I finally was brave enough to look at Richard who stood unflinching with his gaze resting on me. All I could do was smile at first, and then I found my voice "Thank you Richard. I could really use your council…but why didn't you come to me earlier?"

The room was tense and everything but Richard seemed to disappear. He looked at me intently, boring his gaze into mine shredding the layers of my soul. I was afraid he would see my vulnerability so I forced my confessor's face to harden with resolve.

"I'm sorry Kahlan…I just never saw myself as Lord Rahl until the men of D'Hara fought next to me. I've come to care for them as I know you care for the Midlands. I should never have abandoned you with my responsibilities. If there is any way that I can make it up to you….."

"It's alright, Richard." I said quietly. "I understood why you couldn't back then…" I wanted so much to say more but we were in a tent full of men who were here to fight a war with us. "But I will expect you to follow my lead until I say otherwise." He nodded in agreement before seating himself again.

General Reibisch looked between Richard and me before taking the maps from Brennon. Jameson helped him spread the maps out on the rickety table and Richard and Kennitt placed rocks on the corners to keep it unfolded.

"Our scouts reported two separate forces coming towards Aydindril; one from the east and one from the south. They both were at least 300,000 strong, maybe more." He said meeting each of our gazes as he looked up from the maps.

"How far from here, General?" I asked, standing and leaning my hands on the table so I could gaze closer at the maps. 

"Two days ride, Mother Confessor." He said solemnly. "We have five separate divisions close to Aydindril. I think we should join our forces now but I need to make sure you agree on where we send them." 

"If we could join here for debrief by late tonight I think we would have a chance to get everyone in place by the time they come. I'll send someone to notify Zedd to gather the sisters so they can begin to prepare as well. In the south region, lets send two separate units; one from each side, as the pass through this valley" I indicated with my dagger "has two summits that we can run an attack from."

"Mother Confessor, if I may?" asked Jameson. "I already have a large unit of archers close by. If you want, I could ride out now and assemble them so they can be ready. If the Order has supply wagons, we can light our arrows and burn them out before they get through."

Smiling at his suggestion I said "do it. Waving my dagger, I pointed at Thomas who was standing behind me. "Go with him and help. Make sure you notify all units to the south of our pans."

"Yes Mistress" he said bowing his head to me before following Jameson out of the tent. Richard flashed me an odd look but I ignored it for now and focused on making arrangements.

"Richard, you, me and General Reibisch will go with the east garrison and head off the unit before they advance across this line of forest. We can use the trees as our cover and lead them to pursue us through these woods. The east garrison should be made up primarily of units from the Midlands. Anyone who grew up here knows the Wren forest better than our D'Haran units would."

General Reibisch nodded his agreement. "Your suggestions are wise, Mother Confessor." He looked to the rest of the men in the room and nodded, giving them leave to be on their way. "Let's gather everything and be on our way then. I can send Lieutenant Gorbel to fetch Zedd on the way."

I stood, pulling my hood over my head and walked out into the cold afternoon air. Richard followed behind me and I couldn't help but feel reassured by his presence. I slowed my pace, allowing General Reibisch to fall ahead of us and turned back towards Richard.

"I'm glad you're here, Richard." I said giving him my special smile. He smiled back and fell into step beside me.

"I've missed you, Mother Confessor" he grinned, looking at me from his peripheral vision.

I grabbed his arm and whirled him around to face me. "You know me well enough to call me Kahlan….and I'd like it if you used it to address me instead of Mother Confessor."

He chuckled low in his chest and smiled, facing me this time. "As you command, Kahlan." I slapped the back of my hand playfully against his chest and we both laughed. It felt to me as if we had picked up right where we left off. And I hoped he felt the same.


	3. Chapter 3

**Unexpected Chances Ch3 **

I sat in silence watching her face in the firelight. She had grown more beautiful since I had last seen her. Her brow was furrowed in concentration and she bit her bottom lip as she studied the different maps spread out on the ground in front of her.

"Mistress" someone called as they approached her. I looked up and watched him with her as he handed her something warm to drink. She nodded her thanks and spoke to him in a low hushed voice about their plans for tomorrow's attack. I didn't really pay attention to their conversation but I did pay close attention to the way he got close to her.

"Murrough" her voice spoke soothingly snapping me out of a jealous haze. He looked at her like she was the Creator and waited as though his very life depended on her next command. And it did. That was confession. "Bed down in my tents for the night."

"Yes Mistress." He said turning to quickly follow her orders. I couldn't stop shacking as I stared at her expressionless face. How could she order him to her bed in front of me? I stood quickly hurling my cup at the tree with an angry force. She startled and looked up with a surprised gaze as the red liquid splashed to the ground beside her.

"Richard?" she asked concerned but I didn't care. Coming here had been a mistake, I thought. Maybe if she had told me before, but practically slapping me in the face with the news she had taken a mate….even Zedd hadn't sent word…nothing.

"Richard! Wait!" I heard her following me to keep up. I ignored her, slamming the flaps to my tent open and tossing the small table and its contents over with fury. Anything that was in my way was kicked or thrown as my anger boiled to a dangerous level.

"Richard! Stop this! What's wrong with you?" She screamed as she managed to grab me by the shirt pulling me to face her with both hands. I shoved her away and she stumbled but caught herself. Her eyes were wide with fright. How could she not know? I wondered balling my hands into fists. Taking a few steps towards her, my heart shattered when she lifted her arms to block her face.

My anger distinguished in that moment, only becoming the sorrow that I tried to hide.  
"Kahlan…I'm not going to hit you. You know me better than that." She looked up at me; her eyes still hesitant and untrusting as she set the table back to its proper place again.

"Tell me what's wrong, Richard."

"How could you?" I asked through gritted teeth. "Why, Kahlan? Why'd you do that in front of me, knowing how I still feel about you?"

"What?" she asked clearly confused.

"You ordered your mate to your bed…..in front of me!" I yelled in her face, grabbing her arms and pinning them to her sides. "Do you know what that did to me, Kahlan?"

Understanding seemed to wash over her and she released herself from my grasp and sat down on the cot. She looked up at me through tears saying "Richard. I would never do that to you. I couldn't."

Kneeling in front of her I took her face in my hands "You ordered him to your tent…I thought…"

"No….no…" She began losing control of her emotions as small tears made their way down her face. "I'm sorry, Richard….I wasn't thinking. I only was hoping that you would want me to stay with you." She said hopefully reaching out to caress my chest.

"So he's not your mate then?" I asked smiling widely. But when she threw her arms around my neck and began to sobb, I knew then that he was…and I could never be anything to her.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I sobbed, holding on for dear life to Richard so afraid he would disappear. He wasn't holding me but I wouldn't expect him too, now that he knew.

Sitting up I wiped the tears from my face. "Do you hate me?" The words escaped before I had the chance to think.

"No." He said softly not meeting my gaze. He fumbled with the pendant around his neck, searching for something to say. "So…do you have a child then?"

"No." I wailed and wrapped my arms around myself. "I haven't been able to."

"Oh. Is there something that Zedd can do?" He asked, not understanding what I had meant.

"Zedd can't do anything. There's nothing wrong with me, Richard….except I….I can't…I can't bring myself to let him touch me." I said covering my face in shame and embarrassment.

"Kahlan…" he spoke softly pulling me to him then and wrapping me in his arms.

"I can't lose you." I wailed clutching him tighter trying to be as close to him as I could.

"You're not going to lose me…not ever. No matter what happens." He said brushing my tears from my face and kissing me softly on the forehead. "You don't ever have to be afraid of losing me."

I gave him a weak smile and asked "So, is that a yes…I mean about staying here with you tonight? It would be like old times again, just you and me."

"Of course" he said grinning. "But only if you help me get my tent back in order. I seem to have lost my temper a little." 

"A little? Come on Richard…don't lie to a confessor." With that we both laughed and helped each other put things back in order.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

All was quiet that night in the dark of the Wren Woods. We were deep in the heart of the dense forest away from any source of humanity save the other men of our division. They were more than half a million strong…men from many different territories across the Midlands. Even with their size, I was worried about the outcome of tomorrow.

"Kahlan, what are you thinking." Asked Richard softly from his place on the floor next to the cot I was sitting on.

"I'm just worried about tomorrow….I don't want anything to happen to my men….and you." I whispered looking down at him. His eyes locked on mine sending a shivers through my body.

"Nothing will happen to me. I have my Confessor by my side." He said, his eyes taking in all of me and locking his gaze with me once more. There was so much more that he meant behind his words…but I sensed he didn't know how to describe in words what he felt. I smiled weakly and looked down at my lap.

"Kahlan…you shouldn't worry so much." He chuckled, breaking the tension "We've succeeded in circumstances that were far more dangerous. And, like Zedd would say, don't worry about what could be….focus on what is. And what is, is that I am here beside you in this war…and I will do everything I can to protect the Midlands and D'Hara as Lord Rahl." He said and moved closer and took my face in his hands. "And I'm not going to let anything happen to you….not ever. Even if it costs me my life" He said with conviction.

"Richard…" I whispered. "don't say that" I said overcome with emotion. I was filled with so much love for him but at the same time I felt the weight of crushing despair for what I was. I moved away from him, wrapping my arms around my knees and pulling the blanket tighter around my shoulders like the weight of duty. I forced all emotion out of my face, leaving me expressionless. But, no matter how hard I tried, there were tears that escaped, making tiny rivers down my cheeks.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to stop them, but they came. I felt the weight of Richard when he moved to sit on the cot with me. He gently lifted my chin so I would look into his face. "Kahlan….I meant what I said...I would give you everything including my soul and my life….because you already have them."

"Richard…you have to stop this. I'm a Confessor! You can't love me, you know that. And when you say things like that I …." my voice choking with emotion.

"You what?" he asked quietly.

"I just…I'm afraid I'm going to destroy you. When I'm with you I….don't care what I am and Richard…..I love you….so much it feels like my soul is being torn apart." I said reaching out to grab his shirt in my hands. "When you were gone I carried the sword of truth into battle…so I could feel your spirit with me."

"Kahlan?" He grabbed my wrists and gently pulled them from his shirt.

"And when Zedd and the council forced me to take a mate I…..I couldn't." I wailed, wanting to hide my tears from Richard but he wouldn't let go of my hands. "The first night when I ordered him to my chambers…I was so terrified of losing you that I sat outside all night waiting for the dawn. When I made him leave I took your sword and cut myself so I would bleed….my blood stained the sheets and everyone thought…."

He pulled my face close to his, caressing my neck. His eyes were full of love and concern. I almost wept anew when he touched me as I leaned into his caress. "I didn't want to lose you Richard….but now we are at war with the Order and I pushed aside my duty…failing everyone. I feel trapped….I don't know what to do."

"It's alright Kahlan, we'll figure this out…"

"There's nothing to _figure out _Richard." I hissed, becoming angry. "I wish there were a way for us to…but there isn't." I said with angry tears trying to back away from his hold but he pulled me back, inches from his face and spoke with conviction.

"I _will _find a way…I won't give up on us." He kissed me then, tender and soft saying more in that one moment that no words could have ever expressed. He wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me down onto the cot, pressing himself flush against me. I whimpered as he pressed a sensual kiss to my neck, using his tongue and I shivered with passion as I felt him grip my thigh, caressing slowly towards my center.

He pulled back then and pressed his forehead to my shoulder, chuckling under his breath. "You're right about one thing Kahlan….you can enslave a man in one touch. It's already happened to me." He said with a boyish grin on his face as he lifted his eyes and studied me intently.

I smiled, in spite of myself, unable to formulate any words. My body still feeling the rush of emotions that Richard had ignited in me. The flames would be hard pressed to fade. I pulled him back into a kiss, allowing his tongue inside to caress me. I wanted his tongue on me everywhere and just thinking about it ignited my desire even more.

My powers started to rock beneath my skin surging closer to the surface as he pressed his thigh where I needed his touch the most. Every fiber of my being felt like it would explode at any moment and that's when Richard leaned back and sat up next to me.

"I'm sorry Kahlan…I shouldn't have…"

"No…it's alright…I wanted you to…I've wanted you to for a long time." I smiled.

"Oh really?" He asked mischievously. "And how long is a long time?"

"Don't ask me that." I laughed. "Besides….we have a war to fight and tomorrow's an early day. We should get some sleep."

"Okay" he said and started to make his way to a pallet on the floor.

"Richard Cypher…..you are _not _sleeping on the floor. It's freezing outside." He had stopped to look at me and his eyes widened in surprise. "I want you here with me." I said indicating the spot next to me on the cot.

"Kahlan…are you sure? I mean after we…?" He asked tentatively.

"Yes" I said. "It'll be warmer….and I trust you. " I smiled wickedly.

"Is that an order than…Mother Confessor." He teased.

"Yes….yes it is!" I laughed scooting over to give him more room. He grabbed the blankets from the floor and added them on top of us, making it warmer. I tucked my self tight into his warm embrace as his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me close. He kissed my hair and was quiet, his breathing even. I thought he was asleep but then he asked.

"So…you still haven't told me how long you've…you know….?"

I turned over facing him, smiling. "Since the day we met." I said. He laughed then, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips before telling me good night.

I turned back around, my back to him and lied awake for a long time, thinking of Richard. Before I fell asleep I whispered "I love you Richard" into the cold darkness allowing quiet tears to escape where no one would see and drifted to sleep at last.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The morning dawned frigid. My back was pressed against Richard and I scooted closer to him, burying my face under the blankets. A strong arm pulled me closer as he stirred in his sleep. Sighing, I reluctantly untangled myself at last from the warm cocoon and stood up, shaking slightly with the cold.

Over night, the fire had dwindled to ash so I quickly started a new one, placing a pot of water to boil for washing. There was a soft shifting of Richard behind me and when I glanced back at him, his eyes were still closed and he resettled back into the edge of sleep.

I grabbed the maps from the table and took the liberty of obsessively studying them again, even though they were etched in my memory. The plans were clear cut and simple, ambush, trap and kill. But the process still left me apprehensive. I rolled up the maps and stuffed them in my boot for safe keeping and glanced back at Richard to make sure he was still asleep.

As the fire began to warm, I stripped out of my long black dress and washed quickly with lukewarm water before grabbing my riding pants and a shirt I had borrowed from one of the smaller built D'Haran's. I also grabbed my corset from the chair I had discarded it on the night before and pulled it over my arms and fumbled with the stays of my corset. It was near impossible to fasten them with stiff cold fingers, but I was not about to ask Richard for help, I thought to myself. Finally finishing, I pulled on my pants over thick wool stockings and sat on a log stump to pull on my boots after removing the maps.

"Kahlan?" Murmured Richard, still half asleep. His arm shot across the empty spot next to him where I had slept.

"I'm here, Richard." I whispered into the cold morning, my breath coming out in puffs forming tiny clouds in the morning air. "I'm sorry I woke you. There's some warm water on the fire for you, and I'm going to find Zedd to see what he managed to get for breakfast. I don't feel like going all the way to the cook tents this early." I said as I pulled on my shirt over my corset and quickly buttoned it.

He looked at me with sleep clouded eyes and stretched, yawning widely. He smiled lazily and watched me finish buttoning my shirt. "Will you grab me something too? From Zedd? I mean, that is, if he hasn't eaten everything already." He chuckled and sat up pulling the blankets around his bare shoulders. "I should be ready when you return. I'll boil some tea also, if you want."

I smiled, relishing the feel of familiarity at waking with Richard. It felt like old times when we were always traveling together. "That would be great Richard. I really have missed your tea."

His eyebrow cocked playfully "More than you missed my spiced soup?"

Laughing I said "Yes….but you and I both know my spiced soup is better than yours." I received a fake scowl from across the fire as he stood, stretching once more. "I should get going before Zedd devours everything." I grinned and pulled on my fur lined cloak. "I'll be back shortly." He gave me a sweet, tired smile as I stepped out of the tent.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Fresh snow blanketed the ground and the skies were foggy and grey. I could just make out the outline of the nearest tents through a cluster of thick trees. Zedd's tent was strategically placed at the center of the camp, surrounded by the gifted inhabitants from the Midlands and D'Hara. Some of them had escaped the Old World to support us against the Order and had joined our fighting ranks. There was much wisdom to be learned from their council as they recapped stories of the longtime destruction of the Imperial Army that had spread through the Old World.

I cringed involuntarily remembering the brutal descriptions that I had sat through, having to endure hearing of the many horrors. My resolve to destroy the Order increased with everything I heard and witnessed….there would be no mercy from me. None.

The crunching sound of my feet in the snow refracted off the trees and tents, making it seem louder in the enclosed air of the morning. I finally made out the shape of Zedd's tent and hesitated outside calling for him quietly.

The tent flap lifted unceremoniously revealing Zedd with his long wild white hair. "Good morning, Kahlan! What a wonderful surprise for an old man, first thing in the morning, a beautiful young woman outside my tents." He teased.

"Don't get too excited Zedd" I laughed, stepping through the opening. He indicated a chair by his already warm fire and I happily sat to warm my hands. I reaching into my cloak and removed the maps, and handed them to Zedd. "I don't need these anymore; I have them committed to memory. I think I've been staring at them too long." I grinned as he chuckled knowingly at my obssessivnes.

"Are you worried about today?" Asked Zedd. He always knew what I was thinking but he asked anyway.

Shaking my head I replied "You're as good as a confessor sometimes, reading people. Maybe you should think about changing professions." I teased, trying to steer him away from the conversation. He didn't catch the bait, he rarely ever did.

He studied me intently, and it was unnerving to see the same expression Richard often used when he caught me trying to hide something. "I know this must be hard for you, Kahlan, having such a great responsibility on your shoulders. But know you are never alone in your fears. I will always be here no matter what it is you need. And Richard's here now too." He smiled with pride, thinking of his grandson. "I know his presence here must give you strength."

I blushed and looked down, my boots suddenly becoming very interesting. "I missed him, Zedd. You can't know how hard it was for me when he went back to Hartland. I knew he had to…but I was hoping that he would want to stay with me." I said shamefully.

"Dear One", he said tenderly lifting my chin to look at him "you still have feelings for him, don't you?" I nodded, feeling emotion collect suddenly in my chest. "I can't imagine how hard this is…for both of you." I looked at him and furrowed my brows in question. As if he read my mind he said "Yes, Kahlan, Richard still loves you. He told me it was the reason he returned, even more of a reason than claiming the throne to D'Hara. But I told him, as I will tell you. Be very mindful of those feelings. You have taken a mate, and he must take a wife and provide an heir for D'Hara to ensure the people of a future. Fighting off the Imperial Army is not our only concern. There are many things that must be done if we are to survive."

I clenched my jaw at the thought of Richard taking a wife and almost hated Zedd at that moment, even though I knew he was right. "Have you told him? About taking a wife, I mean?" Zedd shook his head and I nodded in relief. "Don't tell him, just yet. Please? Not until after we win this fight. I don't want him to be distracted."

"I'll wait. But not long, Kahlan."

"Thank you Zedd." I said solemnly. "One more thing….I've seen a number of Mord Sith that have arrived lately. I know it's because they support Richard as the new Lord Rahl but….I don't know…can they be trusted?"

"Richard has assured me of their loyalty. Many of them have sought him out after he defeated Darken Rahl. According to him, they have given him no reason to distrust them. He has released them from their duties but they have chosen to stay with him. There's one in particular, the one who helped Richard defeat Darken Rahl, who has been a great support to Richard these past two years. Her name is Cara." My eyes widened in shock at what I was hearing. "I know what you must be thinking, Kahlan. But I trust Richard and I have also seen how these women are fierce in their loyalties towards him. Talk to Richard about it."

Sighing I stood up. There was more than enough to think about this morning and the day was barely started, I thought. "I should go make sure that Richard is ready. He was hoping you could share some of your breakfast." I smiled sweetly at Zedd knowing he would give in but hoping he would be generous enough.

"So he sends a woman to do his begging for him?" grumbled Zedd. "I suppose I can starve before a fight if it means the Mother Confessor and Lord Rahl will have a full stomach."

"Thank you Zedd." I laughed. "Your generosity is touching."

He grumbled feigning reluctance at parting with his food but the twinkle in his eye spoke differently. I gave him a quick hug and said "Be careful today Zedd. I'll see you later tonight for a much needed celebration. I ordered your favorite ambrosia brought from the palace for the occasion." He hugged me tighter and pulled back grinning excitedly.

"You be careful too, Kahlan. And keep an eye on Richard for me."

"I promise." I said and ducked out of his tent back into the cold morning clutching a warm loaf of cinnamon bread under my cloak and headed back toward Richard's tent.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I gazed down from my hidden mountain perch at the moving wave of the Imperial Order. From where I was they appeared as a swarm of ants crawling over an unseen surface making me shiver with dread at the size. I clutched my bow tightly in my hand and turned to Murrough who was on my left.

"Where do they all come from?" I wondered aloud.

"Spirits only know, Mistress." He replied.

I was huddled with the archers awaiting the signal from below. Our plans had been reorganized at the last minute and it was decided that I would join the archers and attack from above when I saw how the Order traveled strategically close to a hidden overpass clutched within the mountain. Of course, those of us from the Midlands knew about the secret alcove as many of us had made it a hideout as children. Even confessors had stolen away to the hidden place for adventure.

"Now!" came a hiss from behind me and we began loading our arrows with fire and taking aim directly at the front lines of the Order. When everyone was poised and ready I gave the signal "Release!"

A whistling sound could be heard as we watched the fiery arrows descend. We reloaded as we watched the first arrows hit the front lines. Shouts burst in a chorus of the early morning air and fire could be seen spreading rapidly. As our second wave of arrows hit, the roaring sound of war horses vibrated through the valley appearing suddenly from the Wren Woods.

My eyes caught sight of Richard with his sword clutched high above his head ready to deal his first death blow to the enemy. The Mord Sith made a tight enclosure of saftey for him and also an easy way for me to keep an eye on him from my vantage point. The circle of red leather was like a ring of protective fire around him.

I stood then, releasing two arrows at a time before turning towards the horses that were waiting for us. We raced to the rear of the alcove, mounting quickly, and raced down the steep incline that was hidden by trees growing at the bottom of the mountain range. I was flanked by Murrough and General Reibisch as I raced towards the back ranks of the Order.

"Go"! I ordered, and our small division spread out in a wide line obstructing any chance of retrieval. My large horse barreled into the first clutch of men as though they were nothing but a weak fence that broke easily. I cocked another arrow and stood up in my stirrups aiming for the neck of a fierce looking enemy. It caught the man right in the windpipe, bringing him down in an instant as I slammed back into my saddle.

My horse reared back to protect me from being pulled off and kicked the attackers with death blows with its large heavy hooves. I used the opportunity to grab my sword from behind my back, dropping my bow and watching as men trampled it, snapping it in two.

Before my horse returned to the ground I had taken off the heads and arms of a countless number of the Order. They were in such close proximity with each other that it was easy to take out two or three in one movement. My heavy boots repeatedly kicked the faces of brawny men as they tried to cut down my men and I swung my sword with pent up fury in both directions.

There was a quick break in the crush of men and I took the opportunity to advance further toward the middle. The back ranks of the Order were seen trying to escape, but came barreling face to face with me and my men. A sense of pride filled me as I saw men in D'Haran uniforms doing more killing than the Order.

A hand on my leg stunned me and I was quickly yanked to the ground. I landed on my back, knocking the wind from me but managed to quickly roll to the side as an ax came swinging dangerously close to my face. I quickly got up, but was punched in the stomach losing a breath for a quick second. When I saw another fist coming for me, I snatched it in mid air and slammed its owner straight up into his nose. Blood splattered everywhere and I thanked the spirits for the protection of the helmet I had donned that morning. My assailant dropped, clutching his nose and I added a blow from my boot, quickly rendering him unconscious.

Grabbing a nearby sword off the ground, a cut my way through the men and spotted General Reibisch mounted on his horse. Seeing me, he pivoted his horse and bent down, offering a hand that I took and swung up behind him. Atop a horse again, I was able to resume a more brutal attack to those who were on the ground. With Reibisch guiding us, I slaughtered more of the Order than I had hoped I would.

The fighting wore on until well after the sun had reached its highest in the sky. My shoulders ached viciously and my vision started to blur with my sweat as it pooled under my helmet. I wouldn't dare remove it and let the Order recognize who I was. Jagang, the leader of the Order, had a special hatred for me and now Richard, although he did not have a description of him yet.

Breathing heavily, we rode quickly into the shelter of the Wren Woods. Our men were instructed to retreat in different directions so that our whereabouts would be difficult to uncover. Most of the men of the Order that remained in the valley were either dead or wounded. I wondered how many men we had captured and began preparing myself mentally for questioning them.

We arrived into camp bruised and spent an hour after we had entered the forest. Even before the horse came to a stop I slid to the ground, almost collapsing from the weariness of being atop a horse for so long.

"Where's Richard?" Was my first question and really the only thing I cared about at the moment.

"Kahlan?" I saw him dismounting as he entered camp. We both tossed our helmets aside and grabbed each other in a fierce embrace. "You're okay?"

I nodded, unable to find my voice and pressed myself closer to him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Mother Confessor? Lord Rahl?" It was Lieutenant Jameson. We parted and turned to face him. He held out a warm steaming drink to us that I gladly took between my sore, cold hands. I took a long swallow from the cup, relishing in the feel of it soothing my dry throat. I passed it to Richard who gladly accepted and he did the same.

"Thank you Jameson." I stated and got right to the point. "Report."

He sighed and began, folding his hands behind his back. His blue gaze focused on us as he began "We lost a considerable amount of men, I'm afraid. It's been estimated close to 2,000." I leaned into Richard, feeling sorrow for our loss. No matter how many wars I fought, I never got used to losing my men. Each individual was connected to me. I was supposed to be the one who protected them and I always felt great sorrow at failing. Richard's arm tightened around my waist, sensing my distress. "We've also kept 10 prisoners alive for questioning. They are with the Mord Sith right now being prepared for you right now, Mother Confessor." He grinned, so did Richard. "Troops from Kelton have also just recently arrived; about an hour ago I was told. They have come to join their Queen" he said nodding his head at me.

I grinned widely "Do you know how many troops?"

"30,000 they told me." Jameson answered

"Thank the spirits!" I said excitedly grinning up at Richard, who met my grin with a kiss on the forehead. "Let them know I will meet with them as soon as I can. I must question the prisoners first."

"As you wish, Mother Confessor. Will Lord Rahl be accompanying you?"

"Of course I will." He answered for himself.

"Follow me before you go" said Jameson, turning towards the Commanding tents. Everyone was required to check in at one of five commanding posts to inform our ranking officers of anything that we may have seen and to account for our return. We entered the large tent that was filled with water for refreshment and washing. Also, a table had been laid out with various breads and cheeses for the men upon their return. Since most battles took at least a day or two, our command posts served as a kind of refueling area for the men and women who fought.

Richard stopped at the first tub of water and reached in for a wash cloth. He grabbed my forearm as I was walking by to stop me. Turning, he pulled me to him and gently washed my face, neck and chest. He smoothed my sweaty hair back and lifted it off my neck retying it for me as it had come undone during the fighting. I smiled shyly at Richard's tenderness and closed my eyes, enjoying his touch. When he was finished I grabbed the cloth from him and rinsed it off then rewetting it to return the favor. He rested his hands on my hips locking his gaze on my face as I washed his skin. Finishing, I tossed the cloth aside and gave him a soft kiss on his chest. He pulled my hips closer and placed a kiss on my forehead.

Remembering that we weren't alone, I quickly backed out of his embrace, blushing brightly. Richard chuckled quietly and shook his head. "Do you have any idea what you do to me, Mother Confessor?" he whispered his eyes dark with passion. I shook my head, unable to find words and smiled.

Taking a deep breath I turned back to Jameson who was talking to General Meiffert who had arrived with the group of Mord Sith who had fought alongside Richard in O'Lairia. He was an exceptional fighter and leader, Richard had said and I trusted Richard's opinion above anyone else's. "We'll be with the prisoners if anyone needs to speak with us." I said approaching.

"Very well, Mother Confessor. I will let everyone know."

"You are a fierce fighter, if I may say so. Now I know Lord Rahl was telling the truth about you." Grinned Meiffert.

I returned his smile "Why, thank you. I'm glad Richard holds my reputation in high esteem, even when I am not around." Jameson and Meiffert laughed with me as Richard walked up behind me.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing." We all laughed again as I guided Richard out of the command tents and headed us toward where the prisoners were being held. We walked in comfortable silence occasionally bumping shoulders. My powers surged lightly in the pit of my stomach responding to my need for Richard. All he had to do was look at me and I could feel my grip loosen. I shook my head and smiled wondering how I got so lucky to have Richard love me. Gazing at him, I studied his face in the glow of the campfires that we passed feeling a tug of warmth engulf me. He caught me staring and smiled curiously.

"What?"

"Nothing." I smiled. "I was just thinking about how happy I am that you're here with me." He pulled me close to his side in answer and we kept walking enjoying just being together.

We arrived a few moments later and were met by the screams of the prisoners as the Mord Sith continued to interrogate them with their agiels. I approached the man closest to me and stood next to the Mord Sith as she rammed her agiel hard against his side cracking his ribs. She stopped and turned towards me. "You must be the Mother Confessor. Lord Rahl speaks of you quite relentlessly." She smirked, resting a hand on her hip while she gripped her agiels in the other. "I'm Cara." I nodded, keeping my confessor's face in place and scrutinized her. She raised her agiel to strike the man again but I stopped her.

"Wait." I grabbed her forearm tightly and she dropped her hand to the side. I approached the man who was slumped against on the ground. I motioned to Cara to bring him to his feet so I could better read his face. She gripped the front of his shirt and roughly forced him to his feet, all the while holding her agiel in front of his face. I paced in front of him, preparing myself and the questions I needed to ask. "Where are the rest of your troops hidden?" I asked in a clipped authorative voice. He smirked wickedly and received an agiel to the already broken rib. Clutching his side he screamed and his legs buckled but Cara's grip forced him to remain standing. "A….at the north fork of the Kern Rivvv….er…three days ride." He stuttered. I glared at him and nodded to Cara and she let the man drop. I grabbed a dagger from my boot and dragged it across his exposed throat and moved to the next prisoner as his blood sputtered out and he collapsed face forward in the ice packed mud. Cara looked over at me and nodded, apparently pleased with the way I had handled things.

I wiped my dagger against my pants before replacing it. The second prisoner was rendered unconscious so I ordered him executed…I didn't have time to wait. I noticed Richard at the end of the line of prisoners surrounded by three Mord Sith. Looking up, I could tell by the way he stood that there was something happening. Glancing at Cara, I could tell she noticed this as well and it gave me an unsettling feeling that she should know him so intimately. But, this was no time to bask in jealousy; I would deal with those emotions another time. Right now, I needed to find out what was going on.

"You will tell me what this is used for, or I will let these women torture you until you do." Richard threatened, holding a small vile that held what appeared to the naked eye as blue sand. I took my place close next to Richard and studied the man's face.

"Its sorcery sand….the gifted use it to disappear." I immediately noticed the lie widen his pupils and I stepped forward, grabbing his neck. My hold on my powers was a fraction from being released as I ordered him to answer Richard truthfully through gritted teeth.

"Alright, alright….its just used to burn our way through a large rank of men at once." He lied again and I relaxed my hold feeling time stop and become my own, his soul was mine. Thunder without sound engulfed all around me, causing a few of the Mord Sith closest to me stumble back a few steps. Richard was used to it and did not stumble, but held his ground gripping his sword in anger at the prisoner who had dared lie to me.

The man fell to his knees, weeping and kissing my boots. I kicked him in the face, repulsed. "Command me mistress!"

"Tell him what is in this vile! Now!" I demanded.

His lower lip quivered in shame remembering his lies and looked up at Richard. "It's used to repress the powers of the gifted so we can capture them. It lasts for a day, maybe two and then wears off."

Richard and I exchanged worried glances between us. "How many of these are there?"

"Only about 50 of them maybe less, they are very effective but we haven't used them before to capture anyone." Richard thought a moment, looking at me as though I had the answers.

"Do you know who has the rest?" inquired Richard

"I'm sorry, no my Lord….we were given them before we left the Kern. I didn't see who else had them" He moved his gaze back to me. "I'm sorry mistress…I don't want to displease you…its just….I don't know…please forgive me." He wept, groveling on the ground in front of me. I ignored him, used to the way a confessed man reacted. Richard gave a disgusted look and kicked the man in the stomach.

"Cara", he said "take Rikka and go find Zedd, tell him what's happened and have him meet us at the center compost." She nodded and walked to where Rikka stood. They spoke quietly as they left to find Zedd. Richard pulled out his sword and glanced at me in question. I gave him a slight nod and he plunged the sword through the confessed man killing him instantly. "I don't think I'll ever get used to watching a man grovel at your feet like that." He said, looking back at me with a disturbed look in his eyes.

"It's alright, you don't have to. Remember, this has been my whole life, I'm used to it." I said running my hand down his arm soothingly. Turning to the Mord Sith who stood expressionless nearby I said "Do what you want to the rest of them…but I want them dead by morning." I received a few grins and curt nods but nothing more as I had expected. They were certainly a strange breed of women, but then again, so was I.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"This looks like the Sand of Indys." Zedd explained, studying the vile. "I've seen it used once before in the Old War back when I was a fledgling wizard. He was right about it wearing off in a day or two but I am unsure of the aftereffects. I'll have to go back to the Wizard's Keep to find more information."

"Do you think we could use it, Zedd?" asked Richard.

Zedd furrowed his eyebrows, thinking "Wait until I find out more first. Right now, I want any vials that were found to be brought to me at once. I don't want anyone tampering with them, not even our own gifted."

We both nodded in understanding already knowing that Zedd would take every caution possible to ensure our safety.

"Thank you Zedd." I said. Changing the subject, I asked "How did everything go for you today?"

"Well as can be expected with a Wizard of the first Order in charge." He grinned arrogantly which brought laughs from me and Richard. "They were scared witless at my fake spirit horses. If only they knew they were being chased by fog!" We all laughed and I regretted that I had not seen it for myself. "They really were quite dramatic, running over each other, even killing each other! My plan worked perfectly." He waved his hand to emphasize his point.

"Kahlan….are we still going to enjoy your special treat tonight? He asked winking. 

"Of course, Zedd. I would never get your hopes up for nothing. I sent some men to start moving the barrels down here." I could see Richard looking from me to Zedd in confusion trying to figure out what was going on.

"Splendid!" Exclaimed Zedd, clapping his hands together. "I knew you would be good to keep around."

"You have no choice in the matter, Zedd." I countered, enjoying the wizard's easy humor. He was so much like a grandfather to me that I sometimes forgot who I was speaking to. If I sat back and thought too much about him being a Wizard of the First Order, I would never joke around with him like I always did. I leaned in then, and captured him in a smothering embrace, almost causing him to stumble and grinned up at him mischievously.

"Don't crush my ribs, dear one. Murder of a wizard is a terrible crime." Zedd and I rolled with laughter and even though Richard had no idea what we were talking about he laughed too. "Alright, alright, let me go now. Hurry and go meet with the Keltons. They should come too." He smiled. "I have some things to do…like find something for my stomach." He turned and glared at Richard. "By the way, don't send Kahlan to beg for you anymore. I nearly starved on the battlefield because she took my last loaf of cinnamon bread this morning to feed you." Richard grinned over at me, stumbling forward as Zedd clapped him on the back.

"Alright, Zedd." He promised.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I spotted General Baldwin of the Keltish army in the distance between the trees. I had told Richard of the celebration that I had planned for the men as a surprise and he was enthusiastic to help with the plans. He promised that after he cleaned up he would take my place as coordinator so that I could have as much time as I needed to speak with the Keltons and clean up myself.

Each separate region in the midlands had an appointed king and queen even though the Mother Confessor presided over them. The Keltons had chosen me as their queen two years back when their own queen had been killed during the fight with Darken Rahl's D'Hara. Certain regions were still hesitant and distrusting of becoming allies with D'Hara, but they were beginning to see how much different they were now that Darken Rahl was dead. Kelton was one region who had not taken well to the changes but was still devoted to me as their queen as well as Mother Confessor.

"General Baldwin." I said as I climbed up the small incline, smiling as I approached. We had known each other in our youth because our fathers had been allies. We embraced each other, relaxing in each other's presence. "I'm so thrilled you're here! How did you know where to find me?"

"We reached your base camp shortly after you had departed a few mornings ago. They recognized who I was and sent me here to help you. I demanded to fight next to my queen." He smiled.

"Zedd told me you brought 30,000 men?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes. I left half back at the base camp to help with preparations for the next move and brought the rest here."

"Next move?" I asked wondering what this was about.

"They are moving closer to the southern region towards the Rang Shada mountains. There have been sightings of the Imperial Army south of Kelton. We saw them with their supply wagons passing back and forth. We suspect they are reloading them from somewhere, perhaps Tamarang. We aren't sure though. That's why I came to see you."

Groaning I squeezed the bridge of my nose trying to think. "We'll have to have a meeting with all of our generals and formulate a plan. How large was their convoy?"

"Not that large, My Queen, 500 maybe. We could have wiped them out, but I suspected a trap." I nodded my head noticing then that I had taken to pacing back and forth like Richard often did. "I heard Lord Rahl has claimed the throne of D'Hara, you can't know how happy that makes us. We know you have a special bond with him which eases the apprehension of the people."

"I'm glad, General. Now…." I said linking my arm with his. "I have a special celebration planned for the men this evening and you and your men are invited as my special guests. Lets forget about talk of war tonight and enjoy ourselves." When he began shaking his head 'no' I said "this is an order from your Queen as well as the Mother Confessor."

"Thank you" he finally relented "We would be honored." He bowed, knowing how I shunned ceremony. When he straightened back up I noticed the humor glimmering in his eyes and his teasing grin. I laughed, embracing him again before taking my leave.

I rushed down the path after our talk, mulling things over in my mind. I would have to talk to Richard and see what he thought about all of this, but tonight, I was determined to give these men and women some joy despite the day's events.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The night was beautiful and crisp with soft snow flakes falling in unexpected places through the trees. I stood peering at the men and women dancing, laughing, drinking and enjoying themselves. A swell of contentment swelled in my chest knowing they were, in this moment, happy. Scanning the crowd from my secluded spot out from under the lights, I spotted Richard sitting on the ground leaning against a support beam and surrounded by a halo of light. He looked like a good spirit come to save us.

He looked across the expanse of the compost and settled his gaze right where I stood, blindly feeling the connection to my presence. My stomach fluttered with love for him and I slowly made my way over to him, staying under the canopy of darkness. Coming up quietly beside him, he turned watching me as I approached. He smiled as I sat down next to him, pressing close into his side, sharing the warmth of our bodies.

"I was wondering when you would get here." He said softly, my hair lifting with the air of his breath. "I've already turned down at least a dozen invitations to dance because I wanted to share the first one with you." I felt my face heat and was thankful that my long hair was shielding my shyness. "Come on, it'll be fun." He said standing and offering me a hand up. Hesitating, I took his hand and stood to follow him. The crowd parted, making room for us on the cleared area beneath the glowing lanterns. My chest tightened with excitement at the thought of being held in Richard's arms and I pushed aside my fears of disappointing him.

We found a spot at last as a new song began. Richard pulled me close and we moved across the frozen ground as if we were the only ones who existed. The eyes that followed our movements meant nothing to me as I gazed, smiling at Richard. We spent the evening laughing and spinning and teasing each other, forgetting about worry and war. As the songs began to slow down, and the crowd thinned, we took to just holding each other close. Richard would steal small kisses when he thought no one was watching and I would rest my head on his shoulder, relishing in the embrace of the man I loved.

We left as the remainder of the revelers began to get deeper in their cups, becoming loud and boisterous. He led me in silence through the dark, cold night back to his tent. It was cold when we returned so I helped Richard start a fire while he piled extra blankets he had brought over from my tents earlier that night onto the cot.

When the room went suddenly silent, I glanced over my shoulder and saw him watching me as I washed my face. "Are you tired?" I asked.

"A little…are you going to stay with me tonight? You know I brought all of your things from your tent and moved them in here." He grinned. "I had Murrough help me."

"What?" I exclaimed in shock.

He smiled, proud of my response "Well, he did have a problem with me taking your things, so I kind of had to lie so he wouldn't try to kill me for stealing."

"Richard! You didn't" I said laughing, imagining Richard trying to explain to a confessed man that taking his mistress's things was going to please her.

"Yes…" he laughed with me "It was comical, actually. It took some convincing but I finally talked him into it. I let him keep a few blankets so he wouldn't freeze to death over night, I didn't want to upset his _mistress" _he raised his eyebrows playfully.

Laughing, I crawled into bed next to him after discarding my boots, letting them fall to the ground. "You're bad Richard Cypher." I teased poking him in the chest. He grabbed my hand, wrestling it behind me and pulled me tight against him.

"Am I, now?" he asked, his voice low and husky. The mood suddenly shifted, becoming serious. He bore his gaze into me and my stomach fluttered with desire. "I think I can come up with something really bad." He whispered as he captured my lips in a deep, sensual kiss. I broke free of his grasp and pushed him onto his back, straddling him and pushing my tongue into his mouth. He made a sound somewhere between a growl and a moan and pushed me up by the shoulders. The look in his eyes was dangerous and he gripped my upper arms roughly. "Kahlan….I have to stop now…or I won't be able to." I whimpered at his words and tried to lower myself into another kiss, but he gently rolled me off of him and instead enclosed me in his arms, pulling my back against his chest.

I felt a sudden emptiness and ached to be one with him. Tears of anger threatened but I pushed them away, like I always did. As if sensing my thoughts, his arms tightened their hold on me and his lips kissed my shoulder tenderly.

"I'm sorry, Richard." I said quietly feeling him tense behind me.

"Kahlan…."

"No Richard. I mean it." I said sitting up to face him. "I'm sorry I can't give you what you want…what you deserve." He tried to speak but I wouldn't let him. "I wish I could love you….really love you." I said, blushing and looking at my hands as I combed my fingers through the fringes of the blanket.

"Don't saw that" he said tilting my chin so I would look at him. "_You _are what I want….and if that means never being able to...be with you, I would gladly give that up just to have you in my life. Besides….I can't imagine being with another woman."

Shaking my head in wonder, I was rendered breathless. I pressed my forehead to his and took his face in my hands. "You are a rare person, Richard Cypher." I kissed him then soft, tender and slow wanting to give him my love in any way I could without destroying the man I loved. He brought his hands up to my neck, tenderly caressing the skin there. I slid my hands inside his shirt, pressing my hands to his warm smooth chest. I loved the feel of him, the strength of him and I relished his touch.

Thoughts of wanting to be one with him were pressed to the forefront of my mind making me desperate with want. Then, suddenly, I pushed back with realization. He looked at me with a worried expression "Are you alright?" He asked, his hands still remained on me.

"Yes, yes….I'm fine." I said breathlessly. "I was just thinking….about the sands of Indys. I could….we could use one and …."

Richard shook his head backing away. "Kahlan, we can't. You heard Zedd. Even he doesn't know the full effects of what happens after it wears off….and if something happened to you…" he said taking my face in his hands "I would never forgive myself."

"Richard….Zedd says he saw it used in the Old War…he never mentioned anything about someone's gift being destroyed or even altered. And no one dies…because then the Order wouldn't use it. Their prisoners would be useless to them dead." I argued my case. "Nothing bad will happen. We could be together!" He was silent and I could tell by his eyes that he was contemplating everything. But he shook his head 'no', and I thought my heart would be torn from my chest.

"You don't want me?" I wailed.

"Kahlan…" he said gripping my arms as tears were forming in his eyes "How could you say that? Of course I want you….Kahlan…more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." He said "But please don't cry…I can't let you risk who you are just for one night."

"You can give me a child." I said with desperation, trying to convince him "then I wouldn't have to….with the shell of a man I didn't love. You don't know what it's like…knowing that I could never be with you…knowing that I have to betray you…it will destroy me. Richard….I…I ..can't….please do this."

"We can't….I" he looked down when he spoke his next words "I could never be with you only for one night. I would go mad. Right now I don't know what its like to be with you…I can only imagine." I felt my body flush with desire knowing he imagined us together. I wondered if his thoughts were as heated as mine. "If I knew….Kahlan…I"

I pressed my fingers to his lips to silence him "I know what you mean." I said smiling. "We would both go mad. But I would endure anything to be with you….even once."

He gave me a weak smile and took me in his arms laying us back on the bed. He propped himself on an elbow and gazed down at me tracing a finger along the line of my collarbone. "You know I love you, Kahlan Amnell…..and I will find a way for us to be together…but until then, I promise you my heart, mind and soul. They will always belong to you…only you." He smiled and leaned down kissing me gently on the lips. I reached up, pulling him to me, begging him to deepen the kiss, but he pulled back. "Sleep now…and know that in the morning, I'll still be here with you."

Tears collected in my eyes as I nodded, relenting. "I love you too, my Richard. With all my heart. Just, hurry up and find a way." I teased and we both laughed, shacking each other with the vibration of our bodies. We lay down curling into each other's body, entwining our fingers between us and gazing at each other until sleep took us. That night I dreamt that he had found a way.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Kahlan you're thinking too much. You have to become one with your opponent, in a way. Feel their next move…don't guess it.

Grumbling in frustration, I gripped the hilt of my sword tighter and gritted my teeth determined that I would catch Richard off guard at least once. We had been at this for days and my shoulders began to burn and I had developed calluses on my hands, but I wouldn't allow him the satisfaction of hearing me complain. He grinned as though this was fun and I imagined slicing him though and smiled wickedly at the look of surprise that would spread across his face. Giving me an extra dose of determination, I began to try to 'feel' his next move, as he had instructed. I stopped thinking and pretended to dance with my sword, ignoring Richard all together. The breeze through the trees blew my hair across my face, but I remained steady in my defense. And then it was there, the tree at my back, and Richard stood in front of me with a devious grin his sword leveled at my chest.

"I've got you where I want you _confessor" _he said wickedly. I threw my sword down, at last spent on trying any longer. I crossed my arms under my breasts and glared at Richard.

"Okay, you win. Run me through. I'd rather die than continue this…whatever you call it."

A spark of humor lit up his face. "I never took you for a quitter, Kahlan. I'm surprised."

"Well, I'm usually not. This is the first time I've felt like death would be a better outcome than fighting." I tried to push my way past him but he blocked my way. He flung his sword to the ground and trapped me between him and the tree pressing his body closer. My breath caught in my chest feeling him against me and for a moment forgot about being angry.

"I'm just trying to help, you know." He said rubbing his cheek against mine before he took my earlobe between his teeth and gently bit down. I moaned with pleasure, knowing I was done for and hopelessly defeated. When he suddenly backed away from me, I noticed Zedd had happened upon us.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything." He said jovially, knowing full well that he _was _interrupting us. He bit into an apple as though it was the last piece of food in the world. "I've been looking for the two of you everywhere and finally a large red bird informed me that you were trying to kill each other."

"I'm teaching Kahlan how to use sense to predict her opponent" said Richard as he glanced at me. "You would be impressed with her progress." I rolled my eyes in annoyance and saw Zedd grin knowingly.

"Kahlan is talented; we both know that, Richard. I'd say maybe she should be the one teaching you a thing or two." I turned smiling in triumph with my hands on my hips.

"Thank you Zedd." I winked at the wizard who had become more like a grandfather to me every day since we first met to name Richard the Seeker.

"Always my pleasure, Kahlan. Richard seems to think too highly of himself sometimes. Even though he is the Lord Rahl we have to make sure he is never governed by pride. Darken Rahl started that way, you know." He said gesturing with his apple.

"So…now you're comparing me to Darken Rahl? Have you drank too much ambrosia already Zedd? It's not even midmorning yet." He teased.

"Just having a little fun, is all. You're nothing like that deviant son of the Keeper." He said putting an arm around each of us, guiding us to sit down on a fallen log while he remained standing. "I've come with some rather unsettling news, unfortunately." Richard and I exchanged a worried look. "There has been word of the Order advancing over into Westland." Zedd said, his gaze falling on Richard. "Chase came this morning with a small unit from Hartland and the surrounding areas. They are in desperate need of more men to fortify their towns and also to help evacuate.

Richard suddenly shot to his feet "I'm going. Where's Chase?"

"Sit down, my boy. You can't just leave and run into Hartland by yourself, this must be strategically planned. I hope you don't mind, Kahlan, but I sent General Baldwin's unit that remained in Aydindril on ahead. He volunteered saying that you would understand his need to make immediate action." I nodded and Zedd went on. "I wanted to know how many men we could spare and from where do we move them from. Chase says they need as many as 100,000 strong."

"Send the unit under General Meiffert. They're familiar with the surrounding regions close to what used to be the boundary into Westland. They have enough men and they have trained together as well, giving them an advantage of familiarity." I said, still taking the reigns in making the decisions. I looked to Richard to see what he thought.

"I'm going with them." Richard said with finality.

"Then I'm going too." I said.

Zedd looked at me; studying my face for a moment "You must stay here and lead your men, Kahlan. You're the Mother Confessor. Your place is here with them."

"I'm not letting Richard go without me." I said, my voice catching with emotion.

"Kahlan…you can't abandon your duties here!" Zedd exclaimed forcefully, becoming Wizard Zorander instead of the trusted friend I had come to love.. "Richard can take care of himself. He's Lord Rahl, he must stand and lead now. And you must allow yourself to be lead by him as well, Kahlan. It's important for him to do this on his own. You would be doing him a great disservice by following him everywhere as though he cannot do this on his own."

"Damn you, Zedd!" I stood and shouted into his face with fury. "I will not stay here and hide my face while this man I swore an oath to protect with my life goes off alone! Despite what anyone thinks of him, I am still _his _confessor! I'm supposed to be by his side!" My voice shook again, showing my panic and sorrow.

"Kahlan…" Said Richard grabbing my hand and pulling me to sit back down next to him. "I'll be alright and I'm not going alone. I'm taking half of our army with me. You are the only one I trust to stay here and watch over the rest of our men." He said, rubbing his thumb gently across the palm of my hand trying to soothe me.

I glared at Zedd. "Fine, Wizard Zorander." Richard shot me a stunned look, never having heard me address Zedd that way. "But Richard and I will decide how everything is going to be played out. And if anything happens to him" I said, gripping Richard's hand "I'm blaming you." 

Zedd didn't say a word, but nodded in respect as was law of the Mother Confessor.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Richard, Zedd and I had ridden the long way to Aydindril at an unstoppable gallop with General Meiffert and his men. There was much to consider before sending half of our units to Hartland. Supplies would be needed as well as new mounts for all of the men. The horses that were stabled at the Confessor's Palace had been trained for war and I had suggested to Richard that they would be used in Hartland. I felt much more settled knowing that I was contributing something so personal. When my father had resided with us, he had began training and breeding the horses for battle. He had been a great warrior and had taught my sister and me how to fight as well as how to ride and train horses for war. Richard would take my mount, the one that had been with me and that I had personally assisted in training before I had met him. The plan was to have everything ready for departure within the week, or earlier if it could be managed.

When we arrived at last in the courtyard to the Confessor's Palace I dismounted quickly handing off my reins to Bruce instructing him to oversee the selection of war mounts that would accompany the division to Hartland. I trusted his opinion over all other stable master's having known him since I was a girl. He had been a part of my upbringing as much as any of the older Confessors that had trained me. I smiled my genuine thanks and headed off inside trailing in front of Richard, Zedd and General Meiffert. I nodded at the greetings of everyone who had ceremoniously bowed as I passed by, too focused on other matters to stop for any of the petitioners.

We halted before the double doors to the council chambers as I ordered the guards to clear the room so the General and his commanding officers could meet and plan for their departure.

"Will you be dining in the council chambers, Mother Confessor?" Inquired Livia, who was the head of organizing the staff on the main level of the palace. I hesitated, realizing just then that I had not eaten anything since breakfast that morning. It was already well past dinner and I was certain the men, and especially Zedd, would be needing something to eat while we discussed our plans. "That would be fine, Livia. Thank you. Please prepare enough for all of the men. Have the whole staff help you. There are 100,000 men."

She smiled politely "Of course, Mother Confessor, we are always prepared for a large group when you arrive. It will be done as you ask." Zedd stopped her and spoke in low hushed tones with a hopeful raise of his eyebrows. I saw her nod and then she left, her skirts billowing out behind her as she turned.

"Zedd already begging for a special order, I see" whispered Richard into my ear.

"Did you expect anything less from him?" I grinned, but could not pull the distaste form my voice. I was still not over my anger from earlier and I would not relent until Richard had returned to me safely.

I was about to follow after Richard into the council chambers when Zedd stopped me, resting a large wrinkled hand on my shoulder. "Kahlan, may I have a word with you privately?" 

"I should go with Richard and oversee the plans." I responded in a clipped tone and turned on my heel intent on following after the men, but he stopped me, his voice turning dark and serious.

"Kahlan, there is a pressing matter that I must discuss with you that cannot wait. Richard can handle things on his own. Is there somewhere that we could talk in private?" It was more of an order than a request and I felt a perception of dread coil in my stomach.

I led him down the long corridor opposite the council chambers to a smaller room used for interrogation. It was empty and dark except for the fireplace that was lit at the end. The heavy drapes had been pulled shut over the tall windows snuffing out the moon light. Eerie shadows played across the walls and I suddenly felt trapped when Zedd closed the doors behind us.

I turned my back and stared into the flames, crossing my arms in front of me. "Talk then if you must, but make it quick." I said without emotion.

"There's another reason you must remain behind." He began from behind me. I could hear his long robes brushing over the hard mosaic tiled floor but I didn't turn to face him.

"And what would that be?"

"The people of the Midlands must be assured of the sovereign rule of Confessors but until you are with child that rule is severely at risk of being eliminated from the world. As Wizard of the First Order you _must _take this seriously." I whirled around abruptly facing him then, allowing my face to show my fury.

"I have taken this seriously Zedd!" gritting my teeth and digging my nails into the palms of my hands. "I've taken a mate!"

"A mate that has not given you a child in two years" he said, his eyes boring through me with intense scrutiny. "You mean to tell me that you have been trying? In all of the history of the Midlands, it has never taken a Confessor two years to produce an heir."

"What are you trying to say, Zedd? You doubt me? Maybe there's something wrong with me or with Murrough, have you thought of that?" I shouted, hoping that wizards could not sense lies as well as confessors. But even if the wizard in him couldn't, I suspected that Zedd may know me too well and saw straight through me so I turned my back to him again, hiding my face.

"Kahlan….all I am saying is that I know it must be hard to think of this when Richard is here."

"It's hard even when he's not here, Zedd." I said quietly hoping that the quiver in my voice went unnoticed.

"I know, dear one. I promise you, Kahlan, I don't do this to hurt you….or Richard. But you know, as well as I, that you have a duty to the people of the Midlands. More so now than before. You must produce an heir. If something were to happen to you in this war…."

"And what if something happens to my child once she is born?" I countered.

"You would be sent into hiding until the end of the war. The line of confessors is too important to risk."

"So…let me get this straight" I fumed turning to face him "You want me to bury my face in the sand while everyone I love is _slaughtered _by the Imperial Order? How dare you ask this of me. My people need me here, with them. They need my protection, my wisdom, not my abandonment."

"I'm not asking this of you lightly, Kahlan. You know if I could change reality I would, but there are even things that are beyond my help. This is not a request this is an order Mother Confessor. You must be with child when Richard returns from Hartland."

I couldn't breathe and I felt like the silence would crush me and sank to the ground clutching my arms around me. My sorrow was too great that no tears would come and then I began to shake with deep seated sobs without sound as I heard the doors to the room open and shut behind Zedd.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The moment I forced myself through the doors of the council chambers, I sensed Richard's gaze on me. I took a seat at the end of the table, closest to the doors so that the feeling of being enclosed didn't cause my nerves to weaken any more than they already were. Only listening half heartedly, I fixed my gaze on the table, studying the pattern of the wood that had once been a tree. My mind and body were still stunned into shock over Zedd's words and I tried to make sense of what had happened.

Breaking my gaze from the table I braved raising my eyes to get a glimpse of Richard. He was leaning forward, his brow creased in concentration at whatever General Meiffert was saying. I heard his voice, but could not bring myself to listen as I studied the face of the man I loved. He was beautiful, I thought to myself, his brown hair falling over his defined handsome features. His body was strong and confident in battle but at the same time tender and gentle in his touch. My eyes teared with the hollow empty feeling that had grown like a monster inside of me since the day I had met him. I loathed myself for what I had done to him because of what I was.

"I've already asked Cara to accompany us. She's on her way here now with the other Mord Sith" said Richard passively. Fury and jealousy raged through me violently. I had had enough of torment for one night and I stood abruptly, earning questioning glances from everyone as I did so.

Quickly exiting the Council Chambers, I nearly ran to my rooms. How could Richard want _her _with him and not me? It didn't matter that I had a duty to the people of the Midlands, I could just as well serve them from Hartland. There was no reason that I must stay except that Richard wanted to do this alone…well not without _Cara. _And Zedd was adamant that I remain behind… so that I could continue the line of confessors. Did he even ask me if I wanted to subject another human being to so much loneliness and grief? My child would certainly thank me for sparing her the cursed life of a confessor.

Tears finally formed and ran in silent torrents down my face. I made no move to wipe them, they deserved to fall. I pushed open my door and walked with a heavy heart into the dark emptiness. It so suited the emptiness that raged inside me that, in spite of myself, I grinned. There was no need for advisors or handmaidens…I only wanted to wallow in my grief.

Stripping myself of my riding clothes, I made my way to the large stone fireplace. The fire burned low causing frightening shadows to play across the floors. Letting my clothes drop to the floor I grabbed a few logs and tossed them haphazardly into the flames causing them to dance higher.

I sat back on my heels naked in the empty room watching the shadows ascend to the ceiling. They reminded me of my nightmares as a child when I was unfamiliar with magic and more frightened of it than I had admitted to anyone. No one, not even my mother, ever knew of my terror. And now, the terror had subsided, changing into anger and regret. I hated it for keeping me apart and isolated from love. I wrapped my arms around my legs, sitting on the cold stone floor and forced myself to endure the still frigid air against my bare skin. When the room began to warm, I reluctantly pulled myself up and grabbed a robe from my dressing room. It was black and sheer, which left my skin still bare enough to feel the beginnings of the spreading warmth. It glided across the floor in silence covering my bare feet. I pulled it closed around me feeling vulnerable at the thought of another man entering these chambers with me.

The day I had named Murrough as my mate, I had ordered him to the bed of a different room, not wanting to taint the security I felt when I enclosed myself here. I stole a glance at the huge bed in the center of the room thinking of all the confessors who were conceived and born there, feeling at once very alone. There was only me, now and I had never felt so alone.

Tears fell anew for the confessors that had been hunted and slaughtered by Darken Rahl. I resolved to my fate, knowing this sorrow, as much as anything, was part of the reason Zedd had ordered me to bear the next confessor. We were needed, as much as I hated to admit it, and I was all that remained of the race of justice.

Sighing deeply I made my way over to my desk staring ahead into the mirrors above me at my own face, the face of the last confessor. I reached into the secret compartment that was hidden within the many intricate carvings that made my desk elaborate and wrapped trembling fingers around the cold curve of the vile I had hidden there. No one knew that I had kept one, not even Richard. Especially not after he had cautioned me not to use it. But right now….I felt I had no choice. I hated him for choosing Cara over me and I hated Zedd for playing the Creator with my life.

Anger, hopelessness, sorrow and jealousy were what drove me to remove the stopper from the vile which contained a different fate. I watched in wonder as the sands began to evaporate into a stream of blue clouded smoke and I leaned forward, breathing in the fumes of magic. At first, there was no sensation but I began to feel a gritty taste sliding down the back of my throat. It made me shudder with pleasure as the euphoric feeling coated my veins causing me to feel a soft numbness. I closed my eyes, feeling heavy as my body sank back into the cushions of my chair. Every pore and fiber of my being felt the caress of the magic and my confessor's power faded with every moment.

I lost time for how long, I did not know, but I forced myself to glide over and sink into the softness of my bed. The coiled sensations of my powers had disappeared and I felt a hollow ache where it should have been. Never in my life had known such emptiness and I cried as I pressed my hands against my belly at the absence of my gift.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

My eyes drifted shut but my body thrummed with anxiousness and sleep would not come. My heart fluttered rapidly in my chest and the silence of my room seemed to echo with the sounds of nothing.

"What have I done?" I spoke to the darkness. There was no turning back; the magic was flowing through my blood constricting the powers of confession. I was afraid of what Richard would think of me and I began to panic with worry imagining his hate towards me when he found what I had done. Tears continued to flood my face and I could feel the wetness on my pillow and the sheets around me. Maybe I would drown, I thought, then Richard wouldn't have to look at me and I would never have to see the look of disappointment in his eyes.

So wrapped was I in my torment, that I did not hear the door to my chambers open and close. But when the bed dipped beside me with the added weight I screamed in fright.

"Kahlan?" It was Richard and his voice was so soothing it caused me to weep harder. He caressed the hair away from my face willing me to look at him. I was drenched in tears and I refused to meet his eyes because I was afraid. "Kahlan, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice laced with worry.

"Oh, Richard, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" I choked out my words between sobs.

He gently took my face in his hands and turned me towards him but I squeezed my eyes tightly closed. His thumbs brushed over the slits of my closed eyes and he bent to kiss away my tears. I was paralyzed with guilt and desire, desire that I knew I didn't deserve to have sated.

"Kahlan….talk to me. What happened?"

"I….I….I can't!"

"You can always talk to me." He said, tenderly caressing my cheeks that were still flooded with my grief.

"You'll hate me."

"What?" He sat back then sounding angry "I could _never _hate you Kahlan. Now tell me what this is about."

Tentatively, I opened my eyes to meet his gaze. There was so much worry and love I saw there, that I wanted to die. I took a deep shuddering breath, trying to find my voice but I couldn't so I simply handed him the empty vial.

"What's this?" He asked, studying the small, cold, empty glass vial that I had placed in his hand. I watched his expression change from one of questioning to one of shock. "Kahlan? Dear spirits, Kahlan! Tell me this is not what I think it is."

"I took it, Richard. I…"

"Why?" He asked "I thought we talked about this. How could you do this behind my back?" He fumed, and I could sense him trying to reign in his anger.

"Because….you want _her _to go with you and not me!" I wailed. He opened his mouth to say something, but I continued "and Zedd….he…he ordered me to…..conceive the next confessor before…before you return from Hartland! And I didn't think….I just….I…"

His eyes glazed with sorrow. "He ordered you to…."

I nodded in answer wringing my hands together "Oh Kahlan….I'm so sorry, for everything. He gathered me in his arms then and stroked the length of my hair and then pressed his hand to my lower back pulling me closer in his embrace. "And dear spirits, Kahlan. How many times to I have to tell you…._You _are the one I love. The only one."

"But I can never…..and she can…and I….have you lain with her?"

He pushed back and glared at me as though I had just accused him of being in the service of the Keeper. "Kahlan" he said my name through gritted teeth. "How dare you ask that of me….I never…with her or anyone else, and I never will." I began shaking my head no and he gripped my arms in a vice like grip. "Look at me! Why do you do this to me, Kahlan? Do you doubt my love for you so much that you're convinced I'm lying with other women?"

"Richard…I….Zedd is going to ask the same of you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You have to take a wife….I made him promise not to say anything to you yet. He told me. There must be an heir to the throne of D'Hara and….."

"Not unless you're the mother." He said, his jaw clenching.

Shocked at his conviction I slumped back against the headboard covering my face with my hands. "I'm sorry, Richard. I didn't mean to hurt you….I just…"

I felt him press a finger to my lips. "Don't" he whispered. "I'm not angry with you. I just wish you would have told me all this sooner. I could've talked to Zedd and…."

I shook my head again "He ordered me as First Wizard, Richard. There's nothing I can do and when he comes to you….there won't be any backing out of your duties either."

"Then I'll give up the throne of Lord Rahl. I _will not" _he said slamming his fist on the headboard next to my face causing me to startle "let him force me to do that to you. I can't." he said with tears threatening to fall.

"You can't do that…not for me. Not for a love that can never be" I whispered, shuddering at my own words and the closeness of Richard. I ached to be one with him, but I would never ask him….not after I had betrayed him.

"Kahlan...you mean more to me than my own life. Nothing matters without you…nothing." He said, bringing his hands to the sides of my face and pressing his forehead against mine. "And I don't care about duty…no matter what Zedd says. And you shouldn't either. I'm not letting him force you to do anything against your will."

"But I have to…."

"Yes….but I'm not letting another man touch you...not when I…."

"What?" I asked cautiously, my heart pounding loudly in my chest.

He kissed me then, deep and passionate taking my breath away. I moaned against his mouth and pressed my whole body against his. Breaking the kiss, he backed away, leaving us both gasping for breath. "Kahlan….I love you so much…there are no words I have that are enough for the way I feel about you. If this is all we have…this one moment, then let me show you what's in my heart."

"If you want to…" my answer came out in a breathless whisper as he fixed his raptor gaze on my eyes, dragging me into its depths. He suddenly sat back, removing his shirt and then unsheathing his sword, pressing it against his forehead. His locked gaze never moved as he brought the razor sharp edge across the inside of his arm. I watched, unable to move as he dropped the sword to the ground, letting in clatter loudly in the silence of the shadowed room.

The hand opposite the bleeding arm untied my robe and he ran his palm from my neck, between my breasts and down my stomach separating the sheer black silk that covered me. His bleeding arm followed, covering my ivory skin with his blood.

"This night, I give you my body, my heart, my mind and my soul. I seal a promise in blood that I will never love another as long as my soul exists, in this world and the spirit world." Tears were cascading down my face at the sheer magnitude of his words. "My body, I give to you as protection and pleasure in this life, with my heart I give you my love for eternity and beyond, my mind I give to you, promising to put you first above everything including myself, my soul I give to you that we will be as one forever, and with my blood I seal the promises I make to you this night." At the end of his words, he brought his lips to the place above my heart and kissed me with the emotion of his oath.

I wept then and wrapped my arms around his neck whispering my love for him and promising him the same words that he had promised me. Our lips met in a fierce kiss, one that left me feeling weightless. His hands pushed open the remainder of my robe as I removed my arms from the sleeves, leaving me bare beneath him. I gasped and wrapped my legs around his waist as his lips and tongue bathed every inch of me and his fingers caressed my most intimate places.

And then at last his raptor gaze returned, locking with mine as he gently pushed inside of me and we became one. I clutched him tightly weeping at the intensity of my love for him and the feel of him inside of me. My blood rocked beneath my veins and my chest burned against his with unbridled passion that I never knew existed. My soul wrapped around his soul and danced, embracing, becoming one spirit and at the moment we both writhed in the throes of passion I felt my heart ripping from my body as I gave all of myself to Richard and I felt the sensation of all that was Richard entering me. We held each other so, so tight, and rode the waves of our release together as tears of love cascaded onto our faces. And when the height of pleasure began to wane we kissed each other gently with reverence and joy at being one forever.


	11. Chapter 11

_Note to readers: Sorry this update has taken awhile. I've been having to really think this story through because I want it to turn out really good. Not just for me, but for my readers. Also, this chapter is rated M which is another reason why it has taken me some time to update. I have gone back and forth trying to decide if I wanted this scene or not because I usually don't write these kinds of things. Anyway...please remeber, that R & K's relationship is based on pure, true love and I want to make sure that everyone understands that the physical side of their love is not what matters in this story as much as the promises and commitments that they make to each other. _

Chapter 11

My breath hitched as I felt a strong warm hand trace my exposed spine followed by the soft wet caress of a tongue. "Richard…" I panted, hot need sparking quickly.

"Good Morning my love." He said smiling against my back as his arm snaked around my waist. I smiled in response and wiggled my bottom closer to him making contact with his manhood, causing us both to groan. The hand that was around my waist made its way slowly between my legs and his long middle finger made a tantalizing journey between my folds and began caressing my sensitive nub in an agonizingly slow motion that caused me to writhe with frantic need.

I spread my legs wider and rolled my hips back, opening myself for him. He greedily complied, and gripped my hip with his other hand as he pressed into me in one swift stroke, hitting me in the secret place inside of me.

I moaned with pleasure as the tip of his manhood hit the most pleasurable spot inside of me again and again. His fingers continued playing with my sensitive nub, pressing in a steady rotating motion as his other hand groped and caressed my breasts, giving them both equal attention. I leaned my head back on his shoulder gasping his name as I held his hand tighter against my breast.

"You feel so good" he spoke lustfully, taking my earlobe between his teeth

"Mmmmmm…." Is all I could manage as I felt my climax getting closer. I didn't want this to end so I moved away from him and pushed him down on his back, climbing on top of him. Raising on my knees, I guided him to my opening and watched his face as I slowly lowered myself, sheathing him like a sword deep inside of me. My hips began to roll against his and he gripped my breasts as I began to ride. When I would slam down and stop, I would squeeze my inner muscles tight around him eliciting almost a scream of pleasure from his lips. My hands held his tight to my breasts as I lifted and sunk down over and over, feeling my juices drip down my thighs.

Then he flipped me without removing himself and slid his hand up the back of my thigh, hooking behind my knee and opening me wider. I moaned with wanton need as he plunged deeper inside of me, even deeper than the times we had made love the night before. My body felt all of him between my legs and I couldn't help but dig my nails into the skin of his backside as I gripped him, trying to pull him deeper into my sheath. My hips rolled with wild abandon as I relished in the feel of him. This was something different than love, it was raw, wild and intense with frantic need. We were devouring each other and I bucked my hips as hard as I could grabbing him against me, staying him as he wiggled his manhood inside me. I screamed in ecstasy as our climactic moment gripped us together and we kissed licking each other on the inside to mirror our joined bodies down below. It lasted longer this time, as we drank from our passion together, and when we descended we did not let go, but clutched each other, our hearts pounding together against our chests.

"Dear spirits Kahlan…" said Richard as he wiped my sweaty hair off my face. "You're amazing…you love as fierce as you fight."

I grinned, loving that I had pleased him. "I love you so much Richard."

We kissed deep and tender, but the joy I felt began to fade as reality began to peek its ugly face against my heart. My powers would be returning soon…and I couldn't help the rivulets of tears from falling.

"What's wrong?" His brow furrowed with concern and I saw pain there as well written in his eyes.

"I just…I don't want my powers back….I…." I faltered and looked down at our spent bodies and pulled a sheet over us to avoid his gaze.

"Kahlan…I love you…_all _of you and I don't want you shutting the most important part of you away."

"But I can't take this from you…I can't. I love you so much and I want to be able to love you….be a wife to you." Before I realized what I had said I felt Richard tilt my chin bringing my eyes to meet his.

"What did say?" he asked shock, hurt, and love breaking a torrent of tears upon my face as my heart began to break for him….for us…for what we would never have. "Kahlan?"

"Richard…I can't do this to you anymore." I wept…shivering with grief at the slow shadow beginning to flood my veins with my power as it began to surge once again. I sobbed then, unable to even listen to him and wanting to push him away but he wouldn't allow it.

"Kahlan….please…please don't cry. I love you….and that will never change. And you are already my wife…in every way. My oath was to you before the good spirits…"

"But….what about me? What have I given you? One night? It's not enough, Richard. Not for the man I love. I can't give you anything but sorrow and grief and betrayal….how could you even say you love me? You gave me your oath….but I failed to give you mine….I…"

He sat me up then and turned me around "Kahlan….the blood of your innocence…it belongs to me, and can never belong to another. You spoke the same words to me….and gave me your blood….you're my wife."

"I can't! This can't be! We have to get Zedd to undo this!"

He broke his hold on me and moved away from me as though I had stabbed him. "Why?" he asked, his voice cracked with raw emotion.

"You know why! I can't ask you to spend your life with me…not if I can never….."

"That doesn't matter to me! You know that! You would have been my wife even if we had never…..how could you say this to me? I love you….I gave you all of me…."

"But you have to take a wife for D'Hara. You must have a male heir. Any male child from my womb will have to be destroyed…and a girl can't rule D'Hara….we both know that….Zedd would never allow it."

"Damn Zedd! I don't care what he says! I will _never _let any of that happen to us! Ever!

"Richard…." I said in a whisper. "And if I'm not with child?"

"Than you will take me as your mate." He said gritting his teeth. "No one….NO ONE touches you but me! You belong to me…you promised me, Kahlan."

"But….I can't" I wailed. "I can't destroy you…not for anything in this world. I'd rather suffer your betrayal or my duties as a confessor than lose you." I said, weeping as I collapsed against him. He held me then whispering his love for me against my naked skin.

"I will always love you, Kahlan Amnell. But I will not dissolve my oath, or allow you to break yours. You belong to me, no matter what happens. Nothing, not war, or forced betrayal could ever change what we promised each other...what we gave each other."

"Richard...I love you too, but I thought you knew that this would be all I could ever give you...in the hope that you would give me my first child..."

"What are you talking about..._first child _? You mean..."

"There must be more than one, Richard. The line of Confessors must be safe and one child would be a risk. If something were to happen to our daughter..."

"I won't let anything happen to her...or you." he said.

I shook my head, tears still cascading down my face. "I'm so sorry, Richard...I thought you knew. I don't want to hurt you, but I know I already have...I...I would understand if you hated me...I keep forgetting how little you know about me and..."

"Are you saying this because you don't want to be my wife?"

"What? How could you ask me that?" I screamed, pushing against him. "I just told you that I wanted to be a wife to you, but I can't! Dear spirits, Richard. You're all I ever wanted. To be yours, always. And I am.." I said looking down, noticing my chest bared before him with the stain of his oath still on my skin "I am yours...but I don't want to hurt you anymore...and I know I'll have to someday. I can't promise to be your wife...not when I know I'll be forced to betray you. I can't ask you to still love me after that."

"But I will, Kahlan. I already made that promise to you." he said, running his finger over the stain on my skin, making me shudder "and I can't take it back...I won't take it back. I need to know that you will still be here when I return and that you'll still belong to me."

Crying, I took his face in my hands and looked deep into the depths of his soul. I felt like drowning because I knew I was no longer seeing just Richard, the man I loved, but the other half of myself, the man who had promised me everything even knowing what I was. "If you still want me as your wife...despite what I may have to do to you...then I'm yours...only yours...forever. And after forever."

"Of course you are, Kahlan. That won't change, just please..." he cried "promise me you won't give yourself to someone else. I can't bear it."

I knew I couldn't lie to him, but I did anyway...at that moment my heart collapsed with remorse and shattered even as my powers coiled deep in the hollow of my belly back to where they had been removed. I held him tight against me, feeling every pore and every lash filled with tears on my uncovered flesh. I begged the good spirits for a chance at life, a life I did not feel inside of me but I hoped would quicken soon.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Tomorrow, Lord Rahl, that's the soonest we can manage all our troops assembled to leave. The war horses have all been chosen and approved by the Mother Confessor…haven't they?" Lieutenant Jameson said and looked at me for clarification. I gave him a polite nod as I stood beside Richard. He continued to discuss their departure as though it was the most natural thing in the world. A thrum of pain squeezed my insides as I thought of Richard leaving me alone for how long, I didn't even know.

As if sensing my sadness I felt him brush my thigh where the slit of my skirts began and caressed my bare skin, gently pressing his palm around the back of my thigh. I hissed and saw a glint of humor in his eyes as he listened to the conversation around us. As he continued to recourse all of his plans his palm moved to cup my backside causing me to gasp audibly, receiving glances from the men who stood in close proximity to Richard and me. He laughed as he removed his hand and placed it instead on the lower portion of my back as he said his farewells to the men and guided me through the exit causeway of the main hall.

"So the plans are finished, then?" I asked him as we neared a corner trying to push down my desire that had raged much too quickly.

"Yes." He smiled and swiftly tugged my arm and pressed me into a dark alcove and opened his mouth on my neck, licking me as he scraped the tender flesh with his teeth. I moaned and pressed my hands to his shoulders in a vain attempt to push him away. He relented, laughing against my skin, knowing that if we continued one or both of us would lose the battle with our passion quickly. "How am I going to leave you?" he asked growing serious.

"You shouldn't leave me….that's what I've been trying to tell you, Richard." I laughed.

He looked at me with a mix of emotions and tugged my hand so I would follow him. "You know I don't want to, don't you." He asked.

"I know." I said wistfully tightening my grip on his hand. "But you have to, _Lord Rahl_" I teased, emphasizing his title. "As long as you and those beautiful women in red don't get too close without me there…we'll be alright."

He stopped in midstride, turning to face me, the look of seriousness hardening into something close to rage. "We've been through this a thousand times, Kahlan Amnell Rahl…there is no one but you." 

"What did you call me?" I asked, wanting to be sure what I thought I heard wasn't my mind playing tricks on me.

"You heard me, Kahlan Rahl. You're my wife, remember?"

"Richard….of course. Between us, yes, I am your wife. But….not according to the law of Aydindril or D'Hara."

He smiled then with a mischievous glare in his eyes "you know that means nothing to me. But if you're so concerned with the law _Mother Confessor_" he said teasing me back with my own title "then I'm sure I could get Zedd to…"

"You aren't telling Zedd anything." I said, panic slightly raising my voice. "If he knew what we've done….we could both be tried with treason."

Richard laughed so hard that his whole body shook and he had to lean against me for support. "Sure….they would really try us both with treason? The Mother Confessor and Lord Rahl? Are you out of your mind, Kahlan? He can't do that….and he wouldn't."

"Richard…let's just keep this to ourselves for now. I mean…just until you get back and the threat of this war has eased. I just want at least one thing in my life to remain unthreatened and if no one knows than that means no one can break us apart."

He looked at me, seeing straight through my apprehension and I felt my heart drop to my feet with the intensity of his piercing gaze. "If you wanted to lie to me Kahlan, than you should have never made love to me…not when I could already see straight through you. Now tell me what this is _really _about."

"I..." looking down, I studied the floor not knowing what to say. We had been through this already and I didn't want to ruin what could be our last day together for a very long time. "Richard…you know that Zedd ordered me to…." 

"Kahlan…." He said in warning gripping my shoulders roughly and pressing me against the wall. He then lifted my chin, searching my face. "To the Keeper with your _duties_! You belong to me now."

I shook my head in frustration, and gritted my teeth "Don't do this Richard….you know what will happen if I'm not with child. You know I'll wait for you….but if I have to…if Zedd orders me…there's nothing I can do."

The pain that splashed across his handsome face cut me like a knife but was replaced by the fury that was burning in his blood. He didn't say a word to me but backed away, letting me free from his grip and at that moment I felt like I was falling "Why, Kahlan…..why did you make love to me?"

Shocked at his words I opened my mouth and searched for words to utter "You know why! I love you…damn you Richard….you know that! Maybe I shouldn't have forced you…but I….what if something was to happen to you and you died before you ever knew how much I love you?"

"You didn't force me! And even if we never had…..I already knew how much you loved me…you didn't have to do this for me, Kahlan."

"But I…." in my shame at my own insecurities I couldn't look at him, how could I tell him?

"You what?" he asked quietly with tenderness.

"You're leaving…with _her_….and I…I know you say you wouldn't…and I believe you, I do. But Richard….I don't know why I'm still afraid that you want her…I just thought if you were with me before you left that you wouldn't want her anymore. She's beautiful and you have needs…that I can't satisfy for you…I just…"

"I would never be with her….and I don't want her…why do we keep talking about this?"

"I don't know…maybe it's because of what Zedd told me…about how you need an heir…for D'Hara…I just….I'm so afraid of losing you….I don't know why…after last night I'm even more afraid. Richard, I trust you. I know you would never betray me….but if I'm forced to betray you?"

"I still won't….you know that." He said boring his gaze into mine, proving the truth of his words. "But please, Kahlan, this is our last day together before I leave…let's stop this talk of betrayal and just be together." He pleaded with his gaze and I nodded taking his hand and entwining our fingers. I forced a smile to my lips and pulled him towards my chambers.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The dawn of a new day had struck like a resounding blade of the executioner and I walked silently in the frigid morning air behind Richard as he talked to General Meiffert. I watched him, committing everything about him to memory. His broad shoulders, the way he walked with the ease of a woods guide and the grace of a warrior, the soft slight curl of his hair as it touched the top of his collar, his muscular backside that I longed to grip now even more that I knew what it felt like bare against my palms, his strong legs and his hands, dear spirits I loved him so much. How was I going to part with him again? The first time had nearly killed me and that was before we…..

"Kahlan?" it was Zedd's voice that stole through my reverie of thoughts. I looked up and saw the worried glazed expression he was wearing. "You shouldn't worry so much, dear one. He'll be alright. He has his mission, and you have your duties to attend to here."

Anger flared inside my chest "How could you speak of that to me today? The man I love is leaving….and may never return….and you speak to me of _duty?_" I yelled hysterically, causing General Meiffert and Richard to turn. I saw Richard give a nod of dismissal and General Meiffert left with a look of confusion at me and Zedd to ready their horses.

"What's going on?" He asked, glancing between Zedd and me.

"Why don't you tell him Zedd?" I hissed angrily. When he faltered and didn't answer quickly enough for me, I furiously answered for him "Zedd was encouraging me to think about spreading my legs in the name of duty as soon as you depart." I said, clenching my jaw in anger.

Shock splashed across Zedd's face as I noticed Richard grip the sword to quench the pain in his eyes. "Kahlan…that's not what I was…." Zedd began in his defense.

"How dare you!" Richard screamed, removing his sword and leveling it at the shocked face of Zedd. "Kahlan belongs to me….no one else….and I won't have you interfering with our life…especially when I'm not here to protect what's mine."

"Richard…calm down." He said backing away as Richard continued to hold his sword level at his face. "Kahlan misunderstood what I was saying."

Richard lowered his sword, but did not sheath it, still untrusting. "So, you weren't going to force her to be with child before I returned from Hartland?" He asked, shock flashing across Zedd's face again.

"Well…I….I"

"She told me. Is it true?"

"Richard, you know she must continue the line of confessors. She has waited far too long…I knew with you here that she wouldn't…that's all. You understand that what is between you and the Mother Confessor…"

"Kahlan.." Richard corrected.

"….can never be." Zedd finished.

"I don't care what you or anyone else says about this…I will not fight this war as Lord Rahl knowing you are going to allow Kahlan to be…..raped in the name of duty while I'm gone."

"This is not up to you Richard, this is up to Kahlan…"

"Zedd...you should go…I'll handle this." I said calmly, dismissing him. He looked pained at Richard's anger toward him but reluctantly left, leaving Richard alone with me.

He pulled me into his embrace and wept on my neck whispering words of undying love and then we kissed with passion and sorrow as our tears mixed between us. "I don't want you to go….what if something happens to you and I never…"

"I will come back for you….always." he said grasping my face in his hands and sealing his promise with a kiss. "I love you…so much. And I'll think of nothing but you every day until we're together again." I smiled through tears and pressed my lips to his again clutching him tightly to me. Dear spirits, how were we going to survive this, I wondered.

xxxxxxxxx

At last the men were mounted and began to move away. I stood alone outside the gates of Aydindril as I had run to watch them pass through under the arches of the city walls. Tears ran in torrents down my cheeks as I watched the retreating back of my love grow smaller in the distance.

Before he entered the shade of the mountain pass he stopped and turned his horse. I watched as he unsheathed his sword and saluted me in the silence made of distance but I knew it was an oath of his love for me and I shouted my love for him with all the breath that was within me even though I knew he couldn't hear it. The cords to my heart snapped then as he turned around and galloped the rest of the way to catch up with his men. I ran after him until my legs burned and then I collapsed on the road and sobbed willing him to return to me safely.

A fresh wave of sorrow gripped me as I thought of the moon blood than had appeared that morning and I wept at my betrayal for not telling Richard but I couldn't, no matter how hard I had tried…I hadn't been able to bring myself to tell him.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I sat in the cold still silence watching the spot where Richard had disappeared. The emptiness I felt in my soul reminded me of my childhood when the crowds of the other children would scatter when I only wanted to play and be normal like everybody else. But emptiness or not, I was the Mother Confessor and I knew what I had to do. My people were counting on me to lead them into battle against the Imperial Order, and I wouldn't fail them, even if I had to fail Richard.

With renewed resolve, I pulled myself together with the strength that sparked from the love I had for the Midlands and now D'Hara….but most of all for the torrent of deep, boundless love I had for Richard.

The clouds followed me and the cold winter wind seemed to push me farther away from Richard as I made my way back to Aydindril. I was great full that no one had come after me, knowing to leave me alone in my sorrow. Smiling to myself, I thought of the men who had traveled here with me and had left with Richard. I loved them all almost as if they were my family. Spending this short week with them had made us close. I even had begun to allow the Mord Sith to break down the walls of hostility…but by no means did we feel any sort of closeness. Tolerated was more the term for our relationship, and it was mutual.

Approaching the gates, I noticed four Mord Sith standing as though on guard. Dear spirits, I thought, did just thinking of them make them appear? I gave a soft groan under my breath pulling my confessor face on to mask my irritation. They were not who I wanted to speak with….really, I didn't wish to be with anyone right now…I wanted to be alone with my thoughts of Richard.

"Mother Confessor, a word?" Stunned, I stared blankly at Cara. I managed to give a tort nod trying not to show my confusion at her presence. She glanced at the other three women who were with her and they turned abruptly, but gracefully, and stalked off. They reminded me of a group of wolves on the prowl the way they swayed while they walked and glared at the trees and grass as though even they were possible threats.

"Cara." I managed with more confidence than I truly had. This woman made me uncomfortable in the way that my power itched to claim her. "I thought you would be with Lord Rahl."

"He ordered me here for your protection."

I walked past her without interest "I don't need your protection. You can go." She fell into step beside me but I continued to ignore her and stared straight ahead.

"I only take orders from Lord Rahl, and you're definitely _not _him." She said, never looking at me once. "Don't worry, Mother Confessor, if it was up to me I would leave you to your own miserable fate. Personally, I think he gave me this mission to quiet you of your pathetic jealousy."

"Jealousy?" I said slapping a hand on her arm and pulling her roughly to face me. I was impressed, she never flinched once. Anyone else would have been horrified to have a confessor lay a hand on them, regardless. "You listen to me, _Cara" _gritting through my teeth and speaking in a threatening tone "he belongs to _me, _if you ever so much as look at him the wrong way, I will kill you."

She smirked wickedly "Don't you wish you could, Mother Confessor?" she taunted putting her face close to mine. "If I want him…he'll be mine. So threaten me all you want, I can give him what he needs….a _real _woman who can pleasure him."

I grabbed her throat then and my powers screamed under my skin, begging for release. "_Stay away from him." _

She laughed wickedly and licked her lips. "I promise." She said backing away as I relaxed my grip, realizing Richard would be disgusted if I confessed her, especially since he had ordered her to stay and protect me, "but you should be having this conversation with Lord Rahl, not me." She turned and sauntered off in the direction of the stables….more likely than not going to find someone to sate her lusts. I growled in fury, balling my fists and promising myself that I would have my revenge. But for now I must make my way back to the Wren Woods to my men…but that meant going to the stables and that was where _she_ had headed so I turned on my heel and made my way to the palace. Maybe I should eat first, I thought. Richard's absence would be more torturous with a Mord Sith following me around like a puppy dog. He had just left a few hours ago but it felt like he had been gone for a lifetime.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The sounds of familiar wildlife and the smells the Upper Ven rushed over me with waves of comfort. Even though the reason for being here wasn't a good one, there was nothing like coming home. The only thing that was missing at this moment was Kahlan by my side. My lips turned up slightly as I allowed my thoughts to wander, I missed her wisdom & the way that everything made sense when she was with me, and the sound of her laugh when she and I were spying on Zedd stealing food late at night when he thought no one knew. My heart began to yearn for her smile that she gave only me and the way she would watch me when she thought I didn't notice. I thought of the way she moved in battle with grace and precision of a polished warrior, fierce and beautiful and…dear spirits…the way she loved me with just as much strength as she fought any battle….I still had the scars on my back to prove it. Her lush perfect body as she moved over me and the way her hair fell over her skin like waves of a black starless sky against the ivory backdrop of…

"Lord Rahl!" I was snapped out of my thoughts and plunged into a fierce frenzy of men ambushing us from both sides. I chided myself for not noticing them first. I was in my homeland for spirit's sake! I knew it was my fault this had happened and used the anger towards myself to throw into the fury of the fight. I yelled a battle cry as I charged my horse up to an oncoming wave of enemies, ducking at the last minute as an ax came barreling straight towards my skull. The sword was already instinctively in my grip, the word _Truth _crushing into my palm, as I drove it to the hilt between the rips of the man with the ax. As I withdrew my sword I grabbed the ax from the now dead man before he rolled to the ground becoming trampled by his men as they continued to swarm out of the tree line. I knew this forest, and had taught the secrets of its layout to the men who now fought beside me and I was confident that they would be able to follow me through and lose the Imperial Order.

Adrenalin rushed thorough my veins causing the chaos around me to grow to a pinpoint of concentration. My sword cut with ease and precision barley causing me any drain of energy or thought as the stolen ax caught running steeds in the chests, causing them to toss their men high into the air. Falling from a horse in battle was almost as worse as being slashed to bits with a sword.

Blood was splattering onto my face and chest and the snow white blanket of the horse's body but a wicked chill of pride erupted in my chest as everything became a dance. I barley noticed as a man fell at my left almost on top of me from a falling horse, I quickly shoved him forward and over my mount causing him to plummet head first into the sword of a fellow D'Haran. The sickening _thwack! _of metal hitting bone resounded close to my right as I met the face of another man with my boot who had intended to slash the legs of my horse. He yelled curses through his bloody hands before passing out and I backed up my horse grabbing the man's collar and rammed my ax in an upward stroke where his kidney lay.

I could see flashes of my men fighting in my peripheral vision and ahead of me. We seemed to have the upper hand at the moment and I was just about to reach the top of the embankment. As soon as I had decided to advance us into a safe zone, a huge boulder came out of nowhere, bounding right for me. I tried to side step my horse, but not quickly enough. It hit us square to our right, pushing me off the horse and causing it to fall on top of me. A sudden jolt of panic hit me as the air was pounded roughly out of my lungs but then my sweaty hand registered the weight of the ax in my left hand and I pushed with all my might with the handle into the ribs of my horse. At once she scrambled up off of me, but as soon as she did I was hit with another boulder…and then my world went black.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I moaned as her soft lips pressed to my chest and her hands gripped my hips, she straddled me and pushed my shoulders down roughly and slapped my face…..

"Look at me!" but an instant later I felt her flush against me lifting her hips to take me in…..and then she was gone and I heard a different voice this time shouting at me to open my eyes.

The hazy blackness began to subside then and a sudden jolt of pain shot through my head causing me to sit up quickly and clutch at my head only to scream with more pain as I felt the other injuries accost me. I slowly lay back down with the help of someone behind me but I couldn't feel the arm….only the magnitude of throbbing pain.

"Shhhh….there you go….slowly now." Said a soft tender female voice. "Belinda! Come quick! He's awake!" A few seconds later, the beautiful face of a young woman with ancient eyes peered down at me with concern. At first she didn't say anything but I felt her strong cool hands assess me, pressing me in places that caused me to curse in torment.

"I'm sorry.…I don't mean to hurt you…I'm just checking your injuries. Now that you're awake, I can heal you."

"What? Heal me? Are you a….?"

"Sorceress. My friends and I are deserters of the Imperial Army. We plan to join Lord Rahl and help him defeat the Order in exchange for protection from Emperor Jagang."

I chuckled softly but began to choke at the pain gasping for air and gritting my teeth in an attempt not to scream "and what makes you think that Lord Rahl would help the likes of you?" I asked, not wanting them to know who I was, but then again these were sorceresses….but nonetheless I had to protect myself with any means possible. I wondered if they had my sword, or where my men were. My head began to throb with thoughts and I clenched my eyes shut at the light to ward off another wave of pain.

"The line of Rahl protects against the dream walker…." began the other woman beside me who I hadn't seen yet because it hurt too much to attempt turning my neck.

I hissed again and groaned at a new source of pain in my stomach as I tried to listen to their story of the history of old wizards and evil prophecies….but I mostly just heard the steady cadence of the soothing voices of the women and drifted into a deep sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Richard's tooth necklace was smooth against my chest, reminding me of the weight of him as he lay on me and the soft smooth feel of his skin. I closed my eyes, relishing in the memories of him as I lifted the pendant and caressed it lovingly with my fingertips. A few soft tears escaped down my cheeks but I made no move to wipe them. I sighed in contentment at the thoughts of him and the still cool night around me.

It was a ritual of sorts, to sit alone on watch and disappear into my secret thoughts of Richard. I sat on the cold, frozen ground with my cloaks wrapped around me and my eyes forever searching for something out of place. The air was still tonight, unlike the past two weeks since Richard's departure. I guessed he should be reaching Hartland soon and sent a prayer to the good spirits to see him safely there.

A sudden muffled sound of footsteps called me out of my thoughts and I instinctively drew my daggers and rose up to a crouched position on my feet. A lone figure came up from behind the edge of the rocky formation of the mountainside and made its way with purpose towards me. As they approached close I sprung in for the attack and threw all of my body weight forward pushing the stunned intruder onto its back. I raised my dagger as I held a hand around their neck and straddling whoever had dared to come at me in the middle of the night.

"Get off me, confessor!" It was Cara's angry muffled voice beneath me. I had hesitated, stunned that it was her and found myself being tossed roughly to the ground as she removed me from her. "What are you doing out here anyway? Crying over Lord Rahl? I called to you from down there" she pointed behind her indicating the hidden trail we used "but there was no answer. I assumed you fell asleep." She smirked resting a hand on her right hip and the other hand on her agiels.

"I'm sorry, Cara….I didn't hear you. But don't just walk up on my like that. I could have killed you."

She let out a grunt of disbelief "Well, if you were going to kill me, it would have taken much more than that. No wonder Lord Rahl wants me here to keep an eye on you…if it weren't for me, you'd probably be dead by now."

I stilled her flow of threats with the raise of my palm, silently beseeching her to stop. Brushing the strands of hair away from my face I gave a wicked smile. "I'm alive because I can take care of myself, Cara. If what you say had any truth, then I would have been dead long ago. I've fought off quads and taken the souls of countless Mord Sith, watching them squirm in the agony of death at my feet. Your powers of torture are nothing compared to what I could do to you." 

She was rendered silent but was still sparking with anger. "Look, Mother Confessor…I don't really care for your threats. They don't affect me in the way you would like and I came here because we have a problem. General Reibisch sent me up here to fetch you."

"Go on then…" I commanded.

"Take my agiel." She said, thrusting it towards me. I took a step back, not wanting to be a part of her games.

"So you can laugh at me when I cringe with pain? I wouldn't give you the pleasure of such a sight."

"Just do it! If I wanted to be amused I would have killed you."

Hesitantly, I reached for the red rod of torture that was offered me. I had been jolted numerous times my ones such as these and could have gone the rest of my life without feeling the burning pain ever again, but I grabbed it tentatively in my palm. What happened when I closed my grip around it was shocking and even more tormenting then the pain. I felt nothing.

My knees buckled with the weight of my despair and I felt strong leather arms under me so I wouldn't crash to the ground. There was only one thing more terrible than the torture of an agiel, it was the absence of the connection with Lord Rahl…my Richard. The man I loved more than life itself.

"NO!" I screamed, clutching to the most unlikely source of comfort I could find. Horror engulfed my spirit and I groped in the darkness for my dagger. Grabbing it I brought it up to stab my heart but was stopped abruptly by the woman who had threatened my life mere seconds ago. "Let go! Let go!" I screamed, struggling against her hold. She gripped my wrist and applied pressure to the joint above my thumb causing my hand to open in reflex.

"You can't kill yourself, Mother Confessor! What would Richard say to you? Don't be so selfish that you can't think of anyone but yourself…you're the only one who can lead us without Lord Rahl. You have to…for him." I was shacking and fighting her, but she held me down and continued to chastise me, even slapping me in the face at my own stupidity. There were bloody tears staining my face as I screamed and screamed against Cara. "Stop it!" She hissed, backhanding me into the shock of silence. "You're no good to anyone like this. Look at yourself! A pathetic representation of a leader….I knew Lord Rahl was wrong about your strength and your courage…you're nothing but a weak, overindulged, child! We all thought we could count on you….I thought I could count on you. But I was wrong."

Her words stilled my heartache and I knew she was saying these things for my own good. I was shocked my the small tears I saw peeking from the corners of her eyes and the unmistakable horror that wasn't masked by her years of training was evident in her expression as she looked down at me. What she said next struck a blow of shock to every belief I had ever been brought up to believe. "I loved him too, Kahlan."

"What?" I sniffed and wiped my face with the back of my hand.

"You heard me, Mother Confessor. Now get off the ground…we still need to find Zedd. They're saddling horses for us now…we're going to Aydindril as soon as I get you down of this wrenched mountain." She stood up without offering me her help and began walking down the path she had just come up from. I followed her in silence pushing my emotions far beyond reach as best I could. By the time we had reached the bottom of the path, my confessor's face was etched with the iron of empty emotion.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I woke to sunlight seeping through the slits of my eyelids and breathed deep. Slowly, I sat up clutching the bandage on my side so it wouldn't move. The pain was seemingly gone this morning. I didn't know how long I had been lying on the makeshift pallet in the floor that belonged to the strange women, but I estimated a week or so. Looking around, I noticed I was in the kitchen of the small house.

The room was cluttered with shelves of ointments to my left and spices to my right. At my back there was a round hearth with boiling water and fire, causing the room to warm in the morning chill. A few chairs and a table littered with rolled parchment sat on the wall under a window behind me. There were two doors to my left leading to other rooms, I assumed and a door to my right leading outside.

The house was warm and silent save for the sound of boiling water and a few bird calls from outside. Across the room on the opposite side of me, I noticed a large cabinet with dinnerware haphazardly organized. Slowly, I made my way to a standing position, grabbing the shelf of spices for support. I stilled myself and held to my support as a wave of dizziness engulfed me. When my blurry vision passed, I made my way carefully across the room and opened the glass doors to the cabinet. I retrieved a plain blue mug made of clay and walked back to my pallet.

I searched the spice shelf for tea and smiled with relief as I found a flavor I recognized among many that I had never seen before. With a shacking hand, I poured water into the mug and added tea, allowing it to soak in while I waited for the water to cool. At that moment the door to the outside opened and a young beautiful woman with bright red hair appeared from behind it.

When she noticed me, she stopped and smiled shyly at me, her grey eyes sparkling. She set down the burlap sack she had been carrying and pulled the door shut behind her.

"Well good morning, handsome. Feeling better today?" She asked softly in a lilting voice. She sounded regal and stood with the same confidence that Kahlan always did. She removed her gloves and lifted the sac, placing it on a higher table by the cabinet that I had retrieved my cup from a few moments ago. She had her back to me and I noticed as her shawl came loose that her hair was as long as Kahlan's, if not longer. The smooth skin of her shoulders was exposed causing my breath to hitch. A strange longing that I didn't expect swam through my veins as I watched her empty the contents onto the table that she had carried in. The pants she wore made me stare longingly at her backside and I swallowed, closing my eyes against the waves of unwanted desire.

When I opened my eyes again, I jumped in shock because she was knelt in front of me. Her white, sheer blouse was unbuttoned at the top three notches and her ample breasts seemed to spill out. She smiled innocently and handed me a bowl of porridge. "Can you put this on the fire for me?" She asked, but it sounded provocative the way she said it. I took the bowl, glad to have something to curb my carnal appetite for the moment. "My name is Leila. I'm Belinda's sister. Gladys is our aunt." She explained. I liked the other women better….they didn't make me feel…strange.

"You live here too?" I asked.

"Of course" she smiled again this time showing her perfect white teeth. Dear spirits, she was beautiful. I groaned silently to myself and squeezed my eyes shut clutching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. Frantically, I tried to picture Kahlan…her lush body writhing beneath me. I sighed in relief as I imagined the woman I belonged to but cringed when her face morphed into Leila's.

I heard a breathy laugh and cautiously opened my eyes. "Don't worry; your woman won't know what you are thinking." She smiled, reading my thoughts. 

"What?" I asked in confusion. Who was this woman, and how did she know about Kahlan.

"The scratches on your back….they're quite deep, young man." She explained, reading my thoughts, yet again, to my rising apprehension. Young man? Why had she called me that? She appeared to be younger than me…and…dear spirits…what was this place? "You appear to know how to please a woman." She grinned mischievously as she began to run a brazen hand down my bare chest. I grabbed her hand and shoved it roughly aside, not wanting to hurt Kahlan by enjoying the touch of anther woman.

"Tsk, tsk…it's alright love….she'll never know…..she doesn't even know you exist anymore." A feeling of dread and fear crept through me as her hands began their work, trying to unlace my trousers. She leaned forward, licking my neck and rubbed her breasts against me. A low moan escaped my lips before I gripped her shoulders and pushed her off of me.

"Stop this…now!" I growled, my voice hovering low with threat "I mean it! And tell me what in the name of the spirits you've done to me?"

"Leila!" Startled, she backed away from me as Gladys and Belinda slammed through the front door. "Get your wicked hands off of him!" Leila, who had been brazen and confident before, slunk back, her eyes wide with fear as Belinda grabbed her neck slamming her into the wall. She backhanded Leila causing her to cry out and Gladys came over and wrapped a motherly arm around my shoulders.

"Did she harm ye?" she asked soothingly.

"No, she just….she…"

"Tried to seduce you?" I nodded in shame as a tear fell from the corner of my eye.

"It's all right, son. She won't do that again…..you must forgive her….she's been a long time without a man. You're the first she's been around in nearly a hundred years." I started to ask her to explain but she silenced me. "That's a story for later. Now that you're awake, we can talk. Belinda, Leila?" The other two women stopped and turned to look at us. "It's time."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Gladys removed her arm from around my shoulders as Leila and Belinda came towards me, both taking a seat on the floor in front of my pallet. Gladys went to the table behind me, gathering the scrolls that littered the table and handed them to Belinda. Leila watched me with intent grey eyes but I ignored her prying gaze. I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them noticing my injuries thrum with the heat of my movement but I made no effort to get comfortable. There was no use trying to relax with the sinking feeling of dread that continuously climbed up my spine.

"Who are you?" I ventured, feeling small beneath the steel gaze of all three women.

Belinda sighed, fumbling with the scrolls trying to order them as best she could. Leila continued to stare at me as Gladys answered. "We are sisters of the Light from the Palace of the Prophets in the Old World who were enlisted in the purpose of the Creator to spread the ideas of the Order to this dark world." I glared at her openly with disgust but she waved away my dark judgment with her hand and continued.

"You must understand the past before you can judge the present and walk into the future. If you do not, all will be lost, Richard Rahl." I tensed with apprehension at the mention of my name. How they knew me, I didn't know, but instinct told me to remain silent.

"Yes," she continued, "we know who you are. Yours is a name written on the walls of prophecy. We have painstakingly searched many lifetimes for you and now that you are here with us, it is our job to protect you."

"I don't believe in prophecy." I stated with force.

Three pairs of eyes met my gaze with pity and sorrow as Gladys continued. "You can choose what to believe, Richard, but you cannot change what _is._" In that moment, she sounded like Zedd and that gave me a sliver of comfort because of its familiarity but I would not drop the edge of my speculation nor would I trust these women. Belinda handed a scroll to Gladys who passed it to me. "Read the first line."

I glanced down at the worn parchment and gazed upon the words that were written in the language of the Book of Counted Shadows. I furrowed my brow, reading to myself silently before speaking the words aloud.

_In the end there will arise the one who will carry the blood lines of _

_Two powerful wizards, though untaught, he will be ruthless_

_In the ways of magic, trusting only his heart to guide him on the _

_Unknown path in which he must follow. A war of unimaginable force_

_Will threaten both worlds as it did in the times of the ancient wizards. _

_Threats of extinct darkness will once again cover the world with _

_Deathly shadows and all will perish in their dreams unless the blood _

_Of his ancient bond is forged once again before the battle of the last _

_Horizon. _

I stopped reading and glanced over the top of the pages at the women before me. They were silent in their own thoughts as I was in mine.

"And you think this one they speak of is me?" I asked showing my frustration and disbelief.

"Read on and tell us what your answer is, Richard," encouraged Leila, for the first time sounding like a wise woman of power instead of the woman who had attempted to seduce me.

_He will be bonded to the blade of truth and the storm of love will never_

_Consume his soul it will only strengthen that which is within him_

_The sorrow of enslavement will be wrought on all others save this one _

_Unless the bonding of his blood is sealed with the power of confession _

A cold sweat broke out on my brow and I shoved the scroll back into the hands of Belinda who gazed at me as though I was a spirit come back from the underworld.

"So, what does this mean? None of this makes any sense to me. If I guess what this is saying, and it really speaks of me, then I will be the only one to survive?"

Gladys sighed and wiped her face with a small cloth that had been hidden in the folds of her dress. "The only one who will not be made a slave of the dream walker is you, Richard, since you are the only one living who possesses the blood of both ancient lines of wizards." I looked at her with open confusion, loosing my patience quickly.

"If I may explain?" Began Belinda. "In the times of the ancient wizards, there was a great war. Both sides created human weapons to attempt destruction to the opposing forces. In the Old World, where the Imperial Order has arisen from, the wizards there created what is called a dream walker. You have heard of Emperor Jagang?" I nodded in response. "He is the first existing one in more than three thousand years. Their purpose is to enslave the minds of their enemies and overtake their bodies for the purpose of eliminating from within. If a dream walker has control of the minds of the opposing side he can cause them to eliminate themselves and that is only a small part of the horrors that they have wrought and that Jagang is capable of."

I shuddered with the thought of being enslaved in that way and was gripped by fear for Kahlan and our people. I stood suddenly, anger gripping me. "Then why did you bring me here when I must lead my armies against this…this monster?"

"Calm down, Richard and sit so we can explain. There is a lot that you must learn before you can be of any help to your people, and yourself. We may have found you too late, but we are determined to try our best to save our world before the Imperial Order takes over and enslaves us all. You are our last hope, Richard."

"I don't want to be anyone's 'last hope'!" I began to pace back and forth in the small confines of the room attempting to hold onto my sanity as it was quickly fading. "So…you're saying that if I want to defeat this….Jangang…that you have the answers?" I asked sarcastically, still not completely trusting them. "And what does this prophecy mean…all of it."

They exchanged nervous glances before explaining. Belinda stood and leaned against a table and as she began to explain. "Just as the Old World created the dream walker to inhabit the minds of their enemy, the most powerful wizards of old on this side created a bond through the Rahl bloodline. It is said that anyone with allegiance to the rightful heir to the throne of D'Hara protects them from being enslaved by the dream walker. That is why all the men and women who fight with you are protected. But, there is danger seen in this as well."

"Before we finally escaped the Imperial Order, we knew that Jagang had found of your location through D'Haran's who had been taken prisoner and tortured. They are born feeling the connection to the bond of the true Lord Rahl….which is you, Richard." I nodded, understanding so far but not sure I would trust any of it just yet. "We knew that when the Imperial Order attacked you on your way into Hartland, that it may very well be our last chance to protect you. So, we followed close to your men and waited for the ambush so that we could escape amidst the confusion to rescue you."

"I didn't need anyone to rescue me! My men need me, and you came in and just….?" I was frantic with fury and reached down to grip the hilt of my sword noticing that it was still missing. "And where in the Keeper's name is my sword!" I hissed.

"We have hidden it safely here with us. Don't worry, Richard, we are on your side." Continued Belinda. "When we saw you get hit by the boulders, we used magic to move you instantly right before you were trampled by a dozen war horses. The men of the Imperial Order that were about to trample you with their horses are dead." 

"And my men? What do they think has happened to me since I disappeared?"

The women exchanged nervous glances again and I noticed Belinda's face turn ashen "They are in a panic….the D'Haran's can no longer feel the bond."

"So everyone thinks I'm dead?" I screamed trembling with rage as I smashed my hand through the wall. "Why can't they feel the bond? Do you realize what this means! Everyone is in danger of being enslaved by the dream walker and I'm here with you for what? To play magic? You have to let me go." I said panicking. The only thing I could think of was how Kahlan was alone somewhere fighting the Order and thinking that I was dead. Horror struck me at the thought of what I would do if I thought she were gone. There would be a blade through my heart before any living or dead thing could stop me. "Give me my sword." I said in a dark dangerous voice. "I'm leaving. I have to get to Kahlan before she…."

I couldn't say the words aloud for fear they would become true. I stomped into the first adjoining room searching for my sword in a panic, my hands trembling with emotion and raw fear. I jumped, startling and spun to face Leila. She looked at me with sympathy and handed me my sword. "Wait….before you go." She said "Your love….she's the Mother Confessor, isn't she?" she didn't wait for me to answer but went on "How is it that you've been with her?"

"That's none of your business." I said, shoving her aside.

She gripped my arm with sudden strength to keep me from moving past her. "It may help us figure out why they can't feel the bond. Believe me, or try to believe me when I say this….we, all of us, have tried everything we could think of to try and fix the bond. Nothing has worked. That means we too are in danger."

Sighing, I ran a hand through my messed up hair, noticing it was longer which filled me with even more dread, knowing that I had been there a long time. "We used a vile of the sands of Indys." I said flatly.

Her eyes widened with disbelief and she glanced back at Belinda and Gladys "The sands don't work on Confessor magic…its not possible." Said Gladys shaking her head in confusion.

"Well, apparently it worked, because I'm not confessed and….."

"No, we're very sure it doesn't work on the power of confession...we've studied it for over a hundred years, all of us while we were training at the Palace of the Prophets. Emperor Jagang was going to use it to trick the Mother Confessor into destroying your soul so he could take over…..but it won't work….how did you….?"

"Because I love her…I'd rather be confessed than lose her…" I said, my voice cracking. "If anything's happened to her….I swear by the Creator that you'll wish you had stayed with Jangang…he won't be your worse nightmare…I will!" I threatened; leveling my sword at them….but neither one of them flinched.

"That's it!" Belinda squealed like a school girl and clapped her hands, and I lowered my sword and stared at her blankly "The prophecy says '_the storm of love will never consume his soul' _now all we have to do is figure out what '_the bonding of the blood is sealed with the power of confession' _ means."

"You're right, Belinda! All we have to do is…."

"Get to Kahlan while we discuss this." I said interrupting "The three of you are going to fix this since you are responsible for this happening." I said as I made my way to the empty pack I had found and began stuffing items for travel inside.

"We'll help you, Richard, but I suggest you stop wasting your time on packing since we already have done it." I looked up at them confused. "We're sorceresses, remember? We had this planned since the moment you were brought here but we couldn't just leave, not with your injuries being so severe….plus we've been keeping an eye on your men. They're doing fine."

"Did you tell them that I wasn't dead?" I asked in an angry, impatient tone.

"Of course not! If Jagang…"

"I thought as much." I sighed in aggravation "Let's get going then." I stepped out the door and began walking toward the trees. I had no idea where I was going, but I sensed the direction…or I thought I had. Gladys pulled me to a stop and led me around the other way. Apparently I had lost my bearings on where I was in my anxiousness to get to Kahlan. Then a thought occurred to me like a sudden beacon of light scourging from out of a blackened night "Do you think the sands of Indys affected my magic because it didn't affect Kahlan's?"

All three women stopped and turned to stare at me wide eyed.

"I _am_ the seeker in case you've forgotten. Seeking the answers is what I do best." I smiled in spite of myself as I pushed past the stunned women. Apparently I had said something right.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Screaming, I released all of my strength into the violent swing of my sword as it arched through the air, ending in a sickening slice into the skull of the enemy. The blood pumped through my veins like a storm and I felt the release of pent up sorrow for the first time since Richard's death.

I gripped tight the sword against my blistered hand and viciously sliced my way into an oncoming flesh of a barrel chested man. With a grunt, he fell with a thud to my left as I was turning to parry with two more men with high swords. Catching both with my blade I made an upward slice using all of my body weight against them and letting go when I felt them tense. When they faltered, I used the advantage to slice them both open with a death blow at the base of the back of their neck, silencing their beating heart and breaths in one quick instant.

The instant they fell, I was knocked off balance and shoved to the ground and at once straddled by a huge warrior who had an ax barreling towards my face. With reflexive movement I thrust my bloody hands, now empty of the weapons of steel that had fallen as I hit the ground, and thrust them flat against the chest of the man as he had his arm raised in mid strike and relaxed the hold of my powers. Time went still as the sounds around me grew muffled and slow the air thick around us. Then the force of silent thunder collided with the soul of my enemy and stripped him of every thought, emotion, and memory barring his soul as an empty shell before me. The ax in his hand dropped instantly with the force of silent thunder and the realization in the man's eyes at what he was about to do.

"Command me mistress." He stated with dark, empty devotion, making me want to hurl.

"Get off of me!" He shifted instantly, "and defend me!" I commanded.

He jumped up and caught his fallen ax up off the ground as he threw himself into the fierce battle of defense for me. I watched him silently with a mix of emotions that always accompanied me after I had confessed someone.

I was broken from my sluggish thoughts that had come with the release of my powers by the hands that gripped me, throwing me backwards. I caught my stance just in time and managed to ram my knee into the groin of my attacker and the heel of my hand into the nose of the second man, breaking his nose and causing blood to spurt in a fountain to splatter my face as I turned it aside.

I had taken to not wearing a helmet. I didn't care anymore about my life or safety…Richard was dead…nothing mattered anymore except saving my people. Once the enemy was all slaughtered in my violent revenge, there would be no need to spare my life any longer. I was the walking, fighting dead, an empty shell of the woman I once was with half of my soul in the Underworld.

"Look out, behind you!" screamed a female voice as I reacted quickly pulling a dagger out of my boot and then ramming it with all of my body weight into the stomach of the man who had attempted to attack from behind me. I noticed a swirl of red as Cara joined to fight alongside me and the confessed man. We were surrounded in a deep fierce attack with our backs to each other slicing and dodging with the strength of battle. I thought of my love for Richard with every stab and every slice and I was grunting and screaming with fury as each man became the reason for his death. Tears of rage and deep sorrow joined in with the splatter of blood and mud on my face as I began to lose myself in the cadence of the fight.

I squatted, missing the high arc of an enemy sword and sliced wickedly at the hamstrings of the man before me then kicking him out of the way as he landed backwards into oncoming men. We had covered a lot of ground in the past month growing farther away from Aydindril and moving in the direction of the Ven forest where the bond to Richard had been broken.

A fresh wave of grief seized me and I wanted to collapse and weep, but instead threw myself ruthlessly to the flesh of the enemy, not blocking any blows but stabbing as much solidity as possible. Maybe if I drained enough blood I could drain at last a slice of the emptiness that so consumed me.

Someone grabbed my hair and pushed me face forward into the dry, hard ground that was just recently void of the winter snow. Landing on my stomach my breath went out of my lungs in a _whoosh _and my vision fogged black for a fading moment as I felt a strong body climb to my back and pull up my hair, exposing my throat readying me for the slice of death. I gripped my eyes tightly shut and thought of Richard.

My world stopped as my instinct released my powers causing the death grip to slacken with intense gentleness in a fraction of a second. He rolled off of me at the voice of my order and covered me in my weakness as I struggled to regain strength from confessing twice in such a short period of time. I lay on my belly listening to the clash and thump of the fight and the wind as it rushed with magic. I felt a rumble jolt the ground under me and saw a flash of light through the brightness behind my closed eyes.

In the next instant I felt two or three pairs, I couldn't tell, lift me off the ground and move me through the tight throngs of men who seemed to have become like statues with the sudden jolt of magic that had killed thousands in an instant. My strength was sapped but I managed to slice through a few weakened fighters as I was dragged by out of the midst of the fighting. I was dropped unceremoniously to the ground once we reached the edge of the tree line and looked up to meet the retreating back of one of two of my men as he hurried back to move the fight away from where we had retreated.

Looking down I saw blood spilling from a gash in my side. I gripped the side of my leather vest and tore with ripping strength. I wrapped the leather strip around my wound as the two confessed men and Cara showed up just then to check on me.

Cara pushed roughly in front of the two confessed men that had followed me to make sure I was protected.

"Kahlan!" She shouted over the din of panicked fighting from behind us in the open fields "Are you alright?" she asked in a gruff voice as though she were admonishing me. In the month that had passed, she had become an anchor for me. The Mord Sith had taken to sleeping next to me in my tent to make sure I wouldn't attempt to end my life. In the days that had followed the disappearance of the bond, there had been many nights I had fought the strong lithe woman who wouldn't let me plunge the dagger through my chest or attempt to suffocate myself. She would constantly check my tent for things of poison and sharp objects that may have been hidden so I could use them later. Now, it seemed, she was the only person that I could tolerate to be around.

"I'm fine!" I shouted as I removed my hand to show my wound.

"You're not fine, you idiot! You're bleeding too much." She looked and gently inspected my side as I hissed in pain. She turned to one of the confessed men and ordered him to help fine some stitching. When he stared blankly at me for his command Cara backhanded him roughly, screaming her orders again and explaining he would be saving my life. I gave him a nod, and only then did he turn to leave. "Let me see…move your hand so I can cut away your shirt." I did and she brought a dagger up, slicing open my shirt and saw more blood had pooled underneath. The other confessed man gave a cry of panic but I silenced him and sent him after bandages.

"Cara….I….thank you. For helping me out there." I said breathless between the pain.

She grunted in answer and continued putting pressure on my side as the men returned with the supplies. "Alright, Mother Confessor, bite down on this." She said as she placed a leather strap between my teeth. "And whatever you do, don't pass out on me, we have to get you to Zedd and I'm not going to carry you."

I bit down fiercely on the strap as the needle was shoved through my skin and she began to stitch up my wound, pouring water as she went to clear the blood from around the wound. Tears of pain ran from the corners of my eyes as she continued the agonizing journey of thread and pulled tautly to secure the ends, and then cutting off the extra thread with her dagger. When she was finished, my vision was blurry with tears and the burning pain but I breathed deep through my nose in long pulling breaths as she and one of the men helped me to my feet.

We began the slow hike up the hill to where Zedd and the other gifted were waiting for the next signal to head back out onto the field. When we got closer, I heard a shout go up announcing our approach and watched as Zedd and Alicia, one of the sorceresses slide down the hill in a hurry to get to us.

"Where is she hurt?" Asked Zedd with concern as he reached us.

"A nasty, gapping wound to her side." Answered Cara as they helped me sit on the ground against a strong tree. Zedd moved his hands over the injury and his bushy overgrown eyebrows knitted together in concern. I gasped as I felt a surge of magic engulf my side. "Is it bad, wizard?"

"Not very, but she will have to rest for the remainder of the day." He turned to me then "I mean it, Kahlan. No more today. You've already overextended yourself. Get her back to the campsite and have her lie down….and make sure she eats something." I grumbled in frustration and stood to my feet then, swaying slightly from the pain. I was steadied by Alicia and Cara but I threw them off in anger.

"You can't keep me out of the fight, Zedd! These are mine and Richard's people; I will not lie down and _rest _while they die out there!" I said balling my fists by my sides.

Cara whirled around on me and stepped close to me, our noses almost touching "You will do as he says. We can't have you dying because you are being stubborn. Where would those men be without you _and _Lord Rahl?" her eyes bulged in fury as we stared at each other in challenge.

"Fine, you win, Cara. But next time…."

"There won't be a next time, _Mother Confessor, _you were ordered to stay by my side. If you had followed orders, none of this would have happened." She declared, gesturing to my side indicating my injury as though it were my fault.

"So it's my fault that I got injured? Isn't that what happens in war?"

"You want to die, Kahlan. If you think I'm stupid then…."

"Alright, that's enough. Cara. Kahlan." Zedd said breaking us apart. "Lets just get you to safety and you two can be at each other's throat later." I gave her another hard glare, throwing off her offer of assistance and began trudging up the hill by myself. She caught up to me and put an arm around my waist and forced my arm around her neck. I tried to resist but stopped at her words.

"You're as bad as Richard, you stubborn wench. Now, shut up and let me help you." I relented and smiled to myself. I knew she was just trying to help and the feel being cared for by someone who understood my grief was in a small way comforting even from a Mord Sith.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I awoke to the sounds of hushed irritated voices and turned to stare off into the darkness of my tent. The pain in my side continued to throb as I slowly forced myself to sit up. I grabbed a blanket from the foot of my bed and ventured out into the cold night. Cara, Zedd and the two confessed men were sitting vigil around a small fire outside the front of my tent. They all looked up and stopped talking as I walked out and took a seat next to Cara opposite Zedd. The two men sat in silence and stared at me.

"How do you feel?" asked Zedd around a mouth full of bannock stew.

"Better." I managed to lie while looking straight at him. Truth be told, walking from my tent to the fire outside had caused the pain to intensify.

"You're the worst liar I have ever met." Mumbled Cara softly under her breath so only I could hear her. I turned to glare at her and she tilted her gaze at me and glared back. Zedd seemed to take more notice in his food and began recapping the events of the days fight. We had lost a third of our men today and Zedd feared the worst saying the Imperia Order seemed to be getting larger and stronger. I watched the faces of the men as they stared at me but they didn't seem to be listening at all.

I looked at them then and asked their names. Rueben and Rourke were their names. "Tell me the size and location of the nearest camps and where they are moving to next." I questioned.

"Jagang is still waiting for word on the whereabouts of Lord Rahl. He was sure that he would be here with you Mistress. Men from other regions are being brought in to join this region so that we can move in for a stronger attack on your division. We have word that the resistance is a few miles from here and we are sending a division tomorrow at dawn to run them down. That is all I know, Mistress. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you more, have I displeased you?" Rourke asked, panic rising in his voice.

"We're both sorry, Mistress." Added Rueben quickly. I waved away their apologies as I felt a wave of nausea course through me. These men wanted Richard…but he was already dead. I didn't know weather or not to allow myself a feeling of relief that the enemy was unaware of his death or if this was something that would cause more trouble.

"I want both of you to return tonight before the attack on the resistance tomorrow. Inform them that you overheard us talking of the resistance changing direction and that the location is closer to Nicobares which is a few days ride further south. Inform them also that we are not on our way to regroup there but are backtracking to the Rang Shada mountains to pick up a large number of recruits. After you succeed in this, return to me with any other information that you can find.

"Yes Mistress. We are honored to help you." Replied Rueben as Rourke nodded his agreement.

"Cara, show our friends out of camp the back way and make sure no one notices them returning on the Order's side. Better take General Riebisch with you to show the you way." 

She nodded and rose as the men left to fulfill their commands.

"I'll be back later, Mother Confessor. Don't wait up for me." She said sarcastically. "And Zedd, keep a close eye on her…I wouldn't want to waste my time on torturing a wizard of the First Order when I can get bloodier in the carcasses of the Imperial Order. She better be alive when I get back."

"Of course, Cara….always a pleasure to miss an opportunity to spend with you alone."

She smirked wickedly as she sauntered off keeping a close proximity to the men ahead of her. She had already told me once that she trusted the confessed less than a confessor. 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Is everything alright dear one?" Asked Zedd as he gazed across the fire at me.

"Richard's gone…nothing will ever be alright again for me." I gazed at the ground and found a stick and began to draw idly in the dirt with it, feeling tears burn behind my eyes.

"I miss him too, Kahlan. So much has been lost to all of us, but Kahlan…we must be strong and look to the path ahead. We must all do our part in honoring him by focusing on completing his mission and defeat the Order so that all life will be preserved."

I continued drawing in the dirt as I listened to the resonance of his voice. "Zedd…" I said, my voice cracking with emotion, "he was my life…and every day I feel as though I'm losing myself. Nothing matters to me anymore…not even this war…not even our people. I don't know why I even allow myself to wake in the morning. The only thing that gives me any ounce of sanity is fighting for good because I know it's what Richard would want. But every time I go into battle I pray for the good spirits to let me die because, only then, will I be whole again."

Zedd was silent for a long moment and we sat listening to the soothing crackle of the flames, both lost in our silent thoughts.

At last, Zedd broke the quiet air. "Life must continue on Kahlan…and now more than ever it is vital that you fulfill your duties as Mother Confessor and continue your line."

My eyes snapped up in fury and horror as he went on. "Richard has been gone for over two months now and we must…you must…begin to accept that which _is _instead of remaining in the past. I have held off approaching you with this for as long as I could. You must take a mate. For the Midlands…for D'Hara…and for Richard."

"For Richard? How dare you! If I do this I will be betraying him…you know he would never, ever let this happen if he were here and I…"

"He's not here, nor will he ever be again." Said Zedd gently. It was then that I noticed the tears on his face. "Spirits know how hard this is for you, Kahlan and it's even harder to ask this of you but as First Wizard I must do this. I care for you, dear one, as I would my own granddaughter and you must know if there were another way I would do everything in my power to keep you from this fate…but there isn't."

"I can't!" I screamed in sorrow throwing the stick I had been drawing with into the fire. "He'll know…I'll know...and I could never live with myself. I love him, Zedd…more than you or anyone else can fathom. This…what you're asking of me…this would destroy me."

"But you must, Kahlan. You are the Mother Confessor and no one but you can fulfill this destiny. There is no other way. You have four men confessed to you….pick one, it doesn't matter who because you are the last of your kind….but you must choose. There are no raids planned for two days. As First Wizard I order you to choose by then…but as your grandfather…" he said in broken emotion "please don't make me force you with threat of treason…"

He hid his face in his hands and cried and I stood then with the strength of my resolve, pushing aside all thoughts of Richard and my love for him as far away as I possibly could. I made my way across to where Zedd was sitting and wrapped my arms around his frail frame as he shook with sorrow. But I could not bring myself to shed any tears because all of them had been spent. I was bled dry from the pain of losing Richard.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

A sudden rush of dread swept through me as the wind whistled through the trees. I gripped the hilt of my sword and focused my thoughts, listening with intent. The only sounds I heard were those of the night, but the dread in the pit of my stomach would not go away. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the rough bark of the tree behind me and breathed deep, trying to calm my senses with the familiar aromas of the forest that surrounded me. I glanced at the low banked fire and then to the three women who slept soundly while I kept watch. Everything seemed to be in place as I watched, listened and felt. The magic that the sisters claimed ran through my veins buzzed under my skin in contentment reassuring me of the absence of danger.

I relaxed the grip that I still had on the Sword of Truth, flexing my fingers and wrist. I had not fought in over two months now and I felt a yearning need to throw myself into the pitch of a fight. Even though Belinda and Leila were skilled fighters and would parry with me daily, I still felt myself growing weaker. Gladys, who had become a mother of sorts to me already, had assured me that I was not growing weaker but with the harboring of my Han….as they called the magic center inside of me….was causing the strength of my inherited gift the perception that my flesh was growing weaker.

It was all so confusing at times, but they claimed I was a natural and an easy protégé compared to some of the wizards and sorceresses they had trained. But, no matter how hard I trained, no matter how much I learned to wield the power that was in me, the only thing that mattered was returning to Kahlan.

Closing my eyes tighter, I fought the emptiness that clung to me. There was nothing without her. I clutched my hands into fists willing my thoughts away from the memory of her soft skin pressed against me but there would be no rest….there never was.

"Richard?" My eyes popped open instantly at the sound of my name. Leila stood a few paces in front of me. "Are you alright? You look like you could use some company." She didn't wait for me to answer but took a seat next to me, her back resting close to mine in the narrow space that was left of the tree. "You miss her, don't you?"

"What?"

"You miss her….the Mother Confessor, I mean."

"I'm fine, Leila. I don't want to talk about it."

"You're not fine, Richard. I can feel the air around you and it's always tense with sadness. You know…you can talk to me if it would help you."

I sighed and turned to look at her "I know…thanks but I don't think I want to talk to you about her."

"What's that supposed to mean? Richard, I'm your friend…at least I think I am. Aren't I? Your friend, I mean."

"Of course, Leila, but I can't talk about her….it will just make me miss her more."

"That makes sense, but sometimes you need to let feelings free before they break your soul. You can release your pent up emotions on me, if you want to."

"What are you talking about? Is this some sort of lesson?"

She laughed softly under her breath. "No, Richard….this is something that all men and women do. Gifted or not." She said as she caught my gaze with intensity that made me want her to leave. She brought her face close to mine, so close I could feel her breath on my face. "I'm willing to help you….if you know what I mean. She'll never know." She leaned an inch closer and pressed her lips to mine. In my surprise and shock I kissed her back but than pulled away quickly, checking myself.

"What are doing? I can't do this, Leila. My heart belongs to Kahlan….no one else."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not asking you to love me….just lay with me….I promise it will help you. I'll please you in ways you can't imagine." She smiled seductively. When she moved in to kiss me again I gripped her shoulders and held her back.

"You can't please me….only Kahlan can. I don't want anyone else. She's the only woman I could ever want. She pleases me more than you could even begin to imagine. I don't need you."

She laughed "You expect me to believe that your virginal confessor is more pleasing than me? What can she possibly know about pleasing a man?" She reached out then, sliding her hand down my neck onto the exposed part of my chest, causing my breath to hitch. My head was swirling and I felt dizzy as she began to slip her other hand up the bottom of my shirt to my abdomen. When she brought her lips to mine again I managed to push her away again and backed away from her.

"You don't know the first thing about me…or Kahlan. You can't get me to betray the woman I love. Not ever." I said through gritted teeth as I forced the waves of lust away.

"Even when she betrays you?" Leila said coyly, cocking her head to the side.

"What are you talking about? Kahlan would never hurt me."

"Hmmm….I don't know about that." She smiled wickedly. "Prophecy is not limited to you Richard. It also says _'the one in white will betray the one she loves with her blood'. _Clearly you are the one she loves….she will betray you, Richard, and when she does you will regret saying no to me."

I stood up then, fury aching to pull the sword and run her through, but I knew she would destroy me with magic before I could even begin. "I told you…I don't believe in prophecy! To the Keeper with prophecy and to the Keeper with you!"

She sat there on the ground, laughing at me as I turned to walk back to camp. I grabbed my pack and slung it over my shoulder as I headed into the woods away from her, and away from prophecy. I knew Gladys and Belinda would be angry with me for leaving, but I didn't care. All that mattered was getting to Kahlan…and fast.

The familiar dread that had threatened me earlier that night crept like a stalking monster up my spine…if Kahlan thought I was dead, then she very well may have already taken a mate. The thought of her with another man caused me to quicken my step, even as tears of frustration and anger threatened to blur my vision. If prophecy were true, then I hoped that I wasn't too late and that Kahlan was still mine….only mine. But no matter what I thought, the ache in my chest told me that I was going to lose her. I cried as a ran, crashing through the forest with only the fury of the sword and the blinding sorrow as my companions.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The night was starless from the clouds that swept across the sky. I lay on the cot in silence listening to the quiet sounds of the camp around me, but I could not quiet the dread that coiled like a viper in the pit of my stomach. With shaking hands I hiked my skirt above my waist and loosened the ties of my under shorts.

Tears slid down my cheeks and onto the sheets as I remembered how Richard had tenderly removed them and gazed upon my womanhood for the first time. There had been tears of love and passion in his eyes as he had touched me there as no man ever had. Remembering him, I ran my fingers over my folds, imagining the feel of his caresses as I entered myself. I thought of Richard as I pleasured myself in the darkness of my tent.

And then I commanded the man who was nothing but a dark shadow seated on the floor, to fulfill his duty as my mate. I froze in fear as the cot sagged with the weight of him. He moved over me, spreading my legs with his knee. I clenched my fists by my shoulders and cried silently when I felt his fingers touch me, finding his way in the dark. When he tried to press his fingers inside of me I roughly shoved his hand aside.

"Do it now." I ordered choking past a sob. When I felt his manhood brush against me I fought down a wave of nausea. And then with one swift stroke he was in me and I shut my eyes and sobbed silently as he moved back and forth. It hurt so badly and I could feel a wetness pool between my thighs. I felt a tearing, burning sensation because I had gone dry with the horror of him between my legs.

But I welcomed the pain because it was nothing compared to feeling Richard being torn from me. I wailed and screamed with remorse as I thought of the brutal difference between making love and the rape that I was forced to endure in the name of duty. When the man above me leaned in to kiss me I turned my face to avoid his lips and shoved his hands away when he tried to caress my breasts. The nightmare of my betrayal seemed to last forever, but when he was finished at last, I curled into the fetal position and sobbed, my body shaking.

"Mistress? Have I disappointed you? Do you wish me to stay?"

"Get out…get out!" I screamed and he turned without question and left into the night as I lay broken in my sorrow. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" I whispered into the emptiness. In the quiet still moments of the night I felt myself die.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The frigid waters of the Kern River splashed on me as I raced on horseback through its waters. The only thing on my mind was making the last miles between Kahlan and me come to an end. It had been nearly three weeks since I had abandoned the sisters back at the campsite and I only felt a small pang of guilt at leaving them, knowing that they'd be alright without me. Surley they would guess what had happened when they questioned Leila. I still felt uneasy about the prophecy concerning Kahlan, but I pushed it as far from my mind as possible. I would question Zedd as soon as I reached the D'Haran camp and find out what he thought. Even though I didn't believe in prophecy, this one was about Kahlan and that's what scared me.

I kicked my heels into my horse, earging her forward into a fierce canter at the sight of smoke rising in the distance over the hillside. A fluttering of excitement and dread caused my heart to quicken as I gazed at the long row of tents growing closer with each wild beat of the horses' hooves on the ground. Even at a distance, I knew I had come upon my men because of the order and precision in which everything was laid out. I prayed a fervent prayer to the good spirits that Kahlan was among them.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The alarm sounded as the spring sun began to sink towards the horizon. I quickly ducked back into my tent, grabbing my extra sword and drapped it over my head as I ran with the rest of my men to mount up on our horses. We aimed our mounts in unison toward the oncoming threat of danger and rode through the clouds of dust as we picked up speed.

Coming over the crest of the hill was a lone rider galloping with haste towards our camp. I rode in the middle of my men flanked by Thomas on one side and Cara on the other. A shout of surprise sounded from the front lines of our two hundred strong warriors and we reared our mounts to a halt, the dust settling at last in the chaos. I pushed my way through to the front and caught a glimpse of a cloaked figure with a sword peeking above his left shoulder.

My stomach dropped and I froze when he pushed his hood back. I thought I was dead as I peered at the face of Richard. My whole world stopped as his eyes caught mine and I gripped the reins tighter to keep myself from falling.

"Lord Rahl!" shouted General Riebisch in shock clamping a strong hand to his shoulder. "What happened? How…." He began as he stumbled over his words.

"It's a long story, but I know about the severing of the bond. Is Zedd among you? I must speak with him at once." He said as his gaze once again rested on me with intensity.

"Regroup!" Commanded Riebisch and the stunned men turned their horses to retreat back to camp. "Someone fetch Zedd immediately!" he said as I sat unmoving, trying to force my horse to focus on not following the rest. General Riebisch turned and gave me a brilliant smile before he cantered off after the retreating men.

Richard dismounted, his eyes never leaving mine and I began to shake as tears ran down my face. He lifted his arms to me when he at last stood by my horse and I fell into his embrace wrapping my arms around him in a vice like embrace. My whole body shook with the weight of the past month's sorrows and I could find no words in that moment.

"Kahlan…" he spoke against my neck and I felt his tears staining my skin. He tried to pull away to look at me but I held him tighter.

"No…don't let go…just hold me?" I wept, afraid that if I let go he would disappear from me again.

"Shhh…its alright my love….I'm here now….and I'm never going to leave you again."

"You're dead….how…what happened?"

He pressed his forehead to mine, sharing my breath. "The bond between Lord Rahl and the D'Harans was broken somehow. I don't know why…or how…but it doesn't matter. Zedd will help me figure it out. All that matters is that you're safe and that I'm here with you now." He smiled weakly through his tears and buried his hands in my hair and brought his lips to mine.

Before he could kiss me, I turned my face away from him, staring out at the broad expanse that surrounded us.

"Kahlan…what's wrong?" he asked tenderly, cradling my face in his hands so that I would look at him. I shook my head, not wanting to think of the things I had done to him. I would lose him forever. I gripped his shirt tightly in my fists and collapsed against him as I wept. "Talk to me."

"I can't…." I wailed. In my shame, I backed away from him, clutching my stomach as I sunk, defeated, to the ground. "You were dead….and it nearly destroyed me…and now….everything is gone."

He joined me on the ground and shook me gently by the shoulders and wiped the tear wet hair from my face. "What are talking about? I'm right here….I love you and…."

"Don't say that!" I screamed. "Don't ever say that to me again!" I threw his hands off me and stood, walking away from him. I cursed the Creator and the good spirts for allowing this to happen to us…and I cursed myself.

"Kahlan!" He shouted as he caught up to me and spun me around to face him. His face was a mix of pain and concern as he searched my face for answers. "Don't _ever _tell me not to love you. Kahlan….what's happened?"

I was weeping so hard that I could barley see through the tears. He tried to embrace me, but I backed away from him and he looked as though I had stabbed him. "I….I betrayed you. Zedd forced me to take a mate…two months after I thought you were dead." I couldn't meet his eyes for fear of going mad at the pain I knew was there. I turned my back to him and went on. "Losing you broke me, Richard. I lived to die everyday after I thought I had lost you…and that night….when I betrayed you….everything inside of me died. They don't leave me alone…no one does…ever. I've tried to take my life because I know what I did would destroy you. I can't breathe without you, Richard…but I can't stay by your side. Not after what I've done."

"You took a mate?" He asked quietly behind me, his voice close enough to feel his breath against my neck. I nodded in silence and heard him begin to sob behind me. "Do you….still love me?"

Shocked by his question, I turned to him and met his gaze for the first time since he had arrived. "Oh, Richard….more than life itself. I know you don't believe me….but I love you, I always loved you, from the moment I met you. I loved you…even though you were dead. All I wanted was to join you in the Underworld but I couldn't abandon your mission. I wanted to finish what you started because I loved you…everything I've done was for you."

"Lying with another man was for me?" he shouted in anger.

I took a step back, knowing he had every right to use his anger on me if he wanted to. "No." I said, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling suddenly vulnerable in front of him. "It was my duty as a confessor. Richard…I've known my whole life that I can never have love…only duty. It was something I accepted until the day I met you." I couldn't read him like I could most people, but I saw his disbelief flare in his gaze and it hurt me more than anything he could have said.

"Did he please you more than me?" he asked, his bottom lip quivering in sorrow.

"Spirits, no! He hurt me…it was rape, Richard. I never…..wanted to with anyone but you. I felt you being torn from me…it left me hollow and empty." I looked at the ground then, hating the look in his eyes. "I'm a whore….and I hate myself for what I've done…and I would sell my soul to the Keeper if I could erase that moment…I would do anything to take it back…but I can't. I won't ask for you to forgive me….I know you can't….but please don't ever forget that I love you…only you Richard, forever. The oath I swore to you that night….I'll never take it back and I'll never regret any of it."

"The prophecy…it's true then. It says you would betray me….I tried to get here sooner but I didn't expect you to take a mate so quickly. I thought you would have mourned for me longer before giving yourself to someone else. I would've mourned forever, Kahlan."

I pushed pass him then, not wanting to see the hate in his eyes any longer. I mounted my horse and looked back at Richard one last time before I turned to leave.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I watched her leave as I mounted up on my own horse. The sting of her betrayal festered in me like an open wound. My jaw clenched, and I gripped my sword calling on the anger to drown out the hollowness of pain she had put there. How could she? I asked myself over and over again as I followed her at a distance back to camp.

When I arrived, my men surrounded me, embracing me and some even shed tears as they welcomed me back. I was their resurrected hero. We spoke into the night about all that had taken place in my absence and made new plans of attack against the Order. The legion I had led back to Hartland had mysteriously disappeared and Reibisch was sending antother search party on the morrow for them.

"I'll lead the men in their search, just tell me the preparations that must take place." I volunteered, eager to be away from Kahlan. I loved her, but I couldn't bear to be near her right now. The shock of her betrayal was too much for me.

"Lord Rahl," began Riebisch, "everything is already prepared if you insist on going, but we think its best you stay here for the time being." I nodded reluctantly, catching Cara's glare from across the campfire. "We talked to Zedd. He should be on his way right now as we speak…there were a few things he wanted to search out first among the gifted to see if anyone else knew about what could have severed the bond."

"Alright…that makes sense." I looked up then to find all eyes on me, concern written on every face. "Don't worry…Zedd and I will find whats happened…and once we do, I'll join you with more men to seach for Meiffert's division. I trust all of you" I said meeting their eyes with mine "We are all together in this and I cannot begin to tell you how much I've missed you all and how proud I am to be your leader. Even in my absence, everything that I would have done…you did. Its almost as if I were here with you." I grinned.

Cara spoke then "It was because of the Mother Confessor. She held us together when we couldn't believe in ourselves, in our fight. But she gave us strength…even though she was the one who suffered the most at losing you." She stood and left, glaring back at me once more before she left. A pang of guilt washed through me as I thought of what my death had done to Kahlan. I knew if it had been me….dear spirits….I wouldn't have found the strength as she had.

We spoke for a while longer and then I bid them to take their leave, encouraging them all to rest well. "Wake me before you leave and I will help with preparations in the morning. I want to do all I can to make up for lost time."

"We appreciate it, Lord Rahl." Lieutenant Jameson said as we clasped wrists. The men who remained nodded their agreements and took their leave making way to their tents. As they were leaving I caught sight of Cara making her way back towards me. I went to meet her halfway, my nervs on edge at seeing her glare had remained on her face.

"Cara….it's good to see you."

She punched me hard in the stomach and then backhanded me across the face causing me to flinch. 'Don't you _ever_ do that to us again! Do you realize what thinking you were done has caused?" I rubbed the side of my face and started to speak, but she backhanded me again. "I haven't slept since you….died. I've had to sleep in Kahlan's tent making sure she wouldn't kill herself….I had to listen to her groveling in her pathetic sorrow day and night." She gripped my shirt in her fists and shook me hard. "Why are you not with her?"

"I…that's none of your business."

"The spirits it is! My entire life has been protecting her for you since that night. I know what she did to you….and if you even think of blaming her for taking a mate…I will torture you. Denna was nothing compared to me, Lord Rahl. I promise you will beg for death within the hour of my ministrations." She pressed her forehead to mine in a heated angry stare "You should be with the Mother Confessor."

"She doesn't want me there…I can assure you."

"Do you even know what she's done to herself? I suggest you tell her to undress the next time you see her….there are self inflicted scars everywhere…..she would have made a great Mord Sith….if you catch my meaning." She pushed me in front of her so I would start walking. "I'm taking you to her now….I expect no argument from you."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sound of the tent flap being shoved aside startled me. I had ordered everyone to leave me alone tonight. I looked up and met Richard's gaze and tensed with dread.

"What are you doing here, Richard?"

"I came to see you."

"You should go." I said regretfully. I wanted him near me, but not when he was angry with me.

"No…we should talk." He said quietly, taking a seat on my cot.

"Haven't we done enough of that for one night? I don't want to hear about how much I've hurt you….I already knew, even before you said anything. I felt your dispare the night I betrayed you."

"That's not what I came here to talk about, Kahlan. I've been talking to Cara and she…."

"Don't listen to her! She's just trying to make you feel sorry for me….and I don't want your pity."

He stared at me, his eyes fogging with a look of sadness. "Undress." He said unexpectedly and stood in front of me. He took the strings to my robe and loosened them but I grabbed his hands.

"No, Richard….I can't." I said, panic rising in me like burning flames as he continued and pushed my hands aside. His hands grazed under the cloth that rested on my shoulders, pushing it down. "Please….stop." I whispered, as tears sprung in my eyes. I wanted him, but not if he didn't love me. "Don't do this…not when you don't love me."

He didn't say anything but pulled the rest of my robe off in one swift stroke. When I felt his fingers begin to loosen the ties of my under shorts panic overtook me and I began to weep. "Please….no! Don't rape me!" I wailed and for all my strength sounded like a scared little girl.

His eyes met mine in sorrow as his hands stilled. "Kahlan….I would never hurt you. I'm not going to rape you…." He said gently, stroking my stomach lightly. "Cara told me you hurt yourself because of me…I want to see, Kahlan."

My arms were clutched around me as he slid his hands down my hips, removing my shorts. I cried and my body shook….memories of that night returning. His arms were around me then and I felt his lips tracing the scars and burns he found. "Dear spirits, why? How could you do this to yourself?"

"What I did to you….it hurt me….and this…what I did to myself…I desearve all of it, Richard."

"No….no you don't."

"But you don't love me anymore!"

He pulled back gently and looked at me with his intese raptor gaze "I _never _said that I don't love you anymore. Nothing you could ever do would make me lose my love for you, Kahlan. I'm sorry for the way I treated you today." When I tried to speak he stilled my words with a fingertip to my lips. "I love you….so much Kahlan...and I can't imagine what you went through because of me. But I promise you this…..I'm never leaving your side again and no matter what happens I'll always love you and be here with you. There was nothing that you could've done…I'm more angry with myself for not getting back here sooner….and not letting you go with me….I knew Zedd would do this to us, I just didn't think it would have been so soon. But I don't blame you."

"But I do…blame myself. I can never forgive myself for what I've done." I said as I felt his hands run down my back, clutching me flush against him.

"Don't" he said quietly and kissed my neck "I forgive you, and you must forgive yourself. Besides" he smiled and I looked at him wondering what he could possibly be happy about. "I have something to tell you that I know you're going to like."

"And what would that be?" I asked, smiling for the first time in almost four months. 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Richard….." She said, her forehead wrinkling in disbelief. "It's not possible….you would be confessed….." she tried to untangle herself from my embrace but I clutched her tighter.

"I know what I felt, Kahlan. I felt your powers pulling my soul from me but there was nothing that your magic could've taken from me….everything I am is already yours."

Her face was radiant with the glow from the fire behind her like a halo from the good spirits. I was certain she was more beautiful than the Creator in that moment. But her face still held the lines of worry and sorrow. I tilted her chin so she would look up at me. And when she did I saw her eyes begin to water.

"Kahlan…what's wrong? I thought you'd be happy."

"I am…but…Richard, I would never risk your soul just to be with you again" she said and reached out to flatten her palm against my chest. "I love you so much, Richard. I already lost you once I could not bear it if I lost you again….not because of me." She said pressing harder into me to emphasize her words. "You are the only thing in my life that matters….I can't trust what those women said about the sands of Indys." She said softly and lowered her gaze to the floor.

"It's not about you trusting them….it's about trusting me and my love for you." I pleaded with her, wanting so much for her to believe.

"Richard don't" she said, looking forlorn. "I want to believe what you're saying is true…but don't you see? My whole life I've been told I would never have love…only duty. We both know this" she gestured between us "can _never _be."

I gripped her bare shoulders gently, pulling her closer and gazed at the only woman who I would ever love. There was so much I wanted to say, but my heart sank because she thought our love was hopeless. "I love you….no matter what you believe and I will wait for you until you see that what I say is true. You can't hurt me….I'm not afraid of what your powers can do to me. I _want _you to confess me. It wouldn't change the way I feel about you because my love for you is already all consuming like the power of confession."

Her lower lip quivered but she held her tears at bay. She whispered with tears in her voice "Don't say that. You don't know what you're asking of me. Richard….I can't…I can't confess you. There's so much you don't understand about me and I …."

"What is there to know, Kahlan? I've seen what you can do to people….they become slaves to your love and only live to please you. And I know I will always be a slave to your love…it's what I fight for and live for….without it I am nothing."

She looked at me, her blue eyes filled with sorrow and love. "If what you say is true….then I won't be able to confess anyone while using the sands of Indys." I looked at her confused, not sure where she was taking this, but I remained silent, listening to her. "Our men have captured twenty spies in the past two days….I'll take a vial and confess one of them and see if what those women said to you is true. If it's not….then, Richard…." She broke off and the tears she had been holding began to roll down her cheeks. I used the pads of my thumbs to catch them as they fell.

"Then what, Kahlan…..tell me." I asked, a sense of dread beginning to boil between us.

"Then there can no longer be an _us_. I'll have to publicly declare my mate before the council and he will hold the place of husband to me in the sight of the law." Her knees gave way then, but I held her up against me as she wept.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Zedd stood anchored in shock and for once in all the time I had known him, he was lost for words.

"Kahlan and I…" Richard began.

"How could you!" He bellowed in rage, coming at him with the strength of a wizard's anger and slammed him against the stone wall at his back. I cringed at hearing the cracking sound as his head hit the wall behind him and I was afraid he would faint, but he didn't. I rushed to his side and gave him my body for support. "I should lock you down here with the rest of these traitors! Do you even realize what you have done? It is treason to lie with the Mother Confessor unless she has declared you her mate! By all the spirits, if you weren't my grandson I would have you torched with wizard's fire for this! What in the name of the Creator were you thinking?"

"I love her, Zedd and she loves me. That's why." He said, grabbing my hand securely in his and entwining our fingers.

"I warned you about her, Richard. How many times do I have to tell you…..it can never be! Not with her."

I stood in silence, clutching Richard like a lifeline and suddenly I felt as though my world would shatter. Zedd glared at me with hatred.

"How could you do this to him? After all that you two have been through together, how dare you put your selfish desires before his heart! You are the Mother Confessor! You, more than anyone, know the dire consequences of what you have done. You had no idea if the sands of Indys would work and yet you took a chance with the soul of the man you claim to love?"

I hung my head in shame and tried to let go of him, feeling that I had no right to touch him anymore but he pulled me to him and released my hand wrapping his arm securely around my waist. He kissed me behind my ear, whispering his love for me and sending shivers down my spine. Zedd continued to admonish me and I finally broke away from Richard, stepping toe to toe with Zedd and glared at him with all the fury my pain could muster.

"You _know _I would never hurt him! Not for anything!" I screamed, my voice breaking with sorrow at the truth of his words. "Richard is my life and you destroyed us! If it wasn't for you…."

"Richard would have been confessed long ago."

"Zedd!" Richard said breaking between us suddenly and pushing me behind him. My heart swelled with love for him with how he always came to my defense, even though he knew what Zedd was saying was true. Tears were streaming down my face as I thought of what would happen if I had confessed Richard. "Stop this! Don't you realize what you've done to her already? You forced her to…."

"Do her duty as the ruler of the Midlands." He said, his voice lowering, no longer shouting. "Kahlan understands that taking a mate is the only way to ensure that the line of confessors continues." He said looking at me "Dear one…..I'm sorry I lost my temper but you must understand….Kahlan. Richard is my grandson and more importantly, he has a destiny."

"Zedd….I love him….I would never! Don't you believe that?"

He looked at me for a long time, considering his answer. "In your heart I know you love him….but using a magic that you are unfamiliar with and not knowing if it would destroy Richard? Kahlan….I don't understand your reasoning."

"My reasoning? That same night you ordered me to take a mate! To destroy Richard! Not in the same way as you are accusing me….but it would have still destroyed him." I buried my tear stained face shamefully in my hands and spoke in a muffled voice through my fingers. "What I did can never be undone...and now..." I looked up then and locked a furious gaze with Zedd's. "And now he's here with me and I have to force myself to a life that will forever betray my love for him...and for what? The Midlands? To the keeper with the Law! They don't need another Confessor. They need Lord Rahl." I said turning to Richard "And they have him...and I cannot stay by his side and support him in his mission if you force me to betray him again. I can't...Zedd...please don't make me do this!"

Richard held my gaze with love that I could drown in but did not move from where he stood. He wiped a hand over his face and then pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and fingers and I knew he was thinking of a way to rescue me out of my fate.

"Dear one..." Began Zedd, his term of endearment settling my rising panic slightly "You made a good point about testing the sands of Indys. Obviously, it is not harmful to you or your powers. I have read more about it since we first found the vials, but nothing mentioned them not working against the power of Confession." He tapped a long finger on his chin considering for a moment. "You even mentioned the feeling of absence as your powers were suppressed, am I right?"

"Yes...that's right. I would have never...with Richard if I had felt my powers, even a little." I said, looking at the floor, feeling my face heat in embarrassment. Talking with Zedd about making love to Richard was awkward, to say the least.

I then felt the warm presence of Richard engulf my senses and I looked up to find him with a boyish smirk splashed across his face. I blushed again, giving him my special smile as Zedd continued to ramble about his studies of the sands of Indys.

"...So, tomorrow Kahlan and I can go to the dungeons in Tamarang. It should only be about half a days ride there and back. Will that be alright Kahlan?"

"Tomorrow? But, Zedd, I have to lead my men in the surprise attack on the south legion."

"I'll do it, Kahlan. Just tell me your plan and I..."

"Richard! It's not just something I can tell you overnight! This has taken weeks of planning and dry runs. You don't even know the lay of the land. How can you expect to lead?...What if something goes wrong and..."

He smoothed my hair out of my face and cradled my cheeks between his strong, rough hands. "I'll be alright...don't worry about me. I'm sure General Reibisch can guide me nearly as well as you can. Just go with Zedd, and hurry back to me." His gaze turned to a different look then, one I had seen often, but we were usually alone. I reached up and held onto his wrists, trying to focus but my head was swimming with desire for him and I could feel my body begining to hum with need. I gave him a weak smile and he kissed my forehead, no doubt to appear chaste in front of Zedd.

"Kahlan...I assure you, Richard can handle himself. The men will protect him with their lives even more fiercely since he has _returned from the dead _just recently." He chuckled to himself, thinking he had made a joke but seeing as Richard and I weren't laughing quickly turned serious again. "So we leave at first light tomorrow. You'll be ready?" I nodded silently as we followed him out into the night. We stopped in front of Zedd's tents and bid him good night before turning towards my tent.

Richard put an arm around my shoulders and I leaned against him. We walked in comfortable silence as we approached my tent. When we were about to go inside Richard suddenly scooped me up in his arms and I giggled and squealed as he carried me through the entrance and placed me on the cot.

"Now…I can kiss you the way I wanted to before." He grinned and bent forward capturing my lips in a passionate, very unchaste, kiss. I threaded my fingers through his hair and gripped him tighter to me, spreading my legs instinctively so he could rest his weight between them. "I love you, Kahlan Amnell." He said as he broke from our kiss and rested his forehead on my shoulder. I held him there against me, relishing the feel of his strong body against me and almost began to weep because I thought I would never feel him again. I wrapped my arms tighter around him, willing his body closer caressing my hands on the back of his neck.

"I love you too, my Richard. I miss this…holding you." I whispered, kissing his ear. He moved up on his elbow and looked down at me, smoothing my hair away from my face. I loved the way he could look at me and send a wave of passion surging through my whole body.

"I miss it too." He said, his eyes tearing.

"What's wrong?" I asked, the flood of passion dissipating instantly as worry replaced it.

"If they lied to me…..Kahlan….I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose you. I…."

I stilled his words with a quick kiss. "You will _never _lose me, Richard Cypher Rahl. No matter what happens….I only belong to you."


	20. Chapter 20

_Note to readers: This chapter has an M rating…so don't be too surprised, and if you notice Richard has a line in this chapter very similar to one he says in Faith of the Fallen just know that it was on purpose. _

Chapter 20

I awoke sometime before dawn, my thoughts troubling me and robbing me from rest. I sank closer to the strong warmth of Richard at my back and buried my face under the covers.

Dear spirits, I was afraid of what would happen today. There was nothing more than I wanted then to run away with Richard and forever forget about the Order and my duties as a Confessor. But I couldn't. They were my people and I loved them dearly and I knew that they must be protected to the best of my ability, and that meant leading the fight against the Order.

I sighed; knowing that falling back to sleep was futile and sat up carefully so I wouldn't wake Richard. As I was slipping out from under the covers, Richard suddenly turned in his sleep and circled his arm around my waist and pulled me back to him. I smiled and turned to face him, pressing myself into him. I hooked a leg around his waist pulling him closer.

"You actually think you can sneak away that easily Mother Confessor?" He laughed, his voice muffled by my hair. His soft lips met my ear and I moaned quietly as his teeth grazed my earlobe. "It's not quite daylight yet….we have a little more time to spend together." He said in a husky voice sending a wave of desire down my spine.

My breath hitched as a strong hand caressed my thigh, moving my shift above my waist. I rolled off of him allowing him more freedom to move. He raised up on his elbow and made quick work untying the strings of my under shorts and reached under the hem to slide them off, his fingers sending shivers down my body as he pulled them off of me.

Our gazes locked as he ran his hand up the inside of my thigh and then cupped my bare femininity. "I want you." He whispered sending a gush of wetness between my legs as he began to caress my folds. Moving between my legs his other hand moved under my shift to caress my belly. I untied my shift and wiggled my shoulders to remove the rest of the barrier between us. In the back of my mind I mentally clutched my powers to protect him but when he pressed his fingers inside of me all thoughts of anything else were lost.

I clutched his hair pulling him into a kiss and arched my hips against his hand. He returned the kiss with feverish passion and pressed another finger inside of me adding to the pleasure he was already giving. When he broke our kiss I groaned in disappointment but was confused when he moved his lips to join his fingers. But, dear spirits! When he took me in his mouth licking me there I screamed. I grabbed his hair in a vice like grip and pressed his face against my slit, willing him closer. The flat of his tongue separated my folds and licked me from the bottom up flicking back and forth over my sensitive nub. His fingers continued their delicious torture inside of me and I thought he added a third finger. The fullness inside of me was indescribable and I clenched my muscles tight around him willing his fingers deeper, which he obliged.

I rolled me hips with the rhythm he set as he pumped back and forth between my folds and licked and sucked me there. I moaned and screamed his name over and over and he hummed in response, sending vibrations over my bundle of nerves.

Suddenly, I felt a powerful wave began to grip me between my legs and I rolled away from him, pushing him from me as quick as I could. At the same time he fell back onto the bed I released the last of my weak hold on my powers and they hit with such a force that the furniture in my small tent slid into each other, some falling over or breaking.

I lay shacking and felt Richard grab my hand bringing it to his lips as he kissed me. I sat up fast and grabbed his face in panic, not knowing if I had pushed him away in time. He smiled up at me as though I was the Creator and I wailed, sobbing into my hands.

"Kahlan." He said softly. He hadn't called me Mistress or asked for me to command him. "I'm alright…It's still me. You let go in time, I promise." He smiled again and folded me in his embrace as I wept. "Shhhh…..Kahlan….its alright. Look at me." He asked cradling my face in his hands.

Looking up with tears still in my eyes I met gaze with my own. "Dear spirits….what….what did you do to me Richard?" I gave him my special smile even though I still wept. "Whatever you did….was….beyond amazing. I never….."

He laughed softly, kissing my lips then pressing his forehead to mine. "I wanted to please you, Kahlan….and I knew you wouldn't let me….well I wanted to make sure you knew how much I loved you and wanted you before you left today." He sat back and pulled my shift helping me back into it. He tenderly tied the strings leaning forward a few times to kiss across my breasts. My breathing began to quicken again and his eyes fogged with desire as he continued to help me dress.

"Thank you, Richard." I smiled shyly and he grinned like a schoolboy and we both laughed and fell back together on the cot. I entwined my fingers with his and studied his face.

"Kahlan…." He said, growing serious. "No matter what happens today…remember that you belong to me…and no one else."

I grabbed the sides of his face "I know, Richard….and you belong to me. I don't know what we are going to do if today doesn't go well but…." Tears escaped my eyes then, thinking of what I had to do and knowing deep down that I would have to be with another. "….I love you and only you. Don't ever, ever doubt that…not for a moment. Promise me, Richard."

"I promise." He said and took me in his arms holding me as though he was afraid that I would disappear. "I love you Kahlan. No one before you, and no one after….only you….forever."

I whimpered at his words and clutched him tighter finding no words close to what I felt for him. I was so afraid and prayed to the good spirits that whatever happened wouldn't ruin us.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"We're almost there, dear one. Just another few miles." Said Zedd as he turned in his saddle and glanced back at me. I had been lost in my thoughts pining over Richard and the worry that threatened to consume me.

"Alright Zedd." I said, forcing a fake smile, one that I was sure Zedd knew was fake. I felt the weight of my world pressing in on me. My legs felt like they were sticking to the sides of my horse and my cloak was a heavy weight of dampness around me. The hilt of my sword behind me was soaked in rain and was making a river down the back of my neck as it continued to drip. I gritted my teeth in annoyance but another part of me was grateful for the distraction from the task at hand.

I reached under my left leg and opened my pack, reaching for two apples and sauntered up beside Zedd.

"I thought you may need a snack." I said as his face lit up, causing me to laugh.

"You read my mind, Kahlan," he said greedily sinking his teeth into the meat of his apple and crunching loudly. He gestured with the uneaten portion as he spoke. "So…." He began, glancing at my face hesitantly. "Kahlan, we don't really have to do this….I mean…test the vile. Wouldn't you just rather leave things as they are, dear one? Sometimes not knowing is better than knowing."

"Is that a wizard's proverb, Zedd?" I teased, shocked at my own good nature do to the circumstances.

He cocked a bushy eyebrow in my direction "No…but it _is _good advice. I know how you and Richard feel about each other but I don't agree with playing with magic to be together. It's dangerous, Kahlan. You both should know better."

"That's why we're going isn't it?" I snapped, suddenly annoyed. I wasn't along for a lecture. "Zedd, I don't really want to test the sands of Indys." He looked at me in shock then. "I'm doing this for Richard….he just doesn't understand, Zedd. Dear spirits, I love him…more than anything, but he has his hopes set on something that cannot be. Zedd, I'm here to do my duty as the Mother Confessor and question these prisoners. I don't even know if I want to perform the test, Zedd."

"It's up to you, Kahlan. But I think you should be honest with Richard and tell him the truth."

"I tried to! But you know Richard….he won't let it go. He insists that there is a way for us to be together but there's not. I want to believe Zedd, I do, but…" I looked at him for understanding and saw sorrow and pity in his eyes. He, more than anyone, understood what it meant to be a confessor.

He reached over and clutched my hand halting our horses for a moment. "You know, whatever it is you want to do, you have my support Kahlan. Not just because you are the Mother Confessor….you are a granddaughter to me and I love you as I love Richard. Believe me when I say this…..your mother would be so proud of you and I am proud of you. For your strength, for your wisdom, for your heart…there has never been a greater Confessor that I've known. You will get through this, I promise you. And Richard will stand beside you no matter what the outcome."

Overcome with emotion, I looked off into the distance at the small outline of Tamarang far away. My fate and my duty awaited me there and I wanted to stop it from coming more than anything. "Thank you, Zedd." I said giving a weak smile, but truly appreciated his words of encouragement. "What would my mother say to me about Richard?" I asked quietly. "What would she have told me to do?"

The wizard who had known my mother smiled, a far away look in his eyes "She would tell you to follow your heart and be devoted to the duties set before you, as is the whole most important law of the confessors. The truth is, Kahlan, she would have been against you and Richard's relationship from the beginning. She was devoted to the law with no tolerance for compromise…but she's not you Kahlan. I think your love for Richard makes you stronger." He said and I knew he told me the truth.

"Thank you…for everything, Zedd." He smiled as we both kicked our heels and moved our horses forward again. As we rode closer towards Tamarang I thought of my mother and thought Richard would have changed her mind. I smiled at the thought as we continued on our way.

****

I sighed and pushed back my hood in the dim lighting of the stone room.

"Mother Confessor? Will you be needing an extra escort when you go down today?"

"No, that won't be necessary, but thank you Vance. I'm sure I'll be fine with who you've chosen to be stationed with the prisoners, I trust your judgment."

The old man who had been in my service since my training gave a polite nod, but his grey eyes twinkled in pride. I handed him a package that I had prepared for him with his favorite apple biscuits. "For you, Vance" I winked. "Just don't let Zedd see or he'll rob you blind." He smiled knowingly. "Thank you Kahlan. You always were my favorite." He said as I embraced him.

"Now, I need to know about the prisoners."

He nodded and handed me the book, knowing I liked to study for myself the offenses before I met them. "This one says that number four was not captured as a spy. Where is he from, then?"

Vance sighed in frustration. "He won't tell anyone. He insists on waiting for you." Zedd was behind us now looking over my shoulder at the records.

"We'll be wary of that one for sure. Have you spoken to him, Vance?"

"I've tried, but he won't speak with me either. Mother Confessor?" I nodded "I want to go with you to see this one, if I may. I might be able to shed some light on his identity if you can get him to answer your questions."

"Alright…you can come with me. How about you join me for the whole lot." I smiled, knowing he would enjoy the opportunity to sneer at the men as they cowered at my presence.

"Dear spirits! How long has it been since I've gone on confession with you Kahlan? It will be like old times." I put my arm around him and followed Zedd down the stairs. "General Travis, stay behind while I go down with Kahlan?"

"Of course" he nodded. "Good to see you again, Mother Confessor. It's been too long."

"Yes, it has been. I wish I could stay longer but I must get back to the front line and to Rich…Lord Rahl."

"Are the rumors true than?" Whispered Vance as we began to descend the stairs. "You and Lord Rahl?"

"What have you heard?" I asked, curious to hear what others had said about us.

"That….uh….you two were…."

"Yes, we love each other, if that's what you're trying to ask." I chuckled at Vance's embarrassment. "You can ask me anything, we're friends Vance." I teased him, his face growing redder by the minute. We both broke out in a laugh then as we reached the bottom of the stairs. Zedd gave us a curious glance.

"Laughing? Only a Confessor could laugh in a place like this." He snorted with dislike. "I hate dungeons."

"Aw…Zedd…I'll protect you." I said, bumping shoulders with him. He draped an arm around my shoulder and gave me a quick hug then turned to Vance as Captain Marvidge handed him the keys.

The thick stone door swung open revealing a small foyer or sorts surrounded by bars. Captain Marvidge opened the squeaking door on the other side of the small square enclosure and we stepped into a larger stone room with two empty rooms on each side. Six soldiers came out to greet us as Captain Marvidge left us and returned to the first room. One of the men handed me the large key ring, as was tradition for the Confessor when entering, so I could open the last gate between us and the prisoners' quarters. When the key turned I pushed open the gate and stared at the long hall in front of me.

Zedd pressed the vial into my left hand and gave me a questioning gaze. I nodded my understanding.

The quiet suddenly grew loud as men came to the front of their cells to get a look at who had come in. Hands grabbed for me as I walked by and it caused my powers to stir in warning. I was used to the vile sneers of men by now but most of these men had no idea what a confessor was. When one man reached out and successfully grabbed my breast I turned and instantly grabbed his thick neck, releasing the silent thunder of my powers.

The large man dropped to his knees, a hopeless look of sorrow on his face. "Command me Mistress…..forgive me for touching you…I…I…."

"Silence!" I hissed and moved to the bars. "Who are you?"

"Barrettt Grin, my lady. A soldier in the service of Emperor Jagang. I was ordered to scout your men as far as Hartland four months ago when my five comrades and I got lost from our legion."

I raised my eyebrows in question. "And why were you lost?"

"We stopped at a town near by, taking some women and…" I put my hand up to stop his stream of confession. I had heard enough confessions to know where it was going.

"And were you ordered to kill Lord Rahl?"

"No my lady….we were ordered to capture him but we heard rumor he is dead but no one can find a body. That's the last I knew of anything before we were separated from our legion."

I stepped back, all at once noticing his foul smell of urine and the black tar stains on his teeth. "Thank you, that will be all." I said and he prostrated himself as I was leaving. "Your word is my command Mistress."

I ignored his groveling and moved onto the next man, then moving down the isle as again and again I was informed of the death of Lord Rahl. The knot in my stomach began to loosen, knowing that the enemy was most likely unaware of Richard being alive and well.

Zedd, Vance and the six gauds that were with us took a few minutes to compose ourselves in the chamber at the other end of the hall. A small wooden stool was found for me to sit on and I collapsed in weariness to regain my strength. Zedd sat on the ground beside me, leaning against the stone wall behind him.

"Kahlan…if you're going to test the sands, you should take it now. I can send your men out for a few minutes while you…."

"Sure…whatever you say Zedd….just get me some water." I said waving my hand in his direction. I was vaguely aware of him instructing the men and I heard Vance order them out and promise a glass of water for me as soon as possible.

Then I heard the vial stopper pop open and felt Zedd's strong hand around mine as he steadied me so I could breathe in the sands. The euphoric feeling that it gave me the first time was more intense and I suddenly chided myself for not insisting that Richard accompany me. Thoughts of his tongue between my legs earlier that day flashed through my mind and I gave a soft moan as I continued to inhale.

"Kahlan? Are you alright?" It was Zedd's voice, reminding me of his presence there beside me. My face heated in embarrassment and I hoped he couldn't read my thoughts.

"Yes" I whispered faintly and gripped my knees for balance as I inhaled the last of the vile. When it was empty I pushed Zedd's hand away and he took it, tucking into the thick folds of his robes. He felt the back of my forehead and I opened my eyes then to see concern wash over his face. "I'm fine, Zedd. Really. I could use that drink of water now." I smiled, reassuring him. I saw the look of concern disappear as he got up and pulled open the door.

"The Mother Confessor is still waiting for her water!" I heard Zedd bellow with impatience and I laughed thinking he was always so dramatic. Zedd looked back at me with wide eyes.

"Yes, Zedd, I'm laughing at you. You always make a girl feel at ease."

"Ha….even the Mother Confessor herself can't resist my charm." He grinned and we both laughed as Vance walked in and handed me my water.

"All right, Kahlan….what are you and Zedd up to now? Conspiring the way only Confessors and their wizards do?"

"Auck…I'm not Kahlan's wizard. Lord Rahl is….but we always conspire, don't we, dear one?"

"Yes, we do. Mostly against Richard, I would say." And we both laughed again, forgetting for the moment why we were there.

"Are you ready, Kahlan?" Asked Vance.

"Sure, just give me a few moments more alone with Zedd?" he nodded in understanding and left us, quietly pulling the door closed behind him.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Zedd…." I looked at him, pleading with my eyes. "I…if this doesn't go the way that Richard thought….I know that I have to name Thomas as my mate but I can't do that if Richard is here….I don't know what to do Zedd. If I marry Thomas then he'll hate me." I said with grief. Zedd laid a gentle hand on my shoulder and I saw understanding in his eyes.

"Dear one, you will not be alone in this. It will pain both of you, not just Richard. And I know Richard, he loves you dearly. He would never be able to hate you forever Kahlan. Even if you have to name Thomas as your mate…it's already consummated. And I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you. But as I've told you before I wish there was another way."

"I can't bear to lay with him again." I wailed and Zedd collected me against his chest and sheltered me in his warm grandfatherly embrace. I shook with my sorrow and my fear.

"You can get through this, I know you can. But you can't push Richard away." He said taking me by the shoulders. "Promise me, dear one, that you will be the one to tell him."

"I promise." I wailed and nodded burying my face in the wizard of the first order. "Zedd" I said against his robes in a muffled tear strained voice, "I'm not with child….I hoped and prayed to the good spirits that I would not have to betray him again….but….it's as though I've been forgotten by them. Maybe I'm not the Confessor that the Midlands need…I…."

"Kahlan Amnell….you listen to me!" He said, letting go of me so he could pace while he lectured me. "There is no other confessor that is as strong and courageous as you. You have the heart that all confessors strive for their whole lives to obtain. And you know already how proud I am of you…if you remember our conversation on the way here." He grinned. "Don't doubt your worth to yourself, your people…and especially not to Richard. I have known that boy my whole life and he has never loved anyone as he loves you."

My heart swelled knowing that others, even if it was only Zedd, noticed the love Richard had for me. I, at once, allowed his love for me to renew my strength and my fear melted away knowing that he would still love me. I was still afraid of losing him, but I knew Zedd would be there to help both of us figure out in the end how to navigate through our lives if sorrow was to be our fate.

"I think I'm ready, Wizard Zorander." I said giving him a playful wink.

"Now there's the Kahlan Amnell I know.

****

The damp air caught my face in a rush as I pushed open the door. A familiar sense of purpose came over me, calming my uneasiness. The faces of the men stared blankly at me as I passed quietly by. Occasionally, one or two would be brave enough to reach between the bars and try to grasp me as I passed on by. However, not many were brave enough after seeing what I had done to their fellow prisoner earlier. They hurled verbal insults at me, calling me a witch and a whore.

I had learned to filter the brutal things that I heard and I was sure the insults were not the worst that I would hear that day. As a young confessor, I would weep and have nightmares at the horrible details of what these men did. Women as well were not exempt from the horrors of men. I would never forget the lesson my mother taught me at a very young age. She had told me never to look at the appearance of the convicted but at the expression of the eyes. I would always be lead to the truth that way.

I was studying the eyes of the prisoners as I slowly walked by wanting to choose wisely and take the souls of the wicked instead of the innocent. "Mother Confessor?" I stopped and turned, hearing the soft voice of a woman behind me. She was peering through the small window in the top of her cell door, her expression full of false remorse and fear. "Please….help me. I have children and…." I came and stepped close to the door ordering for it to be opened.

Zedd stood protectively beside me, Vance on the other side, as we all stood waiting. The woman behind the door would have been beautiful under the ragged dirt and grime she now wore. Her hair was a thick long wave of blonde hair tied under a kerchief and her face was dirty but her blue eyes shined back at me.

As I was about to approach her Zedd grabbed my arm in caution. He sensed something I did not and shifted his stance to stand in front of me. "What is your name?" I asked, my voice full of gentleness. No matter what the crime was, I never judged until I knew the truth. Kindness brought truth where fear would tuck it away.

She answered after a slight hesitation that only registered with me "Lisa Aramis, my lady." I leveled my gaze at her showing no emotion and asked her for her name again.

"I told you my lady….Lisa Aramis." Frustration and instinct caused me to push past Zedd and grip her throat. I asked through gritted teeth for her name a third time and she lied again. I released my grip but nothing happened save for the laughter of the woman I had by the throat.

In a flash of light, I was pushed back against the stone wall causing the room to shift and coil to a black hole in front of me. I heard voices calling my name and bright fire followed me as I was pulled somewhere through a doorway. Someone laid me gently on a cold surface and I heard shouts and a door slamming with force. I closed my eyes against the throbbing pain and tried to sit up but was gently shoved back to the floor.

"Is she alright?" I heard a panicked female voice. "Yes, she has just hit her head something fierce." It was Vance who I could tell was holding my head in his lap for support. I opened my eyes as much as I could but I squinted in pain against the harsh light. A blurry face of a woman leaned over me and held a comforting hand against my forehead. "Shhh….there now lass…close your eyes. It will be all over in a few moments don't you worry."

I heard the creaking sound of metal on stone as the door opened and I listened as footsteps and the sound of rustling robes came near. I knew it was Zedd at once. He smelled of the dissipating scent of smoke and cinnamon. I smiled weakly and brought my hand up searching for his and he grasped in securely between his large warm hands. "Don't ever do that again Kahlan! You scared the sprits out of me! I almost lost my breakfast."

"What happened?" I asked in a horse whisper.

"You tried to confess a sorceress….but don't fash yourself…..everything is alright. The situation is under control."

"For now, anyway." Came the sound of another female voice.

"Kahlan….these women are friends of mine." I tried to sit up again but was stopped by strong hands and laid back down. "They studied with me back when I was a young wizard in Aydindril. They are from the Palace of the Prophets in the Old World. Gladys and Belinda.

"You!..." I whispered in anger with the little strength I could gather. "You lied to Richard!" I began to cough with the exertion my anger had caused but I managed to grab a hold of the woman by the neck of her collar. "Do you realize what I could have _done?_ He would be confessed right now if I hadn't…."

"Kahlan, please, calm yourself. She hasn't done anything. I know her….and she would never endanger Richard."

"Well you should ask her yourself. Did you or did you not tell Richard that the sands of Indys did not work on confessor's magic?" I asked pointing an accusing stare at her. Zedd sat up straight with surprise and stared at the woman who sat by my side. His eyes flared toward the other woman who was in the room. I could feel Vance stiffen under my head, ready and willing to fight if need be.

There was a heavy silence and I felt my powers twisting again to be released and could sense the power of Zedd's gift as it rose to the surface inside of him. "Yes, Mother Confessor, we told Richard…but we thought it to be the truth." Replied Gladys and I studied her, missing any thread of untruth in her demeanor. "We had no idea….Jagang most likely altered the magic within it so that it would work with your powers. He is dead set against capturing you, Mother Confessor." I exchanged a look of apprehension toward Zedd and he nodded knowingly. "We suspected Richard may have returned to you and your men and have been searching for him now these past few days."

"Then how is it that you know I am here?" I asked still suspicious of them.

"We saw you approaching earlier and we were waiting out in the foyer with the guards when we heard the commotion and came immediately to see if we could help."

"I was lucky enough to have Belinda here to help me, Kahlan. The woman works for Jagang…he was using her mind as host to find out your whereabouts. Apparently he sent these men and this….sorceress to pose as spies so that our men would capture them. He knew you would eventually come to confess them. It seems his plot worked."

"We have to get you out of here….and fast. You can't go back to your compost….Jagang, no doubt, has placed more spies to follow you."

"I have to go back! Richard is there….I'm not leaving him!" I struggled against Vance and finally sat up, my head reeling; I caught Zedd's shoulder to steady myself. "We just reunited and….please don't make me leave him!" I panicked.

Belinda crouched down at eye level with me. She was so beautiful I couldn't help myself from gazing hard at her. Jealousy stirred when I remembered that Richard had stayed with her and hoped he hadn't given in to her. When she smiled at me, I regretted my thoughts. She was genuinely compassionate. "Richard said you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen." She said her smile broadening. "He was right, Gladys. Don't you agree?"

"Of course, my dear. But…." She turned her full attention to me. "We can't endanger Richard's life by sending you back. It's just not wise."

"I'm going….and alone. I'll wear Zedd's robes if I have to for disguise, but I am _not _separating from him again. I promised him I would return to him tonight…he would be sick with worry if I didn't and he would come to me here and if Jagang has spies lurking around close by, then they will see him and capture him! I can't let…."

"Jagang hasn't seen Richard yet, Kahlan." Reminded Zedd. He was silent as he studied me intently, more than likely trying to find a way to dissuade me from my plans.

"Richard also says you were stubborn…even more so than him. I can't imagine what it's like…the two of you together I mean."

Zedd harrumphed "You have noooo…idea." He said rolling his eyes dramatically, his gaze settling on me.

"Well, you can talk about me and Richard all you want…I'm leaving. Zedd, your robes…now." He looked up at me startled. "But what will I wear?"

"I'm sure Vance can find you something….Richard is more important. " I said, holding out my arms to Zedd as he obliged with complaint. I wrapped the long heavy robes around me and tied up my hair the best I could. Vance gave me a kerchief to tie over my hair so that the loose ends wouldn't come undone.

"Mother Confessor," it was Belinda following close at my heels. "Let me ride with you. If something were to happen, I could be very useful." She grinned hopefully. I still didn't trust her but I knew it was a good idea to bring her along. She was right; a sorceress would be protection if something were to go wrong.

"Alright…but you'd better keep up. I'm not waiting for you." She nodded in understanding as we walked outside in the brisk afternoon air. Zedd, Vance and Gladys followed us out talking amongst themselves as to what their plans were.

"Mother Confessor," addressed Vance "Zedd and Gladys have agreed to ride out with a few of your soldiers from here and begin a search of the Hartland legion that disappeared. I understand that search parties have not located them since their disappearance?"

I nodded solemnly "Alright, but make sure you return here within a weeks time and I will meet you with Richard and the rest of my legion on our way to collect the men stationed at the Callisidrin river."

Zedd embraced me then "We'll do as you command, dear one." He pulled back and looked at me "And be careful, promise me." I nodded my promise as I mounted my horse; Belinda mounted up on Zedd's horse to return with me. "And, don't forget, Kahlan, Richard deserves the truth…from you. Not anyone else."

"I will Zedd…I promise…it will be me and no one else." I said as I turned my mount feeling the cold weight of sorrow engulf me as I kicked the sides of my horse into a gallop.

****

The sound of horses hooves on the hollow dirt packed ground alerted us. The light of day was almost gone as we watched two riders approaching. I noticed at once the shape of Kahlan atop her horse even though she was wrapped in Zedd's robes. She stopped in front of me and slid down her mount before I could offer her a helping hand. The other rider pulled the reins of her horse and accepted the assistance to the ground, removing her hood as she landed. I was taken aback at seeing Belinda but was more concerned with Kahlan. She flung her arms around me and buried her face against my neck. "I love you." She whispered and I pulled her close to me, threading my hands in her long dark hair. I noticed Belinda watching us and heard my men questioning her quietly.

"Richard…" Belinda said as she walked over to us. "I'm here to help in any way I can."

"Thank you, Belinda. Are Gladys and Leila with you?" I inquired.

"Gladys is with Zedd but Leila…..She refused to come. She says you angered her by leaving." She gave me an expression meant for only me and I understood at once that she was trying to tell me that Leila wouldn't come because I had refused her. Thank the sprits Belinda was good enough to not mention anything while I was holding Kahlan.

"Oh…" was all I could manage.

"Lord Rahl….I can take Belinda to Verna. She could find a place for her with the other sisters."

"Verna is here!" Belinda clapped her hands like an excited school girl "I know her! Dear Creator…it's been so long since I've seen her. Thank you Richard….for everything. Let me know if you and your confessor need anything." I clutched Kahlan tighter…yes…she was _my _confessor.

"I will. Meet us at the north compost in the morning with Verna and we can go over our plans then. I'm certain Kahlan will fill me in on all I need to know by then." I felt her smile against my neck in response before backing away.

She suddenly embraced Belinda, whose eyes widened in surprise as she reluctantly returned the embrace. "Thank you for riding back with me…and for the advice." The two women exchanged knowing glances before Belinda departed, following Lieutenant Jameson toward the tents that housed the gifted.

Kahlan spun on her heel and grabbed my arm in hers and led us away from the rest of the men. When we entered a small a small alcove of trees that were close together and away from prying eyes, she backed me against a tree, pressing herself into me. My pulse raced with desire as she ran her hands inside my shirt, caressing my stomach. "Kahlan…" I moaned grabbing her head and bringing my lips to hers in a tender seductive kiss. She flicked her tongue across my lips and I opened, welcoming her in. The soft moans that escaped her made me forget where I was and for that moment, there was only the feel of her against me and the sweet sent that was her. She engulfed my senses to no end and I loved her more for it every day.

When she broke our kiss to breathe she gave me her special smile and I could see the blush still evident on her cheeks. "I love you Kahlan Amnell." I said, giving her another sweet kiss. "Will you kiss me like that every time we're parted? Because I wouldn't mind." I said.

She ran her hands higher up my chest causing me to catch my breath "for you, I would do anything. You know that, don't you?" There was a hint of sorrow in her voice and my heart raced with panic.

"Of course I know that. Is everything okay?"

She nodded, looking down at the ground and tried to back away but I stilled her by grabbing her hips. She looked up then and shook her head 'no' as small tears formed in her eyes.

"It didn't work, did it?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"No." She said quietly. I pulled her to me, crushing her against my chest wanting her to feel secure. She melted into me and wept harder than I had ever seen her weep. A feeling of silent dread was close to breaking me into madness but I couldn't lose myself….I had to remain sane somehow for Kahlan. "Richard? Promise that you'll never leave me?" She whispered desperately through her tears.

"I promise, Kahlan. I'll stay with you forever, no matter what. And I want you to promise me something too." She nodded against me. "Promise that you won't ever doubt my love for you."

She raked her nails on my skin and wailed almost collapsing. Dear spirits, I wanted our sorrow to end. "I promise." She answered finally in a breathless voice and she wept and wept and I held her close wishing we could both disappear.


	22. Chapter 22

Ch 22

The week passed quickly with preparations to advance back to Tamarang to meet back up with Zedd. I threw myself into my duties hoping to repress the obvious remorse at my fate with Richard. I saddled my horse myself and turned when I heard the others approaching from behind, their packs in hand, ready for departure. I glanced warily at Richard who feigned full attention on his men and their concerns.

I tightened the straps to my saddle for the umpteenth time silently listening to the low baritone of his voice. I held my breath as his presence came close behind me, brushing up against me in his attempt to maneuver without distracting me. I gripped tightly to the pommel of my saddle and raised my right foot to the stirrup, determined to seat myself when I felt Richard grip my hips and assist me in hoisting up on my horse. I smiled meekly down at him conveying my love with a smile meant only for him.

He returned it in kind and pressed a kiss to my exposed thigh before turning to mount his own horse. Stunned at his unexpected affection I stared at him as he adjusted himself in his saddle. He gave me a quick dashing grin before kicking his horse into a canter.

We rode fast, pushing forward through the cool misty morning of spring. Despite the cold emptiness that had grown inside of me winter had given way to spring bringing with it the warmth of the sun. The men and women who fought beside me fought with more fervor than before and I noticed their spirits were in an improved state. I, however, felt dead; I thought to myself. I rode behind Richard, wanting to keep him in sight. My most important duty was to protect him and if I had to take a mate than I would still hold every promise to him that I could.

I touched Richard's pendant feeling the cool weight of it against my skin and causing my heart to clench at the memory of the touch of his skin on mine. I had refused to sleep next to him for the past week, both of us knowing that it was for the best.

Lost in my thoughts, we arrived at Tamarang by midday, entering the empty courtyard and riding our horses inside of the enormous hall. I dismounted, looking for Richard, but couldn't tell which direction he had gone.

"Mistress? Can I help you with your things?"

"No, Thomas, that's alright. You can help the others for me though." I forced a smile and he instantly turned to do my bidding. I couldn't help but hate him, even though it was no fault of his. He would be the man who would come between me and Richard.

I spotted Cara speaking with Rikka nearby and approached them, slinging my heavy pack over my shoulder.

"Mother Confessor….Lord Rahl has ordered us to set you up in a room and draw you a bath. He says you looked weary when we arrived and wants you to rest." I scowled at Richard's obvious overprotection but I knew if I didn't rest he would order the Mord Sith to drop me in the bath fully clothed and lock me in my room until I relented.

"All right." I said reluctantly. Cara smirked knowingly at Rikka and me making me wonder what she was up to.

"Don't worry Kahlan, I won't let Richard order you around too much." She laughed and I was suddenly aware of just how beautiful she actually was. For all the hard edge she held, a feminine side was evident and was showing more and more. I suspected it had a lot to do with Richard. Rikka too, had been easing into a different kind of woman since I had come to know her. I would never admit it outright but these women were becoming my friends.

I rolled my eyes "Please do. He can often be quite controlling and overprotective of me. He knows how to get under my skin…I think he does it on purpose."

"Well, at least he uses better means of torture than his father did." Chided Rikka as we made our way down a long corridor and up a flight of steps. When we reached the top of the steps I noticed both Cara and Rikka place their hands on their ageils and shifted their positions to flank me protectively. No doubt, this was an order from Richard as well. We walked in silence, save for the muffled sound of our feet on the full red carpet. We had made so many turns that I wondered to myself how they knew where they were going. As if she read my thoughts Cara began to explain.

"When we were in the service of Darken Rahl, he often came here to feast with Queen Milena. I was usually with him and am quite familiar with the palace. I've chosen the best room for you, Mother Confessor. I hope you like it." She said, smiling and catching me off guard at her strange demeanor.

"Thank you, Cara. I'm sure I will." We stopped suddenly outside a tall black oak door and Rikka reached to open it. When she found it locked, she kicked it in and walked through to inspect the room. A low hum of approval escaped her and she turned towards Cara and me.

"You have impeccable taste, Mistress Cara." She said raising a dark eyebrow on her porcelain face.

There was a large four posted bed in the center of the round room. There were two large fireplaces on each side and a pool sized bath that sunk into the floor. There was water constantly flowing from a small waterfall that came through the wall from somewhere outside. "The water is filtered somehow. The people of Tamarang are known for their bath houses and the queen ordered one for her chambers." I guessed then that these must have been her rooms. "This room went to whoever was her guest of honor for the evening but she often slept in here herself. Her room is almost the same accept much larger."

I walked around the room admiring the black oak furniture that matched the door we had entered through. Even though no one had slept here in months the room was auspiciously clean and smelled fresh. I walked to one of the tall windows and sat in the alcove that was lined with plush pillows. None of it reminded me of Aydindril but the elaborate wealth of it all was similar.

Rikka went to light both fires. "The floor underneath will heat once the fires warm up. There are vents running under the floors allowing the warmth from the fire to soak under. The bath water will warm as well but it takes some time. Maybe you should rest, Kahlan." She mused.

"I'd rather not. My army needs attending, and Zedd wanted to make the ceremony official."

"What ceremony?" asked Rikka. When I saw an angry glare from Cara I shook my head, silently beseeching her not to interfere.

"I've chosen a mate and there is a ceremony….sort of like a wedding…that seals us. He will be given certain rights as the Mother Confessor's mate and…."

"What! You can't do that to Lord Rahl!" she growled, gripping her ageils as she stood up from lighting the fire. She closed the space between us glaring at me with hatred. "All of his Mord Sith know that you belong to him. Why do you think we do anything for you? Cara and I were raised to hate you but we accept you because of Lord Rahl. Every one of us has been turned down by Lord Rahl….he is loyal to you and you only. And now…" she looked me up and down, scowling. "….you are going to take a mate with him here? You can at least wait until he's away to betray him. You'll blatantly display your mate in front of all of us and his men? What will they think….they will all lose their respect…for both of you!"

Tears were staining my cheeks and I knew her words were true but at that moment Cara came next to me and gently shoved me aside so that she could face Rikka. "She does this because she has no choice….and its killing her to hurt Richard." She looked back at me with sympathy. "She would rather suffer this fate than destroy the soul of the man we know and love as our Lord Rahl."

Rikka relaxed her grip on her agiels and gave me a blank look and then turned and exited the room. "I'll fetch you some food from the kitchens when it's ready. Shall I send Richard?" asked Cara but I shook my head wringing my hands in front of me in shame. "Kahlan….we don't blame you….I don't blame you."

"Thank you Cara….you can't know how much that means to me to hear you say that." She nodded and turned to leave shutting the door behind her as best she could on the broken hinges.

I awoke feeling cramped and disoriented. Both fireplaces waned low and the soothing sound of running water was all the sound I heard in the silence of the room. Sitting up I stretched and tried to get the kinks out of my sore muscles. A hand on my shoulder caused me to reflexively grab my dagger that I always had next to me when I slept alone. I flung my arm around the intruder's neck and pressed my blade to the skin of their throat.

But I suddenly caught the scent of Richard and relaxed my grip turning him around to face me. "Dear spirits! What are you doing here?" I said in a high pitched panic, my heart still pounding in my chest.

"Sleeping. Cara told me where you were staying and I thought…."

"Richard, you haven't slept with me in days. I thought you wanted to keep your distance." I said confused.

"I know, Kahlan. And I'm sorry I should have asked you before just assuming it was okay. I just wanted to be near you…..I have a bad feeling about being here and Zedd's hasn't even arrived yet. He should be here by now."

A sinking feeling took hold of me as I listened to the quiet sounds of our room. I slid out of the bed, making my way to the window. Looking out I saw only darkness against a starless sky. It was almost too quiet. Turning to look at Richard, who was just a silhouette in the dark room, I imagined his worried gaze.

"Do you think we should leave, Richard?"

"I don't know." He said running a nervous hand through his hair. "My scouts keep reporting back that everything is clear but I can't help this feeling of dread. I can't explain it. I wanted to know what you thought. Do you feel it to?"

I walked back over to the bed, and lay back on the pillows, sighing deeply. "I thought it was just me, Richard….but I feel it too. Maybe I should have told you but I just thought it was because of…." I couldn't finish my sentence but I felt his penetrating gaze looking down on me.

"I know." He whispered and reached for my hand, groping in the darkness until I found him and linking our fingers together. His thumb made lazy caresses on my palm sending shivers down my spine. Even the smallest touch from him could ignite a fire inside of me that existed with no one else. "Kahlan?"

"Yes?"

"Is it always going to be this way? Our lives I mean. Everything always seems to fall apart around us. Everyone puts their trust in me but I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice. What if I lead us to our deaths and fail everyone?"

Gripping his hand tighter I pulled him close to me and wrapped him in my arms. "No matter what choice you make, Richard, right or wrong, you are still Lord Rahl and the Seeker. And even if you make the wrong choice, _I _will still believe in you and follow you and I know these men and women, they love you and nothing can change that."

"But they put their lives in my hands, Kahlan. I can't bear it if all is lost because of me." He shuddered, clinging to me. I felt warm tears on my chest and ached for his sorrow. I prayed to the good spirits that I could give him some source of strength.

"Richard…..we're in this together. And if you make the wrong choice it's both of our faults. You are never alone in your failures or your trials. I'm right here and I'm going to stand by your side and help you any way I can. It's my duty as the Mother Confessor and more importantly" I pushed him back to look into his shadowed face in the darkness "it's because my heart is yours."

He was silent for a long time, and I let my words take root within his soul. Then he leaned forward capturing my lips with his in a tender kiss. I moaned into his mouth and grabbed his hair in my fists willing him closer. He buried his hands in my hair as he moved to lay over me pressing his body into me. I never felt safer and secure as when I was beneath him and my heart fluttered in my chest feeling close to exploding with love for him. My hips rocked into his and I wrapped my legs tight around his waist wanting more than anything for him to be inside of me.

At that moment a jolt shook the palace causing the broken door to break into a dozen pieces of splintering wood. I heard the windows shatter as glass flew around us. Richard buried his face between my neck and shoulder and his arm shielded my face. He didn't move until the blast seemed to settle slightly and he jumped off the bed, dragging me with him.

I ran behind him down the hall jumping over fallen debris, listening to screams as we reached closer to the foyer where most of the army was bedded down. I gripped my daggers tight in both fists and kept my eyes open around us as we stumbled down the stairs. The sight before us was a sea of red on the marble floors and chaos swimming on top. Richard pressed me behind him into an alcove as he sliced through four men of the Order with his sword. Adrenaline pumped inside of my veins and I tried desperately to push my way in front of Richard but he wouldn't allow it. I screamed at him from behind over the din of the fight but I couldn't even hear my own voice over the sounds of battle.

My eyes focused on our surroundings watching as the Order cut into our men. The surprise attack had caught them off guard and I pondered how they got past our scouts and gifted. Shifting my gaze to the blasted emptiness where the doors used to be, I watched a large giant of a man enter the hall flanked by ten warriors so that he was unharmed. His eyes flicked over the fighting as though he was searching for something specific.

When Richard spotted him, his concentration wavered, allowing me to break past him. The large man who had just entered was Emperor Jagang, I was sure of it. I threw myself into the fight against three men. They were weak fighters and smelled of mead. I felt eyes boring into me as I fought and remembered that I only wore my shift but that was the least of my concern. I noticed Richard to my left trying to make his way towards me as I continued to fight my way through.

An arm around my neck threatened to level me to the ground but I threw all my weight forward bringing the heavy man down behind me. He grabbed my ankle and pressed down tight but I slammed my bare heel viciously down on his face, breaking his teeth. His grip loosed and I pulled away, slicing his neck while turning to jam my other dagger between the shoulder blades of another man who was about to dispatch one of my men. He nodded a brief thanks and we put our backs to each other parrying at the circle of men that had formed in seconds. I rammed my knee sharply up into the groin of an attacking man and he fell back knocking two of his comrades down. I jumped up on one their chests making sure to ram my knee into the windpipe of one and managed to stab another man in the chest.

The man whose windpipe I had rammed grabbed my hips and rolled us over pinning me beneath him. I knew I should have put all of my weight into the blow but stabbing the other man had dispersed some of my weight. The burly man above me grabbed my wrists, pinning them above my head blocking me from stabbing him. I couldn't move my legs either; I was entirely helpless, pinned to the ground. I tried to catch a glimpse of who was around me but to my horror didn't see any of my men.

The hand between my thighs was all that was needed to fan my fury and release my powers. The place inside my powers was peaceful in the midst of chaos and time was alone mine to command. The intensity of my release caused many around us to stumble to the ground and I pushed the man off me, ordering him to die. I stood then, weak but strong still with my will to fight and ran, dodging most of the blows that came at me.

I noticed Richard to my right and made my way there as fast as I could. My shift was ripped and I was bloody, mostly from the enemies blood, and I felt dizzy with the recent confession. When a fist met the side of my head I tripped, flinging my arms out instinctively to brace my fall and felt strong arms catch me.

The arms that held me crushed me against a huge burly chest and I cringed in panicked fear as I heard a wicked laugh in my ear. "I have you now, Confessor."


	23. Chapter 23

Ch 23

My arms were pinned to my sides and the grip he had on me was bruising. I fought to quell my panic and think straight, attempting to devise a plan of escape. The men around us continued to fight and I knew by the way the man held me there, that he had no intention of leaving. This may be to my advantage, I thought. If I could just get him to relax his hold on me for a second…..

Then suddenly I caught sight of Richard and our eyes locked for a brief moment. I knew what he intended and I also knew it was what Jagang wanted. He wanted to use me as bait to get to Richard. My insides squirmed in fear for him, but I would dare not call out to him, alerting Jagang to who he was. Frustrated, I tried to kick him in the shin. His grip hardened and I received a heavy blow from the man beside us who had noticed.

I dug my nails into my palms bracing against the pain and shutting all the fear behind the strong tower of my confessor's resolve. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as I focused my strength on Richard. I watched him as he danced with his sword never missing a step, never spilling blood of his own and never wavering in his determination to move towards me.

Another loud explosion clapped like thunder around where I stood causing many to fall and burying others to their final breaths. The hands that clutched me dragged me back, away from the debris, more than likely trying to use me as his shield.

"Master….that's the signal. We should fall back now while we have the confessor." 

"No, I'll wait for Lord Rahl. He will come for her and then I will execute my plan."

I shivered in the knowledge that they were waiting for Richard. There was nothing I could do but helplessly wait for him to follow.

I squeezed my eyes shut willing my tears to stay hidden as I heard Richard calling to me. The gruff chuckle of the men around me made me tense with terror. I had heard the stories of their brutality but had yet to experience them for myself.

Our eyes locked and he cut his way through the last line of the enemy that separated us. The guards that were closest to me made no move to stop him as he raised his sword point to the throat of Emperor Jagang. His wicked laugh vibrated behind me and his nails cut into the flesh in my palms, pulling them up behind my back with such force that I thought my shoulders felt as though they were being yanked from their sockets. I cried out in pain and Richard shifted his weight to slice through Jagang. But the moment he did there was a blade to his neck on both sides and six men of the Order blocking him in.

"Richard!" I screamed as they drew blood by pressing closer against his skin. My confessor's resolve was suddenly broken but it didn't matter. Not when the man I loved was in a death grip of the Order.

A sudden blast from outside like before caused the ground to shake and the stones from the ceiling above us to crumble. Jagang shouted loudly over the blast calling his men off to retreat. Our men perused them but halted in pain, grasping their faces in panic. The sound of metal hitting stone vibrated across the vastness of the hall and the open, blankness of the night sky through the destroyed eastern wall. Our entire army had disarmed themselves and I looked to Richard confused.

I could see a ring of red charging through the men of the Order but then they too fell to their knees in agony screaming in blood curdling pitches. Half of the red clad women had blood pouring from their nose, eyes and ears…a gruesome sight to behold especially since these women were trained in the arts of torture.

Jagang and his retinue calmly observed the chaos around us and seemed to be waiting for something when I noticed the blond sorceress that I had attempted to confess a week ago appeared behind Richard. I held my breath watching her bore her gaze into mine and saw an evil smile creep across her face.

"So we meet again, Mother Confessor." She leered. I saw Richard turn his head in the direction of her voice furrowing his eyebrows in pain as his skin nicked the blades at his neck. "And so nice of you to bring Lord Rahl." She said coming now to stand in front of him running a hand suggestively down his chest. My body stiffened in jealousy and I heard Jagang laugh menacingly behind me again as his grip tightened.

"I would be careful if I was you, Nicci. It seems the Mother Confessor doesn't like her _property _to be touched." At that the men of the Order bellowed in laughter. Our men didn't make a move to assist us at all but I was beginning to realize there was powerful, evil magic being used. As if reading my mind, Nicci hummed low and continued to speak in a sultry voice touching Richard as she walked around him.

"Your men are under the control of the dream walker now with the help of me and my sisters, of course. Any ploy to overthrow us on your part will result in the instant death of your entire army."

"NO!" Screamed Richard, flinching at the press of another dagger to his ribs.

Nicci laughed pressing herself against him and whispered something in his ear. My blood was boiling with fury but I could not release my powers…still weakened from my last confession. She had her hands on him and I couldn't contain myself any longer. "Get you hands off of him….NOW!" I said in a low voice laced with authority and rage. I almost didn't recognize my own voice, so menacing it was.

She whirled around to meet my gaze, smiling triumphantly "Well, well, well…so you're jealous?" She taunted. "You expect a man to be faithful to you when you can't please him yourself?" She sauntered closer to me until we were almost nose to nose. "Besides…" she ran a soft smooth hand down my face. "You've already betrayed him, I was told…..more than once. Isn't that right Mother Confessor?"

Hot, angry tears gathered behind my eyes and my resolve wavered at the truth of her words and the look on Richard's face. "Yes." I wailed, my knees buckling under me but I was held up by the brute force of Jagang's grip.

"Leave her alone!" Yelled Richard from behind Nicci but she was still studying me intently and I felt my soul bare before her as guilt swallowed me whole. "Don't worry, I'll make sure he doesn't go unsatisfied…he will want you again…after you confess him."

"What?" I said weakly, chiding myself for allowing my failures break me. I would not let this witch do this to me. I knew what she was doing and it wouldn't work. "I would never confess him." I spit in her face then and she stood frozen in front of me unflinching.

She smiled wickedly then, gripping my hair gently at first and then with a more solid grip that began to pull causing my scalp to burn. "You will do what I ask….or your people die." Her eyes flicked to Jagang who had stood unmoving with me in his vice like grip. "What's it going to be? Your people or the man you love?"

Her voice sounded far away as she threatened the Midlands and D'hara, promising the brutal rape and pillage of all towns from here to the edges of the Old World. Every province I had ever protected was in the fate of the Order….where I had gone wrong I couldn't fathom. All I knew was that, at this moment, there was no turning back from having to move forth in my decision.

She stood stricken in fear but her confessor face would not waiver again. I could tell she had pulled from her imminent strength…the thing I had loved about her first. If only I could tell her what I knew about the bond between Rahl and his men. There was a way…I knew it; a way to repair the bond and save all of us and in the end rising to defeat the brutes of the Order once and for all.

The woman, Nicci, continued to threaten her, trying to break her spirit but I prayed to the spirits that they wouldn't. My eyes drifted to her face willing her silently to meet my gaze. When she did I held her as though I was touching her at the moment of our greatest fear. We are in this together….I thought, trying desperately to convey what I said through our gazes. She flicked her eyes across the room and then back to me as if to say she didn't know of a way out of this.

Then it hit me like a bolt of lightening….there was a way to repair the bond. All I needed was Kahlan….and together we could fix this.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They dragged us to a small windowless cellar stacked to the ceiling with unopened boxes of ambrosia. I groaned as I was shoved to the wall face first my hands being tied roughly behind me. There was the sound of feet shuffling and swords scrapping along the wall as the men tried to pack into the cramped space. Why they had chosen to come here was beyond my reckoning, but it didn't matter because Richard was being dragged right along with me.

He stifled a cry of pain as they slammed his head against the wall opposite me and pushed him to the ground, kicking him roughly in the ribs. I cringed at the sound and hoped they weren't broken. Despite their brutal ministrations he managed a quick smile up at me and I gave him my special smile in response.

Chains clinked as the men parted to make room for Emperor Jagang and Nicci. They both came to stand in front of me as one of the guards spun me around to face them and left the soldiers to flank both sides of Richard.

"Now….you must decide for your people what you are going to choose. Confess Richard, and we release the spell that has been set over your men. If you do not, they will all die. You already were witness to the painful deaths of some of your Mord Sith whores." Richard growled in anger but Jagang continued. "The bond between Rahl and his people has been severed…thanks to Nicci and my other valued gifted." He smiled and his inky black eyes swirled with twisted excitement. He reached out and pulled me roughly against him boring his empty black eyes into mine and ran his hands down gripping my rear. I spit in his face before I could even hesitate to think and he backhanded me with brute force and grabbed my hair pulling my face back up to look at him. "You" he clenched his teeth in furry "will be my whore and Lord Rahl will be your slave…..you will order him to do my bidding for the purpose of the Creator. If you refuse….your fate will be far greater of a nightmare and I will promise your people not an ounce of mercy."

If I could read his eyes for the truth, it was unquestionable. This monster of a man had no reason to make false ended threats. He let my hair loose and gripped my neck pulling his face close to mine. I nearly gagged at the pressure of his thumb against my windpipe and I felt my head tingle with the lack of oxygen. "Now….confessor. Do we understand each other?"

No words would form past the suffocating grip he had on me but he shoved me ahead of him until I was facing Richard. Our eyes locked and I saw rage in his eyes like I had never seen before. I knew he wanted to release the force of his fury on Jagang and from the look on his face he had already promised himself revenge.

They cut the rope that was digging painfully into the skin of my wrists and I sighed in relief, feeling the stiffness of my shoulders begin to surface into agonizing pain. I was shoved closer until I could feel his breath on my skin and raised my hand to grip his neck. My other arm I wrapped around his waist pulling him close to me. I pressed my mouth close to his ear so only he could hear me.

"I'm sorry Richard…..I never wanted this…ever. Forgive me, my love."

"There's nothing to forgive, Kahlan. You know that. I love you more than life itself no matter what happens now. Remember I always loved you and always will, even after this life. Do what you have to…." He said gripping my waist and pulling me against him. He pressed his lips to my neck as I released my powers, tears streaming down my face in a flood of sorrow. Time stood still as I held onto Richard, the force of my powers shook in me and slammed into Richard as I screamed in agony at what I had done. The din of silent thunder spread through the room in a violent wave shaking the foundation of the room under our feet. The wind slapped against my face in a familiar horror and I grabbed the dagger from the belt at Richard's hip to erase what I had done.

With silent sobs I pulled the dagger free but was stopped by Richard's tight grip on my wrist. "Don't do that." He whispered tenderly.

"Let go." I wailed against his neck in a whispered sob.

"No." He replied and I was confused but sure I hadn't just heard him refuse me and struggled to free myself from his grip.

"You cannot refuse me, Richard. Let go."

"I said, no." He repeated and at that moment there was a loud cracking sound as the door to the cellar was kicked open and four Mord Sith rushed the room slamming their agiels into the skulls of the soldiers. Nicci and Jagang were rendered helpless in the grips of the Mord Sith as Richard drew his sword, shoving me behind him.

Still rendered weak from confession, I slumped against the wall in a daze and watched as Richard, the man I just confessed; follow no orders from me at all but act on his own volition as he plunged his sword through the neck of the ruler of the Order. In a matter of minutes, the enemy closest to me was gone and I watched with silent shock as the Mord Sith continued to use their agiels….I knew then that the bond between Richard and our people was renewed. And somehow the man I loved was not my slave but a man who loved me because he chose to.

Cara bent down and put her arm around a stunned Kahlan. He blue eyes wide with disbelief as she stared at me unblinking. She stood at last on shaky feet and nearly fell into my arms wailing my name and clutching me tight to her. Cara and Rikka pushed through the wreckage of the room to stand by the doorway guarding us.

I whispered my love for her against her hair and she looked at me through her tears. "How Richard? How you are not confessed. I felt my powers go into you….I took you…" she stammered unable to even form a coherent thought. I touched a finger to her lips to gently quiet her.

"Everything I am…my soul, my heart, my will…they already belong to you Kahlan Amnell. There was nothing for your powers to take that didn't already belong to you."

"You love me that much?" She asked smiling shyly.

"No….I love you more than that." She squealed in joy, flinging her arms around my neck and kissed me like she did the night we made love. We stood in that small cellar kissing for a long time until Cara and Rikka began to clear their throats loudly and declare loudly to each other that their job as protector to the Mother Confessor and Lord Rahl would be the death of them both with all the amorous sounds that we were making.

"If you can't handle us just kissing…." I teased "I think I am going to have to find new protectors. What are you going to do when you are guarding our room while we are…."

Cara put her hand up and stopped my words with a warning glare. There was the Order to get rid of; she explained….we shouldn't be wasting our time on kissing.

"I just think she's jealous." Giggled Kahlan, which was the worse thing she could have said to Cara who harrumphed and crossed her arms indignantly. "Jealous? If I had any interest in Lord Rahl he would be kissing me right now instead of you." Kahlan stopped laughing and grabbed her daggers, advancing towards Cara….but when I grabbed her wrist, she turned and I saw a wide smile on her face.

"Let's go finish killing these brutes, Richard. I have far more important things planned for later." She said suggestively. I ran out after her, watching the graceful dance of the woman I love as she fought for her people….and mine.


	24. Chapter 24

Ch 24

The smooth silk of his skin against hers made her stir and writhe with wicked need. His huge strong hand gripped her blonde hair and pulled her face to his smashing his lips against her. "Nicci…your wickedness intoxicates me." She smiled seductively but slapped his wrist aside when he reached into her dress to grab her breasts. She placed a knee on both side of his waist, leaving her womanhood bare above him. He groaned and bucked his hips against her in a wild cracking motion, causing her pelvis to bruise against the metal of his belt but she stilled him with her magic, and unlatched the metal hooks that had caused her nether lips to bleed.

"Patience, my greedy one…there is time enough for this." She said, smiling wickedly as she undid the last of the hooks, pulling his tight pants past his hips and off of his body. She gripped his hilt tightly causing him to groan. "Now….I brought you back from the Underworld for one purpose…..to finish Lord Rahl. If you fail me, I will not hesitate to send you back to the Keeper where you belong. Maybe you can even take the Mother Confessor between her legs while he watches." He grinned wickedly beneath her and rubbed his throbbing manhood against her exposed wetness, envisioning that the Mother Confessor was screaming against his violent ministrations.

"Oh, how I love the way you think my whore." He said as she finally relented and sunk down onto his hilt all the while squeezing her inner muscles around him. He violently thrust into her opening causing her to scream in agony as he flipped her on her back and continued to pound into her ignoring her cries. His inky black eyes were fogged with lust and she endured the pain thinking of how the next time he took a woman this way it would be Kahlan Amnell instead of her.

I slumped down against the wall, my energy completely spent from the battle. The clanging of swords echoed off the high beams of the ceiling but was getting further away and less and less as the minutes passed. The daggers I held were bloody and I dropped them next to me on the cold stone when I noticed my knuckles were still white form gripping them so tight.

Richard rolled his head to look at me, giving me a tired smile. He brushed the sweaty hair away from my face his thumb brushed against my bottom lip before gently leaning in to kiss me. I smiled, wondering how he could find me desirable when I was bloody, sweaty and dirty from fighting.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" He whispered. I leaned back, looking at him in disbelief. He smiled then and stood up, offering me his hand. A flashback of him helping me up like this after first meeting him seared through my memory causing my heart to flutter with love for him. I wrapped myself in his embrace and he pressed me close to him, melding our bodies together. "Kahlan?" Richard's voice soothed against the side of my neck. "Are you alright?" he pulled back to look into my face.

Brushing tears from my eyes I nodded "I just….I was just remembering when we met and how you weren't afraid to touch me and you helped me fight of the D'Haran quad. You didn't even know me but you risked your life for me….I already began to love you then….but I knew that I could never…." My voice broke at the thought of never being able to love him and knowing now that I could was overwhelming. "You don't know what it means to me….your love." My voice wavered with emotion and I grabbed his hair in my fists burrying his face against my neck. My body was trembling with love for him and he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

He pressed me up against the stone wall at my back and tenderly kissed me as tears ran down his face. When he broke away for a breath he looked deep into my soul ripping away everything that had ever prevented us from loving each other. He caressed my hair running his fingers through the bloodied tresses but he didn't seem to notice. "Kahlan...I..." he stopped and fresh tears mingled with those already there "I've been wanting to ask you something for a long time and...I couldn't before...because I didn't want to hurt you but now that I know...and you know...that your powers can't take me...I" he stammered and I stilled his words with my lips.

"Its alright, Richard. Whatever you need to tell me..." my voice trailed off and I began to worry when he turned away from me. He was gazing out at the disasster of the war that had taken place inside the palace of Tamarang with a faraway expression as if he was trying to gain the strenght to say what was on his mind. I ran my hand down his arm when I came to stand next to him silently trying to soothe him. When he finally turned toward me he gripped my shoulders gently staring at me before he spoke.

"That night in Aydindril...when I...we...made love...do you remember the oath I spoke to you?"

I was so stunned that he would ask me that, that my voice wouldn't work. All I could do was nod.

"I'm sorry Kahlan...I'm not very good at this. I've never done this and..."

"Richard...out with it. Whats wrong?" I finally found my voice. "And how in the name of the spirits can you even ask me if I remembered what you said to me that night? If you want me to, I can recite to you the entire moment word for word. I told you I..."

"Kahlan" he said interupting me, "in my heart and soul you are already my wife but I want to do whats right by you and have the words spoken over us."

"Richard Cypher, are you asking me to marry you?"

A shy, almost ebarassed grin spread across his face and he nodded. "I had it all planned out, Kahlan...asking you. I was going to find the most beatiful, romantic place in the Midlands and take you there and kneel before you" he said this as he got to his knees "and ask you...will you marry me?"

I joinded him in kneeling on the floor and wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered against his skin "Yes...please yes." I kissed him then, long deep and passionate. "And, Richard, if you were trying to find the most romantic place in the Midlands you've already taken me there. " His confused gaze made me laugh as I held him close. "Your arms Richard, thats where the most beautiful, romantic place is to me."

He pulled back to look at me with longing and love..."How can a woods guide from Hartland, a nobody, be so lucky to have the most powerful woman alive love him and want to be his wife?"

"Because you love her, and no one else can do that but you."

We had left the city of Tamarang after burying our dead. The mass graves had to be dug and even I, to eveyone's protest, assisted in the process. A confessor's dress was brought up from our camp that was a day's ride behind so that I could preside over the ceremony. With Zedd being absent, I had had no choice but to perform the ceremony. I wept as I said my farewells to the men and women who had fought and given their lives to rid the Midlands and Westlands of the Order. Richard had stood silent and forlorn next to me as he watched the dirt being places over the bodies. The greif caused me to collapse and I sunk into the dirt sitting alone for a long time. I had ordered our remaining men to ready to move on as soon as possible toward Hartland where we knew Zedd would still be searching for the lost division.

Richard hadn't spoken to me since the day of the funeral and Cara and I were beginning to worry about him. It had been three days and still he remained silent. I kicked my horse into a canter and glanced at Rikka and Cara. "I'm going to try and talk to Richard." They had given up trying to talk me out of my persistance, assuring me that he would eventually come around, but I wasn't about to give up.

"Richard." I called as I galloped to the front of our division catching up with him. He turned his head to the left but didn't sill his mount any. I sighed in frustraton but had my emotins hidden from my face by the time I reached his side. I grabbed the reigns to his horse, pulling them to a slow canter beside me. My thigh rubbed up against his and only then did he really look at me. "So...how far? Do you think we can push forward and reach Hartland by nightfall?"

"Maybe..." he said passivley. I narrowed my eyes at him when he continued to ignore me.

"Are you ever going to talk to us again? Everyone is worried about you, Richard. These men and women look to you for strength in all of this. They chose to fight along side of us and are remaining because they believe in you."

A dark shadow of fury crossed his face and he gripped the hilt of the Sword of Truth so tight that his arm shook with the intensity. I grabbed his hand, feeling the hum of magic eminating from his hand an pried it free. He looked at me in open fury and snatched his hand away from me. "How can they believe in me? I killed Jagang, but for what? To have someone new rise up to lead them? They believe in this cause of chaos and it woudn't simply disappear becuase Jagang is dead. You see the destrution?" he asked waving his arm around for me to see. We were riding through another town that had been burnt to ashes, its inhabitants nowhere to be found. "Is this what I get? To painstakingly try to stop the Order...for nothing while innocent men and women fight alongside me...making children fatherless and wives poor widows? I'm done with this, Kahlan." he said in a whisper, his tone softening. "All I want is to be with you and forget about this war. If I continue to be their leader...I fear that we will all persish."

"Richard...aren't you the one who always says a man's life is his own?" he nodded his eyes glazed over with burried emotion. "So our armies are here by their own volition. They want to defeat the Order as much as we do. Do you remember...they followed me for a year before you returned to Aydindril to claim the title of Lord Rahl. You can't just give up because we're losing." I pleaded, trying to force some sense into him.

"If they want to fight, then they can do this on their own." He shifted his body turning more towards me. "I cannot lead my people into a slaughter, Kahlan. They would be better off without me."

I grabbed his reins again, this time pulling him to a stop. "Don't you dare give up on them Richard! What's wrong with you?" I nearly screamed. "Being a leader means standing strong with your people especially when you fail. Let them watch how you react to failure...if you give up on life, so will they. You _must _remain with them now more than ever, Richard. You are their Lord Rahl. The bond has been repaired...even I sense it. I don't know what you did, but you saved us back there, Richard. If it wasn't for you..."

"My love for you saved us, Kahlan. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with you."

"What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath as Zedd often did when he was about to go into a lesson. "Did I ever tell you about the prophecy that Gladys and Belinda spoke of?"

"You did but I don't know what any of it means."

"There is a part of it that says...

_He will be bonded to the blade of truth and the storm of love will never_

_Consume his soul it will only strengthen that which is within him_

_The sorrow of enslavement will be wrought on all others save this one _

_Unless the bonding of his blood is sealed with the power of confession _

_"_Richard, I still don't understand..."

"When you confessed me..." My body went stiff trying to ward of the pain that I still held close with the thought of Richard being my slave. "Your powers bonded with my blood. Do you see, Kahlan? If it wasn't for your powers...the bond would still be broken."

I looked at him transfixed by knowledge he had given me. "Richard...that means it was _our_ love for each other that repaired the bond...not just my powers."

"Kahlan..." he turned to gaze at me as if I was the Creator herself. Such love I had never seen anyone look upon me...even after I had confessed someone. "Dear spirits, you're right. I...what would I ever do without you?"

I smiled lacing my fingers through his "The same as me...survive because we had to for our people...but walk as one dead to everything but duty."

He caressed the side of my face with his fingertips "You're right, Kahlan, I can't abandon them. Even my father stood with them and faught...If I left...I would be no better than he was."

"You are everything that he is not, Richard; and your men love you for it. Now" I said urging forward and dropping his reins to allow his horse to follow mine "Lets get to Hartland and find the rest of our men...and while we're there" I said in a low sultry voice. "you can make me your wife...in every way."

HIs smile I had deemed missing the past few days returned along with heated desire etched across his face. "Yes Mistress." he winked and pushed his horse into a gallop before I could punsih him for calling me mistress.


	25. Chapter 25

Ch25

Night was falling as we entered the Ven Forest, the tall ancient trees casting dark shadows across our path. I followed Richard watching as he swayed tall in his saddle. By the set of his shoulders I could sense his great weariness and it made me ache to hold him, to let him bury his sorrows in my body, washing away his guilt and fear.

"Richard?" I whispered, not wanting to disturb the peaceful darkenss that encompassed us. "How much farther?"

"A few more miles and we'll be there. We can set up camp at the edge of the forest once we get there. Cara, Rikka and I will go into town to find Zedd while you stay with the men and settle them for the night."

"I should go with you." I said, my voice laced with fierce pleading.

He turned in his saddle and slowed his horse so I could catch up his brow crooked with worry. "Kahlan…one of us should stay behind and….."

"I will _not _spend another night without you in my arms, Richard." I said holding back the tears of frustration and jelousy. "Latley you spend more time with Cara and Rikka then you do with me and…."

He laughed, making my blood boil with anger "Kahlan! Do you really think that I would to anything with" he paused, chuckling "…I'm promised to you."

"Then act like it." I said through gritted teeth. He turned his horse then suddenly and moved off the path, then dismounted, reaching up quickly to grab the reins of my horse. I glared at him but dismounted after him and walked further into the trees.

"Are we stopping here, Lord Rahl?" Inquired General Reibisch when he saw us dismount.

"Kahlan and I are, but you take the men ahead….we'll catch up with you as soon as possible."

When Reibisch had gone far enough to be out of earshot, Richard turned with a worried expression on his face. "What is this about, Kahlan?" He reached out to pull me to him but I shoved past him.

"Why haven't you...since we left Tamarang, then? I can't confess you...don't you want to be with me?"

His jaw dropped in shock "_Kahlan!" _he said in utter horror and shock. "Dear spirits, how can you even think that?"

I stepped close to him so he would not miss the heat of my anger "All I know is that you are with them...not me." I said tears of pain from not having him by my side, seeing him turn into himself and now this...spending the night doing better things, things without me.

"I would never, ever do that to you...you're to be mine and me yours...and dear spirits you're the only woman I've ever wanted, Kahlan. If you must know" he said running his hand through my hair sending a shiver down my spine. "I have Rikka and Cara helping me with a surprie for you." he smiled at me tryng to bring me back to him.

"Then why aren't you in my bed at night?" His eyes widened in shock at my bluntness. "Dear spirits, Richard! I thought that day that I had confessed you. You can't even imagine what that was like for me, Richard, having to choose between you and humanity! The only reason I chose what I did is because I know it's what you would have chosen for your fate. And then...when you told me that you wouldn't let go..." I was sobbing, my arms wrapped around my self "...and I've ached for you for so long...especially since that night in Aydindril. I thought we would never...again but now that we can you don't even stay with me but are doing spirits know what with your Mord Sith and I..."

"Kahlan..." he said in warning, fury was laced in his voice "If you think I've betrayed you, then I can't marry you."

My eyes widened in shock and I collapsed to the ground a sobbing pathetic woman in love. "Don't say that, please don't say that...I'm sorry Richard. But what am I supposed to think when you don't.."

"I wanted to honor you by waiting, Kahlan. Our wedding night should be sacred, something that we've both waited for."

"But we've already..."

"Only because it may have been our only chance. And I know I tell you that you're already my wife but...I can't help but feel like I've dishonored you. Thats why I haven't been staying with you, I want to wait and if I stayed with you, dear spirits, I wouldn't be waiting." he said causing be to blush bright red at him admiting his want for me. "Our men all know we are to be married, what kind of leader would I be if I laid with the Mother Confessor as if she were no more than my whore? I am not my father, Kahlan. I won't just expect you in my bed because I demand it of you...thats what Darken Rahl did with his women. I want them to see me as a man who honors the woman he loves." He lifted my chin searching my face for any sign of understanding. Even though I understood what he was saying I couldn't help but still feel the sting of jelousy when he spent all his time, as of late, with Cara and Rikka.

I sighed looking at him hoping that he would miss the jelousy written across my face. "I'm still coming with you. I will not be parted from you again Richard." I said in a commanding tone.

"Kahlan...let me make this special for you."

"You can, I just want to be with you tonight." His eyebrows furrowed in sadness and it made me ache with pain as he backed away from me to lean against a tree. "If you want to wait, I will, Richard but..." I looked down at my hands twisting the string that held my pants in a tightening tangle around my fingers. The sting was a welcome release from my fury and disappointment of being denied by Richard. "I don't know how much longer I can stand this...please, Richard, marry me soon. I want to be yours so badly."

"I want that too, Kahlan." he said cradling my face in his hands. I hooked my thumbs through the rings of his armbands holding him to me. "More than anything. As soon as we meet up with Zedd, I promise." He kissed me gently and he put an arm around my waist, guiding me out to the road where our horses were waiting.

xxxxxxx

Zedd's smile widened as I stood close to Richard, Cara and Rikka flanked far back behind us. "...And when I felt her powers consume me, I gave myself over to them." He turned to me then with love in his eyes and ran his hand gently down my arm and took my hand intertwining our fingers. "At that moment, I wanted nothing more then for her powers to take me...I _wanted _her to confess me. The thunder without sound sliced through my soul and I felt everything she is overtaking me..." He squeezed my hand, pulling me closer against him. "Then when she pulled the knife from my belt to stab herself I stopped her but she begged me to let go." His voice cracked and with emotion at the memory of it. "But I refused her.."

"My boy..." Zedd said slapping a strong hand around Richard's shoulder and grinning even wider, so much that his face looked like it would explode with joy. "It's about time you figured it out!"

Richard narrowed his eyes at Zedd and I was too stunned to speak "You knew? And you didn't tell us? You watched us suffer...loving each other to the point of breaking and forcing Kahlan to take a mate...how could you do this to us." I felt his muscles tense against me with rage but Zedd remained calm with a look of pity.

"If I had told you..either of you," he glanced at me and Richard clutched me by the waist, snaking his arm around me and grabbing my hip turning me sideways so I could rest my face against his chest. I hadn't even noticed that I had been crying until I felt the wetness on his skin. "there may have been a shred of doubt..and even the tiniest amount of distrust would have caused her powers to take hold of that peice of you and make it her own...your soul would be lost to us. Do you understand why I couldn't tell you? I wanted so much to. Kahlan," I looked at him from my place against Richard's chest "the night in Aydindril when we spoke of...your duties as a confessor I wanted so much to take you in my arms and tell you but I couldn't. I was confident Richard would eventually figure it out but I was afraid that by the time he did that you..." he stopped when my lower lip began to tremble at the thought of what I had done and could have done. "Dear one, Richard...I must be the happiest grandfather and Wizard of the First Order that ever existed! And my answer is yes..." he came forward embracing both of us in the same tight hug, nearly crushing us, "I would be more than happy to bless you in marriage. When do you want ths blessed event to take place?"

"After we find the division..."

"Now. Bless our union now, Zedd." I said in desperation. Richard backed away so that he could look at me "I cannot be without him, not for another moment."

"Give us a minute alone please?" said Richard. Zedd nodded and walked back towards Rikka and Cara. They left the clearing of trees to us allowing us our privacy. I turned to Ricahrd as they disappeared and he turned so that we were facing each other. "Kahlan...are you alright?" he asked.

I clutched him to me, burrying my face in his chest "I can't lose you...I can't. Please, Richard. Please make me yours...now." I felt like I would break and I was so afraid of losing him. The overwhelming sensation of everything being lost...of Richard being lost...was too much to bear.

"You're not going to lose me." he whispered against my neck. "And if you want to marry me now, I will. I just thought that you would want something more for your wedding...after all you're the Mother Confessor. What kind of husband would I be if I didn't give you what you deserved?"

"I only want you." I said in a breathless sobb. "If something were to happen to you..."

"What's going to happen, Kahlan? Our greatesst threat has been defeated. Jagang is dead."

I gripped his shirt and pulled his face close to mine. "It doesn't matter! The Order still exists and they hate me...and now that you've killed their leader? Dear spirits, Richard, your life is is more danger than its ever been." I was a hysterical mess, shaking all over and clinging to Richard as though he was just a spirit that would disappear. He held me gently, drawing his hand soothingly down my hair and then pressing me against him with his hand on the small of my back.

"Oh, Kahlan...I'm so sorry. I didn't realize how afraid you were. Why didn't you tell me sooner."

I broke from his embrace and took a few steps back. "You've barely spoken to me in the past few days...and you're not coming to me at night. Maybe if I had told Cara my worries you would have known."

He looked stunned as though I had just slapped him in the face and his eyes watered with tears. "Damn you, Kahlan...how can you say that? And you want to marry me? How can I marry you when you don't even trust me.?"

I hung my head in shame. I couldn't look at him but I spoke through my tears "I trust you with everything that I am, Richard. I just...I love you so much and I'm jealous, for the first time in my life. I've never done this before, ever. I've never loved or even had feelings for anyone, I didn't have a reason to be jealous...but with you...just the thought of someone else with you...it scares me far more than the Order, or Darken Rahl or anything ever has."

The pain that had shadowed his face disappeared then and he began to laugh, softly at first and then he was laughing so hard that he was clutching his stomach from the force of it. "The Mother Confessor is jealous because she thinks that other women would steal a _woods guide _from her? You're daft, Kahlan. But I love you for it." He had walked to me and stood in front of me then taking me by my arms. The raptor gaze sliced through me then and I felt like falling under his gaze. "You have _nothing _to be worried about, Kahlan. Don't ever forget that, promise me?" I nodded weakly then and he smiled. "I can marry you now, Mother Confessor, whenever you want...anytime is perfect for me as long as it's perfect for you." I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I was waiting with Zedd in the Hartland square, the same place I had ran and played as a child. My heart beat widly in my chest and I looked out at the men an women of the D'Haran and Midland armies. Mixed in were men from the Westland regions who had joined in the resistance during Darken Rahl's reign. The sentiment of their loyalty added to the joy and excitment of my marriage to Kahlan.

"Richard," It was Zedd who had been appraising the surroundings whiile we waited. "I always dreamed of the day I would witness you taking a wife here in this very place where your mother married George Cypher, but I never for once imagined you would marry the Mother Confessor herself. You never seize to amaze me since the day you were born." he grinned widly from ear to ear as he reached inside his sleeve. "I have something of your mother's that I managed to salvage from your home before we left Hartland three years ago before setting out to defeat Darken Rahl. Her mother, who was also my wife and your grandmother, wore it at our wedding." He handed me a delicate silver band that wound in an intricate design around a small black stone in the middle. "The stone is part of what was used in building the Wizard's Keep. It was used by the wizards of time before remembering to weave a spell of protection around the people of Aydindril...and the very first confessors that dwelled there. It meant a great deal to your mother and she wanted to give it to you on your wedding day. She told me once to promise her that if anything ever happened to her before you chose your wife that I would make sure to give it to you."

I took the delicate ring that held so much history and emotion for me and knew that Kahlan was the only woman worthy of wearing it. "Thank you Zedd" I said giving him a quick strong embrace which he returned by squeezing me until I felt like I couldn't breathe.

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"Stop fidgeting and stand still Mother Confessor or I may just have to use my agiel to make you." I let out a huff of breath and forced my shaking body to relax while Cara tied spring flowers in my hair. "Okay, I think that does it." she said pulling tight the last strand of my hair to hold the tiny flower. "Rikka, I need the binding ribbon" she said and Rikka came forward holding a deep red sating ribbon. Cara bent down and roughly pulled my skirt aside and shoved it into my hands. "Do I have to do everything for you? Hold it up so I can tie this around your thigh." I held my skirts not really knowing why the binding ribbon was to be tied there...this was not a traditional Confessor's wedding but I had told Richard to follow traidition from his homeland, not wanting the pomp and circumstance that was normally used. I hissed when Cara tied it tight, almost too tight but I didn't complain, not wanting to admit weakness. I had asked her and Rikka to help me get ready for the wedding and they only relented because I told them Lord Rahl had suggested it. They hated weddings and lace and ribbon...all the things a Mord Sith were not used to. They had done well, I thought with what little time I had given them.

"Alright, you're ready." said Cara as she spun me around to look in the mirror. I was surprised at the sight the tiny flowers made in my hair and had rarely ever seen part of it pulled back off my face. My green forest dress was the only clean one but it would have to do. I was still apprehensive and wondered if Richard would find me beautiful. As if she read my mind Rkka came to stand beside me in the mirror. "Lord Rahl will find you appealing enough, Mother Confessor. Stop worrying and lets get this over with."

"Thank you Rikka." I said smiling to myself at the vain attemp of a Mord Sith trying to compliment me. Cara and Rikka then led me out of the bakers shop that had served well as a bridal room and we made our way through the men and women that stood in honor of me as I passed by.

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Everyone and everything melted away except the sight of Kahlan walking toward me. She was more beautiful than I had ever remembered her being and she was to be mine forever. Her green forest dress that she wore stole my breath and took me back to that night at Emma and Chase's where I had first began to love her instead of just wanting her. It was Kahlan who I loved more than life itself who had spoken tender words of encouragement to me that night, settling my soul like no other ever had. Her special smile, the one she gave only me, had first appeared that night and I would cherish it forever.

I inhaled deep the scent of her when she finally came to stand close in front of me. The tiny flowers in her hair made her look like and eartheral spirit and the sight of my pendant around her slender neck, resting against her breasts, brought a silent sob of longing to my chest. Her eyes locked with mine as she reached to entwine our fingers and the barritone of zedd's voice was only a sound to add with the night. "I love you", I said with my eyes and tears began to escape down her ivory cheeks. I leaned in, brushing my lips lightly agaisnt her cheeks feeling the tears that had fallen.

"...and this day the good spirits witness the binding of two souls," broke in Zedd's voice through my thoughts. He continued to address our men as I held her in my sight wanting to convey all my wordless declarations of love. "...Richard and Kahlan."

Zedd glanced at me and Kahlan, placing his hands that held the sword of truth over our heads. "Truth, that which binds you and that which has created the bond of love within you, I place over this union, securing both the power of Confession and the power that is in the Seeker to protect you both." He lowered the sword handing it to Kahlan. "Mother Confessor, you must honor him with the power of Truth and of your own powers...will you vow to this as his Confessor, his wife and his soul?"

She held the sword up to her lips, locking her unwavering stare with mine. "I do so swear, as his Confessor, his wife and his soul." She kissed the sword, sealing her oath to me and then she lowered the sword where I could wrap my fingers around hers over the hilt.

"And Richard...will you promise as her husband, the Seeker and her soul that you will use the magic of turth to protect her and honor her always, standing by her side as she fullfills her duties as Confessor?" I bent to kiss the hilt of the sword brushing her fingers with my lips as she continued to hold it. "I do so swear, as her Seeker, her husband and as her soul." She was trembling with emotion as she lifted the baldric over my head draping it over my my shoulder so the sword would rest at my back. When she was finished I gripped her hands to steady them with one hand while with the other I gently moved aside the folds of her skirt. I found the binding ribbon and undid it with one hand and pulled it slowly from her thigh flattening my palm against her bare skin, causign her breath to catch, before letting go and turning to hand it to Zedd.

Kahlan handed me her dagger and I cut across her palm drawing a tiny river of blood, but she smiled as though I had placed a kiss there instead. I passed the dagger back to her and she returned the favor, drawing the sharp blade against the inside of my palm. When I finished I returned it to Kahlan's hip and then Zedd was binding our hands with the ribbon. My heart began to beat with wild abandon when I felt her palm press against mine and the binding that symbolized our union was drawn tight around our hands. We then said the words to each other that both of us had dreamed would never be possible.

_There are three fountains In the mountain of roses, each I pledge to you._

_One of love, to drink deeply together, _

_the second of desire, to trail our hands in its heated flow, _

_The third of fidelity, that quenches our thirst when all other waters fail_

_We are young; we are old, we are eternal_

_In the spirit world, in this world, at the end_

_In body, in blood, and soul_

_In the valleys and mountains, under the stars_

_You are always my husband_

_You are always my wife _

"In the name of the spirits of old and yet to come I, First Wizard Zeddicus Zul Zorannder, do so name you man and wife." A loud chorus of cheers vibrated throughout the small courtyard of Hartland as I pulled my wife against me and kissed her. We were one in body, blood and soul before the good spirits and all who knew and loved us.

*Note to readers, the vows in this chapter were a modified version of old Celtic wedding vows that I found in a book called 'Dark Moon of Avalon'.


	26. Chapter 26

Ch 26

It was well past midnight when we finally reached the small cabin that had been readied for us. It was placed well out of sight from town but close enough to our men so that we could be guarded overnight. The night air was cold with early spring chill and I sat cross legged on the floor in front of the blazing fire as I watched Richard light more candles.

"I used to stop here many a night when I had been out hunting our guiding a traveler on a long journey. I'm sorry it's not more, Kahlan….I really wanted more for you than this, but this was the best that Cara, Rikka and I…" I stood then and went to him gently moving the flint from his hand and setting it aside taking his hands in mine.

"Everything is more than I could have ever dreamed." I said, my voice wavering with emotion. "You are everything I could have ever dreamed, my Richard. All I want tonight is to be with you." I said stepping closer yet, pressing my body tight against him. I let go of his hands then and ran my own under the hem of his shirt. I caressed my hands over the planes of his chest and abdomen memorizing again everything that was him. I felt him grip my hips and press our bottom halves together causing a sudden surge of wetness to pool between my legs when I felt how ready for me he was.

I smiled and ran my hands around his abdomen to his lower back and allowed my hands to slide under his pants to grip his bare backside. He groaned and brought his lips to mine in a heated kiss that lasted all too brief as he pulled away from me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked unsure of myself.

He chuckled and answered in a low husky voice "No, my love…I just want this to last forever and I was about to lose myself in the moment and simply take you."

I moaned at his words and reached up to rid him of his shirt which he allowed me to do. I leaned forward and grazed my lips and teeth across his chest and snaked my tongue out to lick a nipple on my way down his chest. When I began tugging at his pant strings he stilled my hands.

"Kahlan…wait."

"Richard?" I asked, worried and hurt at the way he had pulled out of my embrace to step back. He grabbed his discarded vest that was on the floor and fumbled in the front pocket.

"I want to give you something first before we make love. I won't be able to stop once I begin and then this would lose it's meaning I fear." He found whatever it was he had been searching for and stood, reaching for my hand and turning it over in his. He placed a small silver ring in my hand and I began to weep with the simplicity and beauty it.

"Oh, Richard! You know you didn't have to give me a ring…I told you all I want is you. I don't even have one for you and…."

He gently gripped my hand and placed the ring on my finger, the one that connected the inner pathway to my heart. It was then that I noticed the black shiny gem in the middle. It seemed to reflect the devotion that I often saw in Richard's eyes whenever he looked at me. "It was my mother's, and her mother before her. Zedd gave it to me before we were wed today to give to you." He caressed the top of my hand with his thumb as he spoke. "The stone is from the foundations of the Wizards Keep and was spelled by the wizards of old as a protection barrier to all those who resided in Aydindril….it's very ancient and holds so much meaning….just as you hold an unsurmountable meaning to me in my life. It's fitting, being from Adyindril and from my family. It's as though the good spirits knew before the foundations of the world of our love for each other."

"Dear spirits," I whispered in awe. "I don't know what to say, Richard."

"Tell me that you'll wear it forever and think of me every time you look upon it and remember my love for you is endless."

"I love you, my Richard." I said as I gazed at him through my tear blurred vision. "I've always loved you….even when I was afraid to and you mean more to me than life itself. Thank you for this. It means so much to me."

He brushed his hands through my hair, moving it from my face. "I can see my soul in your eyes…" the lips that spoke and the words stole my breath as he kissed me deep and tender. I melted into him, my body being pulled against the solid fortress of my protector, lover, and now my husband. I wept with love for him, at the joy of being his wife, and let all the pain I had ever locked behind my confessor's resolve spill over at last.

He seemed to know as if he could read my thoughts because he simply wiped my tears away as he kissed me slow and tender, caressing my neck and chest. I gasped when his fingers grazed lightly across the tops of my breasts that were exposed. My head was forced closer, pressing my lips tighter to his as his tongue entered between my lips and waged a sweet war with my own.

He grabbed his pendant that was around my neck holding me against him as his other hand reached under the laces of my dress to cup my left breast. I pushed myself into him, moaning at the simple intimacy of his hands on me. The way I fit with him was perfect. I snaked my hands between us, feeling the strong firm planes of him and memorizing his shape and seeing that which was mine with my fingertips.

I pushed back for an unwanted breath removing my hands from his skin and began to pull at the laces of my dress with shaking hands. He stilled my movements gently, pushing my hands away and began to pull free the laces himself, all the while keeping his eyes locked with mine.

I gasped every time his fingers brushed against my bare flesh as he slowed his pace to taunt me, pulling the last laces free in a slow fluid motion. My hands found the soft skin of his lower abdomen and I brushed my fingertips lightly across his taunt skin, feeling the pulse in the air between us like the cracking of powerful magic. I felt him flex, responding to my feather light touch and allowed his desire for me to fuel my need for him.

I pulled apart his belt that held his scabbard around his narrow hips and let go. Upon hearing his sword clatter on the solid dirt packed floor his hands moved the dress off my shoulders, pressing his palms down my bare flesh until my arms were free.

He caressed my forearms until he reached my hands and took both of them in one of his strong callused ones placing them on his chest and began to kiss my bared shoulders. I shuddered when I felt his other hand slide up my spine and begin to loosen the stays of my corset. His tongue licked across my collar bone and I moaned at the wet soft feel of it on my naked skin. When he pulled the all of the stays loose enough, he released my hands and used both of his to pull the last barrier of clothing that covered my upper body away.

A low gasp rumbled in his chest and my arms went instinctively to cover my breasts. Even though he had seen me before, I was still afraid of disappointing him because it had been so long ago since he saw me this vulnerable and exposed before him and that had been before my betrayal of taking a mate. His brow furrowed in pain and confusion as he gently grabbed my wrists to prevent me from shielding myself.

"Don't do that" he whispered tenderly. "I'm yours now, as you are mine…and I want to see you…all of you."

"Even though I've been with another?" I wailed, tears pouring from my eyes as I lowered my gaze from his.

"Kahlan….you know how I feel about what happened. My heart aches for you because you had to do what you thought was necessary. I will _never _hold it against you…on my life as your husband…I swear it." He said cradling my face in his hands. "In my heart and soul, I believe you never wanted to hurt me. Promise me, Kahlan, after this night you won't blame yourself ever again."

I nodded, wiping my tears and clutching his hands that were still cradling my face. "I promise."

He smiled then and I reluctantly dropped my arms to my sides and let him look at me. His eyes caressed me with so much tenderness and open passion that I felt my powers begin to slip even more. I wimpered when his hands finally touched me, cupping each breast in a strong calloused hand. His palms rotated, causing my nipples to pucker and he then moved a hand to my back, bringing me closer to him as he took my breast into his mouth, slipping his tongue over my nipple.

I hissed and fisted his hair in my hands as he devoured my breast and pushed myself closer. His hands slid down my body and found my rear, sqeezing the globes in his hands eliciting a wanton moan from deep inside me that I wasn't aware had exsisted. He lifted me as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Richard…." I panted as he lowered me gently on the pallet and continued to lick and suck at my breasts. His hands caressed down my thighs moving my underskirt above my waist. I reached between us and made to pull it off. His large hand covered mine as we both pulled in down past my waist and knees. I gave it one last kick, discarding it to the floor. I closed my eyes then and felt his hands on my bare legs caressing my ankles, then my calves to my knees. I giggled airily when his tongue dipped behind my knee and licked the sweat that had gathered there. Then his hands and tongue licked and caressed my thighs oh so close to my womanhood which was throbbing with anticipation.

I was panting with lust as I dug my fingernails into his shoulder blades which seemed to fuel him further. His tongue slid over my small clothes up to my flat stomach. His hands slid up my sides and then to my breasts again sqeezing them and toying with them torturously making my nether lips pulse with need. His teeth grazed the tender place just above the waist band of my small clothes and then he dipped his tongue into my belly button teasingly.

My hips bucked into his chest, begging him to touch me where I needed him the most, but he grinned and shifted so I couldn't make contact. He kissed me again, closer to my womanhood and snaking his tongue under the top of the waist band. I moaned, almost begging him to taste me there but he only breathed in deep, the scent of my arousal.

My powers rocked with promise below the surface as his hands continued toying with my breasts. He hadn't even touched me there and I could feel my muscles clamping at the phantom memories of him inside of me. "Richard…." I wimpered and he complied by caressing my torso downward to grip the hem of my small clothes.

He stilled for a long moment staring at me with lust darkened eyes and then he tugged them down my waist. I lifted my hips to assist him, growing wetter at the touch of air against my exposed woman hood.

When they were discared he whispered my name and drank in the sight of me bared before him. I sat up gripping the back of his neck and pulled his lips to mine in a soft sensual kiss while my other hand finished untying the laces at his waist. "I want to see all of you too, my Richard."

He leaned back and gently pushed me down on my back as he removed his pants. I gasped at the sight of him seeing how aroused he was. "Dear spirits, Richard…please…now….make love to me."

He chuckled and moved to lean on his side as he circled my belly button with his finger and then he lowered his hand to softly graze his fingers over the wetness between my thights. He caressed me between my folds and circled my throbbing nub with his finger. I moaned with hot need and he rewarded me by pressing the pad of his finger against my nub. He touched, caressed and tortured me for what seemed like an eternity bringing me close but never enough to push me over the edge.

Then at last I felt a long finger slide through the wetness to my opening. He watched me as he pushed inside of me. My head rolled back as his finger was pressed deeper into my sheath moving lazily around to caress my inner core. He pumped teasingly slow a few times before adding a second finger. I spread my legs wider and he pushed deeper between my folds. He pumped slowly back and forth while he watched me with lust fogged eyes. I writhed against his hand and begged for him to enter me but he seemed content to watch me while he pleasured me with his fingers.

I balled my fists against the sheets and sqeezed my eyes shut and relished in the feel of the man I loved as he touched me there. I screamed when I felt his wet lips curl around my nub as he continued to pump two fingers in and out of my sheath. When his tongue pushed between my folds, replacing his fingers I gripped his hair violently and lifted my hips pushing myself into his face.

My powers cracked, but I held them tight because deep down there was still the unwarranted fear of hurting him. Tears of pleasure, joy and fear flooded my face as he licked and sucked me there. And then he stopped suddenly and I felt his hands on the sides of my face.

"Kahlan….let go…it's all right. You can't hurt me."

I wimpered at the feel of him above me and the love that was his to take that I was too afraid to give. "I can't! I'm so afraid, Richard….If I lost you I…."

"Shhh….look at me." I reluctantly opened my eyes and saw the truth of his love for me written in his eyes. "Theres nothing for your powers to take that doesn't already belong to you. We both know the truth of it Kahlan….you confessed me already that night and you didn't hurt me because I already belong to you in every way."

I wept then…wrapping my legs around his waist pulling him against me. I moaned at the pleasure of feeling his manhood against me there and rocked my hips making both of us groan in want. "Then make love to me…I want you too…forever."

He kissed me tenderly and I felt him there against my bare womanhood. I wiggled my hips to guide him to my opening and when we were aligned he pressed into me sheathing me deep.

I moaned softly whispering his name as he pulled out slowly almost completely and slid back in. He filled me, all of me, inside and pressed his chest against my breasts. His strong arm clutched me by the small of my back to hold me tight against him and his other hand slid up the back of my thigh opening me further.

My hands fisted in his sweaty hair and I pulled his lips to mine in a fierce, intense kiss. His tongue that had moments ago been on my lower wetness snaked between my lips allowing me to taste what he had devoured. The effect was erotic and fueled my passion as I rolled my hips to match his movements.

The slick sweet slide of him in me was rapture and I sqeezed him with my inner muscles causing him to moan deep in his chest. I felt the vibration rumble through me stroking the nerves that lay beneath my core and I almost screamed then but he stilled his movements and pulled back from our lip's embrace to gaze at me.

He caressed my hair away from my face and gazed at me like one confessed but with more devotion than I had ever imagined possible. "I love you forever, Kahlan Amnell. . This night, I give you my body, my heart, my mind and my soul. I seal a promise in our blood and in our bodies that I will never love another as long as my soul exists, in this world and the spirit world." I gasped, hearing his familiar words only spoken to me once before on the night we had first made love. "My body, I give to you as protection and pleasure in this life, with my heart I give you my love for eternity and beyond, my mind I give to you, promising to put you first above everything including myself, my soul I give to you that we will be as one forever, and I seal my oath to you, again, this night as your true husband, your soul, and the one who loves you more than any other."

As he leaned close to kiss away my tears I wept, holding him close against my slick wet skin and I moved with him in the dance of love. He told me to trust him, to love him, to let go and in the dark still night I released my powers into him. He held me tight, accepting all the love that should have destroyed him but he was unafraid. He whispered his love for me as the thunder without sound rushed into the night and I felt him give himself over to me.

Never in my whole life as a confessor did I ever experience the clutches of my powers being welcomed without resistance and it stunned me, collapsing my strength and giving me pleasure insurmountable. My whole body tightened around him and I felt like I was falling bringing him with me through the storm that I had always traveled to alone.

* * *

I felt her powers surge into me from every pore in my body and I let go of everything I was. Her magic felt like a great soft caress stealing its way into my soul and I clutched to the presence of her magic with all of the strength and love that exsisted within me. Her body tightened around mine and I moaned with untold pleasure, that which I had never felt before, even with her. She writhed and screamed beneath me digging her nails into my back and I knew that in that moment I loved her more than I ever had.

Our pleasure rose like the tide of a vicious, powerful storm that would not end but when it finally waned we were both spent, breathless and a feeling of weightless bliss enveloped us. I was truly one with her, my Kahlan, my wife, my soul….my confessor.

* * *

When at last the storm of our release had calmed I opened my eyes to gaze upon him. His eyes were closed in serene peace and his face held a youthful appearance of the man I had first fell in love with that day back in Hartland. "I love you, Richard Cypher. You are truly a rare person." A lazy grin spread on his face and his arm tightened around my shoulders bringing me close for another sweet kiss. The flames of our love began to fan again and we gave into each other again and again on that endless night. And it was more than I could have ever dreamed.


	27. Chapter 27

_Dear Readers-sorry this chapter is so long in coming, I've been in the process of moving to another state. This chapter shows my mood pretty well, its quite depressing...but don't worry...the outcome is worth it. _

* * *

Ch 27

The thick thrum of magic engulfed the small cabin at the edge of the woods. Jagang leaned absentmidedly watching as Nicci, Marissa and Leila chanted while the small florecent light swirled between their outstretched hands and formed a shield over the place where the Mother Confessor's voice screamed in pleasure.

He laughed quietly to himself, brushing his stiff knuckes over the leather at his chest. A calming knowledge presided over him, even though he was allowing the Lord Rahl to take pleasure in his wife's moans before he took her for himself. The spell of barrenness would take root as she reached her height of release, refusing to connect with the seed of Lord Rahl. Others could breed with her, but not him…not the man that she loved and called husband.

The plan was unique and risky, but Nicci had assured him that it would work. The thought of fathering a confessor with dream walker capabilities exited him to arousal. He closed his eyes, and breathed deep the aroma of dark magic that would destroy his enemies.

* * *

The morning sun began to touch her skin as she slept soundly under the furs on our makeshift bed. I sat jealous of the sun…nothing should touch her but me, I thought. My musings were interrupted by a faraway caw of a hawk and I stirred from under the cacoon of warmth trying my best not to wake Kahlan.

I moved, taking a blanket with me to wrap around my waist and made my way to the window to peer out. I could just make out the shapes of tents where the army slept between the trees as the morning mist continued to lift. It would be a cold spring day, I wagered, and shivered slightly in the cold.

Suddenly a pair of hands snaked around my waist and pulled me back against warm naked breasts. I closed my eyes and suppressed a moan at the feel of her. She grazed her teeth across my bare skin making the fire of my desire to fan higher. "You're tired of your wife already?" she teased.

Laughing I turned in her arms and noted her teasing glare. She pursed her lips at me and I kissed her gently before running my hands inside the blanket to pull her to me, stroking her silky flesh. I inhaled her scent, one now that reminded me of myself. She had my own essence all over her. I loved it….her being mine. "I could never be tired of you my love."

She smiled up at me…she was stunning and flushed from our night of love making. I held her tighter feeling her bare flesh pressed against mine. She wimpered and ran her hands up my back bringing me closer. "Come back to bed, my love." My heart swelled when she called me her love and I kissed her tenderly on the lips as I moved us back to our bed. I laid her down amonst the furs, her dark raven hair faned out around her face. All I wanted to do was love her for the rest of my life and there was an ache in my chest and a fear that I couldn't love her enough.

She must have seen the change in my emotions because I noticed a look of concern cross her eyes as she caressed my chest up to my neck and pulled me close to lay against her.

"Whats wrong?" she asked with concern and love.

"Its nothing….I…I just love you so much." I told her as I ran a hand up her thigh and circled around her waist holding her to me. "I love you doesn't even begin to explain how I feel about you…I wish you knew how much I loved you…but I'm afraid that its impossible."

She pressed on my shoulders so I would rise back to look at her. "Richard Cypher Rahl….if you think that marrying me and making love to me for the last four days isn't enough than I don't know what I'm going to do about you." She looked deep into my soul, giving me her special smile. "Everything is perfect, Richard….believe me….I know how much you love me." She said pulling my face just close enough that I could feel her breath against my lips as she spoke. "I've felt your love for me." She grinned wickedly as she wrapped her legs around me. "But if you want to show me again…."

I kissed her deeply before she could finish what she was about to say. The feel of her legs around me and her lips against mine left me delirious with love for her.

* * *

My head was still spinning from my release as I lay naked next to Richard. He was spent, and finally breathing deep and even with sleep so I forced myself to leave from his smooth warm skin and I slid quietly out from under the blankets, much like Richard had done that morning except that I had been awake. I pulled on my riding pants and one of Richards discarded shirts and cloaks and dressed quickly in the cold afternoon air of our cabin and then, taking one last glance over my Richard I quietly pulled open the heavy door and set out into the cold sunlight to find some wood to prepare a fire.

I grinned to myself as I pulled the cloak tighter around my shoulders. I walked slow, feeling the sweet ache between my legs that he had put there. The memories of the past four nights had my head souring and I could not help but smile.

The smoke of my breath hit the air in clouds and I mused, thinking that maybe spring really had not come yet. I continued to walk for a while, enjoying the cold against my cheeks as the wind wipped through my hair slapping it against my face. Finally, moving from the path I started up towards higher ground where I knew I would find dry wood for a fire. I had brought Richard's fighting axe with me, the best thing I could find hastily in a cabin made only for love making.

Rumaging through the thick overgrowth of newly grown spring leaves I found a small area with some fallen logs. Smiling at my luck I set the axe against a tree and bounded up a few feet gathering my cloak around me to make a sling for the wood. I bent down, hissing at what the change of angle did to my sweet soreness and began to pick up good sized logs. The wind was fierce and it made it hard for me to see with my hair slapping against my face but I worked quickly.

When I had a sizable amount I raised up to a standing position maneuvering the makeshift pouch to my right hip so I could hold it and slid down the small embankment that I had came up. I finally made it to the bottom and looked for the tree that I had rested the axe against. A sudden wave of prickling panic began to creep its way up my spine when I noticed the axe missing and the warrior in me came alert. I stood as still as stone and as I listened close to the slient air around me.

That's when I heard it…a twig snapping to my left. I whirled around dropping the logs I had been carrying but didn't see anything. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood in warning and my heart was racing in panic as I quickly bent to grip the daggers from my boots but remembered they were back at the cabin along with Richard's sword. I gauged how far the army was in comparison to the cabin and made my decision.

I turned around and ran back up the embankment toward the army. I had no idea what was hunting me, but I was sure on my life that something was after me. My legs carried me fast up the incline as I ran with all my strength. When I reached the clearing where the army was camped but my stomach clenched in panic…the valley was empty as if no one had ever even touched foot there.

Turning, I sprinted across the field in the direction of the cabin. I was panting and out of breath as I came to the tree line that I recognized and ducked under the overhang of trees that should have lead to the path of our cabin…but there was no cabin…just an empty path that led nowhere.

Slumping in defeat against a tree, I tried to piece together what had happened when I felt a sudden rush of heat against my face. And then there were hands on me everywhere but I couldn't see anything because the light around me was fading to a black hole. I screamed in terror and kicked and thrashed at whatever it was that had me, but to no avail. My world went black and I heard my blood curdling scream as if from far away as a cold metal collar was clicked around my neck.

* * *

I awoke disoriented and weary. My head throbbed and I sqinted my eyes trying to open them but it hurt so much that I had to force them open. When I moved to sit up I was jolted with blinding pain and when I tried to pull my arms to myself in a painful clench I froze unable to move because of the chains there.

Panic gripped me as my focus returned. The room I was in was unfamiliar but lavish. Red plush carpets and ornate rugs were strewn across the room. There were books stacked neatly in cupboards some with titles that I couldn't read because I did not recognize the language and that struck me as odd. As the Mother Confessor I spoke and read nearly every language in the Midlands. Wherever I was, was clearly somewhere I had never been before.

It was silent as death around me but I knew that meant nothing. Then I remembered the rada han around my neck and another cold wash of fear embraced me with its icy hands. The hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach was unnearving with the absence of my powers.

Tears stung my eyes as I tried with all my might to move and I barley managed to glance down at my body. I was naked and covered with bruises and I was completely numb between my legs. I began to weep with desperation and I knew that the women I had glimpsed capturing me could be none other but sisters of the Dark.

A sudden sound of like metal being scraped against stone shook me to alert and I cast my eyes in the direction of the sound and could just make out a large commanding shadow approaching. The light was dim but I could just make the outline of the enormous preseance of a man. My heart almost stopped in terror at the sight of my dead enemy walking towards me. I squeezed my eyes shut hoping I was trapped in some sort of nightmare but the sudden cold chill that bit my skin reminding me of my nakedness was too real to be a dream.

As he made his way to me, the corded muscles in his bull like neck throbbed and arched under his skin. His dead empty eyes showed a swirling abyss of darkness black as night with no pupils to focus but I felt his gaze on me as though it was raking across my body. Confusion raked my tired mind and I couldn't comprehend how he was still alive. I had seen Richard run him through with the Sword of Truth and crumple to the ground in a bloody writhing mess.

Reading my thoughts like a book he said, "One of my devoted sisters brought me back to finish some business that I have with you, Mother Confessor." He grinned, and stood close to me breathing deep. He reached in his leather belt and pulled out a sharp twisted knife while he ran his other hand through my dishevled hair. "The first thing to go would have been your virtue but my sisters examined you and say you are no longer a maiden and the screams of passion that I heard as Lord Rahl took you again and again, so I will have to settle with removing your dignity instead." He grinned wickedly and girpped my hair tight and began cutting off my long tresses in long uneven chunks.

I screamed in defiance and tormenting pain. A confessor's hair was a symbol of authority and magic had prevented me all my life from cutting the length. The pain of magic threaded through me with a burning intensithy that left me numb and when I called for my powers instictivly I was jolted with searing pain. "None of that, confessor. Your power's are useless against the Rada Han. Only I control you now." With his hand still holding my hair as he cut a sharp stab of magic buckled my knees. I would have collapsed but he held me up by my hair causing my scalp to bleed and burn with pain.

I sqeezed my eyes shut and wouldn't allow myself to scream but when he let go I almost lost control at the weighless feeling of my head without my hair. I brought my chained hands up, feeling desperately for the thick hair that Richard loved and felt the short frays of hair standing on end no longer than just above my ears. I cried and spit in his face as he turned to replace the knife and was met by a metal gloved hand across my jaw.

He finally let me crumple to the floor kicking me in the ribs and knocking my breath from me. I caught myself with an elbow, pulling my chained hands against my chest so he would remove his inky eyes from my breasts. He laughed bending down and took my chin forcefully in his bruising grip bringing my face close "Any more of that, confessor and I will show you how brutal I can be" he sneered and backhanded me again causing me to black out but I still held a thred of consciousness. "I see you aren't ready to cooperate. Perhaps a night in my bed will change your mind."

I screamed in terror, fury and desperation as I listened to the chains being rustled and tighted to move me. I was pulled up on my shacking legs and shoved forward until I reached the large bed. A feeling of sickening panic coiled in my soul as I recognized the bed as the one I had slept in back in Aydindril. He must have noticed my reaction because he said "A gift for you from home, Mother Confessor. Your very own bed. I trust we will spend many wonderful nights together getting aquainted."

He yanked me up to the headboard and shackled my hands to it, pulling the chains tight. My wrists were numb from the tightness around them and I tried to gain a hold on my powers but then again I remembered the cold weight against my neck that rendered me helpless.

When at last I was secured to the bed Jagang settled between my legs stared at me, his black empty vision swirming with hatred and lust. "You are more impressive than I thought, confessor." He said running a finger from my lips between my breasts and then he stopped at my stomach pressing a palm hard against me grinning widely. "My loyal sisters have spelled your womb barren against Lord Rahl's seed but don't worry, confessor, you will bear a child soon….my child. He will be one of great power of confession and the inheritance of the dream walkers."

Anger gripped me and I tried to shove him off of me with my legs but his weight was too heavy. I gritted my teeth "I will NOT allow your child to live…even if you do rape me and get me with child. I will shed the life so fast to save the live of my people that…" he gripped my neck and I was rendered breathless and speechless as he lowered closer to me. I felt bile collect in the back of my throat when I felt his hardness on my thigh.

"You _will _bear a son for me. You have no choice." He said aligning himself at my entrance. "There will be a great ruler wrought form our union…one even greater than me." He smiled wickedly. As he readied himself I couldn't control the sickness from coming. I turned my head and the bile from my empty stomach exploded next to my head causing Jagang to falter and back up quickly. He punched me then, and continued to pommel me with his fists and was screaming at me, calling me vile things until I blacked out.

The last thoughts I had were to thank the spirits for saving me from rape this night and of Richard and his endless love for me. I wept silently and dreamed I was running searching for Richard but I couldn't find him.


	28. Chapter 28

Ch 28

The pain was unbearable. Clenching my teeth against the agony I pulled myself up to a seated position listening intently as I did so. There were voices in the distance…screams and wails of fear and drunken laughter mixed in with the cacophony of the sounds of the Order. My hands clenched at my shift trying to stretch it lower in modesty over my thighs but it would not budge more than a few inches.

My fingers were dirty with mud and dried blood and the knuckles were sore from fighting against Jagang when he came to me at night. The days and nights had seeped into one unending nightmare and I no longer hoped for escape, instead I prayed to the spirits for death.

I stood weakly on feeble legs and shuffled along the carpeted floor to the washbasin feeling nauseous again. I gripped the sides of the marble basin steadying myself for the oncoming flood of sickness and braced myself as everything I had been allowed to eat came burning up my throat. When I was spent, I collapsed back onto the floor, holding the edge of the bedding trying to regain my composure. This had been my ritual every morning since I had been captured by the Order. I couldn't tell if the bastard inside of me caused it, or if I was just sick with grief but either way it had left me emaciated with my bones jutting out except for where the swell of my stomach festered.

At that moment a sister of the dark came into the room. She was silent and dressed in a brown drab robe that covered her to the floor. I envied her of her covering wishing that I had something such as that to cover myself with. At least I had clothes, I mused.

She glanced towards me and I thought I detected a hint of pity in her eyes as she came closer to empty the basin that held the contents of my stomach. She picked it up with ease and exited the tent between the heavy flaps for a moment to pour the contents into the ground before returning.

"The Emperor requires your presence in the command tents. He's sent me to fetch you."

I pulled my weak body off the floor, swaying slightly on my feet and clutching the bedpost to steady myself. "You must wash that vile stench off of you first. We would not want to displease his lordship now would we?" She asked condescendingly.

I nodded and fumbled with the ties of my shift allowing it to fall from my body in front of the other woman. She stared openly at me as if she were a man with heated desire before resting her gaze on my abdomen. "It seems as though his son is growing stronger yet." She smiled wickedly before turning to fetch a water jug to fill the now empty basin. She pushed me then out of the tents into the hot summer breeze and poured the freezing water over me, covering me in chills. I stood still as she roughly scrubbed me with lavender scented soap and I clenched my hands into fists forcing myself to endure her ministrations.

In the beginning when the sisters were sent to bathe me I would fight them, not wanting anyone to touch me. But I was always greeted with a blow of painful magic that ran throughout my body like a wave of fire.

I looked down at my belly which swelled with child and a pang of hate washed over me. How could I ever even bring myself to love such a vile creature? A confessor with dream walker abilities would be extremely dangerous, especially being raised by the Order. I sucked back a silent sob, thinking of the children that I had dreamed of with Richard knowing now none of that would ever happen.

There was a spell over the camp of the Order, I had learned, that made it impossible for anyone outside to see us and it was impenetrable from both sides leaving me a prisoner along with everyone else who had been captured. The loathing I had for the Order had risen to unbearable heights as the constant brutality I was forced to witness became more terrifying and brutal.

"Move, Confessor." Hissed the woman who pushed me roughly between the shoulder blades back into the tent. I shrugged her off and climbed the wide step back into the tent on my own. She pushed past me and grabbed a clean see through gown and yanked it over my short hair. She tightened the stays impossibly tight to show off my budding belly so that when we passed the men of the Order they would bow prostrate to their unborn leader. The whole thing made me sick with fury and even though I hated everything I had become, part of me still clung to the warrior in me with the promise of vengeance. Determined, I raised my chin and followed the woman out of the tent into the blistering heat. The dust on the ground burnt my bare feet as we trudged towards the enemy headquarters. Sure enough, the passing between the haphazard array of tents brought the armies of the Order to their knees.

"Hail the future Emperor of Justice!" They cheered and some even threw petals of broken flowers at me. I shivered in disgust and tried to calm my frantic racing heart as I tried to wrap my mind around the contradicting events that continued to happen around me. They hated life, and abused it from the moment I entered the camp and now they were hailing an unborn child? It was exhausting to think of.

"Move aside for the Emperor's whore!" Shouted the guards at the front of the command tents. I heard a cacophony of laughter ripple among the bystanders as I climbed the carpeted steps and through the thick, heavy flaps of curtains that shielded Jagang and his commanders from the summer heat.

The opulence was spectacular and more beautiful than the rooms at the Confessor's Palace in Aydindril. Though I knew that many of the artistic displays were actually taken from there the familiarity did little to calm me. The small confessor statues that decorated the sides of Jagang's velvet throne were from the seat of justice in which I ruled before I had left on my quest to find the Seeker. A cold wave of anguish spread through me at the thought of Richard and I pushed his memory far from my mind to keep the salt from entering the gaping would in my heart. I tried desperately not to think of him and it made my torment that much more bearable.

He stood as I came closer and gripped my hand in shocking gentleness. "She grows more with my son every day…does she not?" He said addressing his men. They leered at my naked form that could be seen through the sheer gown as I stood in front of them. "Show them, Kahlan." I lifted my gown and showed them the flesh of my belly but the men only stared at my bare womanhood that glistened hairless with golden paint that the sister's often spread there. It was a ritual of sorts, to see the bareness of my skin that covered the child monster inside of me. Jagang never seemed to mind the looks they gave me as long as they didn't touch. He ran a gentle hand across my abdomen and pulled me closer by the jeweled chain that connected to my belly button ring so I would move toward him. He ran his fingers lightly over my flesh and then pulled me tight against his side, sliding his fingers lower to the paint between my thighs.

He murmured huskily against my neck and pulled me to sit with him. I lowered my gown then not asking for permission but I grew weary of their eyes. He didn't notice that time but he slipped his hand under the gown so he could stay between my thighs. I sucked in a breath as his finger slid between my folds and I was forced by a surge of painful magic to spread my legs to give him more room for his demands. He wasn't as rough as usual because he was discussing the plans to slaughter the next town while he kept his steady rhythm with his finger. He added a second and I whimpered with the conflicting tension somewhere between pleasure and revulsion. I closed my mind to my surroundings and thought of Richard and imagined it was him touching me. When I moaned outwardly the fingers inside of me deepened and I allowed myself sweet release. But it never failed to slam me into a pit of despair afterwards. I had betrayed Richard…many times when I allowed myself to enjoy what Jagang did to me. That above all else was torture for me. I would rather receive blow after blow of his fists but the constant warping of my mind caused me to become dependant on some sort of release.

I shuddered as I saw him lick his fingers clean and my heart ripped from my chest as I saw his look of triumph. "Excuse us…me and my whore have some pressing business to attend to in my chambers" he smirked wickedly, knowing he was winning the battle against my sanity. He yanked me up by the arm and guided me to his bed slamming shut the drapes as he was unlacing his trousers. "On your hands and knees, whore."

"No." I hissed and came at him with balled fists pounding him from below up into his chin causing blood to squirt everywhere.

He smirked as if the blow had not even affected him and grabbed my fist as I made to swing again. "I know you want it Kahlan."

I pulled my fist from his hand and kneed him in the groin causing him to curse and stumble to the floor. "I will _never _want you, you filthy disgusting pig and your shriveled cock! I only enjoy it when I think of _him_!"

He scrambled up from the floor and I kicked him in the ribs with all the force I could muster but the weight of my child caused me to stumble and he pulled me to the ground, crushing the wind from my lungs. He straddled me and grabbed my neck with one hand while he backhanded me. I closed my eyes tight as hot painful tears streaked down my face.

The bruises were better than any rape I had endured and I clung to that reality gripping to my consciousness. "He'll never want you now, _confessor_! Not after what you've done for me." He laughed as he continued to hit me but I showed no outward emotion even though inside I was dying thinking of what Richard would do if he knew. "Nicci tells me that he and that Mord Sith of his…what's her name, Cara…are seen together most nights. The screams of ecstasy coming form her tents can be heard even past the magical barriers."

I sensed no lie in what he said and began to panic. Jagang detected the change in my emotions because he let up from the blows and crashed his lips to mine. I bit his lip, pulling a gushing strain of blood into my mouth and he pulled back laughing harder at his triumph. "You see its true, confessor. But I would never betray you, not like he has." He caressed my face mockingly gentle as he spoke. "Forget about him Kahlan. You have me now and our child."

The heartache slammed into me like a thousand swords crushing my resolve. I quickly pulled a knife from his belt and made to slam it into my chest but he was too fast. "None of that, my love." He said as he pushed my arms up over my head, leaning all his weight on them. "You're not getting away that easy." He grinned as he pulled up my gown above my waist. "You belong to me now and forever."

* * *

I woke up sweating in the hot darkness, my hand clutched around my sword and still shaking from the remnants of my night terror. I had heard Kahlan scream as clear as if she were next to me but when I turned to check for her the bed was empty like it always was in the past months that she had been taken.

"Lord Rahl?" It was Cara whispering in the dark from her pallet on the floor that she slept on since the day Kahlan had been taken.

"I'm fine, Cara, go back to sleep." I said as I stood up. I was dizzy with grief and lack of sleep and nearly fell but I caught myself, leaning on the sword.

"You're not fine, Richard. You need to rest. You're no good to Kahlan like this."

The rage of the sword swam still in my veins and I glared at her "I'm no good to her anyway! I know what he's doing to her and I can't find her! Every day, every night, all I hear is her screams but she's nowhere!"

"Calm down, Richard." She soothed and I noticed Benjamin Meiffert waking from his place next to her on the floor.

"We'll fine her, Lord Rahl. I promise you. Even if it takes our whole lives to do it we will." He said as he stood. "I'll notify the men and let them know you're ready to start our search again."

"I'm going alone this time." I said with resolve and stumbled out into the night. I buckled my sword to my waist as I made my way to Zedd. Maybe he had some more information from the Wizard's Keep with him now that he had just returned from Aydindril. I prayed to the spirits that there would be something, anything that would help me find Kahlan.

"Richard, wait!" I let out a frustrated breath and turned to find Cara running after me, her hair still unbound flapping after her as she approached.

"Cara…." I said in warning when she had reached my side. "I told you…I'm going alone."

"I heard what you said, but I'm not leaving your side. I left you and Kahlan alone once and look what happened." She said trying to lighten the mood but it only ignited my anger toward myself.

I stopped and spun on my heel pressing my face close to hers. "You are not the one who was sleeping when Jagang took her! Damn you Cara! He stole my wife! And I let it happen! No one but me should be risking everything to get her but me. You were where you were supposed to be….with our men scouting the perimeter for trouble. But they slipped past you….but they took her….a few feet from our cabin…right outside my window….and I slept though it!" She wrapped me in her embrace but I shoved her off of me. I didn't want sympathy, I wanted Kahlan.

She looked stunned and tears escaped the corners of her eyes and she looked down at the ground. I had never seen Cara emotional before and it shocked me into silence and I couldn't move from where I stood. All I could do was stare at her. When she looked up at me again she was crying "It's my fault, Lord Rahl. I…I was with General Meiffert the morning she was taken….I wasn't where I should have been. I sent Rikka and Berdine in my place…"

I gripped her shoulders "Look at me Cara." When she didn't I shook her to get her attention and she finally looked up through her tear blurred vision. "I trust you and Rikka and Berdine with my life. Don't blame yourself; this has nothing to do with you. They want to destroy us…Kahlan and me. And I think they've succeeded…" I took a step back but still locked my gaze with hers. "You are my closest friend besides Kahlan and I care for you. Don't hate yourself for something that you can't change. Besides….if you had told me you wanted to be with Benjamin I would have told you to stay with him as long as you wanted. I'm happy that you've found someone."

She gave me an unconvincing glare and shoved my hands from her shoulders. "You're a worse liar than Kahlan." She said, sounding again like the Cara I knew. "Nothing makes you happy right now, which is why I must watch your every move. I will not let you fail Lord Rahl, not while I'm alive."

Despite my constant torment I smiled and actually felt a sense of joy for the briefest of moments. "Well, I guess I have no choice then, let's go. I want to stop and see Zedd on the way. He may have some more information about how to find Kahlan."

"We don't need Zedd, Richard. I'll just go and pay a nice overdue visit to Nicci and beat it out of her. I've been itching to since they captured her last night but Zedd, Verna and Warren have been keeping their eyes on her" She smirked. "Actually, I think that's what I need right now, to torture someone. I feel quite lost without the luxury sometimes. It would do you some good too, Lord Rahl. Let's go to the holding tents and get acquainted with the prisoners….shall we." She raised her eyebrows in a graceful gesture, hoping I would comply.

"Alright, Mistress Cara….we have a deal." I said in my most submissive voice. The effect was what I had wished for and she gave me a warning glare and gripped her agiels at her waist.

"All right then, _my pet." _she jested as she walked out in front of me. I couldn't help but notice the triumphant smirk on her face. But as we made our climb up the steep embankment my heart clenched in remorse at finding a moment of happiness without Kahlan. I felt like it betrayed her.

* * *

I gripped a fist of hair in my fist yanking the woman's head impossibly far back slamming my agiel in the flesh of her neck. The piercing scream was like a balm to my emotional sores and my heart soared at the relaxed form of Richard standing slumped against the pole opposite me as I worked the dark sorceress's magic against herself.

"Talk, bitch! Where are they holding the Mother Confessor?" I hissed, ramming the other ageil into her already bruised stomach.

"There's a spell surrounding the camp….thirty leagues from here." She stammered. It had taken all of two hours to get that out of her and I glanced at Richard in triumph dropping Nicci to the ground roughly. She collapsed at my feet, a bloody mess and tried to clutch at me for leverage but I kicked her face sending her sprawling back.

I saw Richard kneel to the floor over her, grabbing and agiel from my hand and he held it in front of her face. His jaw clenched in pain, but he allowed it to fuel his power and anger against the sister of the dark. "Tell me exactly where." When she hesitated he slammed the ageil against her temple briefly and then jerking back he shouted "tell me now!"

"Before the temple ruins of Ad'Ragatha….Lord Rahl." She sucked in blood as it pooled in her mouth…"past the line of pines…across the main road….you'll come to an energy shield…if you let me live, I will take you….and I would serve you with great honor if you…" he pounded the agiel down so hard I thought he had killed her, but she was strong, stronger than all the rest which caused me to keep a more cautious grip on her as Richard hit her again. "I can get you in unseen and take you to where he holds the Mother Confessor….she is heavy with child and….may be difficult to move but…." She began to cough, spitting blood as she did so but I didn't miss the shade of Richard's face turn as white as clay and the small spark of triumph flit across Nicci's face as she noticed what her information must have done to him.

"She's…with child?" he repeated, his voice cracking enough for me to notice and he gripped NIcci that was lying in her blood by the neck. "Take us there…now." He looked at me with deep sorrow in his dark eyes and it made me ache for him. My anger and hatred towards the Order rose like a deafening tide and I promised myself they would all feel my wrath. They would die…slowly. I grinned thinking of my revenge as I helped Richard drag the pathetic writhing wench to the horses.

* * *

I bond her hands behind her tightly but she never flinched. Her face was a mask of open terror as her blonde hair whipped around her in the wind. When I swung up behind her on the horse she stiffened, but it didn't matter. I bent my mouth to her ear "After this is over, I will give you over to Cara and Rikka. I'm sure you will have much to talk about with them…but first you are going to help me rescue my wife."

"As you wish, Lord Rahl. I am forever in your debt." A chill ran down my spine at hearing those words from her mouth but I pushed the feeling aside and kicked my horse into a gallop willing us closer to Kahlan.


	29. Chapter 29

_Sorry this is so short but I didn't want to leave you guys hanging from the last chapter. _

Ch. 29

We pulled the reins of our horses to a stop and I slid to the ground dismounting in the rain soaked ground, my feet sinking into the thick black mud of the old road leading up to the once majestic temple. The rocks jutted overhead like looming vultures in the cloudy summer sky and cast an eerie shadow in our wake. I glanced back at Cara as she tethered her horse to a nearby tree, her back rigid with the strain of the long ride.

Nicci sat as still as a statue above my mare staring straight into the distance with a flickering glare. Her face showed no emotion save for pain. Bruises from our encounter back at the prison holdings still lined her porcelain face but she was still hauntingly beautiful. As if reading my mind, her unnerving gaze moved to mine and stopped, anchoring me so that my stomach felt as if it had dropped into the underworld.

A vicious smirk flashed beneath her bruised skin and she spoke in a menacing low tone so that only I could hear her. "Seeker of Truth, Lord Rahl and husband to the Mother Confessor? As one of such importance I expected more from you." Her voice sent terror into me and I gripped the sword of truth unsheathing it in one quick arch. She began laughing and pulled her hands free of their restraints with ease and then smoothly dismounted. I noticed Cara in my peripheral vision rush towards us and before I could blink, a shot of fierce shifting lighting ignited and swirled towards her.

Moving quickly I jumped in front of Cara, paring the magic with my sword knocking Nicci back with her own magic. She slumped unconscious against a stone wall at the side of the road and crumpled to the ground. Cara was ready, and pounced her, ramming the agiels that were tight in her fists down into the neck and chest of the fallen sister of the dark.

With a weary eye I sensed Cara stiffen in anticipation for her waking as she straddled Nicci. "We can't use a rada han, Richard, so you are going to have to trust me." She said, her gaze holding all the warning I needed. "She must be able to break the shields and we cannot sever her magic until she does…but maybe we should put one on her just until she comes to; there's no telling what she may do."

I nodded, still contemplating the plan that we had haphazardly thrown together in a desperate attempt to sate our own vengeance and rising tension in the wait of finding Kahlan. "That may be our only option." I stated, mostly to myself as I reached inside my vest for the rada han that we had lifted from Zedd's cabin on our way. He was against our plan but at least he was on his way to help with the other sisters and Warren. I handed the cold metal ring to Cara who snapped it shut around the sorceress's neck and we waited.

* * *

I woke screaming and was disoriented at the number of people surrounding my bed. They were running back and forth with boiling water and blankets and the women at my feet were peering between my legs as two other's held my legs back. I saw Jagang in the corner with a scowl across his face as he watched. "There better be an explanation for this or each and every one of you will pay for it with a night in the tents with my men." He threatened.

Fear gripped me as I began to recall what had happened. I had been unable to move after our last violent encounter and the pain had never been so bad. I was clutching at the sheets in a desperate attempt to redirect my agony away from between my legs when I noticed that I was bleeding. At first it was just like after any rape from him. He always seemed to rip me open there but then the blood kept coming and coming, dripping down my legs. I had panicked and called for Elise, the sister who often cared for me when he was away. She was the one I could trust the most and she came running. When she saw me her eyes grew wide with fright and she had rushed out in an instant and came back only moments later with a group of women who yanked the sheets off of me.

"She's in labor….the babe is coming early. We must try to stop him or he may not survive." That's when I had lost consciousness until then. I was still bleeding and the pain had gotten worse.

Jagang came storming across the room flinging the smallest woman across the room. He gripped Nina by the upper arm bringing her face close to his. "Why is he coming now? You said he would arrive with the autumn moon, that's three months from now, wench!"

"I…I…don't know, my lord….she looks as though she has been through much trauma and it could have caused the labor to come early…." He grabbed her by the back of the neck and she screamed as the magic from her collar struck into her before she collapsed to the floor. At that moment a shrill cry of an infant filled the room and everyone, including Jagang went white.

I collapsed back onto the headboard and watched as Elise wrapped the dark haired child in a blanket. I cringed, thinking the infant's hair looked eerily like mine and felt the small awakening instinct to protect my child start to burn beneath the surface of my tattered emotions. "It's a boy, my lord." She said as she handed it to Jagang.

I wailed softly to myself when I heard Elise's voice declare that my child was male. He would be even more dangerous than a female confessor…but then again, I had heard them speak of the spell they had placed on Richard to quench his seed and that same spell assured the birth of a son instead of a daughter. I knew in the depths of my soul that I had to destroy him for the good of mankind and for my own sanity.

As Jagang held my son he didn't look at anyone but the babe for a long time and the room was stock still as we waited with apprehension at what he would do. Then, without a word, he turned abruptly and stalked out of the room with the child in his arms. I was too weak to fight but I closed my eyes against the pain and dreamed of a way to rid the world of the monster I had created. Soft tears ran down my cheeks as I allowed myself the pain of thinking of Richard.


	30. Chapter 30

Dear Readers: This is totally thrown together because I am still flip flopping between states and in a huge transition right now. But I don't want to leave you guys in the dark. Thank you everyone for your comments and thoughts! I love them. :0)

Chapter 30

_In the months following the birth of her child, Kahlan grew more distraught and withdrawn from herself. No longer did she fight the torture and mistreatment she received from the Order and no longer would she even speak out or protest, even when Jagang taunted her with accounts of the violent deaths of her and Richard's people. _

_The morning the Order plunged after the civilians of Hartland she sat still atop her mount watching with detached emotion at the slaughter of her people, Richard's people. The rada han that had been around her neck was no longer needed to control her, she was broken. Jagang glanced at her seated beside him as they watched and he himself began to grow weary. No longer was she the fierce fighting confessor that he had wanted to destroy. She was an empty shell, hollowed out by his own brutish ways and the abuses of the Order. The luster of the challenge was gone and he no longer cared what happened to her and Lord Rahl had seemingly abandoned her. Jagang's plan of taking control of the Midlands was failing. He wanted devotion from them, not complacency. _

_When the slaughter of each civilian town had been wrought, he expected a fight but nothing ever came. Fear began to prick at the Empower as he watched the lifeless eyes of those who would not be devoted to him. If there was no fear in them, there would be nothing to control, nothing to wield or use for his own cause. _

_He began to plan a retreat mentally to himself. There was nothing here for him any longer, he thought. The only thing he had was the son of a confessor who seemed to be growing into something he could not understand but knew that he was afraid of. So it began the turning point of the Order and the end of humanity…..or so he thought. _

It was freezing in the cold cellar where they had brought me and I couldn't remember how long I had been here. There were too many days to count and I didn't care anymore. The only torture was living and not being allowed to enter into the spirit world and be with my sister and mother again. I slammed my head against the stone wall and waited as I watched the wooden door for signs of Sister Elise. She would be bringing my nameless son to me so I could sustain his life. Maybe that was the only reason Jagang kept me alive other than to use my body for his own pleasures which he had lately grown weary of.

I closed my eyes to the crushing headache and waited for the familiar creaking of the door. I drifted into sleep and I was walking down the small winding path to a small cabin. I recognized it but couldn't recall why I had been there and my curiosity caused me to push the door open and gaze into the small candlelit room. I gasped when I saw Richard lying in the covers tucked close to his neck to keep the cold from chafing his skin. My feet took me to the bed and I sat down watching his face and I began to weep. I tried to move to hold him but my body was rigid and paralyzed in the frozen darkness and I panicked screaming his name, pleading with him to help me. The door to the cabin swung shut then, creaking on its hinges and a hand shook my shoulder…"Kahlan…Kahlan…wake now." My eyes popped open and I clutched at the closest thing to me flinging it at Elise. She turned her back to protect my son who began to wail when the pewter cup cracked against the stone wall beside them. "Get out! Get out!" I shouted. "I don't want you ….or him in here."

"You must feed him or Jagang will…"

"Kill me? Let him! I want him to! You tell him that and get that…that…monster out of here!" I said in a commanding voice that reminded me of her…the woman I used to be. She looked frightened, her eyes round like saucers black against her pale skin. The babe in her arms stilled slightly at the sound of my voice and turned his head to look at me with dark haunting eyes, piercing through me with his innocence but at the same time a strange knowing that I couldn't shake. "NOW!" I screamed, till shaken form the look on his face and the sister of the dark who held him to her shoulder moved then and pulled open the creaking door.

"You called for him again." She said quietly in a quavering voice, pausing with her hand on the door as she was walking through.

"Called for who?"

"Richard." I sobbed and slammed back against the stone wall screaming incoherent words at the woman and she finally left me alone in my torrent. I didn't want to hear his name or think of him….but the haunting dreams were getting worse and worse.

* * *

The Emperor of the Order sat gazing at the small child. Something about him was unnerving, he thought. The feeling of being watched climbed up his spine and he stood soundlessly gazing into the shadows that played across the rugs and tapestries that were moving slightly in the flickering light of the candles. The small boy squirmed, tiny fists rising in reflexive motions working his cramped limbs. He was strong even only after nine short months. Something was definitely wrong and had mounted the apprehension in him that he had kept close to himself. He would not admit it, but he was afraid of the small boy. But he did not know why.

He crossed the carpeted floor and peered out into the room behind the curtains motioning for Sister Vera. She came without hesitation curtsying low when she entered. "I need you to examine the child for signs of the paternity spell." She gave him a confused look but went to the large bed and unwrapped the child who started to wail from the sudden change of temperature. The small eyes opened then and locked unnervingly with Jagang's. He gasped at the maturity and intelligence they held as if he knew what had been done to his mother and secretly was promising vengeance.

Sister Vera gasped and stumbled back a few feet catching herself on the side table so she wouldn't trip. She righted the table but not before the glass holding Jagang's ambrosia spilled and splashed to the floor. Jagang, who would have normally have punished her severely seemed not to notice but stood transfixed by the infant boy. "What is it Vera?"

"I-I don't know, my lord, but I am certain the child is not a dream walker. He shows no signs of it. But there's something else…threatening about him that I can't explain my lord."

"How can you be certain?" He asked in a clipped whisper laced with apprehension.

"I've been a midwife for centuries and I have delivered my share of dream walkers. The eyes are always distinct, my lord. This child…there is no mistaking what he is not." She said and hesitantly as she crept back to the child and stretched out her hands over his chest and closed her eyes. A quiet hum could be heard and the rippling signs of magic passed between her outstretched hands and the boy's small chest. He had stopped crying and was eerily still and silent as he gazed up at the hands over him as if contemplating what she was doing to him.

A sudden gust of unseen wind ripped through the curtains of the bed, quiet at first, and then rose to a violent force whipping the tent flaps open to the outside. Vera began to scream and then there was an exploding sound as she fell back like someone had pushed her violently. Jagang rushed to her side but did not attempt to help her back up but stood in a rage over her, fists clenched. "What is it?" He said his voice thick with fear and anger.

"The paternity spell is in place, my lord, but I detect a weakness in the link. I don't know what it is that I feel but whatever it is, it's dangerous. This child should be destroyed." She turned to look at him with warning. "Why have you not had one of us look at him until now? We could have…."

"You will not touch him until I find Nicci." He said roughly then taking the child hesitantly from the bed and nearly bolted from the rooms heading to where the sisters of the Dark were encamped.

He walked quickly through the moonless night feeling determined to find the truth of what he had feared all along. The child began to wail again

* * *

The night had stretched on without another interruption and I was beginning to bask in the silence of the cold night. I stretched as far as I could with the chains around my wrists and cringed when I felt the chaffing of the metal against the bleeding sores. My knees began to shake as I moved to sit on them but I needed to shift positions to quench the numbness. The cold dirt against my palms felt cool and soothing and I had taken to rubbing it into my skin just to feel something besides the empty, naked air. I lost myself in brooding thoughts trying to decipher where and _when _I was but the memories had blurred so much that I didn't even know how long I had been here. Although I did watch my tiny son grow bigger, I couldn't remember how old he was. All I knew was that it had been nearly twenty days and nights since Jagang had failed to come and "visit" me with his torture.

I smiled as I felt the coolness of the dirt spread on my skin when I heard the door break open as if someone had kicked it in. My heart jumped to my throat and I crouched in the dark shadows of the cell corner, straining the chains to a bruising grip as I watched the outline of two women enter the room.

"She's here, I know she is. This is where Jagang keeps the ones he saves for himself."

"Kahlan?" A feminine voice called, strangely familiar and unnerving because I couldn't quite place it. "Kahlan…." The woman crouched down and pushed the hood of her dark cloak back revealing her familiar face. I began to cry and clutched at my shift wanting to close into myself.

"C-Cara?" I said, stuttering from the lack of use of my voice. "What….?"

"We have to get you out of here…and now." She said with a commanding tone. "Nicci, help me with her chains."

"Nicci!" I winced when she came towards me. "Get that witch away from me! She did this….she took me….she ruined everything!"

"Calm down…I'll explain later but you must come with us now."

"And why would I come with you _Cara._" I whispered, gritting my teeth in anger. "After what you've done with Richard.….is that why you're with her?"

"Shut up and listen to me, Mother Confessor." She held an agiel in front of my face and I spit on her. She had lain with Richard…I vowed to confess her as soon as I got the chance. Nicci worked the chains off with her magic and as soon as they were off I gripped Cara by the neck, but my strength was torn from not using my powers in so long and I could barely stand on my own. I tried to scream but was met with a fist to the jaw before I could even gather the air in my lungs. "What in the name of the spirits are you doing? We're here to rescue you!"

"You're a whore! I'd rather stay here than go with the likes of you!" She glared at me but deep down my confessor's training told me she was confused so I relented...for now, I thought. Nicci shoved me towards Cara as she led the way up the stone steps out of the dungeons but my legs went slack from under me and I slid down the steps, knocking NIcci down with me. I tried to lift myself but couldn't move when Cara raced down to us flinging me over her shoulder like a rag doll. I was mortified and humiliated squirming and trying to break free. She let me down on the ground, pushing me against the wall as Nicci ran on ahead.

"I don't know what's going on, Kahlan, but you have to come with me. There's an attack on the camp right now but we only have a short time before the magical barrier returns…we won't be able to get out if we keep this up. I'm sorry Mother Confessor, I have no choice…" she slammed an agiel to my temple and then everything went black.

* * *

I ran holding Kahlan over my shoulder. I could feel the boned of her hips digging into me and winced at the weightlessness of her form. She was covered in bruises and her hair was cut short and her face was hollowed in so much it didn't even look like her anymore. I wondered what I would say to Richard….I couldn't let him see her this way.

We reached the holding a few hours before dawn and I gently placed her on Richard's bed. He had laid here many nights awake thinking of her and now that she was here I didn't know what to think. The moment was too surreal for me to think about….and I was not about to start being sentimental. I huffed, pulling the quilts over her shriveled form and checked the side of her head for swelling where I had hit her with my agiel. I winced, knowing it would cause serious pain upon waking but there was no other choice that I had had. She had been hysterical and acting like someone who had completely lost her mind…but I had been there before and I vowed to care for her and Lord Rahl. The path ahead would be torture.


	31. Chapter 31

Ch 31

The distinct sound of the Sword of Truth rang through the thick darkness of the early morning. The men beside me unsheathed their swords ready to fight as I gave the signal. We ran together into the drunken men who had passed out in their drinks hours earlier and they barley opened their eyes in time to see the swing of the sword that would send them to the Keeper.

I stepped up onto a rickety table filled with cups of half drunken ale, kicking them as I watched and waited. Looking for the more decorated officers of the Order, I watched in fury kicking men in the face as they came towards me. When I spotted what looked to be an officer the table suddenly keeled over knocking me under it, but I was ready and pushed it roughly into the men who had slammed into it knocking them unconscious. Then, with my sword held high I screamed in fury as I sliced their necks. A strange feel of calm ran over me as I watched their blood drain at my feet. These were men who had hurt my Kahlan…stolen everything from me.

Darting over fallen bodies and crushed, broken wagon wheels, chairs, tables and empty barrels of ale, I followed the decorated warrior as he fought alongside others like him. They appeared to be defending the opulent tents and I had a gut feeling that these may very well be the place I was looking for. I side stepped another axe that barreled toward my chest and knocked the assailant in the face with the hilt of my sword spraying blood on my hand from his broken nose.

Moving among the fighting in a slow fluid motion I danced with the swords as they surrounded me. The only thing I knew was clarity and the feeling of calm pumping relentlessly in my veins. The revenge and justice I sought for Kahlan pushed me to the edge but I only gained strength when I thought of her. The despair from the past year and a half plummeted as I sliced the vile, impudent Order into oblivion.

A wry a smile flashed across my face as I crouched in the darkness of the shadow of the tent that I suspected to find the Emperor of the Order hiding. I walked, my knees bent, sword at my back so I could use my hands for support. If Cara and Nicci knew that I was going in to fight Jagang alone they would skin me alive, but that didn't matter. All that I wanted was justice for my people, for us….for the love of my life.

The moment I slipped between the curtains a shrill wail echoed against the back drop of fierce fighting that was taking place outside. There was no other sound from within, but that didn't matter. I kept hidden in the shadows, only seeing a few women, sisters of the dark I assumed, and tried to follow my instincts to where I heard the crying of what I knew to be an infant.

"Tell me where you are little one…" I whispered to myself hoping that the spirits would grant me this one plea. The child cried again, this time sounding closer and I turned around from where I crouched, ducking behind a heavy curtain into a dark room lit with only one flickering weakened flame. It was freezing and empty, save for the basinet which held the child. I pulled my sword silently; feeling threatened but determined and crept close enough to scoop the child with my left arm. He squirmed but didn't make a sound, opening his eyes to stare at me for a moment before laying his tiny head inside the crook of my neck. Noises from outside forced me to act quickly and I dove, rolling to the ground, as I plunged out between the flaps of the tent and then I ran for the alcove in which I had hid before I had entered.

Jagang was no where in sight which gave me the sinking defeated feeling that I would have to escape without bludgeoning him to a bloody pulp first. But I had Kahlan's son that was what I had come for only hoping that I would be lucky to find Jagang but I knew than as I knew now that it was highly impossible that he was still here. Word had already reached me that Cara and Nicci had escaped to our holding hours ago with Kahlan. I quickly ran to where the shadows were the darkest and thought of her…..all I wanted was to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I loved her.

Breathing hard, I sat back on my heels, remembering I had a child in my arm. I removed the blanket that he was wrapped in to check on him and he smiled up at me then. My heart stopped in my throat as I realized his smile mirrored Kahlan's as did his thick black hair. "Hi there little one, I'm here to take you home but we have to be quiet and get out of here first." He stared at me, still smiling back at me and it was then that we locked eyes, eyes that were just like mine. My breath felt like it had been sucked out of me by an unseen force as my heart began to beat even faster than before. If he was mine…..

I shook my head and chided myself as I ran to the edge of the magical force field, all the while cradling the boy against my chest inside my shirt. I shouldn't think or even hope that this child was my flesh considering all that the Order must have done to Kahlan….dear spirits I didn't want to think of what they had done to her. But I couldn't shake the feeling of connection with him as he gripped my shirt gently tugging as we made our escape.

He let out a small cry from inside my shirt as I slammed my sword to the hilt inside of a barrel chested brute of the Order. The man landed with a vibrating bang onto a table that broke with the weight of his lifeless form falling to the ground. I kicked him over out of my way as I stormed by, elbowing my way through the throng of fighters. They seemed to be immersed in their own world until I noticed four men closing in from behind me. A great opportunity to kill some more vile pigs, I thought as I feigned ignorance. I bent to retrieve a fallen spike of a wheel waiting for the shadows of the men behind me to manifest and then sprung around quickly off footing all four men in one full sweep to their feet. They were stupid brutes to be sure, I mused to myself. "Don't ever think to take a woods guide by surprise." I sneered sarcastically while grabbing my battle axe out of my belt for a quick stomach slicing by tossing it to the ground into the closest man before the other men approaching could get close enough to began another fight with me…..I had to get out.

Time was running slim already and I could feel the force fields of crackling magic began to thicken again as I raced to the edge of the Order's hidden camp with the babe cradled tightly to my chest. The burning feel of magic engulfed me at last and I shielded my face with my sword blocking the force from burning through my skin as I leaned with my shoulder breaking the almost solid barrier. I prayed to the spirits that the babe I carried would be protected inside my shirt as I broke through suddenly causing me to slide down the embankment through the thick brush of trees.

The leaves made it slick but for a quicker retreat and I made it to the old stone wall in no time. Cara had left her horse for me tethered behind the ruined wall and she stood calmly tossing her head to the side and neighing softly.

"Lord Rahl!" I turned to see a group of my men accompanied by Zedd running after me from where I had come. "We've been looking all over for you! We thought that…."

"Nonsense, I'm fine. Hurry, we must go before the barrier repairs, it will be dangerous to be anywhere close by when it fuses."

"Richard." It was Zedd as he approached quietly to my side as I tightened the bit on my horse. "Cara said you were looking for Kahlan's son…."

It was more of a question than a statement and I knew what he would say. "I have him, and he's safe with me. No one and I mean no one is going to harm this baby." I warned as I finally swung myself up into the saddle, adjusting the child to make sure he was secure before gripping the reins. I looked down at Zedd who gazed back at me through sad eyes.

"Richard…..when you get back to camp….please wait to see Kahlan until I've had the chance to heal some of her injuries."

I glared at him. "You think you can tell me when I can see my own wife? You won't keep me from her…."

He stayed me with a strong hand to the reins of my horse. "You must listen to me Richard. I nearly collapsed with disbelief at the sight of her…she's not Kahlan right now."

I choked back my tears so he wouldn't see them. "Get out of my way, Zedd." I said calmly as I kicked the sides of my horse and she broke into a slow canter but before I knew it I had thrown her into a full gallop. I had to get to Kahlan….it didn't matter what Zedd or anyone said to me. I had to see her.

I dismounted before the horse could even stop forgetting the tiny boy tied to my chest until he wailed loudly from being woken. Relaxing my pace I slowly moved my shirt aside gazing at the clutch of dark hair as he nuzzled against my chest. "Sorry little one." I said soothingly running my hand for the first time through his soft hair. "I have to see your mother…I miss her." He cooed softly against me as if in answer and I wondered to myself how such a beginning could bring about such a sweet and tender child. I knew by the look in Zedd's eyes what he had meant for me to do but I would never allow an innocent life to be sacrificed for what _might _be. After all, he had warned me in the beginning that being with Kahlan would destroy my soul but she was my wife and I was untouched by her magic. I smiled at the memory of that day when she finally knew we could be together and then a sharp wave of sorrow overwhelmed me like it always did. I had no idea what had happened to her but the brutal thoughts that I had conjured in my head haunted me day and night.

Still brooding in my thoughts, I jumped when a hand gripped my shoulder. "Lord Rahl!" It was Rikka who took me into a suffocating embrace. She had dried tears in her eyes the like I had never seen in a Mord Sith. They never cried. She leaned back and gripped my arms. "You can't go in….you can't. Even I couldn't stand to see the Moth…"

"I'm going." I said with finality attempting to push my way past her.

"What's this?" She asked pulling aside my shirt as she continued to block my way. A sly grin crept across her face. She asked with her eyes if she could hold him and I relented. "Is this the new Lord Rahl?" She asked with such confidence that it left me speechless and stunned. "Richard?"

"What? I'm sorry Rikka, I just-I don't know if he's mine. The Order must have…." I couldn't finish my sentence and she looked at me with sympathy and linked her arm with mine as we began to walk. I knew what she was up to….she was leading me away from where Kahlan was but I didn't let on that I knew.

"Cara was right. The bond feels stronger…we both felt it when you got closer. It's not like before when we knew what direction to find you…we can _feel _where you are, Richard and the only explanation is that this boy," she looked down at the child who was now watching her with intent eyes, "is that he is yours. He even looks like you…poor thing." She lifted him awkwardly into the air, not really knowing how to handle a child but she was enjoying herself too much and I needed a way to slip away to get to Kahlan. I backed up watching her with "the new lord Rahl" as she called him and then turned on my heel and sprinted across the open yard to the path that led to my rooms.

I didn't get far because, before I knew it, there were four Mord Sith surrounding me. "We don't want to hurt you Lord Rahl but we will…strict orders from the First Wizard. It's for your own good that you don't see Kahlan until…."

"Where's Cara?" I asked calmly but inside I was fuming with anger at them, all of them. They knew what was good for me? No….what was good for me was to see my wife, hold her, make love with her…..

"Richard." I heard Cara's voice and the other Mord Sith backed away to give us privacy. "They're right. You can't see her right now. It would destroy you."

"Losing her for a year and a half has already destroyed me." I stepped close to her and through gritted teeth and fury I said. "Get out of my way." She moved then but fell into step beside me her face an etch of strange unreadable emotions. Kahlan was right…Mord Sith were defiantly hard to read.

"At least let me go with you?" She pleaded knowing full well that I wouldn't relent. She stopped in front of the door that was guarded by General Meiffert and the ever faithful Thomas who had nearly killed himself without having orders from his mistress for so long. He and the other confessed were the only link that had reaffirmed us Kahlan was still alive. "Let us pass." They parted without argument but I did not miss the look of pity as the men who were gathered nearby watched me follow Cara into the room and up the steep stairs into my sleeping quarters. The old ruins of the city outside of Tamarang had been our fortress for nearly a month now and I was beginning to hate the feel of a warm bed because it was empty of Kahlan.

Locked in my thoughts, I nearly barreled into Cara who had stopped just before the door. "Let me go first….if she sees a man come in…" she broke off with a look of distress but continued. "Richard, I've been a victim of torture and rape all of my life, but this…." She shuddered and took a deep breath. "Just promise me you'll keep your head on straight, Seeker." Not addressing me as Lord Rahl was something that Cara rarely ever did and calling me Seeker was almost out of the question. This, more than anything, proved that her words were true but it did nothing to prepare me for what was behind the door.

Dark shadows cast over the room and I could barely see with the windows all covered with heavy drapes. There was an empty chair beside the bed and I took it before letting my gaze fall on Kahlan. She looked nothing more than like a young boy with all of her hair cut short, shorter than mine even and her breathing was so shallow she looked dead at first. I reached out to touch her forehead but Cara instantly stopped me giving a silent fierce warning with the shake of her head.

With the movement we had made it woke Kahlan who stirred slightly under the thick quilts on my bed. She turned on her back stifling a cry of pain and looked up, meeting Cara's gaze. "Cara?" She whimpered her voice barely recognizable and I could tell it pained her to speak. Cara at once bent down next to her wiping the sweat from her face with a leather gloved hand.

"I'm here, Kahlan." She spoke gently as a mother would a small child. "Richard is here too…he wants to see you.

At once the pain in Kahlan's eyes flashed to me holding my gaze with an intensity that made my eyes burn. She said nothing until I made to move closer, then she backed away from me as though I were a poisonous viper. "I told you _not _to bring him! Get him out! Get him out!"

"Kahlan…" I said gently hoping the sound of my voice would soothe her. She began sobbing and screaming for Cara to make me leave and it broke everything inside of me. She sat up and that's when I saw how bad they had hurt her. She was thin, her ribs jutting out so much I could see them under the cling of her shirt and her collar bone showing through the stretched thin skin of her neck. There was a bruised ring around her neck where a rada had a no doubt been and on her chest there were scars that I knew ran all the way down to her breasts. I began sobbing into my hands, unable to get up until Cara gripped me under the arms to move me. I shoved her off and turned to see Kahlan staring with wild eyes at me unmoving and gripping the bedding in her hands. "I love you." I sobbed and then I left the room collapsing outside the door.

"Richard….you should go. I mean it." Said Cara who looked as though she would cry herself.

"No, I'll stay here. I'm not leaving her, not for anything in this world." I leaned my head against the wall and cried until there were no tears left.


	32. Chapter 32

Ch32

I must have fallen asleep for sometime because I awoke to darkness and an ache in my neck and back from sleeping sitting up. The light from the moon shined in broken columns through the wooden beams of the banister that ran around the stairs and made it light enough to see in the dark. Standing, I stretched groaning at the tightness in my muscles and made my way to where Kahlan was asleep in my bed. I pushed the door open silently, thanking myself for repairing the squeaky hinges a few days ago, and crept in against the wall. Cara was slumped in the chair beside her with her head on the bed next to Kahlan. Smiling at the sight I crept towards Cara who immediately stood sensing my presence, gripping the agiels in her hands and ready to defend the Mother Confessor.

"Lord Rahl, what are you doing in here?" She whispered frantically, giving Kahlan a nervous glance to make sure she was still asleep as she pushed me backward through the open doorway. "I told you not to come in here. Mother Confessor's orders."

"I don't care what she says Cara; I can't just sit out here while she suffers without me….I want to be there for her. She needs me." I whispered desperately as we moved down the hall away from the door so as not to disturb Kahlan.

"I know you want to help her, Richard. But right now the best thing you can do for her is to stay distant."

"Why? Why doesn't she want me? Does she blame me, Cara?"

"No, no, of course not, but you're a man and you remind her of the brutality that was forced upon her."

"I make her think of…" I turned toward the window and looked out over the sleeping town at the low flickering lights in the windows as they died down for the night. The ache in my chest would not go away and I slumped my weight against my hands willing myself to be strong as tears began to threaten.

"It's not just you Richard. It's every man. Trust me….I know what she's going through. In my training as a Mord Sith it was my job to please Lord Rahl….in every way. I got used to it but when I was only nine…"

"Cara" I said suddenly tensing with anger for what Darken Rahl had done to her. "I'm so sorry, if I had known I would have.."

"Stop Richard, what's done is done" she stopped my words with her hand in the air as if she were pushing them away. "You gave me my life back and that means more to me than any revenge you could have wrought for me." She gripped my shoulder in the strength of a Mord Sith…with bruising force. "You have given me and my sisters everything." She suddenly stepped back checked herself from showing too much emotion but gave a sly grin. "Besides, I know the Mother Confessor loves me more than you."

"Oh _really?_" I said noticing a smile on my lips and feeling suddenly guilty of finding happiness while Kahlan laid in the room down the hall bruised and broken. Cara saw my change of emotions but didn't mention it but shoved me toward the door closest to us.

"You should get some rest, in a bed. No more sleeping on the hard floor. We've all been tired of stepping over your snoring form for months now. It won't help her to have you losing sleep when you need your strength to protect her. Jagang is missing and…"

Exhausted I ran my hand through my hair sighing in frustration. "I know but I can't leave her even as much as I want to destroy him and make him suffer."

"No one expects you to Lord Rahl and if you want him to suffer, you could send me and my sisters…we're much better at carrying out orders than any of your men."

"Thank you Cara but I want to be the one to kill him when the time comes but right now," I looked towards Kahlan's door "She needs me here and I won't leave her or let her so much as a few feet away from me for the rest of her life." Cara didn't say another word but I knew by the way she and Rikka had lost sleep over staying with Kahlan that I had nothing to worry about when it came to keeping her safe.

When I had followed her into the room she shut the door quietly behind her and lit the candle by the bed. "Now get some sleep Richard. I don't want to see you for the rest of the night, or I will make you very sorry." She threatened and turned to leave but stopped before she got to the door. "Rian is asleep, make sure you don't make too much noise or you'll wake him and he has a terrible temper especially when he's woken in the middle of the night."

"Rian?"

"Your son, Lord Rahl." She looked at me furiously as if I had lost my head.

"You named him?"

"I did…we can't call him Lord Rahl too. That would confuse you."

"Thanks, Cara, for thinking of me." I said sarcastically.

"Of course, Lord Rahl. Now good night." And with that she left, closing the door roughly behind her. I cringed and held my breath for as long as I could waiting in the silence to make sure Rian didn't wake but he must have been acquainted with the way the Mord Sith handled things because he only stirred in his sleep kicking off the covers and rolling to the middle of the big bed leaving barley any room for me.

I smiled, really smiled, for the first time in so long that it felt foreign to me. Sitting down with utmost care onto the bed I slid my boots off silently before shifting into the bed next to him.

I left the candle burning for some time watching his small chest move up and down with the slow even breaths of sleep trying to wrap my mind around the possibility of him being my son. Even if he wasn't mine by blood, I vowed silently to myself that I would be a father to him.

Tentatively, I reached out a hand to brush his hair causing him to squirm slightly before settling on his back and stuffing a chubby thumb into his mouth. I almost laughed out loud but suppressed it so as not to wake him. My mother had told me I sucked my thumb until I was three, I thought. Maybe he was mine. I prayed to the spirits he really was.

"Daddy loves you, Rian." I said softly against the night air and blew out the candle before lying on my side so I could watch him as I drifted to sleep. All I needed now was Kahlan back and my life would be complete.

* * *

The sun hit my eyes with blazing intensity and I sat up with a start forgetting for a moment where I was but then remembering when I saw Rikka shift in the chair next to my bed. She opened her eyes and gave me a smile.

"Good morning sunshine." She teased as I lay back down curling on my side facing her.

"Why do you always call me that? I'm nothing compared to the sunshine….and Richard used to call me that… so you should stop."

"I will do as I please…unless you want to confess me." She snapped standing then and hovering over me. "And you really need to talk to Lord Rahl….I'm tired of listening to his whining and pining over you. It's making all of us insane."

"I don't want to talk to him….or see him." I huffed turning on my side away from her curling my knees to my chest.

"Mother Confessor." She said, her voice inflecting as if she were scolding a child. "You've been refusing to see him for months now…you can't keep coming up with excuses, Kahlan it's killing him to stay away."

I shuddered then not realizing how much I had been focusing on my own pain and guilt, ignoring the one person who loved me. But, dear spirits, I didn't want to face him. Tears began to run down my face and the ache in my soul began to crack. "Rikka," I sobbed "I can't…I can't." She sat down next to me and gripped my arm pulling me to look at her.

"You are the Mother Confessor and the Lord Rahl's wife…pull yourself together. Stop being weak! Fight it Kahlan…you have to."

She was right but I still couldn't bring myself to even think of telling Richard of all I had done. He would hate me and that scared me more than anything ever had in my whole life.

"I'll have him wait for you in the grove. Go talk to him, you owe him at least that much." I nodded weakly, not knowing if I could stand to pull myself together but Rikka was right. I _did _owe him that much. The question was, could I bring myself to bear the telling him the whole truth of what had happened to me and what I did when I was a captive of the Order.

* * *

"Richard" her soft sweet voice startled me from my reverie as I listened to the swish of her skirts as she moved to sit next to me. I glanced at her, stunned that she had decided to come. I missed her so much that it ached to have her so close, yet so far. I shifted to give her more room on the ground beside me so she could lean her back against the log that I sat against. She pulled her knees protectively up to her chest, closing herself off to me.

"Are you alright?" She asked, and it stunned me that she would even ask me that.

"I don't know, Kahlan…." I said with unchecked emotion. "I haven't seen the love of my life in almost two years and then I finally find her and she won't even allow me to be near her."

She stared at me with hollow empty eyes that once held so much life in them. Her hair had barely begun to grow out and it was sorely uneven and still only reached past her chin. Her face still held some of the fading bruises around her eyes and her chest showed the scratches and finger shaped indentions where he had hurt her. My eyes lost focus, blurring with tears but I held fast to them not wanting to show her my sadness.

She sighed deeply gathering strength to speak. She pulled against her skirts and fisted them in her hands. I noticed that, there too, were cuts across her knuckles and marks around her wrists where there had been chains. "I wanted to talk to you…is that alright?" She asked tentatively as though she were afraid to speak.

"You can always talk to me, Kahlan….you know that." I said gently.

Her lower lip quivered involuntarily as she fought back tears. "I….I came to find you in your room and Cara was there….I woke her."

I knew what she was asking and it made me ache deep in my heart for her. Cara had slept in my room for some time now, taking care of Rian. I, on the other hand, had not slept in the months that had followed after they had found her bloody, bruised, and broken by the Order. I had slept on the floor outside her door until lately Cara had forced me into the bed down the hall making it my new room that I shared with Rian.

Her voice was so tender and light when she continued to speak and it caused tears to fall to the corners of my eyes as I remembered how she always spoke to me like this….before…. "I understand, Richard, if you and Cara….it's been almost two years since we…" she half sobbed and I clenched my fists forcing myself not to take her in my arms. "She's always been good to you and I wouldn't want it any other way." She took my hand in hers, shocking me at her touch that had been absent from me for so long I had

almost forgotten how it felt. She locked her bruised gaze with mine as she shoved her wedding ring into my hand. "You should take this…I can't be a wife to you anymore and I…." she sobbed and shoved my hand towards my chest in a feeble attempt to rid herself of me."….you have Cara now…."

I was stunned and before I thought about what I had done, I threw the ring as far as I could…weeping then. All the pain that I held for her broke to the surface of my being and I gripped her shoulders tight. Her eyes widened in terror but I held her and wouldn't let go.

"I will not take it back, Kahlan! It was yours….and only yours. If you don't want it…then it's no one's. Do you understand me?"

"Richard…" she wailed her lips trembling. "You can't…please let go…let go of me!" She said, her voice shaking and then I let go. Seeing her terrified of me was too painful to bear. "Richard…I can't do this to you anymore…I'm going to have the council annul the marriage and…" she said still shaking but her voice was hollow and full of authority.

"What are you talking about…annul our marriage?"

"I can't be your wife, not after what I've done. There's no going back…I can't change it, Richard. And I can't….I can never be a wife to you again, not after what he….what I…"

"Kahlan don't…..I won't listen to this. You can't just stop being my wife." I heard my voice crack full of pain.

"I already have." She whispered sorrowfully. "And you have Cara…it's alright…I want you to be happy and I can't give you that." She said with tears streaming down her face.

I cradled her face but she pulled back, stiffening against my touch. "Damn you Kahlan…I'm not with Cara…. you think I've…she's married to Benjamin Meiffert, Kahlan."

"But I haven't been with you and….a wife is supposed to love her husband….and I can't…not anymore. I'm as good as dead, Richard."

"Don't say that! You're not dead….I need you" I said through sobs " I need you here with me, Kahlan."

She was shaking her head and tried to run her hand down her hair like she used to but stiffened when she felt its absence. I noticed her movements; the slightest emotion wasn't lost on me. She was trembling and her eyes darted nervously when she finally spoke again "My body may be here, Richard, but I'm losing my mind and who I am…I'm not the woman you married and fell in love with….she's forever gone…lost to the Order and the things that they did to her….and the things they made her do." She said in a tight whisper clinging to her knees tighter trying to hide form me. Even her legs were wrought with wicked welts and bruises….ones that had not healed as of yet but had been a constant reminder for the months that she had been home. She was too afraid of a man's touch to even allow Zedd near her to mend the wounds.

"Whatever it is that happened to you Kahlan….none of it would ever be enough for you to lose me. Nothing that you've done can stop me from wanting to be yours."

"Do you even understand what I've done? What I let him do to me? Richard…..if you've been with Cara….I would have _no _place being angry with you. Not after I….I couldn't fight anymore after I'd been there for so long…..I knew I had lost you and _everything_ I promised you was for nothing….I was already gone, Richard and it didn't matter what he did to me. And he got me with child and…." She looked at me then with confusion and anger, a sudden look of clarity masking across her face. "Why did you come get me? And why did you risk everything to rescue his child?"

"You mean your child?" She flinched at my words, her face paling with anger.

"He should be destroyed, Richard! He's a male confessor and a dream walker….do you realize how dangerous he is? If the world is enslaved it will be _your _fault! You can't let him live! Get rid of him!"

"Is that how you talk of your son, Kahlan?"

"He's _not _my son! He's Jagang's son! How could you even….?"

"If my mother was as half as weak as you, Mother Confessor" I gritted my teeth in fury and remorse "I wouldn't be here right now. I'm the son of Darken Rahl! I can't begin to imagine what my mother must have felt when she found out she was with child….but she never blamed me….I was innocent….and so is Rian."

"Rian? You _named _him?" she asked incredulously.

"No…Cara named him. Rian…the _ri _for Richard and the _an _for the last letters of your name. He's our child, Kahlan. Cara understands that." She looked at me, a mix of emotions on her face even though she still weakly held to her confessor's expression. Nothing escaped me and I knew she wanted to scream at me but wouldn't….she understood what I was saying and deep down she would still never hurt me. I was forgiven everything…being the son of Rahl was overlooked but Rian's father would not be overlooked by her….ever….unless I could make her believe that he was mine.

"Kahlan….I have to tell you something. I've wanted to tell you but you…."

"I'm not afraid of you Richard." She whispered interrupting me. "I'm here…alone with you now aren't I? " She looked away brushing tears off her cheeks. "I know you would never hurt me….but I…I'm just so ashamed and…any man right now is a nightmare….even Zedd…and yes…..even you." She looked back at me staring into my eyes and for a moment I saw her for who she used to be…the strength flitted across for a second of hope and then was gone, replaced by the sorrow. "But, Richard I…I still, I….." her lips trembled in anguish and I pressed a finger to her lips.

"It's alright, I know…and I still love you, more than life itself."

"How…why? How could you love me after I …..You don't even know…if I told you everything you wouldn't say that to me."

"That's not true, Kahlan….and I _do _know. I watch you scream and writhe in your nightmares, and I hear the things you say when you think no one hears...and I hate it, dear spirits, I hate it. I wish there was something I could do to erase it…but I can't….and that makes me feel useless to you."

"You're not useless to me, Richard." She wailed moving closer but she checked herself and stayed back far enough not wanting to invite my touch. She instead gripped my forearm tightly and looked deep into my eyes with piercing sorrow. She whispered, her voice shaking with emotion, "You are my life…and my soul…and I love you. I will never rest until the Order pays for what they did to us...but I can't be by your side…not when I can't be what you need, what you deserve."

"Kahlan….it doesn't matter to me if we never…if you can't…."

"Make love to you?" She took a sharp intake of breath trying desperately not to cry, but I felt tears in my own eyes. How could she even think that I wanted her less because of what had happened? So I asked her. "You think that I would annul my vows to you just because you won't? Kahlan….I'm not with you for that. I wanted to marry you from the first day I met you…and I still wanted to even after I found out about your powers. You can't do this to us Kahlan. I need you here with me! Dear spirits, he stole two years of my life by taking you."

She ran her hand down my arm and gripped my hand in hers, entwining our fingers like she used to and it made me want to weep at the memory. "I know." She said "And he took everything from me…he destroyed me, Richard."

She looked down, her short strands of hair falling forward to cover her face. I reached up and brushed it back behind her ear and she stiffened but let me touch her for a moment. "Don't allow him to have that kind of power over you, Kahlan." She yanked her hand from mine and stood abruptly.

"Damn you Richard! You don't know! You say you do, but you don't!"

"Then tell me." I said calmly. "That's what I'm here for…to help you with this. He did this to both of us, not just you."

"He didn't rape you! He didn't beat you relentlessly until you blacked out. He didn't fuck you hours after you birthed his monster of a child!" she was screaming at me but I stayed calm and let her get whatever demons within her out into the open even though her words sliced at my heart and the images of what he did to her made me want to vomit. "He made me dance…for his men…and he let them touch me in places….that only you…" she wrapped her arms around her frame as if she were still there.

I spoke softly, taking a step toward her "You may not believe this now, but listen to me." She nodded but kept her eyes lowered. "Everything that happened to you hurt me. I love you, your pain belongs to me. I understand more than you think….you know what Denna did to me…but I never told you all of it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Denna took me as her mate and you know what a Mord Sith does to their mates. She mocked me and made me pretend that she was you and I was with her…in that way. I was delirious and I didn't know what reality was…dear spirits…I know what its like! Maybe not in the same way, but you have to trust me….please let me be here for you." I pleaded.

She watched me with intensity, tears dried on her face and she walked towards me. "Do you know that I told Cara what he did to me? Even she was nauseous at what I told her and you think for once that you would want to be with me? You're out of your mind Richard…"

"Yes, I am…I've out of my mind with love for you…nothing you can say or do is ever going to change that. I promised you that no matter what happened in this life that I would never leave you…but you don't believe me?"

She turned to walk away a few paces her shoulders slumped and she was suddenly intent on the ground under her feet and began to kick at the dirt absentmindedly. "I believe you…but I can't…." whatever she said was lost in a whisper of broken sobs and I couldn't bring myself to just stand there while she wept so I moved to stand in front of her, lifting her chin to look at me.

"It's alright Kahlan, I'm right here and I'm never going to stop loving you no matter what happens." I wanted so badly to hold her but I would wait for her to invite me. From what Cara had said, touching her would be the wrong thing to do right now.

"You love me?" She asked and it felt like she had stabbed me through the heart.

"With everything I am, Kahlan. I love you…forever."

She stepped closer to me until her forehead rested against my shoulder as she clutched my shirt in her fists. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me feeling her tremble but she did not try to back away but pressed in tighter. "I'm so sorry Richard, for everything."

"You have _nothing _to be sorry for!"

"Yes, I do Richard." She said pushing away from me and stepping back, wrapping her own arms around her. I had never felt so cold and empty in my life.

"Then tell me what happened." I said as tenderly as I could, wanting her to trust me. She watched me as though she were reading my soul, her eyes locked with mine for a long, silent moment and for a glimmer of hope I thought she would tell me but she shook her head and looked away, tears falling loose again.

"Dear spirits Richard….I can't." She looked back at me and added "I will tell you, but right now I….will you just hold me?"

I was so stunned that I couldn't move and stood gaping at her not believing she had asked me to hold her but the look in her eyes confirmed the fear she held and I knew she wouldn't come to me on her own just then so I closed the gap between us and pulled her to me and she began to sob uncontrollably.


	33. Chapter 33

Ch 33

The mist hit my eyes as I rode behind him. I had no idea where we were going but right now it didn't matter. The pain in my chest was too much to bear because it was his and it was because of me.

The days that had followed our meeting in the grove had tumbled together like one agonizing blur. I couldn't look at him the same not after he knew what I had done…and he didn't even know the half of it. He wouldn't ever see me the same way as he did before and I knew it, even though he would never admit it to me.

I let the tears of guilt and shame mix with the mist as I watched his strong form sway in the saddle of his horse in front of me. Nothing the Order could have done to me would destroy me as much as Richard's indifference. He barely looked at me, now that he knew I had betrayed him. It didn't matter what he said to me, I knew he hated me.

"Kahlan!" he shouted, bringing me out of my transfixed state. "We're stopping here."

"Here? But there's nothing…" my voice trailed off as I looked around for any signs of life but there was nothing but the endless field of tall grass in every direction with an occasional outcropping of rocks that jutted up from under the ground. He slid to the ground with a thump, the grass reaching almost to his waist. I stayed perched where I was gripping the reins of my horse tighter and looked at him in confusion. "What are you doing?"

He didn't answer but lifted his arms to me when he came to a stop beside my tall black mount. I shook my head and avoided him as I slid down on my own. Turning quickly I patted my mare on the neck trying to mask my tears and hoping he would just think it was the mist in my eyes. I felt his gaze burn into my back as he waited and I finally turned without meeting his gaze and shoved past him.

He grabbed my arm gently and pulled me to him as he said "Follow me." So I followed him through the tall brush and rounded a large boulder where I noticed a steep hill leading down into a thick forest. We slid down on our backsides and I held onto the grass to slow my decent. He reached the bottom before me and stood waiting in case I needed him but I wouldn't let him help me, not yet, I told myself. "This way." He said as I followed him into the trees.

We walked for what seemed like hours, my sides burning with the strain of constant movement. Neither of us said a word as we trudged along the forest floor and I began to remember all of those times on our quest against Darken Rahl that we would walk in silence through the forest.

But those were different times when I loved him so much it hurt because I couldn't be with him and before he even knew what I was. He was an innocent boy who loved me without question and it was before I had hurt him.

Suddenly I bumped into him as he had stopped and I was too lost in my thoughts to notice. "Kahlan?" I looked up at his questioning face and his expression suddenly softened as he lifted my chin. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I said quickly.

"You're crying."

"No, no…I just…."

"Tell me, Kahlan." He said gently, dropping his pack to the ground and taking my face in his hands. I shoved past him, refusing to admit anything and looked over my shoulder waiting for him to follow.

"We're stopping here." He said and held his hand out to me. When I didn't take it he reluctantly dropped it to his side looking like he felt useless as he turned, ducking into a wayward pine. Despite myself, I followed him under and noticed a circle of stones already placed ready for a fire. "I used to come here when you were…." his jaw clenched and he wouldn't meet my gaze as he busied himself searching out a flint from his pack. "Give me your pack."

I dropped in next to him before taking a seat next to him as the fire ignited and the flames began to warm the inside of the pine. He took my pack and pulled a blanket and tossed it to me and then got one out for himself before fishing out two apples and handing me one. "So tell me….what's wrong." He whispered gently.

"Richard….I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you its just….I was thinking about when you and I were on our quest to defeat Rahl and so much of this place reminds me of that time and it just…."

"It should." He said cutting me off. "We stopped here once when Zedd went to hide the third box of Orden." My breath caught in my chest as I remembered that night. We were alone and I had kissed him forgetting what I was and what I could have done to him. The memory was so real I nearly felt his lips on mine and brought my fingers there as if I he were still there. I had pushed him to the ground straddling him, feeling the ache between my legs where I was always empty and in that moment I would have made him mine if he hadn't stopped me. I would have lost him forever because of my selfish want, my need to feel love and the guilt from that night washed over me burning my already fierce sorrow even stronger.

I began to cry softly, a few tears escaping as I took myself back to that night before everything had been ruined between us, before he knew and was afraid of me, before I had left to go back to Aydindril sending him away, and before the Order had destroyed me. He didn't say a word as he sat close to me, watching my emotions and part of me was grateful that he didn't push me but the other part of me that was still Kahlan, the woman who loved him, wanted so much for him to take me in his arms and hold me.

"Richard, I'm sorry…for everything."

"You shouldn't be."

"But I am!" I said finally meeting his eyes. "I hate this, being apart from you…but I'm so scared of being too close because I know it hurts you and I don't know what to say to you anymore."

"Sometimes I don't know either Kahlan, but we're in this together. I'm not leaving you." He said lifting his gaze to meet mine. "I have to go back to D'Hara, and I want you with me." He said suddenly taking me off guard. I hadn't heard of this plan and I wondered why he was going now. I drew lines in the dirt next to me and tried to come up with something to say. I didn't want him to go because I knew I wouldn't be going with him.

"Richard….I can't go with you. The Mother Confessor is needed in Aydindril to rebuild what was lost when the Order attacked. I've been gone too long already and I can't stay away any longer."

I heard his breath intake as if to stifle a cry or maybe it was anger. "I won't leave you, Kahlan. I made a promise to myself that I won't let you within a few breaths of me for the rest of my life."

"It's different now, Richard. Everything is. When I get to Aydindril the council will dissolve our marriage but I won't allow them to alter what you have accomplished in uniting us under D'Hara. I will still help you with everything that you stood for, you know that. Even if I'm not your…"

"I'm _not _allowing you to dissolve our marriage Kahlan. I refuse to let the council run our lives and destroy _us. _They have no say it what happens in our lives. You belong with me…no one else."

I looked away, not able to meet his piercing raptor gaze and twirled the apple in my hands seeking some solace in the simple things of life. "I have to, Richard." I whispered.

"Why?" He nearly shouted. "Because you won't make love to me? Is that what this is about? I told you, it doesn't matter! I just want you."

The tears that needed to come wouldn't, I was emptied of nearly everything already and now this? I couldn't tell him….but I had to. "No Richard, it's not just that, I…."

"You what?" He said gently brushing his fingertips across my cheek and then he thought better of it and dropped his hand back to his lap.

"Richard, if I tell you, you have to promise me that you'll be honest with me. Tell me if you hate me; don't pretend to love me anymore."

"I never pretend to love you, how could you think that?" he asked, his voice wavering with unchecked emotion. I still couldn't look him in the eye but I had to tell him now before we parted.

"I'm Jagang's wife…" I said in a whisper, hoping he didn't hear but by the way I sensed him stiffen and clutch the sword I knew that he had.

"You what?" He asked, anger, hatred and bitterness laced his voice and I was afraid of him then but prayed to the spirits that he would use the sword against me.

"I…"

"I heard you." He turned to me, grabbing the top of my dress to pull me close and pressed his face in to mine. "Did he force you?"

I gave a slight nod, but it did little to quell his anger. "If you want to kill me, do it now, Richard….I deserve it for betraying you."

He abruptly checked himself and slackened his grip. "I'm not going to kill you!" He said, his voice in a high pitched panic. "I'm going to kill that monster for doing this to you! He couldn't just have you; he had to take you away from me…in every way." He buried his face in his hands, shacking and cursing. I knew I had destroyed him and I hated myself for all of it.

I grabbed one of my daggers from my boots and handed it to him, hilt first. He took it with a questioning frown. "What's this for, Kahlan?"

"I want you to do it….I won't take my own life but I can give it to you."

"I'm not going to kill you!" He shouted tossing my dagger aside. "You're out of your mind! You can't possibly go back to Aydindril and make things right in the state of mind you're in. Let Zedd worry about that. Come with me, where you'll be safe."

"I'll be closer to Jagang, Richard. He left to the Old World again, but I know he'll be back for me, he promised me that."

"Then I'll follow him there and destroy him." He looked straight ahead as if Jagang were there, his eyes narrowing in fierce animosity and I saw the play of emotions in his eyes and I felt the fury seeping through our surroundings from the magic of the sword and the Rahl bloodline.

"Richard…."

"Don't, Kahlan. Not now. I don't want to hear about this anymore, I just want my life back." He stood to leave and began to push aside the branches of the wayward pine but I jumped up, forcing myself to quench the shacking from my fear of touch and reached out grabbing his hand as quickly as I could. He stopped but didn't look at me. "I can't bear this Kahlan…him still being alive." He turned and I noticed the haunted look in his eyes that had been there since the first time I saw him after I had been rescued from the Order. "I have to do this for you…for Rian….for us." He chocked up on the word _us _and something inside me broke in that moment.

I reached out and wrapped my trembling arms around him pulling him impossibly close and for a breath of a moment felt like the woman I used to be. "Kahlan?" He sobbed and tightened his hold on me afraid I would let go.

"I'll go with you, if that's what you want…I can't let you go alone. Promise me," I said fisting the back of his shirt in my hands "that you won't do anything rash to get yourself hurt." I pressed my face closer into his chest to muffle my words "Promise me I won't lose you and that you'll love me…no matter what has happened. I can't lose you….I can't."

"You're not going to lose me." He said gently running his hands in my short hair and yanking gently so I would look at him. "Nothing that has happened…I swear, Kahlan…_ nothing_ stops me from loving you."

"How…how can you even say that? After all I've done you still…?"

He cradled my face and I saw sorrow there and fierceness in his gaze that I had never seen before.

"I love you, I always will no matter what and if I have to tell you a thousand times a day for you to believe me, I will. There's no one else in this world that I want by my side more than you."

Three months later, I found myself galloping across the sands of the Azarith plains. Everything around us spoke of death and nothingness; the familiar sights that I remembered from my days as a young confessor now lay in heaps of stone and brick. My eyes blurred with the dust and I watched the steady cadence of the horses hooves in front of me slap the sand like a stone in the water not wanting to look any longer at the destruction around me.

"Halt!" Called Richard above the din of riders and I pulled my mount up beside him allowing our thighs to touch. If there was any threat, whoever it was must see me by the side of Lord Rahl as his supporter instead of his feeble, ruined wife.

There was a group of nearly fifty men and women with small children huddled amidst their skirts and their eyes were fixed with fear like one who was abused. My heart stormed with compassion and I slid off my horse, pushing back the head of my cloak. Some of the men drew themselves in front of the women as I approached, their eyes wide in shock.

"Mother Confessor?" One of the older men questioned and bent a knee to the ground pulling the hand of the younger man beside him down with him in a state of respect. When I reached closer I gestured for them to stand, noticing the others had started to bow as well.

"No ceremony, it's all right. We're here to help you in every way we can." I said softly, quelling my inner turmoil and pulling from the sliver of strength I had buried somewhere deep inside of me. There was comforting warmth that came up behind me as Richard pressed in close with me and I clutched his hand with a strong, crushing grip to let him know I needed him there and that he was my strength. "What's happened?"

The men exchanged looks and glanced nervously at the army as they stood waiting. "Our towns…they've been all burned to the ground by the Order. We've lost many of our wives and young girls." One of them said choking up with a sob. "We were hiding in D'Hara…in the crypts beneath the People's Palace until a few days ago, we wanted to see for ourselves what had happened to our homes and we had run out of food and supplies but….there's nothing."

I looked at their haunted faces, knowing very well what these people had been through. I held a hand out to the man who I presumed was their leader taking it gently in my own for a brief moment. "You will come back with us and stay until we can rebuild your homes." I said and noted their looks of disbelief. "We've brought provisions from Aydindril and you are more than welcome to share it with us."

"Pardon my bluntness, Mother Confessor, but we know you are allied with the Order. Everyone knows you are the wife of that monster…how could you be trusted when you have betrayed our Lord Rahl. And where is he? Too mighty to come help his people?" Said one of the younger men staring at me with violent eyes that made me want to turn and run and I would have save I felt the strength of Richard beside me and held my ground. Running now would have destroyed any chance at helping these people and others to follow.

Shame and shock wracked my body and I was left speechless in the wake of their words. Of course they knew what I had done…everyone did and I hated myself for it. Even our people knew and that meant being useless to them.

But it was Richard who stepping in this time, shielding my body with his as he pushed in front of me. "I'm Lord Rahl and whatever your problems are will be handled by me _and _the Mother Confessor. Think before you speak about her like that again or you will have to answer to me."

The men exchanged looks again and their leader came closer offering his hand in surrender to Richard. "We are forever in your debt, Lord Rahl, but until she proves she is not a traitor" he glared at me with hatred "we will not follow her orders."

I was vaguely aware of the distinct ringing of the sword of truth being pulled from its scabbard as Richard then ran the man through in one simple thrust. "Anyone else wish to speak against the Mother Confessor?" Silence was their only answer.

Later that night as I lay in bed alone, listening to the soft sounds of the guards pacing back and forth outside my door I began to relive the words from earlier. I allowed the tears that I had held back to plummet down my cheeks as I buried my sobs into the pillow so my men wouldn't hear and alert Richard. He was the last person I needed to see right now. He had killed an innocent man for me and it still churned my blood as I had watched with horror the blood and contents of the man's stomach spill to the ground and stain Richard's sword. And it was all for me, Jagang's whore.

"I hate you! I hate you!" I wailed to myself only panic of sorrow left inside of me. And then they came….the memories and visions of what I had done. The men and their hands on me and jarring force of Jagang as he plunged into me again and again. I stifled a cry as though I could still feel him there and I wept until my hair stuck to my face and the only way I could think of stopping the horror that poisoned me was to end my life. I would wait for Richard in the Under World and perhaps the Creator would listen to my pleas to help him in his quest to defeat Jagang.

I flipped on my back and sat up, sliding to the edge of the bed and onto the floor. I padded across the cold stone floor of the room that Richard had chosen for me. Apparently it had been his mother's room when she served Rahl before he….I shook my head not wanting to think of Richard now or his poor mother who had suffered a fate as close to mine as if I were living her life all over again.

I reached the vanity and pulled my boots that I had dropped on the chair and unsheathed the jeweled dagger again, thinking of Richard who had gifted them to me at the end of Darken Rahl's defeat. I sucked in a deep breath shaking the vision from my clouded mind and sank back into the bed. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror seeing myself for the monster I was with red rimmed hollow eyes and short hair that had still only reached my shoulders putting me below even the common women. Life isn't worth the pain, I thought as I brought the sharpened blade against the vain in my wrist and dragged it towards my inner arm hissing at the sting while I finished and did the same to the other side.

My blood spurt in rivulets against the dark sheets and I collapsed against the headboard feeling faint and knew nothing until I heard the voice of my sister soft and gentle but still far away but at the same time I heard _his _voice and my soul chose to follow him. And then I managed to open my eyes barely looking through the small slits under my eyelashes. I saw the outline of Richard and a few others, Zedd…I heard his voice and felt his magic bounding through me in a tight twisted, pulling feel through the wounds I had inflicted upon myself. My face was wet with tears, but not my own, they were Richard's and they fell like waves of an ocean.

"Kahlan…why…" he sobbed as I involuntarily sucked in a deep breath, my body shacking with the impact of healing magic as Zedd spoke in his rambling language known only to wizards. I felt Richard pull back and I knew he was watching me for signs of waking. "Zedd….will she be alright?" He asked with fear in his voice. But then Zedd must have reassured him because Richard suddenly ordered everyone to leave us. The sounds of several pairs of footsteps obediently pounded on the stone floor the last one pulling shut the door. I heard Zedd's voice and that of Benjamin Meiffert ordering everyone to leave us alone unless Lord Rahl ordered otherwise.

I moved to turn my back to him but he wouldn't allow it. He pulled my arm and pinned me to the mattress by the shoulders gripping them tight. "What in the name of the spirits, Kahlan? You make me promise never to leave you but it doesn't matter if you leave me? Why, why are you doing this to me?" He pleaded.

I turned my face away from his for a brief moment as if trying to draw some answers from the darkened room but I had nothing but the brutal truth. "I…because, Richard…" I turned back to him trying to mask my emotions but after being so close to death, I could barely feel the thrum of magic in the pit of my belly so I let him see me bare and exposed, vulnerable to everything that I felt. "I just, I-I want to be yours, so badly…but I can't and I hate it."

"Kahlan," he said in a soothing whisper as he caressed his fingertips over my face wiping away my tears with the pads of his thumb.

"Maybe I should just…let you and-and it may help me forget…I just want to forget _everything_! I want you…the way it used to be before I was ruined." I suddenly knew what I had to do and I hurried myself before I lost my nerve and pulled Richard into a hard, desperate kiss and hooked an arm around his neck while I lifted my shift and pulled his hand to my thigh, showing him what I wanted. He moaned into my mouth and it fueled me, giving me extra strength to do what I needed to.

I then reached between us and made quick use of my free hand to unfasten his belt and pull his sword away. Then I pulled the laces of his pants swiftly out and reached inside his pants, finding him ready. I knew that I wasn't as prepared, but it didn't matter, I needed to give him this. When I felt him at my entrance I steadied him by pulling his hips to me, wrapping my arm securely around his waist and pushed my hips up against his burring him inside me.

It hurt so badly I screamed not meaning to and Richard pushed up on his forearms and rolled off of me panting. But I wouldn't relent that easily and I straddled him, grabbing his manhood in my hand and aligning him but before I could lower myself he stopped me.

"Kahlan…no…we can't do this. Not now, not when you're like this."

"But I want to…for you. You need this and I…."

"I don't need this, not when you don't want this too. Kahlan, I hurt you." He said with tears in his eyes. "Its never hurt you like that even when it was your first time…and I can't do that to you and I won't do this until you ready. _Really _ready."

"Do you want to?" I asked before I could stop myself not wanting him to know how afraid I was that he didn't.

A look of shock and something close to sorrow flared in his raptor gaze and he leaned close to me, sharing the air I breathed. "More than you even know, Kahlan Amnell Rahl."

I saw the truth in his words and then he kissed me slow and tender, not wanting to push me and I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him against me and for the first time in nearly six months I felt safe.

"I love you." He whispered against my bare shoulder and I felt a small wet tear fall and I clutched him tighter to me as he shook with sorrow.

"And I love you, my Richard."

"Promise me, Kahlan."

"Promise you what?" I asked as he propped himself up to look at me.

"Don't you dare ever try to kill yourself again, don't leave me….I mean it. I'd be nothing without you." He said twining my hair in his fingers.

"I promise on my life as your Confessor, your wife, and your soul." He gave me his boyish grin that I had missed for so long and it made my heart swell with joy, joy I hadn't known in so long I had forgotten what it felt like.


	34. Chapter 34

Ch 34

I watched her from across large dining hall as she kept to the shadows, leaning against the wall and pulling her cloak tighter around her small frame. No matter how she tried to appear insignificant, she would always be my bright flame in the darkness. The thoughts of the night before still left me shaken.

I sighed, and stared into my mug of frothy ale, remembering the feel of being inside of her again, if only for a brief moment. I had lost all sense of what had happened when she had pulled me into that fierce kiss of hers and would have made love with her all night if she hadn't screamed out in pain, breaking me out of my haze of need.

Tipping my head back, I downed the ale in one swallow trying desperately to control my growing desire as I continued to watch her as her eyes darted nervously about at the group of men and women from the Azarith plains. They seemed to be unsettling to Kahlan but she would feign indignance, wanting to make a show of her support. Or maybe it was that the Mother Confessor's presence was required for the wedding that had just taken place between Warren and Verna mere hours ago. It was impossible to tell with her when her emotions were so chaotic and unpredictable. There was a very thin line between the woman I knew and the woman who the Order had created.

"Hello my boy," slurred Zedd as he slapped a hand on my shoulder and seated himself next to me on the bench "wonderful wedding isn't it?" He said as his eyes drifted to Warren and Verna who were dancing close and stealing intimate kisses now and then.

"Yes. Yes it is." I said, half lying and half telling the truth. I was overjoyed for Warren and Verna who had both become dear friends to me but the pain of losing Kahlan made it difficult to watch their happiness with each other. Zedd began to ramble on about what he had found at the Wizard's Keep at our short stay in Aydindril. We had left a third of our units behind to assist in rebuilding the destruction. Even the Confessor's Palace had been nearly destroyed, to Kahlan's utter sorrow. The entire Eastern wing where she had lived as a girl had been gutted and burned inside. It seemed only a shell of a building when we had left it and part of Kahlan had been lost there as well. "…..since I plan on researching the paternity spell that Nicci and the sisters of the Dark placed on you two years ago. We must make sure it's not affecting you any longer since an heir must be provided."

I snapped out of watching the festivities when I heard Zedd mention the paternity spell. "I have an heir, Zedd." I said glancing back to where Rian was pulling on Benjamin Meiffert's beard causing the rest of the men and women around to break into laughter. He was no doubt the entertainment for the night. I heard Zedd sigh deeply in agitation. We had been through this before and I didn't want to speak of it again. "He's my son weather or not we share the same blood, Zedd. It matters nothing to me and I'm tired of trying to convince you and Kahlan; it's exhausting. The D'Harans see him as their Lord Rahl and, look at them, they already revere him, as should you." I said and made to get up but Zedd caught me by the wrist pulling me back to sit by him.

"He's a male confessor, Richard. He cannot be allowed to rule as your heir. Don't you remember what happened when you were sent into the future and the fate of that world under the rule of a male confessor?"

I thought back to that time…a nightmare it was. Kahlan had given everything to make sure I was sent back to the present by marrying Darken Rahl and having his child. The memories still haunted me when I allowed them to surface but that didn't change the way I felt about Rian. I was raising him and I was determined to change the way people thought of male confessor's.

"I remember well enough, Zedd. And I also remember that I wasn't his father, Darken Rahl was."

He looked at me perplexed and nodded leaning back on the bench and almost forgetting to check himself before he nearly toppled backwards. He caught the edge of the table half laughing at himself. "I always knew you were stubborn, Richard, from the first moment the midwife handed you to me after your mother had said her goodbyes. She had to give you up for the greater good and well…we all give sacrifices…"

"I'm not sacrificing my son." I shouted, eliciting stares from the people around us. I lowered my voice and leaned to Zedd's ear. "I know where you're going with this and it won't happen. If you don't want a male confessor to rule, fine. I'll let mine and Kahlan's daughter to rule instead."

"Richard…." He began gripping my shoulders to lower me back onto the bench in front of him. "I've been trying to tell you….with this paternity spell…" he sighed taking his eyes off mine as he spoke, "you cannot give Kahlan a child. Nicci explained what she did and it makes it impossible for you to father children with Kahlan."

"You and your damned belief in magic, Zedd. You were the one who said I would _never _be with Kahlan and I have been, many times, without destroying my soul. If there is a way I will find it. I will not be with anyone else for as long as I live and after." I said and stood to walk away when I noticed Kahlan watching us from her place hidden in the shadows and I wondered to myself if she had heard everything that had transpired between me and Zedd.

* * *

The words had cut me deep as I listened to Richard and Zedd speak. "…..it makes it impossible to father children with Kahlan." What good would I ever be to him, even if I got past all this horror and was able to ever love him again? All I had heard was Richard's voice, low and soothing that had flowed into my pores from across the stone floor assuring Zedd that there was no one but me. Dear spirits, he still wanted me. I knew this, but hearing him speak of it to someone else, especially his own grandfather, was indescribable.

I gazed out the window, pressing my shoulder against the cold glass, watching my breath make fog across fading light of day. My skin bristled with gooseflesh and I pulled my robe tighter around my naked body as I waited for my handmaidens to summon Richard. The memory of women caring for me, dressing me, washing me brought me back to a place in my mind that I never wanted to return to again.

A soft knock at the door called me from across the room and I walked across the deep blood red carpets and pulled open the door a crack to peer out into the wide hall.

"My lady." It was Giselle come with the last of the water for my bath and I led her in to the tall opulent tub that stood in the middle of the room behind a dark privacy screen. She hummed softly as she filled the tub with hot water that had sat next to the fire to warm while I had waited. The scents of lavender and wood rose filled the air with a calming scent as she helped me into the bath with my bathing robe still draped over me. I sunk down into the water and breathed deep, my body relaxing with the aromas that touched my pores. Leaning back I wet my hair and laid submerged with only my face at the surface, warmth engulfing me everywhere.

"You may go now, Giselle. I'll wait for Lord Rahl now."

"My lady." Was all she said as she curtsied quickly and moved to the door like a scurrying rat. She was always jumpy, seemingly afraid of me since she had found me with my wrists sliced open.

I sighed calmly and stood for a moment to remove the robe that clung to me like a second skin. It was difficult to peel off, the material sticking to me around my ribcage. It made a wet slapping sound as I pulled it off and tossed it to the floor making a wet puddled heap. Sitting back into the warm water I pulled my knees to my chest pressing my breasts against my thighs as I languidly sloshed water over my arms and shoulders.

I waited until I heard the soft shuffle of boots on the stone and Richard's voice behind the door. "Come in." I answered laying my cheek against my knees and watching his shadow move behind the screen until our eyes met. He seemed confused as he looked at me but took the stool next to the bath.

"You wanted to talk to me?" He said, trying to find somewhere else to focus his eyes other than on my skin.

"Yes, and I wondered if you would…help me?" He looked up then his eyes furrowed in question. "Help me bathe?"

"Don't you have handmaidens who can help you?" He asked.

"I do…but Richard," I waited for him to return his gaze to mine, "I don't trust just anyone, I mean….when I was a captive of the Order, the Sister's of the Dark would help me…with all of this," I gestured to the bath and clothes that had been laid out for me with my chin, "there was always some semblance of pain, or shame tied into the way they cared for me. They would rub my skin raw down there and….they cut my hair when it began to grow back. I just….I don't want women to care for me right now…or anyone. I can do it alone but, I wanted things to start feeling normal again and….well I could think of no one else who I trusted except for you." His face flashed a look of fear and I assured him "It's all right, I won't try what I did last night."

Suddenly, his countenance softened "Kahlan….its all right. About last night, I mean. I just don't want you to force yourself to do things that you're not ready for. Like allowing me to bathe you."

"I just need your help. I can do the rest by myself." I snapped. "If you don't want to that's fine…I just wanted to talk to you alone and…."

"It's alright Kahlan. I'm sorry; I just don't want to hurt you." He said in a whisper. "I don't know all that they did to you…but I see it in your eyes, the raw fear."

I bit back tears in understanding and reached out with a wet hand on his arm. "I don't fear you, Richard; it's the memories that haunt me. But when I'm with you….its as if they fade and that doesn't happen with anyone else, only you."

He gave me a sad smile and grabbed the washcloth from the edge of the tub and moved my wet hair over my shoulder with a gentleness that made me ache. He began to lather my neck in slow languid strokes and I leaned my face into my knees savoring his touch.

"I heard what Zedd said to you." I began weakly, not wanting to ignite his fury.

The journey of the washcloth stopped on my collarbone and his breath hitched in agitation. "I'm not going to let that happen Kahlan. I have an heir." He said with certainty. "If you would spend time with him, you may be able to see that he's my son."

I sighed in frustration. "You heard what Zedd said about the paternity spell. It says…"

"Dear spirits, Kahlan, listen to yourself. You sound just like him. Why don't you believe me?" He asked as he ran the washcloth down my spine causing me to moan softly and relax my whole body.

"You know I want to believe you, Richard, more than anything. Despite what you think I _do _want Rian to be yours but…" I stopped abruptly realizing what I was about to say and wanted to continue to keep some of what had happened to me secret form him. But he noticed, he always did. There was no hope of ever hiding anything form the Seeker.

"But, what? Just tell me, Kahlan even if it hurts me. I want to know all of it." When I didn't answer right away he spoke softly and soothingly to me as he let go of the wash cloth and put oil on his hands and began to smooth it out along my exposed skin. "You used to tell me everything and I miss that, I miss _you_ Kahlan. Laughing with you, sharing thoughts with you, sparing with you." I laughed softly thinking of our sword fights we used to have often before all of the horror that had happened. "…..I miss staying up to watch the sunrise and I miss sleeping next to you, holding you in my arms as I dream." I watched his face as he concentrated on his hands smoothing over my skin and saw sadness there that he had tried to keep hidden from me.

"Richard." I spoke and he moved his eyes to mine. "I miss you too. More than you know. I wish things could be the same…but I'm so afraid that they can't and never will. But, know this; I will always love you, Richard."

"Then tell me what happened." He said gently as I took the discarded washcloth and began to wash my chest. He sat back on the stool and searched my face as I began to tell him some of what had happened. It would be the first of many horrible memories but sharing them with Richard may be the best way to heal, I thought.

"Every day was the same nightmare. He would beat me to the point of unconsciousness and I would wake to see blood seeping the sheets of the bed. He would taunt me with threats of rape, but I fought him for some time and he seemed pleased enough to hurt me and torture me instead. I don't know how long I was there before he got tired of my resisting him but the first time was the worst." I didn't look at Richard for fear of what I would see in his eyes, I only continued because he had asked me to and because I didn't want to keep what happened a secret that hovered between us like an oppressive spirit any longer. "His guards came in one night after he had beaten me…there were five of them, I think. They dragged me from the tent into the night…it was raining and hot and they forced me to the ground stripping me of my shift. They held me as I screamed and Jagang had told the whole camp to come and watch. He glared at me as he unclasped his pants and stroked himself as the men spread my legs for him to look at me and he leered at me with a wicked smile as he lowered to his knees. He was hard and ready and I was so afraid…." I choked out. "He was so large that I knew he would hurt me but it didn't matter…there was nothing I could do. He grabbed my hips and thrust into me and it hurt so bad, Richard." I cried but didn't look at him still. "I felt like my insides were being torn apart and I could hear the cheers of the Order as they watched him rape me. When he was done he pushed another man, naked from the waist down, on top of me and he took me too. I lost count at the sixth man and blacked out and tried to think of you…but I couldn't. I remember them laughing and saying that you would never want a whore for your wife and…and I prayed to the spirits that I would die but I woke the next morning in his bed and when he saw I was awake he dragged me to the same muddy place he had the night before and him and his men took me again. Don't you see?" I pleaded, and ignored the tears that ran in rivulets down my face and kept my eyes on the soapy water in front of me. "How could you possibly even _think _that Rian is yours? He could be anyone's! There were too many…too many to count." I buried my face then in shame. "I'm a whore, Richard…if you never looked at me in the same way again, I would understand."

There was a long silence but then he spoke. His voice was tender and full of love. "I'm

So sorry, Kahlan." He whispered and I heard him begin to sob. He leaned his forehead against the edge of the tub as his body shook with sorrow….sorrow for me and I hated that I had hurt him in this way…even if it wasn't of my own doing. I reached for him, pulling his face to look at me and saw his face stained with tears.

I took his face in my hands and wiped his tears with my thumbs and then leaned in to kiss him gently. At first his lips were trembling but when I kissed him again he returned it in kind tender and slow full of anguish and deep love. He pulled me up out of the bath and gently wrapped me in a dry towel that hung next to him and lifted me, cradling me like a small child to the bed. He lay down beside me and buried his face into my shoulder still crying and clung to me and I held him there, stroking his hair and murmuring his name.

When his body stopped shaking I pulled his face back to mine and kissed him again wanting him to feel my love and my trust for him. We kissed until our lips were numb and he never once tried to do more but intertwined our hands and held me to him as he cherished me with sweet gentleness.

"Kahlan." He said breathless pulling away at last. "I still know that Rian is my son. The storm you spoke of when you were…." He couldn't say the word but continued, knowing I understood what he was trying to say, "I remember that storm. It hadn't rained since you were taken three months earlier, we had to travel with our men for miles just to find water and it was unbearably hot. I won't forget that night. We all stood out in the rain with empty pans and buckets to collect the rain. What I'm saying is….that you had to be with child already. My child."

A small flame of hope brought a smile to my lips as I realized what he was saying could possibly be true.

"Richard I don't know…"

"Shhh….Kahlan I know he's mine. You just proved that." He smiled, as he kissed me again. "And I plan on getting you acquainted with him too." He winked. "You'll love him and he'll love you."

"But I abandoned him…I'm no good to him as a mother."

"You didn't abandon him. He was with me, and you couldn't be a mother to him when you first got here. It's alright, Kahlan, there's so much time that you have left with him. Make the most of it. Now, I'm going to let you sleep and I will be here bright and early…you're going to need the rest to keep up with Rian. He's a lot like his father." He winked and for all the world had the biggest smile plastered to his face.

When he got up to leave I gripped his hand in mine and pulled him back to me. "Stay with me tonight?" He looked confused but sat back on the bed.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I smiled and wrapped him in my arms. "You said you missed holding me when you dream….and I do too. He looked down at me, locking his gaze with mine and smoothed out my still damp hair across my neck. I didn't know what he was thinking in that moment but I knew that he loved me and that was enough. For the first time since I had been back from the Order, I slept peacefully through the night in the arms of the man I loved.


	35. Chapter 35

My heart swelled as I felt small hands entangle in my hair, pulling with the unchecked tug of a toddler. I smiled and wrapped my arm closer around his tiny frame, pulling him against me. He wiggled and sat up, noticing I was finally awake.

"Mama!" He grinned down at me and I smiled back pinching the bridge of his nose playfully.

"Good Morning, Rian. And what is my little prince up to today?" He contemplated his nose scrunching and his eyes twinkling with the same spark as Richard's often did when he was trying to make a decision. "Come on, let's go find Daddy." I said, and slid out of the bed. He followed, his bare feet landing on the soft carpet and held his arms up to me.

"Can I play with Aunt Cara?" He asked as I pulled my robe around me before scooping him up in my arms.

"We'll have to find her first." I said, winking at him. Cara was recently with child and had taken to locking herself in her rooms with nausea. I had never known anyone to whine and complain as much as she did. It was daunting for the character of a Mord Sith, and Benjamin and I constantly teased Richard about her behavior being his fault.

With Rian in my arms, we walked the busy halls of the People's Palace, people greeting us both with wide smiles and occasionally stopping me to ask my opinion about the ongoing efforts in the search for the Order. For a year, there had been no sign of them save for a few small units that we had found wandering in the south Azarith Plains. Rumor had it that Jagang was preparing a palace for his queen in the Old World, which left me sick with disgust and apprehension. The former sisters of the dark felt he was just bidding his time until he came for what he perceived was his….me.

"Mother Confessor," one of the guards, McCormick, approached us as we were descending the stairs to an outer courtyard that was a shortcut over to the kitchens. His sword swayed with the movement of his hips and I could sense Rian's fascination with the weapon. This too, I blamed on Richard who wanted our son to be as good a fighter as us even at the tender age of two. "Lord Rahl needs to speak with you. He says it's urgent. I'm to take the young Lord Rahl to General Meiffert."

"Is something wrong?" I asked, suspicion quickly mounting into fear.

"I'm not aware, my lady. But you should hurry. He's in his study and I've been searching for you all morning." He said with urgency as I passed Rian across to him. All the guards in the People's Palace regarded Rian as the 'young Lord Rahl' and would do anything for him including giving into his every whim. It seemed that I was the only one who was allowed to scold him which wasn't needed very often. He was the most well mannered child I had ever known. But maybe it was just because I was his mother, I thought.

"I'll go right away. Thank you McCormick and make sure Rian gets something to eat."

I kissed Rian on the forehead, being rewarded a smile and turned down the hall to the left. I was apprehensive but equally excited. Richard rarely ever sent for me in the morning since most of his work was done early. It was his way of getting everything done so that he would have the rest of the day to spend with Rian and myself.

I smiled as I trailed my hands over the smooth feel of the marble walls. It had been two years since I had been rescued from the Order and in that time, I had begun to heal more and more each day. Richard's encouragement that I spend more time with Rian had been my saving grace. Rian was an innocent, perfect part of my life and every day with him just made me happier to be alive. He was so much of his father. There was no doubt left in my mind that he was Richard's. He had inherited my dark wavy hair and the clutch of freckles across the bridge of his nose, which was also shaped like mine. But his eyes were the deep, expressive brown of his father. Zedd, who had known Richard all of his life, confirmed that he had too much of Richard in him to even speculate that he was someone else's child. Plus, Zedd had pointed out, the strong Han of the Rahl blood line could be detected in him as well. Zedd had also explained that his confessor powers were weaker than my own because they were tempered with Richard's power. This ensured the ability to have more control over the darkness that often overtook male confessors in adulthood.

But, even though I was happier, now that I had accepted Rian into my life and into my heart, there was still that open wound of a disconnected feeling between Richard and I. Although Richard and I shared a bed, he had yet to push the issue of our intimacy which left me feeling empty. I no longer felt beautiful to him, especially now that I had had a child and my body was different. He never looked at me with longing and it tore my heart. I was so afraid to be with him, even more afraid that I would never be able to give him that part of me ever again, but his lack of wanting left me with a hollow ache that I was afraid would never be sated.

A few tears fell to my cheeks as I thought of him and I was suddenly afraid of being in his presence for fear of him seeing me this way. I stopped before the doors of his study and leaned my back against the columns outside and gathered my composure before going in, but the doors opened before I could wipe my tears.

"Kahlan, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I said and stepped past him into the room. "McCormick said you wanted to see me?" Richard gave me a questioning look, knowing there was something wrong, but he knew me well enough not to bring up why I had been crying.

"Yes, I needed to see you. There's been talk that the Order has been spotted in the desert of the Azarith plains. Our scouts confirmed to me this morning that it's true. There are about 30,000 massed about fifty miles north of the border to the Old World." He took a deep breath, watching my face for signs of panic. "I have made arrangements to take half our units to find out what is really going on. I'm leaving the home guard here for your protection as well as Rikka, Cara and Berdine."

"That's not going to happen, Richard. You're not leaving me here." I said, my anger beginning to simmer to the surface.

"Kahlan you can't….."

"I will not!" She screamed in furry, her hands tightening into fists at her sides.  
"You will not go without me." Her voice wavered slightly and I knew her anger was a ruse to cover up her fear and pain.

"Everything will be alright. I'll be alright." I said, tangling my fingers in her silky dark curls as I tried to persuade her gently.

"Richard.." her voice was quieter but still held the edge of her anger. "I am not just going to stay here while you traipse across the D'Haran desert searching for that, that…bastard." She gritted her teeth and clutched the edge of my shirt tighter causing me to gasp at her strength. "You can't leave me…I need you more than my own life. Please don't do this." She begged. I had never seen Kahlan so desperate and it was haunting. The hollow eyed, frightened woman who had been brought back to me from the Order had began to fade but now, at this moment as she fisted my shirt, she was as she had been that first day, frightened, and desperate, clinging to me as though I was the only thing keeping her alive.

"Shhh.." I whispered and removed her fingers from their fierce grip on me caressing her palm as I held her hand to my chest. She leaned into me, her forehead on my shoulder whispering her pleas to me over and over again. "I have to do this Kahlan. For us."

"We should do this together. If something happens to you…"

"Nothings going to happen to me that would keep me from you. Not even death can do that."

"You're irrational, Richard Cypher." She scolded and pulled back to look at me again. "Remember I lived with them for nearly two summers. I know them better than you do. You need me there to help you."

"Nicci and the Sisters who used to serve the Keeper are going with me. I assure you, they know their way as well as you."

"They can't be trusted you know what I think."

Irritated, I pulled away from her turning my back and leaning my knuckles onto the edge of the table that was in front of me. "We've been through this a thousand times and…"

"You expect me to trust one act of loyalty over two years of torture." She asked in a steady calm that caused my skin to crawl. She surely had become more menacing since living with the Order and even I knew I should take care with her. "I can only trust you, you know that. Don't make me do this….letting you go into the snare of Jagang with women who served him. I won't be able to survive that way for long, Richard."

Her words hit me hard and made sense. This had to be harder for her than I had allowed myself to imagine but I still couldn't allow her to go with me. There was no way I was going to let him touch her again….ever. "I'm sorry Kahlan, you can't come and that's, my final word as Lord Rahl and as your husband."

She flinched in surprise at my words and stood quiet and still, staring into my eyes with a deep intensity of emotions. "If you were anyone else right now, you would be thrown in the dungeons for taking that tone with me. I am still the Mother Confessor and my word is law. Or have you forgotten." She tilted her head as though studying her prey and walked up to me gripping my throat. "I could take you now, as my slave, and then I could order you to let me go…or I can tell you who I will allow to go with you and who is to remain under my watch and authority."

I was stunned and confused at her threat to confess me that I couldn't say anything. I grabbed her wrist gently and pulled it from my throat. She didn't resist but let her arm fall weightless to her side. "What is this? You can't confess me. If you wanted to talk about the orders for the army unit going, I would welcome your opinion."

She looked at me with disbelief and it struck me that I had not even intended on having her assist me. "You lie to a confessor? You know better than that Richard." She lifted her hand and closed around my throat once more. "Is your love for me still seamless, Richard." She asked softly, barely above a whisper. Her demeanor had changed dramatically in that instant that it seemed the world had frozen us in this place and time.

"Yes." Is all I could say without weeping. How could she even ask that of me? She came closer, her eyes locked with mine and her hand tightened gently.

"Are you certain?"

"Kahlan!" I said, shocked and hurt at what she was doing. "My love is seamless and it always has been." She took a deep breath as if relived. I took her arms and held her firm in front of me bearing my gaze into her. "What is this about?"

She had a faraway look in her eyes as if she were somewhere without me when she spoke. "I want to remember, Richard. But I can't."

"What are you saying, Kahlan?"

She looked at me then with hardened sorrow. "I want to remember what its like to love you, but I'm afraid that everything is changed inside of us and I don't want to risk your soul."

Realization stabbed me in the chest as sure as if she had put her dagger through me. No words would come to me but I wrapped her in my arms, leaning us against the wall for support as she melted into me. She didn't weep like she had often done but she held me with the strength of the warrior and the woman she once was and I knew she was desperate to try and keep me with her. The sorrow inside of her was going to destroy us and I vowed I would find a way stop it. Running my hand over her back I buried my hands in her hair that had finally grown to the length that it was when we had first met. That day meant everything to me and I almost wished I could go back and live it all over again. Her breath on my neck turned to a slow hesitant kiss, one that I knew she wanted to give me but still held back from the Kahlan I remembered. I pulled her hair gently to move her face away and kissed her lips softly. There was still a semblance of grief in the way she kissed me and I knew by the way her body did not relax that she wasn't ready to be intimate yet.

"I told you I would wait, Kahlan, and I meant it. Even if we never do this again…I still love you more than life."

"But what if I lose you and we never...?"

"You're not going to lose me."

"Please, Richard, let me go with you. I need this. I cannot bear it, the thought of being without you…my heart can't take it."

"I promise you I'll be careful."

"Its not that Richard….I can't imagine being apart from you. Your presence has kept me whole all this time and I just want to be by your side always. After being separated from you for so long I….I just can't Richard."

Her love for me manifested itself in her desperation. There was rarely a time when she was not beside me. I relished it but was fearful she would never be the same strong woman I had known and loved before. She was the Mother Confessor our people saw her as their strength but did not know how she fearfully clung to me and wouldn't let me out of her sight. It was a thin balance of the woman she once was and the woman she was now.

"You are the strongest person I know Kahlan." I smiled, gently stroking the side of her neck. She didn't turn into me like she used to but she would welcome my touch more with time. I had to get through somehow without hurting her. She needed to be able to find the strength within herself without me, though I would always be there for her.

"No I'm not." She said shaking her head and stepping back. "Not without you." She said, her grief written on her face.

"I see you for who you are, Kahlan and I know you. You are still the woman I fell in love with that day when I met you." She was shaking her head in disbelief and I reached up and held the sides of her face so she would look at me. "Everything you've been through Kahlan….I don't know anyone else who could have survived that way that you have. You may think that you're weak, and ruined, and that the woman you once were is gone, but it's not true." She tried to shake her head in disbelief but I held her face stronger. "_I _still know you're in there and I love you with everything I am. You're my heart and my soul and yes…..my love for you is seamless. Don't ever, ever doubt that, Kahlan."

"I'm only strong because of your love for me. If you weren't here I….I don't know what would have become of me. If you do this, if you leave me and he hurts you….Richard…" she was crying. "You know I would do anything to protect you, even if it meant having to stay with him and live as his wife. I would do it because I love you and I can't let anything happen to you…I can't."

I folded her into my arms then, and held her, my own body shacking with fear at her words. How could she even think I could ever let him near her again? "Over my dead body will he ever touch you again, Kahlan. I would rather die that let you be hurt like that again. It almost destroyed me….what he did to you. I can't bear to let it happen again. That's why I can't let you go with me. I need you here, where I know you'll be safe and our son will be safe."

"Richard." She breathed through her tears. "Promise me…promise you'll come back to me?"

"I promise." I kissed the top of her head and held her there against me for a long time, both of us clinging to one another in desperation. When she finally backed away, her tear streaked face held so much sorrow but she forced a smile for me.

"You better hold to your promise, Lord Rahl or there will be great punishment that awaits you." She teased. I knew she was trying to be strong but I saw straight through her façade.

"Kahlan, I know you want to be with me, but I can't bear it if I lost you again." I said, my chest swelling with sorrow at the thought of losing her. I felt tears escape my eyes again followed by the soft caress of her fingers.

"I love you Richard, more than life. Do you know that?" She whispered with a wavering voice.

My eyes locked with hers. "Of course I do, Kahlan. Why would you even ask me that?"

"Why don't you look at me like you used to?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The way you used to look at me….with longing. You don't anymore and I want to know why?"

"Dear spirits, Kahlan." I said my voice thick with sorrow. "I don't want to hurt you, you know that. I have to hold back and even if I want to….I could never push you, or force you. I thought we talked about this?"

"We have, but I thought after all this time that you would at least try." She said, her lip quivering. "It makes me feel as if you don't want me. I know I can't, but Richard I still need to feel wanted, desired, and longed for."

"You really have no idea what you do to me, do you?" I asked, feeling a spark of desire as I looked at her, really looked at her for the first time since she had come into the room. She was even more intoxicating now that she was the mother of my son. The flare of her hips was more defined and her breasts…dear spirits I wanted to get lost in them.

"Richard?"

My eyes instantly pulled away from their caress of her body and back to her eyes, my desire being extinguished and the practiced control over my need to her hardening with the need to protect her, even if it was from myself.

"Kahlan, I'm so sorry that you think that of me, but I promise you….its farther from the truth than you could even know."

She opened her mouth to speak but hesitated as if she were trying to gain her composure. "Then let me love you, tonight, before you go. I can't bear not remembering, not anymore. And if something happened to you….I would never, never forgive myself."

"Kahlan, I can't." I said in sorrow, my chest constricting with pain. "I promised myself that I would wait until you were ready….and I know you're not."

She stepped forward then and grabbed my hair at the back of my neck, pressing her face close to mine. "I need this….please, Richard. The thought of losing you is more powerful than any memory I might have."

The felling of her against me as she begged me to make love to her was making my head spin with need. I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face in her hair. "I will, but you have to promise me that you'll tell me to stop if you can't bear it."

"I promise." She said, wrapping her arms tighter around me.


	36. Chapter 36

The rest of the day went by slowly for me, and my apprehension grew as night approached. I had busied myself with Rian, teaching him the very first steps of being able to hone his confessor power. It would be another three years until he would be strong enough to use his ability to confess, but his training, as was with every confessor, began as soon as they were born. With other children, they are taught to walk and talk, the same is with confessors except there is an added instinct confessors are born with to test the boundaries with their powers. I found it harder for me not having any other confessors to help me, but Zedd, and even Nicci, have come alongside me and helped me with Rian. Of course, Richard is fascinated with all of this, and still practices his fledgling magic along with his son. They are learning together, my two Lord Rahls.

I smiled, thinking of Richard and Rian, as I get out of the tub, moving slowly as I wrapped the towel around my body. I sat down at the vanity, taking my brush and pulling it down the long length of my hair and peered at my pale face in the mirror, trying to find the woman I recognize. I look older, I realize with a sinking feeling. What if I'm not beautiful to him as I was before? I let the towel drop to reveal my breasts and notice they are larger with darker nipples and I then look down at my stomach that looks like a deflated balloon with silver lines painted across. I stand and look at my hips, which are far wider than before by pelvic bones shifted to hold Rian. My legs are still long and shapely, but there are a few silver lines on my thighs from when I carried Rian. A silent tear rolls down my face and I drop the brush, useless, to the floor as I look at the ugly woman staring back at me. No wonder I had to beg Richard to make love to me. I grabed the nightgown off the back of the vanity chair, quickly pulling it over myself so I won't have to look and continue to cry as I pull the laces through the front. I fumble with strings, attempting to tighten them over my breasts but they barley stretch far enough but I pull them tighter in an attempt to flatten myself.

So engrossed in the torment toward myself, I don't notice Richard has entered the room and watching me. I nearly come out of my skin when I hear him gently call my name and the tears explode, and I weep harder.

"Kahlan, what's wrong?"

"I'm not beautiful anymore." I wailed in shame, and chastised myself at being weak. But this was Richard and I showed him every part of me, even the weakest parts.

"What?" He chuckled and moved my hands gently loosening the strings. "You know you're a bad liar, Mother Confessor." He teased as he pulled the strings out, opening the gown to reveal my breasts to him and let the nightgown fall to the ground in a puddle at my feet. He gasped and looked me in the eye, a fog of desire glazed in his eyes. "You're more beautiful now then you were before. Don't ever think that you're not beautiful to me."

"But I'm ruined."

"I've seen you naked before now, and you're beautiful, beyond words, Kahlan. But it's not your body I love, its _you_." He said and tenderly kissed me on the lips. "And you know that you don't have to do this for me to love you."

"I want to. You know why." I said, feeling my emotions slipping again as he removed his shirt. He stepped close to me and took my hand in his entwining our fingers and kissed me again, pressing his chest against my breasts. His other hand ran up my back burying in my hair and his lips moved to my neck and I felt tears bathing my skin. I hooked my other arm around his waist, pulling him closer and guided us to the bed where he laid on his back and motioned for me. I laid down next by his side and pulled him down on top of me, wanting to feel his strength engulfing me. He wept as he kissed me, his hand caressing my neck and his lips falling to my shoulder. I held him against me and noticed I too was weeping.

"I love you so much." He whispered as his hand met with my breast. He leaned up to watch my face and he gently brushed my hair aside. "Kahlan?" He asked, and I knew that he was hesitant but I pulled his face back to mine in a gentle, sensuous kiss and he let himself touch me without restraint. He shook with emotion as he caressed my thighs, his other hand still on my breast. His lips left a trail from my neck, down between my breasts, and across the length of my stomach. "So beautiful." He said as he traced the silver lines with the tip of his finger. "You've given me the life of a son, don't ever forget that."

I melted into the mattress and locked my eyes on Richard as he continued to kiss me. His hands and lips slid across my thighs and he looked at me when he helped spread my legs. I was scared, but I nodded as he slowly ran his fingers across my womanhood. He crawled up next to me on the bed and kept our gazes locked. "Look at me, Kahlan." I knew he wanted me to think of only him, and it helped to look into his eyes to keep the memories of horror at bay. But when he pushed a finger inside of me, the memory of Jagang rushed back and all of my muscles tensed as I shivered and tears ran down my face.

Richard removed his finger from me and grabbed the sides of my face as I wept. "No, no, no…I want this." I wailed. "Please, Richard! I want to remember you but I can't. All I can see is him."

"Shh…" he soothed and held me naked against him.

"I'm sorry, Richard. I…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said, his voice cracking.

"Please, I-I can't let you go without…"

"It's alright, Kahlan." His hand caressed the side of my face and down my arm, entwining our fingers again. "If you want this, I will, but not if it hurts you."

I nodded weakly, catching my breath. "Please, Richard, just be inside me? I just want to feel you again." He studied my face for a long moment then stood up to take off his pants. I couldn't even look at him, I was so afraid. When I felt him settle back on the bed I pulled him to me between my legs.

"You're shacking. Kahlan, I can't.."

"Please, Richard." I wept and he hesitantly moved closer to me, all the time watching me face for any reactions of fear.

I felt him align with my opening and he held my face in his hands. "Look at me." He said tenderly. "I love you Kahlan." He said as he pushed into me. When he began to move I wept and clutched him to my chest. The horrors that had happened to me seemed to peel away one by one with each stroke of him inside me. I wept with love for him and regret at everything that I had been forced to do.

"I love you, I love you." It became a chant between us as we buried our sorrows in each other. Never, in all the times I had been with Richard, did I feel so connected to him. He was slow and tender with me and his hands caressed me everywhere and his tears soaked my face, shoulders and hair. He reached between us and caressed my sensitive nub drawing me with him over the edge of rapture. The pleasure was unlike anything I had ever known and I held him close as we wept with our sorrows and our passions.

"I love you Kahlan Amnell Rahl." He whispered in to the night, thinking I was asleep. "I can't lose you, ever again. I was afraid I had." He whispered and wound his fingers absentmindedly into my hair. I turned over to face him, caressing my hand over his chest and he grabbed me hand pulling me close to him. "Did I wake you?"

"No. I was just thinking…."

"About what?" He asked.

"About how much I love you." I gave him my special smile and pressed my body close to his and his strong arms wrapped around me burying me in his body. "And how I'm not so afraid anymore and how making love to you helps me forget."

"It helps me forget to, but it also gives me more resolve to destroy him. If he ever touched you again…."

"Shhh…" I said leaning back and pressing a finger to his lips. "Not tonight….tonight I just want to be with you."


	37. Chapter 37

_**Note to Readers: This chapter has been so long in coming. I have started this one at least five (or maybe a thousand) times. Its quite weak writing here, but I feel guilty for leaving everyone hanging. Hopefully I am not botching my story lol. Thank you all for being so patient with me. **_

I jumped at the soft hands at my neck and turned from packing the saddlebags to see Kahlan. "You'll need this on your journey. Nicci tells me the winds blow the sands violently where you're going and all the desert civilians wear thick cloaks like this one." I reached up and gripped the edge of the cloak that she had placed around my shoulders and noted the dark blue woven symbols of the Keltons arrayed along the edges in gold threading. I knew at once that it must be hers and turned facing her and gave her a small smile even as the pressure in my chest threatened to break with the emotions that were brewing.

"Thank you." I whispered into the morning air and at that moment a soft wind picked up her hair, blowing whips of dark curls across her face. She looked as though nothing had changed, except I knew everything had. But the light that had gone out in her eyes had begun to glow again after last night. I stared at her intently, both of us standing as still as stone without words needed between us.

She at last broke the spell and handed me her heavy pack. I narrowed my eyes in questioning and she said, "Just some food for the journey and some medicines and salves I packed for you, just in case."

"When did you have time to do all this?" I asked, noticing her blush as I felt my own face heat at the thought of the endless night of passion we had shared last night and into early this morning. She had been asleep soundly when I had brought Rian to our bed and laid him in her arms before leaving to prepare for departure. I couldn't imagine when she had had time to pack for me. "I didn't mean it like that, Kahlan. I…" and then she laughed a sound so beautiful that everything in that moment was just her and me, nothing, no war, no struggle to remain sane with all that had happened…just us.

"And what if you _did _mean it like that?" She asked breathlessly, her eyes twinkling with mischief. She stepped closer to me so that I could feel the heat of her as she lowered her voice in a sultry whisper "I wouldn't mind if you ravished me right here before you leave."

"Kahlan!" I said half laughing as I pulled her to me. She wrapped her arms tight around me, her lips placing a kiss on my neck briefly before pulling back. She seemed flustered and pushed her hair back from her face as her mouth opened and closed trying to find words. "Are you alright?" I asked, brushing my fingertips along her jaw. She looked up at me, studying my face as if she was trying to sear it into her memory.

"I've been thinking…" she began twisting her hands in front of her nervously. "This will mark the first time that you go alone on a dangerous mission without your Confessor by your side. And…"

"Kahlan, why are we talking about this? You know how I feel about you going with me, it's too dangerous." I said, frustration and biting anger grating in the way I spoke to her. I silently chided myself for almost losing my temper and turned to stuff the pack she had given me down into the saddle bags. I tensed, feeling her press against my side as she took my hands in hers.

"I know what you think, Richard and I understand why you wouldn't want me to go but…."

"But nothing Kahlan. I told you…you're not going and that's final!" I said pulling my hands away from her. I grabbed her arm and pulled her behind one of the stalls so we would be out of earshot from the other men who were in the stables with us. I heard her wince as I tensed my grip and backed her into the wall. "I'm going to end this, but I can't do that if you're there. You'll distract me from my mission."

"Let go of me, Lord Rahl." She said in warning and it was then I noticed how tight I was gripping her. Guilt staggered me and I stepped away from her still gripping the sword of truth, which I had instinctively clutched in anger. Kahlan grabbed my hand and pried my fingers away from the sword and she looked at me with all the furry of the Mother Confessor. "Stop it! Stop punishing yourself for what happened to me! It wasn't your fault. Pulling the magic of the sword against yourself won't erase what happened to me, it will only destroy you! I love you Richard but you have to stop this, please." She said, pleading for me with all the strength she had left. "Everything he did to me is _nothing _compared to losing you. Please Richard…_this" _she said pulling the sword from my waist and slinging it over her head to rid me of the magic's pull "hurting yourself for me and taking these risks and wishing death for yourself? This is what will destroy me…not the Order …or Jagang." She said, her breath coming in rapid puffs of cold air between us. "You told me once that the only unimaginable fate was one without me. Do you remember?" She asked unexpectedly.

That day on the hillside after Giller had tried to take her magic came slamming back to me in a sudden onslaught of emotion. Of course I remembered but I could say nothing and pulled my gaze from hers and looked down at the dry mud packed ground.

She moved close to me, her breath gentle against my face and placed a hand on my chest. "That day you promised me that whatever happened that you would be by my side. Now I'm promising you the same thing….I won't let you do this without me. I'm your Confessor and a long time ago I remember swearing an oath to protect you with my life. And no matter what happens, I'm not breaking that promise…not for anything in this world."

She had literally trapped me in my own words and she used my sense of honor against me. I would never go back on an oath and it was pointless to try and convince Kahlan to go back on her word, even if I was afraid of failing her again. But no matter how I felt, nothing would change my mind about leaving her behind where I knew she would be safe.

"Kahlan., you may be my confessor but more importantly you're my wife and the mother of my child. This is not about what you want it's about what I know is the only way to protect you. We've been over this Kahlan, and I'm not changing my mind."

"Mother Confessor, General Baldwin would like to see you now. The men are almost ready and they want to wait for you before they mount up."

"Thank you, McCormick, inform him I will be with them shortly. In the mean time, have them saddle my horse and find Mistress Cara. I want her to bring Rian before I leave." Said Kahlan.

"Yes Mother Confessor." He bowed. "Lord Rahl." He said addressing Richard and turned to leave but Richard stopped him.

"McCormick, there's been a misunderstanding. Kahlan won't be needing her horse prepared. I'm sending Jameson in her place to lead with General Baldwin."

McCormick, visibly unsettled looked between us but his gaze landed on me this time, "yes Lord Rahl, as you command." He said saluting me with his hand to his chest as all D'Harans did when addressing their Lord Rahl. He turned and left the stables swifter than the man who usually took his time with things in an attempt to be away from us. I couldn't blame him, for I too felt the burning heat of anger at my side emanating from Kahlan.

"Damn you, Richard." She said through clenched teeth. "How could you degrade my authority like that to my men? Don't for one moment forget who _really _rules the three territories. Not a woods guide from Heartland, but me. The Mother Confessor. You'd be nothing without my knowledge and guidance." She slapped me hard, stunning me into violent fury. I gripped her wrist as she came in for a second time and spun her around, her arm behind her. My other hand gripped a fist of her hair as I held her tight against me.

"Just a woods guide from Heartland? I'm surprised at you, Kahlan. You never stoop so low as to insult my upbringing." I said calmly as I could, allowing my voice to rumble low against her neck. "It didn't bother you last night." I said, feeling a pang of guilt at my words but anger over ruled it. The cold steel of the sword at her back pressed between us reminding me of the reason I had been brought together with this woman I loved above all else, but the fury wouldn't stop.

"Richard?" My grip suddenly relaxed for a moment allowing Kahlan to pull away from me. Cara stood there stunned with a wide eyed Rian. "What's going on you two?" She asked coming closer. Rian reached out to me, grabbing my pendant and I took him from Cara as I glanced at Kahlan. "I leave you two alone and you either ravish each other or try and kill one another. No wonder I can never get a moment of quiet."

"Cara, tell Kahlan she can't go with me."

She glared at me from her green eyed gaze. "I'm not about to start giving the Mother Confessor orders, even if they _are _from you. But I do agree with him, Kahlan." She said turning her gaze to Kahlan who wore a blank expression on her face, looking past Cara. "Give us a moment, Richard?" She asked. I nodded and gave Kahlan one last look, which she avoided, .before exiting the stables to make my way to General Baldwin to explain his new orders.

"Daddy?" Asked Rian, as if he could sense the tension between Kahlan and me.

"It's alright, Rian. I just need your help with something and we need to let your mother speak with Aunt Cara."

"K" he said smiling his agreement.

When we reached the Kelton forces, General McCormick and General Baldwin stopped and turned, a bit surprised to see me. "Lord Rahl? Is everything alright with you and…"

He stopped in mid sentence when I fixed him a stare silently warning him to keep my personal business to himself.

"I've come with new orders for you, General Baldwin."

"McCormick already informed me that Jameson will be leading in Lady Rahl's stead. I have sent one of my men to fetch him from the south division. He should be here soon."

I nodded my thanks and set a squirming Rian down who ran off down the path into the crowd of men who were preparing to march out. We followed him at a distance as we spoke of plans for moving through the Azarith plains. "You think its wise, Lord Rahl?"

I gripped the bridge of my nose in frustration and could still feel the panic and anger from my argument with Kahlan as I stalked off in the direction where Rian had gone. "You know we are at your service, Lord Rahl.. But Jameson, in my opinion if I may, is not experienced enough to take a division through the Azarith Plains. Especially since they've never ventured anywhere south of D'hara."

I turned on my heel, rounding on General Baldwin and was half angry and half surprised at his opinion of my orders. I almost agreed with him, at least my head did but my heart overruled my decision. "Even if I agree with you, General, there's no one else who has the knowledge and the experience close enough for me to trust them. Once we get past the borders lying north of the Wilds, then my men will meet up with you. Don't worry; it's just a diversion in case we come across other regimens of the Order. We have to have more than one division through the Azarith Plains to be safe on both the east and west sides."

"Lord Rahl….please don't misunderstand me when I say this but….Lady Rahl would have been able to lead them safely since she already knows the way."

Halting in my steps I gripped the hilt of my sword and glared at Baldwin and then focused my gaze ahead searching the crowd for my son who I spotted precariously attempting to climb onto one of the larger war horses. "She's not to go, and you know why. My decision is final. Kahlan is not going." I left General Baldwin to ponder over my rash decisions. Everyone knew that I wasn't letting Kahlan go but no one, save maybe Baldwin, would tell me that they disagreed.

I turned and made my way to Rian as his chubby hand gripped the stirrup of the saddle. The horse whinnied in surprise and shifted as I grabbed the reins, calming the horse so he wouldn't panic and kick Rian. "I want up, Daddy." Whined Rian, his big brown eyes staring hopefully up at me.

"Alright, but just for a moment." I smiled and he grinned a toothy smile, making his freckles stand out in the morning gloom. I seated him above the warhorse, who was content to have a light passenger and I led the reins deeper into the camp where the rest of the Generals were assembling to depart.

"Ah, Lord Rahl…and little Lord Rahl." Grinned Jameson, who appeared to have just arrived. "So glad to see you again," he said clasping wrists with me as Rian giggled and kicked upon seeing one of his favorite playmates. Jameson reached up and Rian slid into his arms, gripping his beard and pulling eliciting a hearty laugh from Jameson.

"I see you two get along just fine. He's a good judger of loyalty already."

"Just making sure to be in good graces with the future Lord Rahl." He grinned.

"You already are." I smiled. We turned and walked into the command tents as the men were folding up maps and packing supplies. "You know why I summoned you, yes?"

"Of course, McCormick told me…." He trailed off as the last officer ducked out of the tent. "….that the Mother Confessor is not going to be leading and I am to go in her stead."

Breathing deep I nodded. Rian clapped his hands together at the mention of 'Mother Confessor, "mommy!"

"That's right." Jameson and I grinned at the recognition. "He's a smart one." He said and then looked to Rian. "You'll be a great Lord Rahl one day." He looked at me confused, wrinkling his nose the exact same way Kahlan would when contemplating.

"Jameson…"

"Call me Carl. We're on a first name basis now, aren't we?"

"Of course, Carl. It's been hard for me, to say the least, to try and forget what the Order did to my wife and….."

Carl put a hand on my arm. "Say no more, I understand. I would feel the same way if it were my wife, Sharon. I would have gone mad."

"Thank you." I said, my eyes almost tearing. I _had _gone mad but only a few really knew the extent including Cara and General Meiffert.

"I will do well by her, you have my word. Our fathers were allies and great friends. I knew Kahlan as a child. She's a few years older than me and I always remember her sneaking me sweets at the long boring parties at my father's palace. Her mother was gracious enough to allow him to keep his friends, though it wasn't the same. Everyone was afraid of confessors, except me for my fondness of Kahlan. But then everyone called her a witch, and I came to fear her until later when she stepped in and protected us under her rule. I will never forget that day. She was only 15 but she was as a queen. Generous and strong….our enemies were terrified and finally tucked tail and ran, ending our oppression. I thought she had forgotten me until she slipped me some sweets under the table at the banquet afterwards."

"Sounds like her." I grinned, proud of the younger version of my Kahlan. "She always remembers a friend, no matter how long ago their kindness was towards her."

"I can attest to that." He set a wiggling Rian down, who went about hitting two left behind tin cups together. We had to speak louder over the clanking to hear each other. "I must be honest, Lord Rahl." He said. "I spoke with the Mother Confessor on the way here." He continued hesitantly, but I nodded for him to go on. "She's worried about you…almost hysterically. I've never seen her in such a state before, Richard. Mistress Cara was with her and told me to assure you that she will be taken care of but….I don't think anyone will be able to hold her here for long."

Frustrated, I raked my hands through my hair. "She's stubborn, Carl. But I know her; she won't go against my wishes, no matter how angry she is."

He raised an eyebrow in disbelief as Rian stopped momentarily on his deafening cycle of noisemaking. "I don't know Richard. She seemed quite determined to have her own way. I assured her that we would protect you with our lives if need be and I promised her on a blood oath I would bring you back alive, but she still insists on going."

"You did what?" I exclaimed. "Jameson! You should never take a blood oath lightly. You can't promise her my life."

"Than you'd better promise it for yourself. It's the only way she would stop yelling obscenities about you and your thick skull." He chuckled as Rian bounded up between us, trying to get a hold of our shiny weapons. I finally handed him the small blade that was protected by a holder that was difficult to pry open. Kahlan would skin me alive if she knew I allowed him to play with it. "She would get along with my Sharon." He said grinning, but then turned serious. "You should talk to her again. You could leave with us since we aren't departing for another hour yet. I'll watch over this lad for you." He said scooping up Rian. "Besides, the young Lord Rahl should see his men off, don't you think?" He said, directing his question at my son.

"Ok." He said with his small voice still clutching the dagger.

"You hold on to that for daddy, and remember to be careful. I'm going to talk to Mommy."

"Mommy mad." He said matter of fact and Jameson and I exchanged looks. "I'll be back in an hour. Have McCormick send for my horse. Tell him also that Bengamin Meiffert can lead the division in my place until we catch up with him later tonight."

"It's done than. Good luck, Lord Rahl, you're going to need it." He clasped me on the shoulder as I exited the tent.

* * *

Finally, after searching what seemed to be the entire People's Palace, I spotted Kahlan. She sat on the floor, her back against the interrogation room doors, my sword leaning against her raised knees and her hands holding the hilt. She looked small and lost her eyes and cheeks holding the aftermath of tears. I watched for a moment, hidden in the shadows bracing myself for the courage to go to her. She had a right to be angry with me for the way I'd acted that morning and the fear of her unforgiveness kept me paralyzed.

I sat against the opposite side of the hall, my eyes never leaving her. What could I say to her now to convince her to stay, especially after what I had done to her?

Leaning my head against the wall, I tried to summon my courage when I heard the clatter of my sword on the polished marble floor followed by Kahlan's startled, quiet voice.

"Richard? How long have you been sitting there?"

"For a while now."

"Why? What are you doing here, I thought you'd be long gone by now." She questioned and I noticed a slight edge of anger in her voice.

"We need to talk."

"Haven't we done enough of that already?" I stood then and made my way towards where she was sitting, seating myself on the floor in front of her.

"I'm sorry Kahlan. For this morning. For hurting you and saying those things. It's just…."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked as a single tear fell down her face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Cara told me…all of it." I looked at her confused. "How you still blame yourself for what happened to me! What you did when I was gone…how you didn't care what happened because you thought I wouldn't forgive you…and rushing in to finish Jagang alone! Dear Spirits, Richard, why?" I hung my head in shame knowing there was nothing I could say to her. "You promised you would talk to me about this Richard. Why didn't you come to me?" She asked intertwining both of our hands.

"I didn't want to hurt you more. You'd already endured so mush. I just couldn't."

"Keeping things from me hurts even more." She whispered. "Cara says you went mad with grief. Is that why you don't want me with you?"

I looked her in the eyes then. "I don't want you to go because I love you, Kahlan."

She let more tears escape before saying, "I love you too Richard, more than life itself and I'll stay if you need me to. But Richard, "she squeezed my hands, "if I lose you…." Her lower lip quivered and I released one of my hands from her grip running my fingers across her jaw before gripping her chin gently.

"You're not going to lose me. I'm fighting for you…for your love for me. Nothing matters more to me than ending this and coming home to you where I know you'll be safe and waiting for me. I couldn't bear it if he touched you again." I said, and despite my efforts heard the quake in my voice.

"Richard…" she whispered my name but at a loss for words pulled me to her chest and embraced me. She gripped the hair at the back of my neck, holding me to her as I forced the images of what he had done to her from my mind. When the visions wouldn't fade I lifted my head from her chest and rammed my lips against hers in a fierce kiss, needing to feel her and remind myself that she was here with me and not with him. Her hands gripped the edges of my tunic, pulling me closer as she opened her mouth begging me to enter her with my tongue. I complied and she moaned against me, straddling me with her legs.

She left me breathless and I separated our lips, and racked my teeth down her neck as I skimmed my hands up her bared thighs. She whimpered when I snuck a finger under her shorts, grazing the edge of her womanhood before entering her wetness. I moaned at the tightness of her around me and added a second finger, tantalizing her with slow rhythmic strokes. "Richard…" she breathed. "We should go to our room."

I hummed against her neck and ignored her request. I had to have her. The desperation to cloud and erase the visions of her torment was driving me to an insane need for her. She must have sensed my need when she attacked my belt and laces, freeing me from the bindings of my trousers. I moved my hand from between her thighs, licking them clean as she positioned herself over me.

Our gazed locked when she lowered herself on me and I saw nothing but her wild possession of me. She lifted and sunk down slowly over and over again, our eyes never leaving each other. I gripped her backside, helping her rise and fall as she took me. "I love you Richard." She breathed into the hot air around us.

"And I love you." I told her as I plunged deeper into her, holding her hips still as I stroked in and out of her, stopping inside of her a few times to listen to her stifled scream against my shoulder. When finally the crescendo of her powers released I soared with her to a place hidden inside the soul of a confessor. I promised myself that I would return, if not for this passion then for our love. A love that had remained even when the darkness had threatened to destroy it.


	38. Chapter 38

Sitting tall astride my horse, I watched as Richard tossed Rian one last time in the air and then gave him another embrace and kissed his brow before handing him to Cara. He swung himself up into his saddle and turned his mount toward the southern hills of D'hara.

"Keep them safe, Cara."

"On my life, Lord Rahl." She replied and glanced at me sternly. "I'll not let them out of my sight." I knew she meant that there was no chance of me sneaking away to follow Richard.

"I'll be back by nightfall." I said to Cara, as Richard kicked his horse into a slow trot. My horse jerked and began to follow after Richard and I heard General Jameson yell 'ride out' in the distance somewhere behind us.

"I'll skin you alive myself if you even _think_ about it, Mother Confessor." Said Cara with a smirk.

"Don't worry, Richard has an escort of twenty to bring me back" I said rolling my eyes.

"Good for him. It was my suggestion." Rian giggled, clapping his hands in excitement even though he didn't quite understand what was happening. The joy of childhood…I mused to myself. If only things were always so easy, but nothing ever was.

* * *

"Three months, Kahlan….that's all I ask."

"Alright." I said softly, not wanting to agree. I had ridden out with him as a final farewell. He had assured me again and again that he would be safe but I had a twisting feeling in the pit of my stomach that wouldn't subside.

I kept my focus pointed at the distant rays of sunlight as they split out from between the clouds. It was so beautiful and so deceiving. Nothing about Richard leaving me behind matched the beauty of the vast landscape in front of us. If only we could walk hand in hand through the wildflowers and follow the rays of the sun, I thought.

"I love you Kahlan." He whispered and I felt his fingertips brush a strand of hair behind my ear. A lone tear escaped and he caught it, smoothing it out on my cheek. "Shh….Don't cry, please don't cry." I continued looking forward as more tears spilled. I couldn't look at him or I would break.

"I hate this."

"Hate what?" He asked.

"This, you leaving me to die." I sobbed against my words.

"Kahlan." He said my name, thick with emotion. "I'm not going to die."

"You don't know that." I whispered my voice too full of anguish to speak. "I won't be there with you…who will protect you the way I would?"

He tilted my face to look at him, but I kept my eyes on the pommel and griped tight to the reins in an attempt to still the damn that was breaking inside of me. "Look at me." He said and I felt both of his hands cradle my face like he often did. When our eyes locked I saw so much love that some of my fear faded. "You are always with me, Kahlan Amnell Rahl. You are part of me and no matter where I am, you protect me. I hear your voice in battle telling me to be careful and I see your face in my mind and it causes me to fight with everything I am because I know you are waiting for me." I smiled my special smile, the one I saved for only him and leaned into his touch.

"How can you always make me feel better in the worst of situations?"

He grinned his cocky, boyish smile that I loved. "I am the Seeker." He winked and we both laughed, the tension quickly draining at long last.

"I love you, so much, Richard." I said as tears continued falling even with our laughter. He kissed me then, slow and passionate, saying everything that words could not but it ended too soon and he was backing away, pulling my hood around my head, tucking the loose strands of my hair inside.

"And I love you my Kahlan." He said. "You know I don't want to leave you but I…."

I reached my finger to his lips, silencing him. "We've said enough about this, Richard. I know why you go and why you want me to stay and even though I hate not being with you I understand, really, I do."

He studied my face intently, searching me. "You know you're not a very good liar?" I opened my mouth to protest but he didn't allow me to speak. "But I know that right now you speak the truth." He said, smiling and taking my fingers in his he brought them to his lips and kissed each one before kissing my palm. I pulled him back for one last kiss and reached for the leather thong that hung around my neck, placing in over Richard's head as we broke from our kiss.

"What's this?" He questioned and reached for the object around it. Tears suddenly filled his eyes and he looked at me, unable to formulate words.

"My ring…I went back that day you tossed it in the woods. I didn't know how to tell you that I still wanted to be yours because I was afraid you didn't want me after everything that happened, but now….."

"Dear spirits….Why didn't you say anything?"

"I knew what you would say. You'd convince me that you wanted me but I didn't believe you and I didn't want to rid myself of everything I had from before because I was afraid that it was lost. But Richard…."I looked down at my hands that were entwined with his. "I know now that your love for me never wavered even when I was afraid it had. I just wanted you to know that I never wanted us to end, even though I said that it was what I wanted. My heart was never taken from you, even when the rest of me was. I just", I looked back into his eyes, "I wanted you to know in case anything happens…..that I'm still yours."

"I know that." He said wiping my tears again with his thumbs. And then he pulled one of my daggers from my boot and cut the string, pulling off the ring. He looked me in the eye as he slipped in on my hand. "This belongs on you, Lady Rahl." He said, closing my hand around the ring. "And I love you, a thousand times, I love you."

I fisted his cloak and pulled him into another kiss and wrapped my arms around him. Our horses snorted at the closeness of each other and Richard and I laughed once more. "You should go, Lord Rahl. They need you out there." I said backing out of our embrace.

"Wait for me."

"Forever." I said and kissed my finger placing it on his cheek. He held my hand to his face for a moment longer, his eyes boring into mine, and then he allowed my hand to slip away as he turned and sent his horse into a gallop. He did not turn back, and I didn't blame him. He may not have had the strength to stay on course if he did. I watched as his form got smaller and smaller in the distance and then I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw his men gather around him that had been waiting ahead for him in the distance.

"Mother Confessor? Are you ready to head back?"

"In a moment." I answered as my escort flanked to each side of me and watched until he disappeared from sight. I smoothed the ring with my thumb, turning it in my hand seeing Richard in my mind's eye as he had placed it on my hand again. Smiling, I spun my horse and led the way back to the palace where I would wait for him forever.

* * *

The dust hit my face, making my eyes water and burn as we rode slowly through the empty expanse of rolling desert. It was hot, humid and left the exposed skin of my knuckles burn as they held tight to the pommel of my saddle. I glanced to my left and saw Nicci sitting proud, shoulders back with her thick blonde hair blowing in the hot wind. In everything that had happened in the last few years she had become a trusted friend and advisor to both me and Kahlan. A grin spread on my shadowed face beneath the hood of the cloak that shielded me to the suns rays when I thought of our unexpected friendship.

As if reading my thoughts, she glanced at me and returned a friendly smile, one I had seen often on her porcelain face since she had abandon the Order and joined us. "Not much further." She said indicating the rising slope of sand in front of us. "Just over that rise. I can sense them with my Han." She whispered as if she was afraid they would hear her. "Their gifted shouldn't detect us…yet." She added. "We've set shields 100 feet in all directions to mask our approach."

"How many do you think are there?" I asked, a sense of worry edging into the pit of my stomach.

"It's hard to say, Richard, but I think there may be more than we intended."

"Nicci! Lord Rahl!" It was Belinda and Gladys approaching quickly from the back ranks, seemingly in a state of panic.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

They exchanged glances, and Belinda finally spoke. "There are two forces. One up ahead and one trailing about half a days ride behind. We rode as fast as we could. Jameson and his troops had to turn around to protect our flanks but….Richard….they have us surrounded."

Pushing back my hood, I squinted in the blaring light to get a better look at things as though I could see the approaching armies of the Order myself. I gripped the hilt of my sword, allowing the anger to surge through my veins in an attempt to quell the rising panic. There was nothing to be done. We were trapped.

A sudden jolt vibrated beneath us and shook the ground. As horses tottered back to maintain their balance, I heard a thousand swords being drawn together, leaving a ringing echo in the dusty air.

"What is it, Nicci?." I asked as she sat motionless, a steel hard glare on her face.

"The gifted had the Order cloaked in magic, much like what was used to hide us when Kahlan was a prisoner." She looked at me then with her striking blue gaze and I saw sadness in her.

"Nicci, what happened with Kahlan is done and over…"

"No, its not. Jagang made a promise and he will keep it. I'm sure of it."

"Lord Rahl!" It was Riebisch with Rikka close behind, dust flaring behind them in a cloud. "We have to move….now! They have dragon's breath and some of our other scouts spotted a wagon full of whisperers."

I glanced at Nicci. "Take the gifted up to the ridge and see what you can do to hold back the magic of the whisperers. If you don't….we're all dead. And find Zedd!"

Gladys and Belinda turned at once and rode to the back of the lines that they had just come in from. Nicci said, "You be careful Richard, you promised kahlan. Get yourself out of sight. Jagang wants you." She warned. "May the spirits be with you." She turned her horse and followed after the other sisters.

Rikka was still at my side along with Lahra and Salidhe. They were appointed by Cara to guard me every move I made. Despite the moment of danger, I couldn't help but smile inwardly at the thought of my friend.

We raced off down the hillside smack into the oncoming assault of the Order that was ahead of us. I held my sword high as we barreled through their front ranks toppling them over easily from our vantage point down the hillside. There was no time to plan, having been taken by surprise but it did not stop the ebbing flow of adrenalin that coursed through my body.

My arm swung with reflexive precision as my horse maneuvered me deeper into the flood of the Order. The pounding rumble of the ground never ceased and the loud striking sounds of weapons and screams vibrated in my head. I was in a daze, almost an out of body experience, watching myself kill the enemy as though it were someone else. _Richard! Behind you!_ I whirled around at the sound of Kahlan's voice in my head and met an on coming blow just as it came inches toward my throat. A strange sense of her presence engulfed me as it always did in battle and I fought as in a dance with the enemy that surrounded me.

The ring of red leather surrounded me as I made my way into the belly of the fight. Tightly pressed around me, the battle ensued as I sliced through the chest of an officer standing in the stirrups of a stolen warhorse. He fell to the ground clutching the wound as blood spilled over his fist. He landed face down in the desert sand and shook one last time before stilling forever. I smiled in triumph as I kicked the back of another head of an attacker who was unsuccessfully trying to unseat me.

Then suddenly, my horse reared as a spear drove into his belly and I slid backward, landing on my back onto the hard dusty ground. All I could see was a sward of colors above me and then my world blurred as another rumble shook beneath my body.

"Lord Rahl!" I heard voices calling to me above the din of the roar of battle and I clutched the hand that appeared above my chest and was flung up behind a young D'Haran officer. "Are you alright?"

"Fine! We need to keep going toward the center!" I shouted and he shifted his horse to the right as we made our way closer. I clutched to his back, unwinded from my fall, and attempted to regain my composer. All at once there was a loud cracking sound and the air around us stood still as dust churned to block our view. The warhorse continued to barrel through blindly as though nothing had happened and we saw nothing but the young officer continued to thrash with his sword contacting with the unseen enemy.

When at last the dust lifted, we came to an empty expance of sand and looked around only to see the rest of the D'haran army staring in disbelief back at us.

"What happened?" Shouted Jameson from behind us at the moment Zedd appeared out of the dust on his pale grey horse.

"The Order us using some kind of magic to mask their retreat, it appears." He rode his horse next to mine and gave me a worried look. "Richard, your head is bleeding, best come with me and let me have a look at that."

"I'll follow you Zedd." Said the rider of my horse.

As we followed him, I thanked him for coming to my aide. "You were about to me trampled, my Lord."

"What's your name?"

"Murrough." He said, and I cringed involuntarily, recognizing he was one of Kahlan's confessed.

"Thank you. I owe you one." I said, grateful for his help despite who he was. "I know Lady Rahl will be pleased with you." I forced out for his benefit.

He turned to look at me, beaming with joy at having pleased his mistress. "I only aim to please her." He said and I couldn't fault him. I often felt the same way myself.

We arrived at a patch of small withered trees with a small group of tents neatly tucked together. Murrough helped Zedd assist me from the horse and once I was on my feet the world tilted and I would have stumbled if they weren't there to help me. "Bring him in here, Zedd!" I heard Nicci's urgent voice as she ran to help guide me in. "What happened?"

"It's nothing, really. I'm fine." I tried to persuade them.

"Lie down here." She said as Zedd and Murough laid me down on a bedroll. "Let me take a look." When she pressed a damp cloth to my forehead I cringed at the shock of pain. "Bring me some wallow root Zedd." She said looking into my eyes. "You'll be alright once I stitch you up." She assured, but I saw fear in her continence. I drank the cup as Zedd held me behind the shoulders and in an instant I was asleep.

* * *

The soft crackle of a fire awoke me and I panicked for a moment not remembering where I was, but then everything came back to me in a rush. The pain in my head was a dull throb and I risked turning my head and cringed with pain.

"Lie still." Said Nicci from somewhere and I obliged, closing my eyes tight. "You took a bad blow to the head, Richard. It shouldn't be as bad but…." She looked over me then and I could sense the light shifting as she blocked the glow of the flames. "Open your eyes for me?" When I did I saw her face, but it was blurred. "Zedd thinks that there may have been magic in whatever caused this…your vision is fading Richard."

I clenched my eyes shut again trying to refocus, but it didn't work. Small tears ran down my left cheek as I thought of my promise I had made to Kahlan to be careful. I had failed her already.

"Don't you worry, Richard, you'll be alright."

"I promised Kahlan that I would be safe and I've already got myself nearly blinded." I groaned in disappointment.

"We'll fix this, I promise." She said soothingly, wiping my brow again. "And Kahlan won't know, I'll make sure of it." Then I felt her lips on mine for a brief moment and a sense of dread flared inside of me.

"Where's Zedd?" I asked but she didn't answer.

_Sorry for the clifhanger guys, but I'm kind of stuck here. I will try my best to update this soon. Hope you guys are still enjoying the story. Please R & R. _


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